Day 2: 7 Days To Healthy & Happy Relationships

Woohoo! Hello, Wunderdivas! This is Sami, and we are live on day 2 of the 7 Days to Happy, Healthy Relationships. Now, yesterday we spoke about having the limiting belief that you don't deserve to have that amazing relationship, that amazing man, that amazing treatment in your love life. And we spoke about the importance of releasing that limiting belief because for so many of you, that belief is not conscious. It's more a subconscious belief, and yet it truly interferes with the way you allow men to treat you in dating or in your relationship or your partnership. your marriage. Now today is day 2, and today we're talking about why so many women have the limiting belief that they can't express their feelings and in their relationships, and they are afraid of speaking up. So who is here? Who's watching this live or on replay? Say hi in the comments. Let me know where you're joining me from, and we will keep this short, and we will talk about the importance of releasing this belief. And I will show you without any doubt why I have found that, you know, over the last eight years of doing this work and having helped hundreds and hundreds of women walk down the aisle, create. amazing dream relationships with empowered masculine men, why I have found that this particular challenge where you hide your feelings and you don't speak your feelings to your partner or to the men you're dating is actually one of the biggest things you want to release. Okay, so who's excited? Say yes in the comments. I really want to make sure I can see your comments. Hey, hello! Who is Joining from Hungary, joining from Wales, UK. So wonderful! Yay! Okay, so before we get started, just a quick reminder: just five days for the doors of Elevate to close. So if you've been feeling called to joining us, now is the time. Okay, so let's start with where this belief. Like, what does it look like when we have this limiting belief that we are scared of expressing our feelings, or it's not safe to express our feelings to our partner? So I think the number one reason I find with our clients inside Elevate is some kind of fear of conflict. Okay, so when as a woman you are afraid of sharing your feelings with men that you're dating, or with your man, or with your partner in a, you know, committed relationship or marriage, The number one reason is the fear of conflict. So for example, our client Molly from the Relationships Group, Elevate Relationships Group, her boyfriend did nothing for her on Valentine's Day. And she came and shared with us on the Facebook group that, you know, all the other women are getting flowers and dates, and there's all this special treatment happening for them. And And, you know, my boyfriend didn't even like get me one rose or, you know, didn't plan anything for me. And so we asked her how that felt for her. And she said like she feels really sad and, you know, she doesn't understand why other women can have this amazing treatment but she can't. And we said to her that it was, you know, 100% okay for her to feel that way, that it was completely justified that she was feeling that way. And we invited her to share this with her boyfriend. But she was so afraid, because she had, like, this major fear of conflict. And she was afraid that if she spoke up, he would think that she's creating drama, he would think that, you know, she's complaining again. And so we found that with her, this belief that, you know, like, she hides her feelings, and she can't speaker feelings comes from this deeply rooted fear of conflict. So who here has a fear of conflict? Who here can resonate with the fear of conflict? Um, you can say yes in the comments, um, so that I'm getting some feedback and I know this is like landing for you. So I'm just gonna wait to hear some feedback. And the second reason why you may have cultivated this belief, um, is because you may be struggling with the energy of self-judgment. Okay, now self-judgment is basically at some level self-doubt, right? Like you feel a certain way and instead of trusting in what your body is telling you, you doubt yourself. Okay, so the second reason why you may be stifling your feelings or not feeling very comfortable expressing your feelings in your partnership is because you judge yourself. And so every time the feelings arise within you, instead of trusting them, instead of moving through them, you shut it down because you're like, oh, don't be dramatic. Oh, don't like over-complain. Am I overdoing this? Am I overthinking this? Um, and I remember, you know, one of our clients, Katie, from the Elevate Singles group, um, the guy that she had been dating consistently For a long time. Um, he suddenly disappeared on her for like over 7 or 8 days, and she was feeling quite sad, quite neglected, quite shocked honestly by his disappearance. Um, but when we invited her to sort of own her feelings And to like, you know, we wanted to support her with coming up with a script that she could say to him so that he would understand how she felt. You know, Katie came across a huge amount of inner resistance and she was just like, but Sami, am I overthinking this? Like, are you sure this is something we want to say? You know, I don't want to be too dramatic. You know, I want to play it cool, cool girl. And so there was a lot of self-judgment and self-doubt. Versus self-trust. And there was, of course, I think, I think none of these causes are separate from each other. So it's very possible that you could be doubting yourself, judging yourself, while also still having a fear of conflict. Okay, so for whom does number 2 resonate? Like, who here judges their feelings and, uh, doubts their feelings versus embracing their feelings and, um, you know, having the courage to share those feelings? So who here does that Give me a one in the chat box. Give me a one in the comments. Okay, and number three is you know honestly what we found with the majority of our elevate clients, and you know this is now the next round which is starting on first of April. Woohoo for everybody! For the hundred plus women who've signed up. Woohoo and more who are signing up as we talk. So. The third reason why you may be struggling, you know, with this belief that, oh, I'm not good at, like, you know, expressing my feelings and standing up for myself, it could be because you simply don't know what you're feeling. Yeah, so many times when we're working with our clients, what we find is that they are so in tune with their masculine because they're, you know, hardworking just like me. They are, you know, showing up with gusto for their careers. And they have really trained themselves to stifle their feelings in their body and just operate from the mind, like operate from thoughts. Okay, so, so often, um, whether it's a man you're dating or your partner, you know, when men behave in ways that don't feel good to us, so many times we don't even understand what we're feeling because we're not used to speaking in the language of feelings. We're not used to, you know, connecting with body in order to really know what we're feeling. Yeah, so who here has a hard time really connecting with your body and knowing what you're feeling? And I think it's really important to say, like, if you are struggling with this, it's not your fault. Like, it's not your fault really, because I will come to, come to the reasons, um, in just a moment. But it's not your fault, but it's still your responsibility. To heal this, right? So who here is having a hard time feeling their feelings? If that's you, say one in the chat box, one in the comments section, in order to let me know. Okay, and here's the reason that I said. So if you're having a hard time even knowing what you're feeling, like let's say your partner forgot your birthday, or your partner. you know, is very friendly with another woman who's pretty, and it's sort of annoying for you to watch. Um, and you're feeling something, but you don't know what you're feeling. And so it's like, you know, building up inside of you, but like you don't know how to name it, you don't know what to call it. Yeah. So these are just examples of, you know, like there's stuff going on in our body, but we don't have the skills to identify that and to, to like speak that, right? And as I said, this is not your fault. So if this is happening for you, most often what's happened in somewhere— what we find at least with our Elevate clients, um, is that, you know, there's some kind of childhood memory there where, you know, when you felt things and you expressed things, maybe your primary caregivers, um, shut your feelings down, or maybe your primary caregiver said, you know, stop being a whiny girl, or Stop crying, stop creating drama, like be strong, get on with it. And so there is a huge chance that somewhere in the past the wound happened, the wound occurred, and usually it's coming from some form of primary caregivers, whether it's parents or it's school teachers. And so it's not your fault at all. And usually when you have this, when you haven't yet cultivated the skill to feel your feelings, express your feelings in a healthy way so that your partner can actually hear you, what will happen is that you will end up talking in ways that are unhelpful for the relationship. This will look like, you know, when you—you know—things just build up inside you. They build up, they build up. You keep feeling stuff. You don't know how to say it. You don't know how to place it. You don't know what to call it. But you're like feeling all that. Like just because you can't name it or identify it, it doesn't mean it's not there, right? And then it builds up and builds up and builds up, and one day it just comes off as this surprising explosion. Boom! Boom on your man. Boom on your partner. And this can be, you know, in various degrees of harm. This can be very harmful for the relationship because if a woman doesn't know how to feel her feelings and deal with her feelings and navigate her feelings, you know, it doesn't mean that she doesn't have feelings. It just means she's not yet cultivated the skill to, you know, be able to work through her feelings. And when those difficult feelings come up, Um, she will respond in ways that are unhelpful for the connection in the relationship. And when you repeat these behaviors of, you know, emotional reactivity or, you know, explosive, uh, communication or, you know, um, blaming your man for, you know, your sadness or you're upset, what's gonna start happening, um, whether it's a marriage or it's a relationship What's going to start happening is that your man, your partner, may start to feel more and more unsafe around you. You see, just put yourself in your partner's shoes. Imagine being around him and then him suddenly bringing up something from the past and suddenly starting to blame you. And you're sitting there with your pinky nails and just feeling all really happy and good. And you just go like, oh my God. where is all this coming from, right? And so when you start— this is one of the skills we teach our clients inside ELEVATE, which is always put yourself in the man's shoes. And if it's going to freak you out that your man suddenly explodes on you and quotes something from the past that has been building up for him, and you feel really weirded out by it, that is most likely the reaction that your man will give you when you behave like that. And so why am I telling you all of this? Like, why am I telling you all of this? I'm telling you all of this because so often women don't understand, you know, why do I have to do inner work in order to have a great relationship? Or why do I have to address these deep emotions and deep feelings in order to, you know, succeed at having a great marriage? Or in order to succeed at dating and attracting a great empowered masculine man? Like, why should I make a $6,000 €999 investment in my love life or in my inner work. And this is why— because without inner work, you know, so many, so many women attract men. Like, I don't think there is like— we need to give an Oscar award for, you know, just attracting a guy. But what is powerful about, you know, the work you do inside Elevate is that you really prepare the ground or prepare the foundation to, number one, attract a man, an empowered masculine man, really intentionally. Okay, so intentionally designed relationships are very different from random relationships. You know, random relationships just happen. There's excitement, there's chemistry, and you know, like we come together, we kiss, we kiss, and then as we start spending more time together, we figure out, oh, you know, the values are not a match, there is no compatibility there. Um, or, oh my God, like he, he takes drugs. Oh my God, he's, he's still like married. Um, so you know, um random relationships many women have, but our Elevate clients have very intentional relationships. And that sometimes means, you know, they will be slightly more picky, they will be slightly more, um, you know, high— they will have higher standards. But when they meet the right guy, when they find the right person, it is totally the right person. And because you've done all this inner work in Elevate where you've worked on how to navigate your feelings, you've worked on how to navigate emotional reactivity, you know, you will not jeopardize or sabotage a beautiful connection, right? Because anybody can just randomly attract somebody, or, you know, sometimes, you know, we can meet really good men, but then our old habits, our old patterns, our old triggers, emotional negative triggers, they come back And then they jeopardize the connection. They break the relationship because, as I just explained to you, just because you've not yet cultivated the skill of you know recognizing how you're feeling and naming it and working with it, it doesn't mean you don't have feelings, right? You still have feelings, and they will come up, right? They will come up. And this is why, if you don't know how to express your feelings, and if you don't know how to you know. Work with your feelings, um, you're going to either develop a lot of resentment in your relationship or in your marriage. You're going to feel stuff and fester in it versus actually address it and resolve it. So that's going to hurt your relationship. You're also not going to be able to feel fully free and authentic because authenticity is deeply derived from our ability to show up and be true to ourselves and our ability to express what is right for us and true for us. So you're not going to feel authentic in this connection. You're also going to feel unhappy because most likely your needs are not going to be met. You see, so often in Elevate, we teach you— I think it's Module 7 or 6— where we say, you know, men can't be mind readers. And as women, we are the emotional leaders in the relationship, whether you're married, in a relationship, or just dating a guy. Like, it is your responsibility to express your desires, to communicate what feels Good for you, what doesn't feel good for you, because otherwise you're placing a man under the burden of having to read your mind. And you know, this is just a very unfair burden, and it often leads to you being unhappy and you being triggered in the relationship because your needs are not getting met, and you're quietly thinking, "Oh, can I? Can he just?" um, you know, know what I want? And no, because that is not how you show up in a healthy relationship. In a healthy relationship, you are an adult and you need to communicate what it is that you want, what is it that you're feeling, so that the other party can respond, um, to your needs, to your desires, to your wants. Okay. And, uh, last but not the least, it's also so important to cultivate this, um, you know, do the inner work Because otherwise, what really happens is like when you stifle down your emotions and when you like stuff things down and you don't speak up, what will happen over time is that the man, your partner, or the guy you're dating, he's gonna get more and more disconnected with you, right? So I know for myself that if I'm feeling stuff, um, with Chris And I'm like walking around festering in it and like thinking about it and and not saying what I need or what I want. He still feels it. Like he still feels my energy, even if I'm not saying it. He still feels my energy. And then if I just pretend like nothing's wrong, or if I pretend like you know oh I'm happy you know don't worry, or I just like explode. On a small thing and just go like, oh, you did this, and I blame him and I make him wrong. You know, all those behaviors actually make our partners feel quite unsafe with us. And for you to understand this, by the way, who's loving this? If you're loving this, give me a heart. Like me on Facebook. Like me on LinkedIn. Like me on YouTube. This is the way you can show me love. And of course, you can also leave a 1 in the chat box if this is nurturing for you and supportive for you and feeling good. Okay, so I think the whole idea— again, put yourself in order to understand your partner's experience or a man's experience, um, in how he experiences you when you're stifling your emotions down versus speaking up— is Imagine being with a girlfriend who's like, who you can see is pissed at you, but she's not talking to you, and you can feel it in her body language that she's angry at you or she's annoyed at you, or, you know, um, and that's how men feel when we sort of walk around with a poker face or swollen face, um, but we're not expressing ourselves. Okay, so it's really important if you want to develop an authentic genuine connection with a guy, um, with a man. Maybe you're just seeing him right now, dating him, you like him. Or if you are in a relationship or married for many years, you see, this stuff works on all men. That's why we, you know, have such terrific results for our clients inside Elevate, because it's not like, you know, this man is more unique and this man, you know, doesn't respond to emotion, you know. All men feel this work. They feel the stuff. So you're as long as you're embodying it, they're gonna feel it. And this is why it's also so important to like you know understand the power of doing the inner work because so often people think like you know it's just like dating coaching and it's like superficial stuff and you know I can find this free on the internet and no this is deep. Work. Because once you start really going deeper and working with your feelings, they're gonna feel scary, and you're going to want to avoid, you know, feeling that— those feelings, you know, because they're not always going to be pleasant. Yeah, but here's what I want you to remember. You want to know what I want you to remember? If you want to know what I want you to remember, say 2 in the chat box. Give me a 2. Give me a two. So I'm gonna wait till I get some rain of twos. Who wants to know? Who wants to know? Give me a two. Yay! Lots of twos. Awesome. So I think the most important thing to remember. Is that you are the emotional leader in the relationship. And no matter who you marry, who you date, who you like, that man is going to disappoint you. He's going to disappoint you. And when he disappoints you, and when he upsets you— he will, by the way— Like there's just no way around that. Like you can't avoid that. I think so many times when we start dating men or we like men, we just go on this high wave of joy and happiness, right? Like it's like dopamine and like oxytocin, and it's like we're bonding and like, oh, this feels so good. Till real life happens. He is— no matter who you choose, whether you choose Daniel Craig or you choose Tom Cruise or you choose George Clooney or you choose Keanu Reeves, No matter who you're with, this person you love or you like is one day going to disappoint you. And when they do that, it will bring up feelings in you. And then if you haven't done the inner work, if you haven't worked on knowing how to move through your feelings and then knowing what to do with your feelings and then knowing how to express your feelings, Then there is a very high chance that you will either be showing up emotionally reactive, or you will show up in explosion, or you will show up in blame, or you will show up and complain, or you will show up making him wrong. And none of that is going to work. And usually what we see with our clients in Elevate, because we run 12 rounds of the program by now and we have so much experience, it's incredible what an amazing, phenomenal container Elevate is. And you know, know, like what deep work we help our clients do inside it. But what I have found is that usually women, you know, we avoid the inner work till the relationship really falls apart, or till we meet a man who we really like. And then again, the same pattern repeats. He triggers you, he does something, doesn't call, doesn't text, doesn't ask you out, and you feel all those feelings. And then you act and react, and you basically repeat an old pattern. Sabotage the connection, and if you're in a relationship, what's going to happen is unless you decide to do the inner work, you're just gonna have multiple interactions that end up the same way. And this is where it's gonna cause your man to stop feeling safe with you. Okay, like it will start to register in his head: she is not safe. It is not safe to be around this woman. Yeah. And I know this feels hard to hear, but I really want to remind you that there is an empowered solution that is available to you, and that is actually doing the inner work. And that's why we're so proud of, you know, what we teach inside Elevate, because yes, Elevate gives you all the strategy, all the skills, all the tools, all the nuts and bolts of, you know, how to do this, how to say this. But what it also gives you is like deep healing work, right? Like, it, it, it gives you the practical side of the stuff that you can actually like just use and start implementing, but it also gives you the deeper healing part of the stuff, which is like, you know, releasing these fears, um, using your empowered masculine energy to like soothe that scared little girl inside you and to empower her to show up with more confidence and more self-expression. In your relationships, so here's the mantra. Okay, here's the mantra for all of you: I don't need to be scared of my feelings or expressing myself. My feelings are actually the juice of my relationship with a man. My feelings are the juice of a relationship with a man. And note that I'm not just talking about positive feelings; I'm talking about all feelings. But really, your feelings are the juice of your relationship. There is no romantic relationship that is juicy and sexy and passionate and hot, but is devoid of emotion, right? And you as the woman must take the leadership in this department. And if it requires you to do some work on yourself, if it requires you to cultivate this skill, then it is a skill that is worth having. It's a skill that is worth learning, and it is a skill that is life-changing. So I invite you all to embrace your feelings, to embrace the emotions. And it is, um, easier said than done. And this is why we are here to support you. And we're here to support you in a way that actually helps you move forward, heal, and, you know, do this work, um, to create results in your love life, in your dating, in your marriage, in your relationship, so much faster than you would ever be able to do alone. So on that note, a kind reminder that in just 5 days, Elevate is closing its doors. Um, it is my acclaimed 6-month-long group coaching program. As you may have already heard, we run 2 separate cohorts, one serving single women who are looking to attract an empowered masculine man, and another one serving women in relationships and married women who are excited to elevate the connection, the intimacy, emotional and physical intimacy in their relationship. And what we've done is we've run over 12 editions of Elevate by now. And I don't know if you know, but Elevate is soon to be globally recognized and accredited by CPD, which is the world's largest body of coaching standards and largest regulatory body. So we're very excited because it shows you that, you know, you're not entering a container which is like a random TikTok newbie coach container. It's a very formal, established, recognized container where, you know, we have ethical coaching practices and we're at the top of our game in how we help our clients achieve success inside the program. So we are going to give you my Love Success Framework, whether you join the singles group or the relationships group, and it's basically a step curriculum, which when you follow, um, is the combination of strategy plus energy healing. And by combining these 2 elements, which is like, what do I say, what do I do, you know, how do I shift my mindset around this, how do I respond to this, and deeper stuff like, you know, how do I draw better boundaries, how do I speak up for myself, how do I stand up for myself, how do I not get so attached, how do I communicate more, you know, deeply with my partner to like invite him, uh, to open up more to me, or to, you know, make more love to me, you know, whatever it is that is your desire. So Elevate is 6 months long. We're starting the 13th edition on the 1st of April. Um, the doors are closing on 31st March and the price is rising back up to $8,888. Um, when you sign up right now, you can get in for $6,999, giving you massive savings that are so worth having, especially if you have been feeling called to Elevate. And what makes Elevate so unique is the fact that, you know, it's not just self-study material. So there's a lot of amazing video content for you to study and learn concepts and tools that you can apply. Um, and it's all very hands-on because we work with busy women. I'm a busy woman, I'm a mom, and I know that there's not like— you don't have all the time in the world to like go through hours and hours and hours of content. So we really just give you content that moves the needle for you and gets you results. And what you also get on top is weekly live coaching calls. So this is like the big benefit of being in Elevate where it's not just you who's doing the work, it's done with you. So we, myself and my coaches, we hover over the Facebook group, we hover over the live coaching calls like a drone. And we love, love, love supporting our clients. Like, my team and myself, we're so passionate about, you know, helping our clients get the best results. And I think, um, if you're the kind of woman who is, um, coachable— so it's important, um, I think it's important to emphasize that Elevate is not for everybody. So if you're somebody who doesn't believe in investing in yourself, if you're somebody who, who loves you know, Botox and fillers and handbags and shoes, but when it comes to Elevate and investing in yourself, you say it's too expensive. Um, I love you, no judgment here, but Elevate is not for you because it's really important that the people, the women who come inside Elevate, they believe in the power of coaching. They really are coachable, which means that you can take advice and you can implement it and you can run with it. And it's also for you if you like really ready, you know, like you're ready to face, you know, what you need to face in this aspect of your life. And you understand that your time is now. It's not six months down the line. It's not one year down the line. Like your time is now. Now is all we have. Like if we really understand the importance of you know our time, and there comes a time in life when you know time becomes the most important commodity we have. So if you're that person. Who, um, you know, understands the value of coaching, is coachable, and understands the value of her time, and understands that, that this is an investment in yourself, um, that will last you forever. So it's going to give you returns forever, for the rest of your life. Like, that is the kind of program, um, that, um, Elevate is. So if that's you, um, and you're, you know, ready to dive in, we invite you. There are amazing payment plans that are available. Um, there are, you know, if you need a payment plan that, you know, works for you, there is no problem with that. Um, of course, we cannot promise we will, you know, entertain every payment plan, but what we do promise is that we'll be happy to consider, um, what works for you in terms of a payment plan so that you can make this happen for yourself, because we do value your motivation and we don't believe that money should be the reason why a woman is not able to, you know, invest in herself. We also do not encourage investing in Elevate if you can't pay your rent, can't afford food. We truly believe that you should not be focusing on love coaching, but more on, you know, getting your life in a place where you feel safe, you know, having your needs met. So Elevate is not for everybody, but Elevate is a phenomenal container for the woman who is ready for her grand love story. And as you can see, the Love Success Framework inside Elevate has given our clients tremendous results, over 500 client engagements, hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of saved marriages, saved relationships. We truly believe here at Team Sami Wunder, together with Coach Natalie Dedmon and Coach Katrina Small, that Elevate is life-changing. And so if this container has been calling you, it's time to take action. There's not a lot of time left. If you still have questions, feel free to book a call. Um, on samiwunder.com/contact, or just shoot us an email at support@samiwunder.com. And if you know this is for you, if you're ready to do the work, then you're invited to book your spot. And I will be meeting both groups, singles and relationships, for the first call on 1st of April, so not far away. Okay, so wonderful meeting you all today. I hope you enjoyed it, and As on brand, on point, longer than 10 minutes for sure. But what a joy connecting with you all. Thank you so much for joining me. Have the best evening, morning, afternoon, wherever you are, and I will see you tomorrow. Bye from London.