In this solo coaching video, relationship expert Sami Wunder explains why, in early dating, an empowered masculine man must be the one who initiates and controls the pursuit. She argues that men are keen readers of women’s energy and that when women become overly eager—texting, suggesting dates, or showing overt enthusiasm—they shift into masculine energy, which disrupts the polarity that keeps a man invested. Using a client story from her ELEVATE program, she illustrates how a woman’s constant initiating turned the dynamic, causing the man to lose motivation and eventually withdraw. Wunder outlines the importance of women embodying feminine energy by leaning back, emotionally self‑regulating, respecting the man’s speed, and allowing him to make choices. She warns that ambitious, high‑achieving women often distrust the masculine instinct to pursue, but cultivating belief in a man’s hunting drive and filling one’s own life with passions can maintain the healthy chase. The video concludes with a promotion for her free training “5 Signs He’s a Keeper,” aimed at helping women identify red flags and recognize men who are truly worth pursuing.
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It must be a man's choice to pursue you. If you're dealing with an empowered masculine man, he 100% wants to feel in control of the pursuit and the process of asking you out, taking you out on dates, calling you, texting you, checking up on you. And this dynamic is so important to preserve in early dating because guess what? Men are great readers of energy. And while an empowered masculine man does want to feel your interest in him, He doesn't want to feel like you are pedestaling him, like you are obsessed with him. He doesn't want to feel like you are dropping everything in your life just to hear from him, or just to go out on a date with him. And so often, even though we know these principles theoretically, even though we might know about Feminine Energy through my work, and we might know how to lean back, and we might know how to not initiate with guys, the truth is, when we are super excited about a guy and we feel like we've met somebody who's a catch, it is so easy to look like a smitten kitty and to start acting all eager. Now, this delicate balance of pursuit, where the masculine man wants to feel in control, that he's choosing you and not the other way around, is so easy to disturb. So for example, one of my ELEVATE clients shared with us that, you know, she met this great guy, and in the beginning, he was really pursuing and calling, Even telling her how good the connection with her was feeling for him. All of that was great. They created great positive moments together, which is important for bonding and important for connection. However, what started to happen is that she fell for those words, and she started to show up really eager in the connection. And if she wouldn't hear from him for a day, she would just reach out, send a text, and he would, of course, respond. Then they would start talking again. But then again, if she didn't hear from him the next day, she would again Initiate and text. And what started to happen was that the polarity started to disappear very soon. Instead of him being the pursuer, she became the pursuer. And I see this all the time because women are bonding through words and women are bonding through intensity, whereas men are bonding through space and distance. I see this all the time that the dynamics turn around very, very quickly and we are not able to catch ourselves getting in the masculine energy and starting to be the ones who are doing the hard work versus letting the guys do the hard work. Now, what happens very often in these scenarios, which can be confusing for you as a woman, is, if the man is not feeling excited by my pursuit or by my text messages, why does he answer? The simple answer to that is because men will usually go along with a beautiful, attractive woman dragging them on. Now, you could drag a man on into a connection this way, but here's the thing: At some point in the dating process, he's going to lose motivation. Women ask me all the time, Sami, he was coming on so strong. Why did he start to slack off? Why did his effort reduce? Or for some women, they will text, they will call, they will set up the dates, and they will see that the men are responding. The men are saying, yes, let's do that. And then when they keep dating the guy, the guy will not ask for exclusivity. The guy will not offer a commitment. And again, they're wondering, you know, like, why isn't that happening for me? And the answer to that is, guys will go along with what an attractive girl offers, but they will deep down subconsciously know that she's the one running the show, not him. And when it comes to critical moments in the timeline, the dating timeline, the courtship timeline, introducing you to his parents, offering you exclusivity, offering you the ring, you will see that the man will start to stall, will start to have doubts. And this happens because we, as women, have stepped into our masculine, and we have not let him be in control of the decision-making process throughout the courtship phase, throughout the getting-to-know-each-other phase. So the answer to this is really leaning back in your feminine energy and understanding the power of holding space with men, understanding that there is power in respecting the speed at which an empowered masculine man wants to move forward with you. So often, I find when we are doing life coaching for our clients inside ELEVATE, that as women, we want to lock the guy down, right? Like, you've met this great guy and he's doing everything right, he's pursuing you, and even if you're leaning back in your feminine energy, there's going to come a point in the dating process where you're going to start feeling anxious, Maybe, you know, he's only seeing you twice a week, but you'd like to see him more. Or maybe he's only messaging you every 2, 3 days, but you'd like to hear from him more. And so what's going to happen is, you will subconsciously and instinctively want to speed up the process, speed up the process of the two of you connecting. And when this happens, we start to make suggestions. So we saw that our client in the ELEVATE Singles group, she was like, Maybe we can FaceTime. By the way, I am leaving I'm leaving for my trip tomorrow, but if you want, we could sneak in a coffee. And you can see, like, she's feeling all these feelings. She wants more connection, she wants more intimacy, but she is starting to jump in and get in her masculine, making suggestions, offering dates. This is where the dynamics turn around, and it feels really innocent in that moment. I mean, I'm going to be the first person to say that when I was single, I wanted more from a guy. I always used to think, this one text is not going to hurt anything. This one suggestion is not going to hurt anything. But you know what? You stack up those choices, they are all masculine energy choices, and soon you will have a dynamic which is completely in reverse, which is, you are becoming the pursuer and he's the one more laid back. The funny thing is, when masculine empowered men get more laid back, They start to feel lazy to us, and yet they have that charm, they have that pull, and we find ourselves getting more and more in our masculine, wanting him more, wanting more attention from him. And basically, this is the point at which the guy disappears. You see, men are given a bad rep for not being intuitive, for not being in touch with their energy and their emotions. But I have a completely different viewpoint on this. I think men are brilliant readers of women's energy. And a man is able to just feel when the woman is in that smitten kitty zone versus high-value woman zone. Now, what would a high-value woman show up like in the dating process? Well, she's always going to let the guy make the decision to see her or not see her. This is the hardest part, because when you like somebody, it is so natural to want to see them more often, hear from them more often. But in expressing that eagerness, or in expressing those desires, we are actually starting to show and reveal our emotions. If it's later on in the relationship, that's not a problem. But in early dating, you don't want to be revealing your feelings about a man, because that completely kills the pursuit, right? So as a high-value woman, you want to be able to emotionally self-regulate when a guy is not messaging you. You want to be able to emotionally self-regulate when a guy is not asking you out. Knowing that it must be 100% his choice when he decides to message you, when he decides to ask you out. And honestly, in the moment when this happens, you're going to feel vulnerable because all sorts of emotions are going to come up. But if you're truly embodied in your Feminine Energy, you will realize that you have so much power over men when they choose to pursue you versus when you are nagging, controlling, asking, suggesting, scolding men into pursuing you. And here's why. Every time a man makes an active choice to pursue a woman, he invests just a little more in her. She's on his mind, he decides to pick up the phone, he decides to make that call, he decides to offer that date, Now he is investing emotionally a little more. And every time a man invests in a woman, he is going to bond with her more and more. And so really, it sounds so easy because when I lean back and relax, I know that in dating, when I'm in my Feminine, all I have to do is relax and let men pursue me. And of course, this is becoming very hard in today's dating scenario to implement because at a deep level, especially the kind of clients I work with— high achievers, successful, ambitious, career-oriented women— we do not trust the masculine to pick up the ball. We do not trust that men have an instinct to pursue and go after what they want. And I think the best thing you can do is to cultivate a deep belief system that, yes, when a guy wants you, he knows what to do. He has the hunting instinct, he has the pursuit instinct, and he will come for you. And all you have to do is trust in that. And all you have to do is respect his speed. If he wants to see you once a week, not twice a week right now, then you have to respect his speed. And of course, you can fill your time by rotational dating other men, going on connection dates. You can also fill your time by being busy with your own life, your career, your passions. But do not push the connection, because if you push the connection, before you know, the dynamic is going to flip. And before you know, he may lose interest, he may disappear, he may ghost. Because for a masculine empowered man, one of the most beautiful things he can experience is that, I chose this woman myself, out of my free will, out of my autonomy. And the more he knows that and believes that, trust me, the more committed he will be to his choice of being with you. On that note, if this was helpful, I have an amazing invitation for you. I have a video training called The 5 Signs He's a Keeper, where I show ambitious single women how to never again waste time on the wrong men. What are the red flags that you should never overlook, no matter how much chemistry and attraction you feel with a man? And what are the 5 signs that a man is a true keeper and he is worth your time and energy in dating? Now, this training alone has changed the dating lives of over 5,000 women already, and you can have it for free. Just click the link in the description. 5 Signs He's a Keeper. Never ignore the red flags again. And I am so excited to hear from you. If this video was helpful for you, leave me a comment, like, subscribe. See you soon again. Bye!
