In this solo coaching video, Sami Wunder warns high‑achieving women that adopting the “cool girl” persona sabotages their dating lives and signals low value to men. She outlines five specific behaviors that embody the cool girl mindset: (1) staying okay with casual, non‑committal relationships; (2) acting like who pays the bill doesn’t matter, thereby denying men the chance to step into a masculine, provider role; (3) downplaying one’s own feelings and needs, which projects a lack of self‑respect; (4) over‑accommodating a partner’s schedule and desires, eroding equality; and (5) competing with men by trying to be “one of the boys,” which thwarts polarity and the protective, caring dynamic women desire. Wunder argues each behavior lowers perceived value and leads to men losing interest or failing to prioritize the woman. She then proposes a shift from “cool girl” to “clear girl,” emphasizing clear boundaries, expectations, and preferences, and promotes her Elevate coaching program as a pathway for women to date strategically, stop over‑investing, and attract high‑value masculine partners within 6‑12 months. The video ends with a call‑to‑action to book a free consultation, subscribe, and engage with the channel.
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Let's talk about the 5 cool girl behaviors that are sabotaging your love life and literally giving an impression of low value, not high value, to men. And I know this stings, but hear me out because I speak with love for you. If you are the go-with-the-flow, easy-to-be-with, low-maintenance, chilled-out girl, you might have observed a very particular dating pattern. In the beginning, men give you the feedback, you are so easy to be with, but then also slowly over time, you get to be the girl they hang out with casually without really prioritizing you or claiming you for a long-term relationship. So long story short, the cool girl behavior will almost always bite you back. So let's figure out if you are doing 5 of these cool girl behaviors that I see even the smartest women do inside Elevate Next Level Love, which is my flagship program where we help high-achieving women attract and create incredible romantic So, cool girl behavior #1, when you are okay with casual. So many women actually want to attract marriage, attract a family, have children, and yet they are putting up with casual behaviors from men. So when a man tells you, let's see where this goes, just going with the flow, just seeing what happens, open to what happens, not looking for anything serious, don't want to put pressure, let's just figure this as we And you're wanting marriage, but you're sticking around with such men, you are absolutely sabotaging your chances of having a real connection with the man who is doing this to you. It is so important to not gaslight your needs and play the cool girl in such scenarios, because in such scenarios, the cool girl, the nice girl, the kind girl who is gaslighting herself and her needs and going along with what the guy wants is always going to bite you back. Now let's talk about cool girl behavior number 2, acting like you don't care who pays. Now let's face it, if you're on a date and you're constantly offering to pay, to split the bill, to share the groceries, to share la la la la la, if you drive to me, I'll drive to you, if you do this, I'll do that, and you're constantly equalizing his behavior, you are literally not letting polarity build. You are not letting the guy step into his masculine role, and it is not a small thing. So many women Offering to pay, offering to drive, offering to give him a ride are small, harmless behaviors in dating, but they are actually coming from a deep insecurity within us that if we are not being useful to a man, he will leave us or he will abandon us, or somehow that we are being rude when we are not playing this masculine, useful role in a man's life. So it's time to get uncomfortable facing this truth, because if you keep insisting on being the girl who is so easy to get along, she pays, she cooperates, she never has a single need, you are never going to become the woman who gets actually prioritized by a masculine man. The 3rd cool girl behavior that is really sabotaging your love life and hurting the perception men carry of you is when you downplay your feelings. Now, let me give you some examples, and I'm sure many of you will relate. He cancels breakfast plans last minute and you go, sure, no problem. He says, a joke about your mom that actually stings. You laugh it off as if it just didn't matter. Now he says, I am busy with work, and so it seems like I will not be able to see you for the next 3 weeks. Of course, I understand you're busy with work. I love you. All is well. Now, on the surface, this again might seem to you that you are such a kind, loving, good person, so understanding. But men are perceiving you as somebody who doesn't take herself and her own feelings and needs seriously. And trust me, I keep saying this to my Elevate clients, I keep saying this to my YouTube community, but ladies, dating is an evolutionary activity. It's a mating game. And in the mating game, every man or woman wants the highest valuable mate for themselves. So if you give men the impression that your feelings are not important, that your needs are not important, that he can just neglect you, ignore you, cancel on you last minute, but you're going to just be okay with everything, you are not giving the perception of a high-value mate. And please remember, this is not to say that you are not high-value. Every woman is intrinsically high-value. Every woman was born worthy, born capable of love and deserving of love. But dating is about being able to exhibit those signs in the way you interact with a man. And if in your interactions you're constantly shrinking yourself and downplaying your feelings and being the Cool Girl, it is not going to give you a relationship with a masculine man who actually prioritizes you and honors you. Now, sign number 4 that you are caught in the Cool Girl scenario— by the way, if you're enjoying this video, give me a quick like and subscribe to my channel and comment Cool Girl below if you want another of these Cool Girl video series, because trust me, even the smartest, most intelligent, and self-aware women who think they've done the work still end up being Cool Girl in dating and keep having men fizzling out on them and not moving beyond early dating and mid-level dating with good guys and actually creating the family and love they want. So this is very, very relevant, no matter how smart you think you are. Okay, so number 4 sign that you are doing the Cool Girl behavior is when you're constantly over-accommodating his needs, Now, what happens is, we want to be easy, right? It's an instinct women tend to have more than men, where we want to be understanding, we want to be easy, and ultimately, we think that having a good relationship with a man, especially a man who's successful, wealthy, and busy, is going to happen when we are adjusting to his needs, his demands, what he wants inside a relationship. But the truth is actually completely the opposite. The more you mold yourself into what he wants from you, the more you adjust to his schedule, his needs, his requirements, his timelines, whether it comes to getting engaged, whether it comes to living together. If it's all about him, trust me, you are not being treated as an equally valuable partner in that connection. And of course, men will never say this to you. They will still take all the benefits they can from a girlfriend. They will get your physical affection, they will get your emotional support, and they might even call you girlfriend. But this is where so often we see that a Dynamic in the relationship appears, where the woman feels extremely underprioritized, unclaimed. There is no plan for marriage. There is no talk of a future commitment. His skiing and his hobbies and his friends might end up being more important than spending time with you. So if this is happening for you, let this video be your reminder, my darling girl, my darling lady, that playing cool girl is never going to get you prioritized. Remember, so many times when I say, don't play cool girl, my clients in ELEVATE will tell me, but Sami, you also teach us not to be snappy, not to be bitchy, not to be withholding and punishing and cruel. And I absolutely agree. And I'm not asking you to be any of those. I am just saying, learn to communicate your needs and learn to communicate your feelings in a way men can hear you. So I'm going to give you a little tip before we finish this video. But let's finally address number 5, cool behavior, which I think is so subconscious, but it is such a bad idea to do this. And this behavior I call competing with men instead of staying soft as a girl. So what do I mean by competing with men? Competing with men is when you play cool girl by being like one of the boys. And when you are acting like one of the boys, you want to show him that you can handle the tough conversation, that nothing hurts you, that You tease him harshly. Maybe you even use harsh language. Maybe you pretend that what he says to you doesn't hurt you, even though it hurts you, because you want to be cool. And whenever he tries to show himself off, you one him up by telling him, "Oh, you did that? Oh, I did that better than you." Or, "Oh, you think you can play tennis? Let me beat you at tennis." Or, "You think you're competent at this? Let me show you how competent I am." And so in. Instead of creating polarity dynamic, where he's proud to show you off as a woman, protective of you, looking after your feelings, you end up creating a dynamic where he feels like he actually has a buddy in you who is like a man. And so he doesn't have to care about your feelings, because men don't walk around caring for each other's feelings. So it's super important not to play the cool, tough girl, because you can only create a healthy, romantic relationship, which is foundationally based on polarity, which basically means that the man cares about how he makes you feel. He understands you have feelings, he understands you have needs, and he wants to show up and honor that part of you as a woman. And if you want that kind of incredible love and incredible experience where you're not just one of the boys with no needs, no requirements, no expectations, everything's casual, everything is okay the way it is, then you're never going to have a connection where you feel like the queen and you feel prioritized. Which, by the way, is our specialty in ELEVATE. We help high-achieving women date strategically and effectively and break patterns of overinvestment in wrong men, stop patterns of over-functioning, overgiving, and attract healthy, loving, provider, masculine men within the next 6 to 12 months of being in the program. So if that's your love life goal, we'd love to hear from you. The link to book a free consultation with my team and discuss ELEVATE It is under this video. I hope you've enjoyed this, and here's my promise to you. How to stop being the cool girl? Replace cool with clear girl. You don't want to be the cool girl, you want to be the clear girl. Clear boundaries, clear expectations, clear preferences, and a clear knowing that a man who is really into you will really fall deeper in love with you and feel double the attraction for you, when you show up not as cool, but as clear. I hope this was of value. Make sure to hit subscribe and I'll see you next week again. Lots of love.
