In this coaching video, Sami Wunder addresses women who are puzzled why their boyfriend or partner resists committing. She frames the discussion with compassion and a non‑judgmental stance, drawing on a decade of experience coaching thousands of women. Wunder identifies two core patterns that diminish a man's incentive to propose: (1) a loss of polarity and sexual attraction caused by the woman over‑functioning, over‑giving, and embodying excessive feminine energy, which shifts the man's neurochemistry toward oxytocin/serotonin (passivity) rather than testosterone (drive). This makes him “lazy” and comfortable, removing the fear‑of‑loss trigger that fuels commitment. (2) a dynamic where the woman appears to love the man more than he loves her, often rooted in childhood modeling of self‑sacrificial love, leading the man to feel the relationship is driven by her need rather than his desire, so he lacks personal motivation to propose. Wunder explains how these patterns can be recognized, why they matter, and offers a solution through her Elevate program, which uses a “Love Success Framework” to restore polarity and shift the woman's behavior so the man feels the proposal is his own decision. She also promotes a short “Get Him Obsessed” course (five 10‑minute videos) as a taster of Elevate’s tools, and includes multiple calls to action (links in description, comment “love” for the link, likes, subscription). The video blends relationship analysis, hormonal insights, personal anecdotes, and promotional messaging.
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Today we want to talk about why your boyfriend or the man you love or you are in a relationship with is resisting committing to you. Now, I do want to say before we dive in that this might feel sensitive, and it's really important to know that I do not come from a place of judgment. I come from a place of love. I come from a place of having coached thousands of women in the last 10 years who've been in similar situations where They just don't understand why everything is fine, but the guy just won't pop the question. He just won't offer the ring. So listen to this conversation with love and compassion and grace for yourself and have a beginner's mindset about it, because I'm sure there is something for you to take away if your partner or boyfriend is not stepping up. And of course, the fastest way to get them to step up in a very strategic but also spiritually aligned way is to join ELEVATE, where we help women like you get the ring, get the commitment, get the proposal, not by being manipulative or weird or disruptive, but by helping you create such deep polarity and attraction in your partnership that the emotion your man feels for you just overrides all his logic, all his fears. So let's talk exactly about that today. Why is he still resisting commitment? And I am going to assume that I am speaking to the woman who has a good relationship. So if I asked you, Anna, Rita, how is your relationship? You'd tell me, it's okay, it's good, he's a good man, You know, we have a good vibe, he supports me, I care, he cares, the sex is okay, could be more, but no, he doesn't pop the ring. It's all okay, but he doesn't pop the ring. So that's the woman I am speaking to in this episode. So here's what I have found after looking at so many couples and so many patterns and so many women who've come to me with a very similar situation. Somewhere down the line in this relationship, either polarity was reduced and attraction was reduced, or you started to care more for him than he cares for you. So let's dive deeper into these 2 Patterns that I have seen in so many relationships, and these patterns will not inspire a man to step up and give you the ring. So before we speak about how these patterns look in your relationship so that you have more insight from this episode, let's talk about why these patterns actually reduce a man's incentive to offer you the ring. So the first one is polarity and reduction in attraction. So when we work with you inside Elevate, one of the first things I see is what is the level of polarity in the relationship. Okay, so we have a little quiz that we'll make our clients do which helps them see who is more in the giving or leading dynamic in the relationship? And I'm not kidding you, 98% of the times the woman is. And I'm not surprised by this because I think we are living in a day and age where we think we know the concept of feminine energy, but when I look at the way people are showing up in their relationships, you know, there's a big embodiment gap, which means we say we know but in real life, we're not able to implement it. And so what happens is, when a woman is in her over-functioning and over-giving energy, it naturally reduces the man's attraction towards her, it naturally dims his fire, desire, testosterone towards her, and he gets really comfortable. The thing with lessened polarity and lessened sexual attraction in a relationship, which is actually stemming from polarity, is that men get lazy. They get more passive. They get more oxytocin from you, more serotonin from you, versus testosterone. And testosterone is the hormone that guides him forward. The fear of loss, the fear of losing your attention out to other men, competitive energy, competitive instincts, loss instincts, fear Those are the male instincts that will make a man lock you down. It's not the oxytocin and the serotonin, right? And what happens in long-term relationships, depending on how long you've been with this man, he's gotten comfortable, especially if you are doing more of the work in the relationship. And that's why he's resisting commitment. He literally has No instinctive desire to commit because he feels everything is good. This is fine. Why do we have to change this? She's in, she's my girlfriend, we sleep together, everything is fine. I don't need to do anything beyond this. Okay, so men get lazy. The more active a woman is in the relationship, the more she starts to over-function. The more she's over-functioning, the more masculine energy. The more masculine energy, the guy gets more in his feminine, gets lazy, gets passive. And the polarity dies, and he literally has no incentive to offer you the ring because you're doing all the work, you're invested, you're in. What's the fear? Nothing is going to be lost if he doesn't propose, or is it? That's why men don't step up and commit, and that's the first thing we look at in ELEVATE. Now, the second reason why men will resist commitment towards a woman. So the first reason is when the polarity has reduced. And the second reason why a man will not commit to you, offer you the ring, offer you the proposal, is when he feels like in the relationship you love him more than he loves you. And again, this is a dynamic that so many women create in the relationship Without even realizing, and again, if you resonate with this, remember not to judge yourself. Remember to be kind to yourself. It is so important for me that the women I work with, that the women I support, never see Sammy as the person who's talking down at them. Like I know better, you know less. No, no, no, no, no. I have actually been the woman who saw her mom overfunction, overgive, overlove. My father all her life. Okay, so I'm not talking down at you. I'm very much in the field with you. And those kind of explanations and experiences also help me understand why it is so important to do the inner work of self-awareness and looking at our habits, looking at our behaviors and relationships, because those dynamics that we see in our childhood, they're so easy to replicate. So So it's not your fault if you are loving your guy more than you love yourself, because probably just like me, you saw your mom do the same. You saw your mom love your dad despite a fight. You saw your mom abandon her last piece of bread so that dad could eat. So your idea of love can look like self-abandonment and loving him more than you love yourself, which is The most natural instinct for us women, let's face it. I literally have to sometimes sit at the table, dining table, and we know there is the last piece of cheese and everyone wants it on their pasta. And then I want to go because that was role modeled to me. I want to go, oh honey, you can have it. And I go, no, it's also okay if I have it. It doesn't make me a bad person. And so It's not the one time and the two times, but it's more like when a lot of such choices pile up and stack up so that he has very clear evidence you love him more than he loves you, or you love him more in the relationship than you love yourself. So often you might put his needs above your needs, his work above your work, his free time above your free time, his wishes and desires above your wishes and desires. And so men actually feel like they are in the relationship because the woman wants them, not because they really want it. And that's why I had warned you at the start of this episode, it might sting. But be gentle with yourself as you receive my words, because we can shift these dynamics with awareness. Okay, so men commit And men propose when they feel like it's their idea. Now, of course, I'm talking about empowered, healthy, masculine men, okay? Self-aware men, hyper-in-control men, masculine men. They get to decide. But when it is the woman who is over-nurturing, over-giving, over-doing, over-functioning, over-present, a man can often feel like You know, she loves me so much, and I'm happy about that, but do I really feel the same way? Because I want to propose to my dream girl. I want to propose to the woman I fought for. I want to propose to the woman who makes me feel stuff. I don't want to just propose to a woman because she loves me like my mom loves me. It's almost like a mothering love, right? When a woman is in her overgiving, over-functioning energy. And so very often men are not proposing because they have learned through multiple choices and decisions in the relationship, which is the context of the relationship, that this woman is actually really into me, and this woman actually doesn't mind loving me more than loving herself. And if I were to propose to her, I'd probably propose to appease her But I want to propose because I feel like it's my decision, because I miss this woman, I love this woman, I feel such deep level of attraction for this woman. I want to do it for me. So here's the good news. When you work with us inside ELEVATE, we'll help you shift this dynamic. We'll help you show up in a way in your relationship That makes your guy go, you know what? I love her. I think she's the most incredible catch. I think I have to lock her down, and if I don't step up fast, I might even lose her. What am I even thinking? She's amazing. I think about her all the time. Now, if you want to have this impact on your man, I have an incredible course called Get Him Obsessed. It has 5 videos, 10 minutes each, so really easy to digest, really easy to absorb. If you're like me, you'll probably watch them all tonight, and it's at a very accessible investment because I want to give you a taster of the powerful work we do inside ELEVATE. So if you want to get a glimpse of the goodies that await you, Should you decide to join us in ELEVATE, then Get Him Obsessed is the course you want to get your hands on. The link is in the description below. It's going to help you whether you're married for many years, in a fresh relationship, looking to get a proposal, because it's all about increasing his attraction for you. When a man feels attraction, he will step up for you. His attraction for you is going to override his logic. His attraction for you is going to override all the silly misconceptions he has about you, that you're going to stay there forever, you're going to be there forever, you love him more than he loves you, all of that rubbish circulating in the head subconsciously. By the way, no man ever says this. These are subconscious, deeper emotions, right? But when you know how to show up the way we teach you inside ELEVATE using the Love Success Framework, You're going to see how he starts responding to you differently. And if you can hold that energy for a longer period of time, you can shift the dynamic. So the link to purchase Get Him Obsessed is in the video description below. You can also just say love in the comments if you can't find the link, and my team will give you the link to purchase your access to these incredible 5-video trainings that will help you start bringing his respect, and attraction back for you. I am so excited. I just get so excited when I see the results in Elevate. In the first month, you know, our clients are doing a challenge in the relationships group where they learn how to create more polarity, and we ask them to post in the group saying, my man filled the space by— and we literally have clients saying, my man filled the space by calling me 3 times, my man filled the space by bringing me flowers, my man filled the space by flying on a A 2-hour flight just to see me here on my work trip. Like, it's incredible the power of these tools that we teach inside ELEVATE. And I know ELEVATE is a meaningful investment, and it's quite possible that before you jump into doing ELEVATE, you want to get a taster of my work and the kind of tools we use. So Get Him Obsessed is a great start. I hope you will take this chance, and I hope you enjoyed this conversation. If you did, Give me a like, hit subscribe to my channel, and thank you for your love. Your love is so precious and valuable for me. Thank you.
