Sami WunderCEO, Dating and Relationship Coach For Ambitious Women / 1200+ client success stories / Mum / Wife

Are you judging yourself, like I did?

22 Jul 2024 · 1 min

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In this reflective monologue, Sami Wunder shares her personal story of growing up as one of two sisters in 1990s India within a patriarchal family that taught emotional suppression and equated strength with the absence of vulnerability. She describes how she internalized the belief that showing emotions was a sign of weakness, leading her to develop coping, safety, and protective mechanisms to survive. Wunder urges viewers who relate to this experience not to judge or criticize themselves for their emotional habits. Instead, she encourages curiosity about the origins of these mechanisms and advocates for self‑compassion as a prerequisite for healing, emphasizing that self‑judgment blocks the path to recovery.

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We were 2 sisters back in India, growing up in the '90s, a very patriarchal society. My mom and dad told me, if you want to succeed, you have to be strong, not show weakness, not show your emotions. Emotions are for the weak. I learned just like you that it was not safe to show my emotions, that I had to be strong, that I could never shed a tear, that I could never be vulnerable. If you relate with all of this, do not judge yourself. Don't ask yourself, why am I like this? Ask yourself, what happened to me that I had to put on coping mechanisms, safety mechanisms, protective mechanisms to survive in this world. Remember that no healing can happen if we are hating on ourselves or judging on ourselves.