In this video dating coach Sami Wunder critiques the popular "leaning back" advice that tells women not to chase men. She explains that while the original intent—refraining from masculine‑type pursuit—remains valuable, many women have extended the concept to emotional guardedness, suppressing warmth, joy, and vulnerability. This over‑strategic leaning back leads to dry texting, lack of emotional attraction, and ultimately chronic singlehood despite following the "no‑chase" rule. Drawing on her decade‑long experience and the ELEVATE coaching program (over 17,000 customers, 950+ success stories), Sami illustrates how women’s messages often lack "juice" and how that blocks men’s connection to their feminine energy. She argues that women should continue to avoid masculine‑type pursuit but must stay emotionally expressive—flirty, joyful, vulnerable, and authentic. Practical steps include sharing feelings, being playful, and not fearing appearing eager. The video ends with a call to action to subscribe, comment, and book a diagnostic coaching call.
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Leaning back with men is hurting your success in love. Leaning back was originally intended to help women not to chase men, not to pursue men. But what it's looking like in today's dating world is that we have these millions of women who are leaning back and they are forever and chronically single. Let's explore what's going on and why leaning back with men might be hurting your success. Success in your love life and preventing you from attracting a great man. This is dating and relationship coach Sami Wunder. Quickly hit the like and subscribe button to my channel if you are a career-oriented woman looking to attract an empowered masculine man and a relationship better than your dreams. So let's talk about what I've been noticing in my career for over a decade now, working as a dating and relationship coach for ambitious women. And what I'm noticing is that leaning back the idea of not chasing a guy, not pursuing a guy, not calling first, not texting first, not asking him for the date— this is actually a well-intentioned idea, which was supposed to help women to not go needy and crazy and start chasing and pursuing men. But in my experience, the women I work with, there's literally no woman out there today who is still like going needy on men and pursuing men and chasing men. And so this idea of leaning back to attract love is actually starting to feel like a really boring idea, because what we're dealing with is a lot of messaging, especially from other feminine energy coaches who may not necessarily be experts in the subject matter, but are regurgitating information without experience. What we find is that we have this whole army of women in today's world who are not pursuing men, not chasing men, but nothing happens for them in their love life. Basically, you will make the first move on Bumble and then you will have like 1 or 2 text messages back and forth and then nothing happens. The guy doesn't take the lead. Or you will see that you meet somebody nice at a party but you keep leaning back. And nothing happens. Meanwhile, around you, you observe all these amazing women and your girlfriends and your peers and your colleagues, and they're all getting married, getting engaged. And you're like, I'm doing all of this feminine energy stuff, and why does it not seem to work out for me? So what's going on here? Well, what's going on here is that there's just nobody else talking about this nuance, but I have experienced this with my Elevate clients. And the nuance is this: of course, leaning back is valuable. Of course, not chasing a man is valuable. But what is even more valuable is to understand that just because you're leaning back in your Feminine Energy doesn't mean that you don't gift men with your warmth, with your authenticity, with the free flow of emotion and joy, which is the natural essence of a Feminine Energy embodied woman. So women are starting to get so worked up about not being in their feminine energy when they are smiling, when they're having a good conversation with a guy, when they're asking him questions. It's like, oh, the feminine energy police is already operating in our heads. And you're going, hmm, you know, I don't want to appear too interested. I don't want to appear too eager. I don't want to appear like I really like him. I don't want to make him think that I'm so easy that, you know, I'm going to be just like having this amazing conversation. conversation with him all night, and I don't want to look too smitten with him on the texts. I don't want to look silly. I don't want to look like I'm too excited about seeing him. Basically, we're using this message of leaning back in action, which is how it should be. I still don't want you to ask men out on dates. I still don't want you to walk up to them and start conversations. But this message of leaning back in action is actually being used to support leaning back with your emotions. And what happens is just dryness. When I see women's texting and how women are texting men inside ELEVATE, first when they join the program, I'm like, oh my God, that is such dry texting. Where is the juice? Where are your emotions in this? And then you can see the fear of making mistakes come up, the fear of being too much coming up, the fear of— not looking too eager coming up. But I really want to help my clients understand that you can lean back without taking masculine action around men and still be fully, juicily embodied in your emotional feminine energy. This is so important. In so many of my videos, even before this one— if you're new to my channel, make sure you hit subscribe and go watch my other videos, I've spoken about the power of engaging men's emotions. And when we do this poker face dating, where we're just about being high value and looking like an ice princess and looking a certain way, we are literally stopping ourselves from flowing into our emotions around a guy. And when you stop yourself from doing that, you literally prevent a man from, A, seeing you for who you truly are, B, experiencing your emotions, which is how he really connects with your soul, when you are able to feel your emotions around him. And last but not the least, you literally stand in the way of building a great connection with a great guy. So, in all of my videos, I talk about the importance of building emotional attraction with men. And just pure leaning back in action is not going to build emotional attraction with men. I mean, they will still perceive you as pretty or beautiful, if you're an attractive woman, they will still perceive you as somebody who's worth an effort. But the way their brain will work, the way a man's brain will work when you're leaning back emotionally, is, she's lovely, and yet I don't feel it for her. So if you get a lot of this from men, where they fall off the first date, second date, third date mark, or you even get to mid-level dating, but nothing seems to grow from there, you could be doing leaning back the wrong way. Instead of just not chasing men in action, which is masculine energy, you could be leaning back emotionally. And to be honest, and to be fair, I think especially for women who've been single for a very long time, this comes naturally. And what a man experiences is your guardedness. So you could be leaning back in action, not chasing him, but he still feels your emotional guardedness. And for a lot of the clients we work with in our program, ELEVATE, we do find that emotional guardedness, that not sharing your feelings, holding back from sharing your feelings, feeling too silly sharing your feelings, feeling too uncomfortable being vulnerable around men, all of that emotional guardedness is actually going to prevent a great man from bonding with you and connecting with you. And really feeling your energy, really feeling your girl soul. So, how do we get out of this? I mean, if you've had an aha moment, I would love to hear from you first and foremost in the comments straight away. Please, I love hearing from all of you, and it really feeds me to receive your love. So, if something struck home for you right now, leave me a comment, give this video a like, share it with a girlfriend. But basically, the way out of this is to think of leaning back only in terms of masculine action, which means indeed you're still the woman who doesn't chase men and who doesn't double-text and triple-text men and who doesn't call men and blow up their phone. But at the same time, not seeing leaning back as the concept where you have to hold back emotionally. In other words, you can still be flirty, you can still be fun, you can still be joyful, you can still be silly. You can share when you're having a hard day with a guy. You can share when something makes you feel embarrassed. You can share with a guy that you're really excited to see him on the date. Do not hold back emotion from men in the name of leaning back. If you hold back emotion from men in the name of leaning back, you're basically trying to strategize and hold yourself back while building natural flow and connection with a man. And that is never going to feel authentic, and it's never going to get you the results you want. Because guess what? Even bigger than the strategy of leaning back is your energy as a woman when you're showing up with a guy. And if in that energy, the guy is sensing that you're holding back artificially, or that you have all these concepts and rules around which you work because you think that's going to make him think that you're high value, I'm sorry to say this, but you're going to fail miserably. And this is why in my work and in ELEVATE, we have hundreds and hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of client success stories. I'm not just a coach on the internet that is regurgitating information. I have nearly a decade of experience having helped over 17,000 customers at this point. And so there is so much experience in really seeing that how there are all these messages floating on the internet about leaning back and women should lean back, but how they're actually hurting women. Because when we hear generic messages like this, unless you're working with an expert, you don't get the nuances of it. And so often I have seen that women lean back, not just in action, which is the right way to do it, but also in emotion. And this is really hurting your success with men. So if this video was helpful and you'd love to figure out how I can help you, together with my team, to attract an empowered masculine man in record time, like I've helped 950+ of my clients, then book a 15-minute diagnostic call with a coach from my team who's going to hear your story and get to know you and share with you the support options that we have available here at Sami Wunder. So I hope this video was helpful. Give me a like, give me a subscribe, share with me in the comments, and I will see you on the next video. Lots of love.
