Sami WunderCEO, Dating and Relationship Coach For Ambitious Women / 1200+ client success stories / Mum / Wife

Are you pushing him away?

16 Mar 2024 · 1 min

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In this segment, dating coach Sami Wunder explains how women often place a man on a pedestal, creating a sense of scarcity that intensifies emotional reactions when the man withdraws or goes silent. She describes the cascade of feelings—abandonment, rejection, disappointment, and despair—that arise and notes that many try to regulate these painful emotions by adopting a more masculine, pursuing stance. However, this reactive pursuit typically backfires, pushing the desired partner further away. The core message is that the very strategies used to alleviate negative feelings can unintentionally sabotage the connection.

When you like a man, you pedestalize the connection. You feel a sense of scarcity. If he withdraws, or if he is going silent on you, if he's not communicating, your feelings start to come up. These are emotions of abandonment, of rejection, of not feeling special, of sheer disappointment and despair. You have a hard time regulating these emotions, all these intense emotions for the man we like. We try to get rid of those negative emotions by going into our masculine, like pursuing the guy, which further pushes the guy you want away.