Sami WunderCEO, Dating and Relationship Coach For Ambitious Women / 1200+ client success stories / Mum / Wife

DON'T be desperate & needy for him

13 Sept 2024 · 1 min

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In this short monologue, Sami Wunder advises that when a partner begins to put less effort into a relationship, the appropriate response is to also reduce one’s own effort and attention rather than intensifying pursuit. He explains that emotional reactions often lead people to chase the partner who is pulling away, which appears desperate and needy, ultimately diminishing personal power and attractiveness. The core message is to mirror the partner’s reduced engagement to maintain self‑respect and avoid appearing overly dependent on the man’s love.

Chapters

When somebody is reducing their effort in us, when somebody is reducing their effort in you, you should be reducing your effort in them. Whereas what happens is, because emotions are triggered, we start to behave in a contrary way. Instead of reducing our effort, reducing our attention, downgrading this person and their importance in our lives, we upgrade our effort and attention for them. It's like, you stopped pursuing me, so I'm going to work harder for you, pursue you so that you can choose me and love me again. There is nothing attractive, nothing powerful about this. It actually ends up making us look desperate and needy for a man's love.