In this video, dating coach Sami Wunder walks through a case study of a client, "Amanda," whose boyfriend asked for a break after two months of dating. Sami first outlines the common, counterproductive reactions women have in this situation—breaking down, begging, trying to coach or convince the man, judging, or blaming. She frames these responses as masculine or low‑value energy. She then prescribes a high‑value, feminine‑energy approach: (1) give the man the space he asks for without protest, (2) practice self‑love and allow oneself to fully feel the resulting emotions, and (3) create additional dating options (return to Bumble, Hinge, The League) to reinforce that the woman is the prize. Sami emphasizes that love should be sourced from within, not from a partner, and that surrendering to one’s feelings is a core feminine‑energy practice. Amanda follows the plan, experiences a wave of emotions, but ultimately re‑engages with online dating, feels empowered, and the man returns, apologizing and committing to a relationship that has now lasted over a year. The video concludes with Sami celebrating the transformation and reinforcing the principle that when a woman turns inward and nurtures herself, men are drawn back.
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This is Sami Wunder, dating and relationship expert. I'm going to be talking about how we helped my client— let's call her Amanda— to navigate a situation where she was seeing this guy for over 2 months, and then suddenly he wanted a break and some space because he said he had things come up in his life due to which he couldn't give her the attention and the commitment she wanted. Step #1 is to understand what not to do. Most women will react by either breaking down— breaking down means when a guy gives you that kind of information, all your energy just leaves your body, and you stand there, and you feel like crap, and you could cry, or you could just appear really fragile and break down in front of him. Number 2 is, a lot of women tend to beg. I know that's not a nice word, but in the Wunderworld, we teach our clients to never, ever, ever beg a man for anything. And yet, it can be so innocent in that moment, because you feel like you like this person, this person likes you, and it would just be so easy in that moment to just make them stay somehow, and convince them that, you know, we can get through this, and what fears are you getting? So we can get into this begging space, or even this coaching space, where we feel like a man is coming up against his fears, a man is hitting against his commitment issues, a man may be hitting against his own intimacy fears, and we might find ourselves in that space of either breaking down, being very fragile, fragile, which we don't want to do, or we can find ourselves in that space of begging a guy and wanting to coach the guy, right? Like, coach him through his fears. And then women get into this convincing energy where they're like, you know, let's talk about it. What do you think is happening? Are you afraid because your job situation is not sure? Or are you afraid that we haven't lived together and that is why You are unsure if we're going to be able to make it or not. So many women get into that coaching space, right? And coaching is hardcore masculine energy. What I'm doing right now here, teaching, coaching, this is masculine energy. And every time you coach men this way, what do they want to do? They want to run away in the opposite direction at double the speed at which they wanted to leave Firstly, okay? So we don't want to beg. We don't want to coach. We don't want to convince. Yeah, and we don't want to break down, and we don't want to look fragile. And last but not the least, we also don't want to blame the guy. But sometimes I see women judging men here. You know, like oh, he's a low-value man. Oh, he doesn't even want to commit. Let him go. He's a douchebag. I find this sad because I believe every man or woman has their own insecurities and has their own imperfections. Just like I teach my clients that their imperfections don't make them a douchebag or don't make them any less than an amazing girl who deserves amazing love in her life, it's the same for the guys. They're not perfect. They have their insecurities. They have their fears. But it doesn't make them douchebags. It doesn't make them beta men or deserving of judgment, if you know what I mean. Anyway, judgment is hardcore masculine energy, so we don't want to go there. We don't want to go into judgment mode. The 3rd thing we don't want to do is blame guys. You don't want to do punitive behaviors. You don't want to do doormatty behaviors. You want to do high-value behaviors. For example, in the Inner Circle, when we talk In our course, we teach Feminine Energy Communication. We show you how women are almost always in these 3 spaces, where they're either being punishing and blaming, or they're being really low-value and doormatty. We give you really live demonstrations on how high-value Feminine Energy responses would look like in this situation. Number 2, now that we know what not to do, here's what we asked Amanda to do. Okay? So I asked Amanda to pick up the phone and to say, you know what? You need space? Take the space you need. Okay? She was like, really, Sami? Should we just give him the space? I was like, yeah, because you can't twist and turn a man's neck into committing to you. You can't force a man to commit to you. You can't talk a man into wanting you and committing to you. It must come from inside himself. That's the space that, when a man makes his decision to be with you all by himself, not convinced by you, not coddled by you, and cajoled by you, and pushed by you, and manipulated by you, that's when you have real power in a man's life. I know till today, my husband, he really values the fact that he was chasing me, he was pursuing me, that I was the decision he wanted to take to marry. As much as I wanted things to work out between the two of us, he was always in the lead when it came to defining the decisions for us. That is what Feminine Energy is, because otherwise, if we are pushing and trying to convince a man to be with us, we're in hardcore Masculine Energy, and that's not the work we do here. I told Amanda to say, Okay, go and take the time you need. And he said, Really? You don't have a problem with that? She said, No. Now, of course, she didn't tell him she's going to open up her options. She didn't tell him she's going to go back on Bumble and Hinge and Delete. But that's what I made her do. And she was very happy to do that. But on the surface, when he said he wanted a break and when he said he wanted to step away and wanted some space, she was like, fine, sure, go take your space. I think women don't understand often the power of how much it means to men to experience a woman who will not chase him, who will not run behind him, who will not force or push herself on him. But at the same time, she's empowered. She's coming from that self-loving space. So step number 3, what we did with Amanda was, when she came to me, I said, girl, you're going back on online dating websites. And she said she wanted to throw up. She didn't want to do it. And I said, I totally get it. We're going to wait for a week till you feel better. And then we're going to do the self-loving thing, which is we're going to go back online and we're going to create more options for you so that you remember that you're a You're the prize in love, and you're the desirable creature. And that if not this man, there's always another better man, you know. And it was still hard for her. And here's what happened the next day. Okay, so the next day she writes to me that she was feeling better the other day, more in control. But today, the next day, she felt like the world was falling apart, and she felt like she just wanted to cry the whole day. Okay. And she felt all kinds of things. She felt abandoned. She felt like her past was repeating, and she— her heart hurt, you know. And it was very normal if you've spent a decent amount of time with a guy and you've started to connect. If you don't feel hurt, it would be abnormal, right? So I assured her what she was feeling was normal. And then here's what I did: I reminded her that just because The man had left, it did not mean that love had to leave her life. I reminded her that in Feminine Energy, we are always the source of love in our lives, and that there is no man out there who is supposed to be the source of love in our lives. Yeah. That was a powerful realization for her. We said that she's just going to sit with her feelings, which is what Feminine Energy is about, and she's going to look after herself. She's going to allow herself to feel whatever she's feeling and give herself permission to feel those feelings. That's what surrender, true Feminine Energy surrender, is all about. Right. Which is, I give myself permission to fully feel what I'm feeling and be okay with that, and know that there is love always available to me, right? Not in the form of a man, but in the form of myself being there for me, that I am the source of the love that I seek, always. Long story short, Amanda could really turn around the energy she had around this man. She really was able to implement the work in terms of being the source of her own love in life. And she put herself back on Bumble. She put herself back on Bumble, she put herself back on Hinge, and put herself back on The League. And she started to enjoy it. So many men started to flow in again, and she was once again reminded that she's always got the power, she's always the prize in the world of men. Then guess what happened? I think you girls are smart enough to understand. When a woman shifts her focus back on herself, the men come back. This happens all the time. It gives my clients chills, but I can almost laugh and smile about it now, because I just know that when a woman's energy turns around and turns inward towards self-nourishment and looking after herself and loving herself, Versus over-obsessing with a guy, or even trying to run away from her painful feelings, magic happens. And so this guy calls up her again and tells her that he's been a total a-hole. He'd like to apologize, and he couldn't believe that he was letting such a gem go away from his life, and that he's 100% committed, and he would like to meet, and they would like to talk about you know how this is going to grow. And go further. And then she met him, and he asked her to be his girlfriend. She's not looking for marriage, and she's very, very happy being in a committed, exclusive relationship for some time. And so that was the healthy story. Amanda has healthy, happy love story. Amanda has since then been in a relationship with this man. I think it's been almost one and a half years, and. It's just such a joy for me to watch my clients' lives transform and turn around by doing the inner work. Okay, sending a lot of love. Bye-bye.
