In this motivational monologue, Sami Wunder delivers a step‑by‑step guide for single mothers seeking romantic relationships. She begins by affirming the strength and resilience of single mums, urging them to celebrate rather than hide their parental identity and to showcase it openly on dating profiles. Wunder challenges the guilt many feel about dating, reframing it as a healthy act that benefits both mother and children by providing a positive relationship model and potential partnership support. She then offers practical logistics: block two dedicated days each week for dating, secure reliable childcare through family or friends, and treat those slots as sacred date‑nights or relationship‑building time. Finally, she outlines clear boundaries for introducing children to a new partner—advocating public dates for at least three to four months before any home integration—to protect children’s emotional safety and to model a stable, respectful partnership. Throughout, she intersperses success stories from her ELEVATE program to illustrate the transformative impact of following these principles.
Chapters
Here are my top tips for all our incredible single mamas for your dating success. So first and foremost, I want to start with an acknowledgment message. I think you're amazing, and as a mother of 2 young kids and with a very present and loving husband, I get tired so many days, and so I can't even imagine the strength The resilience, the love, the exhaustion it takes to hold the ground all by yourself. So I hope if you are a single mother and watching this, that you're proud of yourself and that you see this part of your identity as something to celebrate versus something that you feel ashamed of or something that lives in you as a disqualification in the dating market. So Let's talk about first and foremost your own energy around being a single mother. So as I already said, it's so important that you celebrate this part of your identity, that you own it, accept it. There are so many reasons why a relationship with the father of your child or children did not work out. And when you step out in the dating market, you have to remember That men are not holding it against you. Of course, there's going to be a demographic of men who do not want kids, but this is not personal to you. They just probably have been through the experience of being a father. They don't want to father any children, and that's totally okay, right? So even as a single mother, even you might have your preferences around whether or not you want to date somebody with more kids, or maybe you don't want to have more kids because you already have your kids and you don't want to go through that entire experience again. So long story short, don't take it personal. This is not something to be ashamed of, and know for sure that the right men who are in alignment with you will never judge you for being a single mother. So definitely put it on your profile. If you're a single mom, your kids are such an inherent part of your life, and the person who comes into your life must be aligned with this reality that you have children, that they're important, to you, and that if anything becomes serious, these kids are part of the amazing package that you offer. So make sure your energy is celebratory and self-loving and very clear around your identity as a single mother. Now, the second tip is understanding why you want to date as a single mother and really making sure that you are excited about this, because so often what I feel is that Single mothers tell me that, you know, it's hard to date. They feel selfish. They feel like it's wrong for them to make time, go away from their kids while they look for a partner. And I think this is such low vibrational thinking. I'll just call it what it is, because honestly, one of the best gifts you can give your children is demonstrating to them what a healthy, loving relationship looks like. and having in their lives, bringing in their lives, a masculine figure that can be a great stepfather, even if they have a father, or I don't know what the relationship with the father is. But this is one of the best things you can do. So any part of you that is holding on to guilt or holding on to, oh, I'm, you know, doing something wrong by approaching my own desire for love, and where does that leave my children? Am I not a good mother? You know, I'm gonna spend time dating, I'm gonna spend this money on instead of actually spending it on my kids. Stop! Stop doing this to yourself. When the mother is happy, the children are happier. That's the end of the story. And so the mother must absolutely, 100%, feel comfortable with investing in herself, investing in her growth, investing in her happiness. And remember, she is not just doing it for herself. You're not just doing this for yourself. You are also doing this for for your kids, because it's not just you who will benefit by having a great masculine provider man in your life, it is also your children. When I look at our success stories from ELEVATE, women tell me, Sami, he flew me to Maldives on a first-class ticket for our proposal and put this rock on my finger, but he also took my daughter and made sure she was part of the proposal, which I find so thoughtful and so sweet. In fact, I have hundreds of success stories of single mothers who are now no longer single mothers and happily married. And I cannot tell you how much their life has shifted, enhanced, because they have now a partner to share their life with and don't have to do all the things alone. Don't have to take the kid to the doctor alone, don't have to rush to the emergency at 2 AM at night alone. You know, this is going to be an enhancement not just in your life but also in your child's life. So really approach dating from this perspective because it's going energize you. It's going to make you feel better about the process. It's going to remind you why you're doing this. It's not just for you, it's also for your children and their life enhancement. And in terms of role modeling, I believe that it is so powerful for children to experience healthy relationships in their younger years because that's how they understand their model of love. So maybe you didn't have great role models growing up, And you're probably paying that price now and having to learn more strategically what it looks like to show up as a healthy woman and attract a healthy relationship. But if you attract a healthy man using the process of ELEVATE, you will demonstrate to your kids and role model to your kids right from the beginning what healthy love looks like, how Dad loves Mom, how Mom receives love, how Mom loves herself, and how Dad adores her and is always there for her and pouring himself and his masculine energy into her. So now that we've dealt with the energetic aspects of being a single mom, let's quickly talk about how you can organize and structure your life in order to make dating easier for you. So the number one thing I recommend is just pull out 2 days in your phone, on your calendar, and allot them for your love life. It could be a Saturday and a Wednesday. It could be a Sunday and a Thursday. Whatever 2 days in the week suit you. And keep them allotted with childcare support. So Definitely invest in childcare if you don't have family around. I always recommend family, like make a pact with your mother, take her out once every month for a nice dinner and say, Mom, can you come over and help me with the children Thursday and Sunday or Saturday and Wednesday? And that becomes your date nights. Now, if you have dates, you can easily leave the kids with the person who is in charge, the adult who will take care. But if you don't have dates, those evenings stay allotted to your love life. And this is such a beautiful way to structure. If you don't have family around, you can make a pact with your best friend. Of course, you'll have to give something back to them, whether it's money, whether it's gifts, it's a dinner, or maybe babysit their kids. But this is something that mature people support each other with. This is a great agreement and system to set up. And then all you have to do is ensure that when you have dates, you are offering those 2 days that you have allotted on your calendar, or you use them to study for your love life. And remember, my lovely ones, this is your strength. When a woman is a mother, that speaks volumes about her capacity to do real life. And it's actually very attractive to men who are fathers themselves, because they have been through that experience. And sometimes men are actually looking for women who are mothers, and especially when it comes to blending families, etc. So don't see this as a weakness. That is the most important message to give. And last but not the least, I would take time when it comes to introducing my kids to a partner. And the reason is you don't want to show your children, Mom is rotational dating. You don't want to tell your children, you know, this is guy 1, this is RD 2, this is RD 3. So what you really want to do is have public dates. And if things keep progressing consistently, then you can definitely visit his home. But when it comes to your home and your kids, I would be very careful about the timing of introduction. I would only blend families and introduce my kids to somebody who has shown up consistently, reliably, over a longer period of time, and only then allow them to be part of my home. So I would say minimum 3 to 4 months, minimum. And without that, The easy boundary to give men is, I believe, I'm more than happy to introduce you to my kids once things are more consistent and serious. I believe kids are deeply impacted by the partners we choose, and before we get to that level, it would feel good to have more public dates, or I'm happy to come to yours as well. So do hold that boundary because you don't want to show your children what the dating process looks like. You want to show your children and demonstrate to your children what a healthy partnership looks like. And for that, most of the dating should ideally be happening outside of the house, not in the house. Kids are very sensitive. They pick up on stuff. And if they see you kissing and curling and doing all those things, it may not be in your favor. So be smart about it, be strategic about it, and Let's go, single mama! Let's go from single to adored and understand you're not just doing this for yourself, you're doing it for those babies that you love so much as well.
