5 Signs You’re Dating an Emotionally Unavailable Man

When you are dealing with an emotionally unavailable man, what you're basically dealing with is a person who is either unwilling or incapable of meeting your emotional needs in a dating scenario or inside of a romantic partnership. Now, I know that so many amazing women are attracted to emotionally unavailable men, or they have been burned and wasted years of their precious life dating these men and being with these men who just wouldn't commit and just wouldn't be available to make the effort that a committed partnership needs. So hopefully, with this video, where I'm going to be revealing to you the 5 signs that a man is emotionally unavailable, you're never again going to fall in the trap of such men, and you will see the warning signs really clear and loud after watching this video. So make sure you watch it right to the end. This is dating and relationship coach Sami Wunder, and I help strong, smart, ambitious women find and keep amazing love. Now, sign number 1 that a man is emotionally unavailable is when he is a workaholic. I work with ambitious, strong, successful women, and of course, if you are this woman, you are looking for a man who is at a similar level of success, A man who is at a similar level of intellect. And usually, these men, they look really good on paper because they're so successful, they drive great cars, they make great money. But here's the sign that so many women will often miss, or sometimes even overlook, because the man is rich, the man has money, the man has success. The woman often fails to see that this man has literally no time for a real relationship. So he's always traveling. His work is more important than his friends. His work is more important than his family. And of course, his work is more important than you. In my world, in the Sami Wunder world, I don't judge men like this. I just know that such a man would never work for somebody like me, who wants an intimate, close relationship, an intimate, close family life. And so you have to really Understand that a lot of the times, the successful, ambitious men you want, they are a double-edged sword. Yes, they have the money, they have the success, they have the glamorous lifestyle that you're looking for, but you really have to watch out that they are making enough time for the relationship, making enough time to see you in person, making enough time to date you, because otherwise, what you're really dealing with is a workaholic, and workaholics are emotionally not available for a real relationship, unless that is the kind of relationship you're looking for as well. It wouldn't work for me. It doesn't work for my Elevate clients. But if it works for you, that's good. But in my world, that is a sign of emotional unavailability when work comes above your relationships, your friendships, and of course, your romantic partnership, because you literally never have the time to spend with the person that you love or care about. Now, sign number 2 that a man is emotionally unavailable is when he Explicitly avoids commitment. So I had a client inside ELEVATE where she was in this so-called relationship, and she entered the ELEVATE Relationships group. But when we dug deeper and found more information, he had not even offered her to be his girlfriend after 4 years of them spending time together, going on holidays. He had basically— Not offered anything in return for all the time that she was spending with him, and they were also sleeping together. Usually, when a man is emotionally unavailable, he's not going to offer you commitment. Forget about marriage, forget about the ring. He's probably not going to even ask you to be exclusive with him, and this is a huge warning sign. If a man is not, by the 6th month mark asking you to be his girlfriend, he is not emotionally available. And please do not waste your time trying to change such a man, trying to inspire such a man to change, thinking that your love is ultimately going to make him change his mind. It is such a waste of time, and I cannot tell you the number of women who come to us who are actually regretting all the years and all the time they have wasted with such a man. Now, sign number 3 that a man is Emotionally not available is when they are not letting the connection deepen. So how does a connection deepen? A connection deepens with you when you spend more time together. A connection deepens when you introduce the woman you're dating or the woman you're in a relationship with to your family, to your friends, and slowly but surely, you are not just doing dinner dates in public, You're also bringing her to your home. You're not afraid of a colleague seeing you with her. You're integrating her into your hobbies, your friend circle, your lifestyle. But what happens with an emotionally unavailable man is that he's going to keep the dating process really surface level with you. He's not going to let things go deeper. You're going to be that big secret to his family, to his friends. He's going to hide in the bathroom if he sees that there is a colleague coming in. He's going to introduce you as a friend. Oh my God, this happened to— One of our ELEVATE clients, and she was so upset by it. And we were also so sad for her because, in that moment, she was literally left tearful at the bar when her so-called emotionally unavailable boyfriend, who was a total workaholic— and, you know, their relationship was just about meeting once a week, and then they would have sex, cook together, and that was the end of it. So she shared with us that, basically, his colleague saw them at the bar, and then he introduced her as a friend. And this is when we were like, warning sign, girl! You need to drop this man like a hot potato. And so, so often, I think women don't understand, and this is one of the big lessons we teach you inside ELEVATE, which is my 6-month-long group coaching program, where we help you attract an empowered masculine man or heal the connection you have in your current partnership. One of the big things we say is that, as dating progresses, Intimacy should progress. The frequency of dates should progress. Now, with an emotionally unavailable man, as I said, he's going to keep things at the surface. He's not going to let the intimacy deepen. And so basically what this means is that you're going to see him once a week or once every 2 weeks, and that's it. The frequency of dates is not going to increase. Now, once a week is great in the first week of dating. Once a week is great in the second week of dating. But if you're at 6 or 7 or 8 months of dating, By this point, you should be talking about an exclusive commitment. You should be seeing each other at least 2 to 3 times a week. You should be visiting each other's homes. Your families should know about each other. And so when you are not seeing all these really evident signs that he is allowing the relationship and the intimacy to deepen, you know that you're dealing with an emotionally unavailable man. And this is a huge red flag, so please do not ignore this. I hope you're having a breakthrough already with this. Okay, sign number 4 that a man is emotionally unavailable: he's hot and cold. So usually with men who are emotionally unavailable, what you're going to find is that they're not consistent in the way they show up. And so my clients would share with me that when they're attracted to a man who is emotionally unavailable, he's going to be really hot for some time. So maybe you see him on a date and everything goes really well, And then you don't hear from him for like a week, and then he suddenly pops up, and then he sets up a date 2 weeks later, and you're really looking forward to it. And then when you show up on the date, it's again so hot, so connected. There's kissing and there's passion, and he does everything right. But then again, he disappears, and he'll send you the usual text, hope you're doing well, can't wait to see you. And then again, 2 weeks pass, And then again, he sees you, and before you know, months have passed, and he is occupying all this mental space in your head, or even emotional space in your heart, but you've only seen him 5 times. And in your head, like, this is a full connection, this is a full relationship, but basically, if you look at the facts, you've seen this person 5 times, which is nothing. It's simply not enough To create a real relationship. And so, emotionally unavailable men are not going to be available consistently for you. They're not going to be available like a healthy, empowered, masculine man who just shows up consistently in his communication, on the dates, in between the dates, even when you're not meeting each other in person, and gives you that sense of safety. With emotionally unavailable men, you're often going to feel Alone. You're going to feel lonely. You're going to ask yourself, is he really interested in me? I really like him. When we meet each other on the dates, I know he really likes me, but why do I feel so anxious in between the dates? There's something here that I'm not able to figure out. So if you're feeling that way, see if you're dealing with a hot and cold man, because a hot and cold man is literally not available consistently. That's his Defining quality. Sign number 5, and I do believe this is a really important sign not to miss, of emotional unavailability in a man is when he gets defensive when you ask for your emotional needs to be met. You see, for a man who is not emotionally available for a real relationship, any request from you to meet your needs, To be there for you, for support for you, for more time with you, it's going to feel like a burden on him. It's not going to be something he's going to just happily say yes to, because if he would just say happily yes to, then he's basically saying yes to making effort to meet your emotional needs in the relationship, and then that would be an emotionally available man. But this man is, by definition, not emotionally available. He wants to give you this much, And if you ask for more, he's going to get defensive. He might even end up getting angry with you, or end up blaming you, or end up telling you that you are too emotional, you're too needy, you're too nagging, you're too demanding. He needs his space, and he needs you to be less needy and less demanding. But the truth is, most of the times when a woman is dealing with an emotionally unavailable man, she's not asking for unreasonable things. She's not asking every day for him to buy her a Chanel bag every day. She's asking him to spend some quality time with To maybe plan more dates, to maybe be more in communication over the week, in between the dates. Or if this is a relationship, you know, I see so many wives and girlfriends, amazing women, struggling with emotionally unavailable men. They will go to work at 7 in the morning, come back home at 11 at night, and then still work again, come to bed at 2 o'clock at night. They have no time to make love, they have no time to play with their kids. And the wives and girlfriends— and, you know, ELEVATE is supporting such women— they will come and ask us, am I being too demanding? Am I being too needy? And my answer is, no, love, you are not asking for too much. You have the right to have these emotional needs met. What is a relationship if the person that you're supposed to have that relationship with is not present half the time? And so whether this is happening in a dating scenario where you feel like Where is he? And every time I say, I really like him, but every time I say, it would feel good to hear a little bit more from you, he gets defensive and he gets more quiet. Or he says, yes, of course, you know, he'll drop all these sweet words, but then not really follow up with action. Or if you are in a marriage or a committed partnership, you find that every time you make a request for an emotional need to be met, it is met with defensiveness. For those of you who will be working with us inside ELEVATE, you must click the link below to check it out. You will see that one of the key things we're going to teach you in the program is that a man willing to please you and a man who is willing to listen to your emotional needs and meet them is really the kind of man you want to be around, because otherwise, you are setting yourself up for a lifetime of Disappointment. So if this was helpful for you recognizing these signs, make sure you like the video, leave me a comment, and subscribe to my channel. And I'm going to be back with a brand new video where I'm going to be showing you how to deal with an emotionally unavailable man if you are recognizing that these signs that I am talking about do exist in the man that you're dealing with, whether in dating or in a relationship. Thank you for joining, and see you soon! Bye!