5 Things I Wish I Knew About Men in My 20s

Today, let's talk about the 5 things I wish I knew about men in my 20s, because if I did, it would have avoided me so much heartbreak, disappointment, and pain in dating. And my wish is that for all you Divas watching this today, especially if you're a young woman, watch this video right till the end so that you are not making these mistakes and assumptions about men that are so common among the women of today. All right. So the first thing that I wish I knew about men in my 20s is that I wish I knew that men don't fall in love with us just because we are nice and we are giving and we are nurturing. Now, I have a lot of men watching this channel as well. Welcome. And of course, this can be triggering for a healthy, empowered, masculine man to hear. Is Sami Wunder teaching women not to be kind, good, giving women? Because that doesn't make any logical sense in a healthy relationship. So I do want to talk a little bit about the nuance of this. So of course, we want you to be a kind woman, we want you to be a giving woman, of course, we want you to be a nurturing woman. And at the same time, the point I'm making here is that just because you are kind, giving, and nurturing to a man, it doesn't mean he's going to fall in love with you or choose you to be his wife. So often, women, out of this desire to be loved by a guy, do things for him, give him stuff, start to pay his bills, for God's sake. Start to show up in his home and clean the kitchen. All I'm trying to say is that when we give out of the joy of giving, it's totally fine. But a lot of us give because we want to get something back in return. And usually, we want to get the man's approval. We want him to see us a certain way. And this is what doesn't work, especially if you're with a healthy, empowered, masculine man. He's never going to choose a woman because of what she does for him. He's always going to choose a woman because of how He feels around her. You see, when you understand the psychology of empowered masculine men, you understand that these men can give themselves everything. They can afford house assistance, they can make good money. They're not choosing a woman for how well she cleans the house or how well she cooks. They're choosing a woman because she is an entire package. She's a feminine embodied woman. She is loving, she is kind, she feels happy and playful around him, and she can be herself around him while making him feel respected, feel heard and understood and supported. A healthy, empowered, masculine man is never going to fall in love because of what you do for him. So stop going into dating with this approach of, you know, what can I do for him? How can I help him? He's not looking to experience that around a woman. And I remember, Right from— I have so many funny stories around rescuing men and helping men, and how I almost always punctured a hole in their balloon, because they wanted to feel masculine around me. And every time I sort of went in and tried to help or do or give, especially in early dating, when you're not in a committed partnership, it really took the air out of them. It was like, oh, boring! Because they want to be your hero. They want to show up and please you and put a smile on your face. So I think this whole This whole idea that if you like a guy, go in and start doing stuff for him is a very damaging idea, especially for young women who are just stepping out into dating and looking to attract a healthy partner. The second thing I wish I knew about men when I was in my 20s is that a man must always choose you to be his girlfriend, to be his partner, to be his wife. By his own free will. So many women today try to manipulate men into commitment and try to manipulate men into getting the ring and try to manipulate and convince men into dating them and being with them. I think this whole school of thought that if you want somebody, go tell them, go like them, go make things happen— I think it's actually very damaging because I think the most healthy relationships that I see, especially the ones that are based on polarity, masculine-feminine dynamics, is where the guy was never manipulated. And never convinced by the woman to be with her. He decided to be with her because he values her, he appreciates her. And there is something so powerful about letting a man choose you. And I also know it's scary, because I work with my clients in ELEVATE, and I see this all the time with them, that if the guy is not pursuing, or if the guy is slow in the pursuit, then all the fears come up and all the doubts come up, and all you want to do is jump in and make things happen and convince him that you're the person for him. And We should see each other. And truth be told, it rarely works. Does it work every once in a while? It does. There are definitely men who you can manipulate and convince to be with you. But somewhere, especially if it's a healthy, empowered, masculine man, in the back of his mind, he knows he was pushed into this connection versus choosing you of his own accord, choosing you out of his own free will. So what does this mean for all of you who are dating? What this means is truly surrender in your Feminine. Truly believe that if he's meant for you, he's gonna find you. He's going to step up for you. My husband stepped up for me without me having to nag him, prod him, nudge him. He just kept showing up again and again in my life in a very respectful, balanced way. And yet he was assertive, yet he was making it very That this is serious for him. He really likes me, he finds me desirable. And I truly believe that we complicate dating because we run after men who are not that into us. But once we start to recognize that when a man wants you, he's going to come for you, and you will not be left feeling doubtful or having questions about his interest in you, that's when you start winning. And usually that happens When you let a man choose you out of his own free will. And if he doesn't choose you out of his own free will, you also let him go. You let him be. You don't make him wrong for it, and you don't make yourself wrong for it. And when we can reach this level of detachment and emotional maturity in dating, I think dating becomes a very pleasurable activity because we don't hold it against a guy that he's not choosing us, while being open and welcoming of the man who is pursuing us and showing up in a consistent, loving, stable way. Fact number 3 that I wish I knew when I was in my early 20s that would have saved me so much heartbreak and disappointment with men and in dating is knowing and remembering that sex does not bond you with a man. Just look around you, Divas, how easy it is for an attractive man with options to find women to sleep with. I mean, this should be a no-brainer to understand. There are so many websites where women are easily available, today at the click of a mouse. Even on online dating apps, there are so many women who are looking for one-night stands and looking for just physical intimacy-based relationships. So long story short, if you think that you have to lead a relationship with sex, you are grossly mistaken. I think there is a phase in every man's life, possibly even in women's lives, but there's a phase in every man's life where he's not ready for the real thing. He's not ready for a real commitment. And so he's just going to sleep around. He's going to sleep around with every attractive woman. And I never want you to be that woman in his life, because you really have to understand that, for men, sex is like playing a sport. And I talk about this in ELEVATE, one of the modules. I think it's Module 6 in ELEVATE, where I talk about understanding men. And I'd say that it's like playing sport. And basically, when you play a good round of tennis, you really give it your all, you really enjoy it, and then you go home and The round of tennis is over. You're not thinking about it again until you again feel the urge to play tennis, right? So that's how men approach sex, especially when they're not committed to you. Of course, sex in a committed relationship, sex in a committed partnership, is very different. A man really bonds with you through sex within a committed, exclusive partnership. But in early dating, which is what we're talking about in this video, He doesn't value sex or bond through sex the way you bond through sex. As I said at the beginning of the video, I really want all women to hear this and for this to really land, because I know how much pressure you feel to sleep quickly with men, just because everybody else around you is doing it. But just because everybody else around you is doing it doesn't mean you have to do it, girl. And you definitely don't have to be a part of the crowd, right? You can hold your values, hold your principles, deal Physical intimacy, because, you know, men are not bonding with you through sex, whereas as a woman, you are bonding through sex. And this is just biological difference. You can hate me for saying it, you can love me for saying it, it doesn't matter to me. I think what matters to me is that I'm bringing across this message that just by sleeping with a guy, you're not going to be girlfriend or going to be wife. Do some women end up there? Absolutely! But is it the path that I want you to take or encourage you to take? Absolutely not, because the chances that you will be hurt and heartbroken are far higher than the chances that you will end up with a committed partnership when you act in this kind of way, where you are sleeping quickly with a man because you think that's going to make you win a commitment or a partnership. It doesn't work that way. Men don't bond through sex in early dating. The 4th thing I wish I knew in my 20s, about men would be that men, especially if they are empowered masculine men who are doing a lot of great things in the world, they truly want to experience your feminine qualities and want to experience your feminine softness. This means that it is really important that as a woman, especially if you're a high achiever, especially if you are a career-oriented woman, if you are used to working hard and pushing for success in your professional outcomes, comes, you really want to take the time to go back into your Feminine Energy. You really want to take the time to go from your head into your body, to bring out qualities of playfulness, empathy, to bring out qualities of compassion, kindness, nurturing. I think there is no man in the world who doesn't love a feminine, nurturing, family-oriented woman. And I think a lot of women go through dating and go through their relationships, without really having done the Feminine Energy work and the inner work. And so they keep hitting against failed relationships and failed dating experiences because they're still showing up so much in their Masculine, and they don't understand where they're going wrong. So really embodying your Feminine is one of the most important messages to remember about guys, especially if they are men who are in their Empowered Masculine. They don't want another woman in her Masculine. They want to experience Your softness, your playfulness, your sweetness. And you never want to hold that back in dating or in a relationship, because I truly believe that is your strength that you want to bring to the table as a woman. And last but not the least, I want to pause this video for a quick moment and invite you to my brand new 5-day video challenge. It's called Early Dating Mastery, in which every day I'm going to be emailing you one video with an action item that I want you to take. So that you can start feeling excited about dating, meeting men, knowing where to meet men, how to recognize good men, knowing how to show up on these dates so that you are attracting and being a man magnet to exactly the kind of man you want. Now, I could charge easily $497 for this 5-day video series, but I'm giving it to you completely free. The link is in the description below this video. Number 5, what I wish I knew about men in my early 20s, is that men value what they make an effort for. And really, as a woman, it is so easy to think, oh, I should show more interest, or, oh, I should drive to him, and, oh, I should also do this 50/50 and equality and make an effort. But the truth is that I have seen over and over and over again that a man who says, This should be 50/50, this should be equality-based, is a man who is not fully ready to be emotionally vulnerable and connected in the relationship. In other words, he wants to play it safe. Every love story that has come true for our clients in ELEVATE, what I have found is that these men, maybe they were boys before, maybe they were talking about 50/50 and talking about the woman making the effort in the beginning of their dating phase, But then there comes a phase in their life where they mature into men, and then they stop leading from this fear place of, you know, you should do 50/50, you should drive to me, you should split the bill. They go from this space into the space of wanting to please the woman, wanting to make her smile, and wanting to invest in her, because a man cannot bond unless he's investing in the woman. And so in today's dating scenario, it can be so tempting as a woman to jump in and start doing 50/50 and equality. But I can tell you that you may even end up with a relationship with such a man, but it's not going to be the same passionate relationship where a man is truly devoted to you. So when I was dating my husband, Chris, back then, we weren't even making a lot of money, but whatever he had, He wanted to give it to me. Whatever he had, he wanted to see a smile on my face. And I remember even back then, he was giving me Tiffany's earrings or buying me jewelry and taking me on trips, which he himself proposed to pay for. And it was all coming from this place of, I want to invest in this woman. This woman is really valuable to me and for me. And so I think the idea that we all have to do 50/50 today is really a wrong idea. I wish somebody had taught me this in my 20s because I was going by this equality mentality, and it was never letting the connection with the right guy deepen because I would literally show up on dates and go like, I'm happy to split the bill. I can pay for myself. You don't have to drive to me. I'll drive halfway. And I didn't realize back then that I was literally preventing these amazing men from bonding with me because men bond when they give, When they make an effort, when they invest. And of course, it doesn't always have to look like money. Investment can also look like a man investing his time in you, his energy in you, his effort in you. Whatever he has, he is not holding it back because he's scared of being used. That's a wound that is operating in some men, but that's their part of the work to heal. But they are coming from this place of, I love you, I like you, I want to please you, I want to to see a smile on your face, and they're not afraid of investing in you. So I hope this video was delightful, and I hope you will not make the same mistakes I made in my 20s. And of course, if this was helpful, love us back. Give us a like, leave me a comment. What was your biggest takeaway from this video? And don't forget to subscribe to my channel. I'll see you on the next video. I love you so much. Thank you for being here. Bye!