5 Symptoms Of Fear Of Settling | Sami Wunder

Hey there! Are you a single, career-driven woman? Do you find it challenging to find the right man to build a beautiful family and relationship with? Now, here's the thing. You may have the fear of settling down with the wrong man, and this fear may be keeping you single for years. So worry not, because in this video, I'm going to help you understand exactly what is the fear of settling, and the top 5 symptoms I see in my highly driven, ambitious clients when it comes to how this fear of settling reflects in the way they date and why it keeps them single for a long time. This is dating and relationship coach Sami Wunder, and I'm so excited you're here on my channel. I am specializing in helping high-achieving, career-driven professional women find and keep amazing love, with some terrific track record when it comes to results, and helping my clients meet and marry the man of their dreams. All right, so I'm going to talk about the fear of settling in this video. I'm going to give you the top 5 symptoms of settling in this video, and this is going to be part 1 of this topic. There's going to be a part 2, where I will still talk about how to resolve this fear of settling, because it can be difficult to resolve this by yourself, and if you do not have support. All right, so let's dive right in. What is the concept of settling? So in dating, especially when it comes to career-driven women like yourself, the concept of settling is the idea that you're accepting a man who is not exactly what you want, or not exactly at the level at which you want a partner, but you're accepting him even though it feels like you could have better. Okay, so settling is this feeling that even though I feel like I could have a better man than this, I could do better in terms of attracting a higher level of a man, attracting a higher quality man, I am going to settle for this. And this is what brings up that uneasy feeling inside a woman when she feels like she is settling for something less than what she actually deserves. So that is settling. Now, next is, what is the fear of settling? Now, I am a Diva Coach. I help women become Divas and show up as Divas in their love lives, and attract an adoring man, and get married in, you know, as quickly as 12 months' time. But here's the thing, there's a huge difference between having standards in the kind of partner that we want to attract, And having the fear of settling. So, the fear of settling is when a woman dates constantly with the anxiety that, even though there is a great man in front of her, she can have better. Okay. So, she has this constant anxiety, and this is what anxiety is, what makes her afraid of committing to the men that she's dating, because at the back of her mind, no matter how great the guy treats her, no matter how great a man she has in her life, she's always going to wonder, am I settling? So this is the fear of settling. It may not always be a reality. It can be a self-created anxiety, where career-driven, high-achieving women, we're always optimizing, and we're always looking to do better, have better, The fear of settling is dating with that constant anxiety that, even though this man in front of me is good, perhaps I could have better, and that's why I'm going to reject lots of good men, and that's why I'm going to keep holding out for that perfect person that is in my head. I'm going to give you the top 5 symptoms I see with my clients. I've been doing this for over 7 years now and served over 13,000 amazing women from across the globe. So this is coming from my experience with my clients. The first symptom that you have the fear of settling is that no man feels good enough. You attract men easily. You're gorgeous, you're amazing, you're successful, you're attractive, you have a great personality. But whenever you attract these men, it always feels like they're less than you, they're not good enough. And even if they feel like they are good and they represent solid qualities that you want in a partner, your mind says, can I have better than this? Yeah? So you're always thinking about, could I have better than this? And because you think about, could I have better than this, you are most likely rejecting a lot of good men. Now, symptom number 2 is that after the initial chemistry phase, where you do like guys and you do see what's good about them, your default habit of nitpicking and finding fault with the guy shows up. You may have initial honeymoon phases where you see what is great about this guy, and you feel like maybe this is the one. But as the relationship gets more intimate, and as you observe him in different circumstances and surroundings, you may start to go back into nitpicking, and you start to have thoughts like, Oh, maybe he's not that handsome after all, as I thought in the first few weeks of dating. Or maybe he's not that rich, and maybe I could— if I dumped him, I could get another richer man, I could get a wealthier man. And maybe he's not even as hot as I thought. I mean, there's always George Clooney, and there's always Brad Pitt, right, that we can compare our partners to and feel bad about, you know, them not being as hot and as famous, right? So that is the energy we tend to have when we have the fear of settling. So you can just fill in the blanks, but the voices basically go, I could get a man that is younger than him, sexier than him, more ambitious than him, more growth-oriented than him, more evolved than him. And so basically, you try to jump from one man to the next, dumping some really good men, letting go of some really good men in the dating process. So if that's you, leave me a comment. That is symptom number 2 of the fear of settling, which is, you're always thinking, I could have a man that is more— fill in the blanks. Now, you have the fear of settling. Symptom number 3 is when you say fear-based statements like, I will never, ever go with a man again who makes less money than me. I will never, ever go again with a man who doesn't like to travel. Now, again, is there something wrong with having standards? Not at all. I am all for standards. And trust me, my clients get treated like queens inside their relationships. Like, really, I am all for standards. And yet, what I'm trying to show you here and coach you through is that there is a difference in the energy when we're coming at something from a place of fear, which is, I will never, ever be with a man who makes less money than me, versus in the energy of desire, where the statements are more positive energetically, and the statements look like, you know, I would love to have a man who makes as much money or more money than I do. I would love to have a man who enjoys travel. Now, the energy of fear is when we block people out and we say, Okay, I have this rule that I think is a standard, and the rule is that I will never be with a man who makes less money than me. But the truth is, he could just make $1,000 less than you, and he would break your rule, but he could be a great man, right? So this is about understanding that when we have the fear of settling, we have all these rules and regulations that a man has to meet in order to be our partner. And most of the time, these rules and regulations are not coming from that positive, excited space of desire and preference, but they're coming from that energy of fear. Ooh, I made a mistake in the past, and I do not want to repeat that mistake again. Now, symptom number 4 that you have the fear of settling in your relationships is when you're really careful about not getting into the wrong relationship. Your entire energy is focused on, oh my God, I've created this amazing life for myself. I'm a single woman. I get to travel when I want. I'm in control of my own money. I've built this amazing house for myself. I drive this amazing car. And the last thing I want is to be in a relationship that pulls me down, is to be in a relationship that is not adding to the joy and the fun in my life, because my life is already so great. Now, Is there something wrong with thinking like this? Not at all. I think single women, high-achieving women, we get to be really proud of the amazing lives we have created. But again, I am a big believer in my work that energy is really important, and the energy with which we come at something is really important. And so, when women think like this, when women are so afraid of getting into the wrong relationship, Because they know how hard it is to get out of it, they're going to bring that energy of protection and defense and walls, and always watching for the worst, always assuming the worst outcome. When a man is not doing exactly what they want him to do, or not behaving exactly the way they want him to behave, then this fear will get activated. He's not the right person, and I would rather be careful. than get into a wrong relationship. So this is the fear of settling, symptom number 4, where you're so afraid of making the wrong choice that it paralyzes you. It really prevents true intimacy from developing with the person that you like, and it gives very little room for giving men the benefit of doubt, letting men make mistakes, letting men disappoint you every once in a while, without coming from that heavy reactive energy of, oh my God, If he screwed up once, he's definitely not my person, and I definitely don't want to be with this person because, well, if I get into a relationship with the wrong person, my life is done. This is what women who have the fear of settling feel like inside their dating interactions. They're extremely guarded, extremely careful, always looking out for the red flags. Of course, again, you want to look out for the red flags, but the Fear of settling is always about looking for the worst, like finding evidence, like having your focus on finding evidence that something is wrong here. And of course, I don't want to be trapped with the wrong person, so I'm just not going to go further with this man. And I know that there's going to be a part 2 of this video where I'm going to show you how to resolve the fear of settling. But for now, I do want to say that there are so many other ways to show up healthily in your interactions, and to actually know when you're looking at a red flag, versus, you know, walk around in this fear energy of being trapped and being suffocated in a relationship, and the fear of choosing the wrong man and marrying the wrong man. There are so many— this is where coaching is so powerful, and this is where having curriculum that supports you and skills that help you understand, what is it that I really need to watch out for, and where is it that I can actually relax and open my heart and let intimacy develop? Now, sign number 5, symptom number 5, that you have a fear of settling is when you have this fantasy man in your head and you compare almost every man you meet with this man. And therefore, again, we come back to point number 1, which is no man feels good enough because no man is living up to the image of the fantasy man in your head. So I can speak for myself and I can speak for a lot of my clients inside ELEVATE, which is my 6-month-long group coaching program where we support our clients to meet and marry the man of their dreams. What I saw for myself was, when I was a single woman, I had the image of a Wall Street banker in my head. I thought, my husband is going to be working in the bank. That's how far my imagination went. He would be working in the bank, and he's going to be so high on testosterone, and he's going to be this alpha male, and he's going to make so much money. What I didn't realize was, yes, I could have that if I wanted to, But that also means he might come with some really toxic alpha male qualities. He may not be available for a family. He may not be as supportive of my career. Maybe his career would come before my career. And so, when I was doing the inner work on myself, I actually trained myself to let go of the fantasy image in my head of who I thought my husband should be, so that who actually is the right fit for me and who the Universe actually wants to send to me as my Soulmate can enter my life. Now, my husband has the most amazing empowered masculine energy, but what is amazing about him is that he is so devoted, so committed, so loyal, so loving, such a great dad, such a great lover, but he does not look anything like what I had in my head, like that Wall Street banker who is just, you know, Yeah, like we saw in The Wolf of Wall Street, right? And this is such a great fit for me because I am an ambitious woman, I'm a career-driven woman, and I wanted to have a man who just didn't want to think about his career, which, you know, is fantastic, but who also wanted to support his wife's career. And so, long story short, when we have a fear of settling, we will have this fantasy image in our head, and we will compare every great guy to that fantasy image. Sometimes, that fantasy image in our head is not even good for us, but it's just the image we're holding on to, and we're comparing every man against that image. This can keep us single for so many years, and this can make us reject and push away so many amazing men who have actually the potential to be amazing partners, amazing lovers, amazing, supportive, masculine, empowered husbands. Okay. So now, if this was helpful, make sure you like this video, you subscribe to my channel, and don't forget to click the bell icon so that when Part 2 of this video comes, how to resolve this fear of settling, you get a notification from YouTube. On that note, I do want to invite all of you to check out ELEVATE, which is my 6-month-long group coaching program, inside which my team of coaches and myself, we provide you 6 months of live coaching support inside this amazing container. So I'm going to tell you a little bit about ELEVATE, and if you feel like this is the thing for you, and that you would love to prioritize your love life and actually learn the skills and get personalized coaching support to meet and marry and attract the man of your dreams, and collapse the timeline of getting these amazing results, then click the link below and check out Elevate, and if you have any questions about it, you can always send an email to support@samiwunder.com. How does Elevate work? Elevate is a life coaching program where for 6 months you get live coaching support. There are live calls with me and my team of amazing trained coaches, and these calls are held on a weekly basis. There's a lot of personalized attention and support that you get inside ELEVATE. Now, on these live coaching calls, you are going to, number one, be taught the modules. So ELEVATE has 7 modules where we take you through understanding Feminine Energy, Polarity, Self-Love, Healthy Boundaries, Understanding Men, Releasing Intimacy Fears, Releasing Fear of Settling. So whatever the high-achieving, career-driven, professional single woman needs is given inside the curriculum in ELEVATE, and my coaches teach you this curriculum hands-on, because we understand that, as busy women, it can be hard sometimes to do all the self-study by yourself. Now, once a month, you will have the curriculum call. Then after that, another coach is going to teach you how to really implement the work, how to really use it in real life on men, so you can get high-quality dates, You can have great conversations. You know how to navigate sensitive topics like sex and money and who splits the bill and who does what. All of those questions are answered, and the coaches are going to show you how to implement the tools in real life. And then there is a live coaching call with me, and you can ask your questions every single month to me on Inside Elevate. And then there is another live coaching call with one of the coaches. So there's a lot hand-holding, accountability, conversation, personalization. We do not give cookie-cutter solutions inside ELEVATE. We want to know your story. We invite you to share your story. You know, some of the women who are more private and they don't want to share in the Facebook group, which, by the way, where my coaches also hang out and give you support on a daily basis, then you can always, you know, create another Facebook profile which, you know, doesn't reveal your identity, and that way you can still use the support. So the program has 3 core elements. It has the live coaching calls every weekend for 6 months. It has the curriculum, 7 modules that you can check out by clicking the page below, for single women, helping you navigate dating and go all the way to the ring and the forever commitment. And number 3 is the Facebook group support on a daily basis for questions that arise in the middle. Now, ELEVATE has been running for quite a few years now, and We have a tried and trusted process that we know works. It is also my program with the highest number of client results, engagements, and marriages, and it just gives you a skill set as a woman that 99% of the women on the planet don't possess, and that is why it raises your chances and your possibility and probability of attracting your Soulmate, an empowered, healthy, loving relationship, creating a family, so much more and helps you have results so much faster than you would by doing it yourself or by watching free content. So if ELEVATE is calling you, all you have to do is check out the page below and sign up. Or what you can also do is shoot us an email if you have any questions about the program. See you next time. And let's talk about how we can resolve the fear of settling on the next video. Bye!