In this solo coaching video, dating expert Sami Wunder explains how high‑achieving women should respond when a man who previously ghosted them reaches out again. She argues that a one‑size‑fits‑all reply is ineffective; instead, the response must match the intimacy level and emotional history with the man. Wunder outlines three distinct scenarios: (1) early dating – a light, low‑investment reply that signals low emotional stakes and invites the man to step up; (2) mid‑level/emotionally connected dating – a calm, vulnerable message that acknowledges the emotional impact of the withdrawal without blaming, fostering deeper connection; and (3) repeated yo‑yo behavior – a clear boundary‑setting statement that communicates a need for consistency and ends further engagement if the pattern persists. For each scenario she provides concrete script examples and explains the underlying psychology. She also cautions against using generic “pick‑up” scripts from social media, emphasizing the importance of tailoring communication to the specific relational context and maintaining self‑respect. The video concludes with a call to action for viewers to engage and a reminder that emotional honesty, balanced with self‑respect, is key to healthy relationship development.
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When a man comes back into your life, one of the worst things you can do is try to give a one-size-fits-all response. Because think about it, the response you should be giving should be dependent on the context you have with this person, and it should be dependent on how intimate or emotionally connected you have been with this man. So what most women do is either they are trying to play light, easy breezy, not show too much emotional investment, or they are being extremely emotionally heavy, extremely emotionally reactive, also pushing the guy away. So what you really need is to understand which frame are you in with a guy, which stage of intimacy and emotional bonding and connection are you with a man, and then of course, give a response that fits that stage in order to ensure that the connection keeps growing in a healthy way for you and for him. So what I'm going to do in this video is give you 3 scenarios: early dating, mid-level dating, and a long-term emotional context, and give you responses on what you can say that will meet your specific context. This is dating and relationship coach Sami Wunder. Make sure to give me a quick like on this video and hit subscribe to my channel. I help high-achieving, strong, successful women attract and create incredible love. So scenario number 1, this is an early dating scenario. In such a scenario, you haven't You haven't really been on many dates with this man. Let's say he's ghosted, he stopped replying to a text, he left you on read, he disappeared after a conversation or a promise of a date, and it's not more than a week's time, right? So it's still in that zone of, you know, I'm checking her out, I have a nice conversation with this woman, but I'm still not sure about her. And obviously, he's seeing other women, obviously, he's dating other people. And so in this early dating scenario— And this is the wrong way to respond when a guy comes back, a lot of women reveal a lot of emotional intensity. And you really don't want to say things like, oh, I'm so upset you ghosted me. Why did you disappear? Hey, by the way, I like consistency. Hey, stop playing games. Hey, you said we were going to meet. How come you disappeared? Now, this is where, if you're a truly high-value, self-regulated woman, you have to understand that most people are playing the field in early dating. Most men are speaking to multiple women. And ideally, you should also be speaking to other men so that you are not hyperfocused on this one person responding to you or picking up the chat messages with you. So if it's a low-investment early dating stage, what I recommend my Elevate clients to do is just be super light, easy breezy, soft. Just something like, hey, nice to hear from you, smiley. Now, why is this such a terrific response for early dating when a man comes back? It's because it reveals your low emotional investment as well, and it shows that you're not getting all hyped up and overexcited that he's messaged. You're also not utterly disappointed that he disappeared for a week or 3 days or 5 days. And you're also not trying hard to move the connection forward. And this is the thing you want to be careful about, because sometimes women will say, but Sami, that just tells him that he can go in and out as he likes. No, in early dating, he's not invested. He doesn't owe you anything. And all you need to make sure is that you don't step into masculine energy and start saying things like, so, When are we meeting next? Or what's the plan? Now, when you send a simple message like, hey, nice to hear from you, you are creating feminine space for him to step up his game. So if he is interested, not just curious, not just trying to get quick validation from you, but if he's interested, he's going to do something next. And that next thing should be an offer of a date, asking you how you are. And so you can then still stay leaned back and basically see what this guy is What you don't want to do is go heavy in this stage. Now, scenario number 2 is when there is context of more emotional connection, and men do tend to pull back, withdraw when feelings get real. Sometimes that stuff happens. It never happened, by the way, with Chris. He was always so consistent. So I truly believe that healthy men don't go in and out and don't disappear. But let's just say if a masculine, empowered man has Spent some time with you, got to know you, been on dates with you, and then he suddenly pulled back and you haven't heard from him for some time. Then when this person returns, when they send a text, when they call you, now you don't want to play easy breezy. Because if you play easy breezy, you are stopping the connection from developing emotionally. And I think it's so important, and this is where my advice is so special and cuts through the dating noise on TikTok and Instagram. Because I think if you really want have a real connection with a masculine man, you've got to be able to be vulnerable with your feelings, and you've got to reveal emotional impact. Because a lot of the times, you know, men are not malicious. They're not trying to ignore you or trying to withdraw from you. They're just dealing with their feelings for you in real time. And when a woman reveals the emotional impact a man's withdrawal has had on her, but she knows how to reveal it in a way that's inviting, and connection-focused versus complaining and blaming and scolding, that's when you actually let the connection deepen. And I know that for a fact, that every time I have felt disappointed in a connection, you know, with a male friend or even with a girlfriend, I don't gaslight myself. I don't play the cool girl. I respect my feelings, but I also make sure I am expressing myself in a way that the other person can hear. So in this scenario, let's say There is a context, there is emotional history. You did feel sad about the withdrawal. You didn't chase, but you felt sad about it. I would say something like, hey, it's nice to hear from you. And if I'm honest, I have felt a bit disconnected in our relationship or in our friendship or in our dynamic the last few weeks. Now, notice I give you different words. I say relationship, friendship, dynamic, because This is true for all healthy relationships, right? Like, this is not just true for men. This is true for your friendships. This is true for, you know, male friends, female friends. When you have an emotional connection with someone and then they disappear, you owe it to them to speak your truth and to reveal emotional impact. And then again, you don't want to chase, you don't want to scold, you just want to see how the person responds. And I promise you, if they're interested, if they feel the same way, they will make note of how this landed for you and try to do better next time. Now, the final scenario is when men keep coming in and out, which means this is not a first-time thing. So the second scenario is, this is a first-time thing, you know, he's withdrawn, you give him feedback on the impact it had on you, and then he steps up and does better. But the third scenario is when this man just keeps going in, Keeps coming out, keeps going in, keeps coming out. You've tried to be light, you've tried to express emotional impact, but the pattern never changes. Now, in this scenario, you don't want to play cool girl, and you definitely don't want to keep writing paragraphs explaining your feelings. So what is the best thing to say when a man comes back after having done the yo-yo on you? It is to just say, Hey, I enjoyed our connection, but I'm looking for a more Consistent dynamic at this point. And that's it. Stop talking. Stop engaging. Stop giving emotional energy and access to such a person, especially after you have expressed your standard, you have shown up with self-respect, you have revealed vulnerability, and you have revealed emotional impact. Now, those are my 3 scripts for how to deal with a man who returns And also, the most important thing to remember is never use picked-up scripts from Instagram Reels and TikTok. If you're building a real connection, you really want to make sure that you are talking to the person by respecting the emotional history and context you have with that person. And remember, if this was helpful, hit like, hit subscribe, and drop your comments below on what is the most frequent situation out of these 3 scenarios that you are facing with men right now. I want to finish this video by saying connection deepens through emotional honesty. You don't want to stay superficial, but you also don't want to over-effort. The right balance is knowing when to express yourself, when to reveal vulnerability, but also notice how that vulnerability is being handled, which will tell you whether you should go deeper into that connection or you should withdraw access. I'll see you on the next video. Lots of love.
