In this first‑person testimonial, a 42‑year‑old divorced single mother from London who works in digital media describes how she entered the Sami Wunder Elevate program after a painful post‑divorce dating experience in which she was ghosted by a man she thought was “the one.” She explains that her default, masculine “doing” mindset—controlling, decision‑making, and rushing—had carried over into dating, leading to frustration and a sense of being out‑of‑depth with modern online dating. After a friend’s recommendation, she joined Elevate four weeks late. The initial coaching call highlighted her over‑focus on doing versus being, which became a catalyst for change. The program’s three core pillars—deep inner work on limiting beliefs and childhood patterns, a “demystifying men” module that taught her how male psychology differs, and a supportive international community of women—are detailed. She recounts the vulnerability of confronting core beliefs, re‑evaluating her wish list for a partner, and gaining empowerment from understanding men’s timelines. The community’s peer‑to‑peer learning and cheerleading are praised. As a result, she now dates exclusively with a new partner for four months, feeling present, relaxed, and free from the urge to map out the future. She attributes this shift to moving from a “doing” to a “being” mindset, and highly recommends the Elevate program.
Chapters
Hi, I am a Sami Wunder client from the United Kingdom living in London. I work in digital media, I run a business, I help run my family's business. I have a 5-year-old son and I'm a divorced single parent. And like many who come to the Sami Wunder community, I'm, you know, a hard-working professional, I run a home, I have lots of different sort of professional responsibilities, and it means that I am the one that's usually in control and making the decisions. And kind of without realizing it, I took this approach to dating when I started to dip my toe back into the water after a divorce. I had quite a long period after I got divorced, actually. It was a fairly— as divorces often tend to be, it was fairly brutal, fairly bruising. I took quite a few years off just to kind of heal and also look after a very small child. And when I re-entered the dating world, I realized that I was kind of out of my depth. First of all, the world had moved on, so apps and online dating didn't really exist the last time I was single. But also, I felt like I was sort of taking the approach to dating that I take to the approach to everything else I do in life, where I'm making decisions, I'm in control, I'm trying to hurry things along. And really, it was after seeing somebody for not that long a time actually, but I really invested in him with my feelings after, you know, almost a couple of dates and thought he was the perfect one for me and I was perfect for him. And then after sort of, you know, a couple of months, I got the classic, I'm just not sure I'm looking for anything serious right now. And it was a real blow because I didn't understand what I'd done wrong. You know, I was organising some of the dates, I was paying for half, or I was picking up the bill, I was texting him. And like I said, I was treating him and treating dating like I treat everything else in my life, which is being very masculine and very in control. And I kind of knew that there was wasn't the right thing to be doing. And it was a friend of mine who actually knew Sami Wunder. I have to be honest, I'd never heard of her work or heard of her, but she mentioned— because I was at a really low ebb— and she mentioned Sami to me, and I found some social media stuff and a few Facebook posts, and within 48 hours I was a client and part of the Elevate community, and I really haven't looked back since. And funnily enough, kind of an anecdote to show how sort of masculine and in like the doing energy I always used to be, I joined the last round of Elevate a month after it had started, so 4 weeks behind everybody else. On my first coaching call, I remember I was there with my pen and paper saying, right, what have I missed? Catch me up. What do I need to know? What are the 3 things I need to do immediately? How do I catch up with everybody else? And in the nicest possible way, in a very loving way, the coaches sort of laughed at me in a lovely way and just said, therein lies the problem. As a person, I'm so focused on the doing and not focused enough on the being. And this for me has been really transformational in terms of how I now not just approach dating, but how I approach life, which is very much about being able to just sit in the present and not do all the time, not be on the go all the time, and just savor and appreciate what is going on around me and know that kind of everything is gonna work out. And it's very difficult to describe kind of how I got to that place because there's so much rich content and tools and workflows that we go through as part of Elevate. But the first part of the program is really focused on kind of that inner work, so really going deep into your core beliefs. That might be examining limiting beliefs that you might have, behavior patterns that were maybe established by childhood. And I kind of thought, well, I know all this. Like, I'm 42 years old, I know what limiting beliefs are, I know what thought patterns might be damaging, I know what I want. But actually taking that almost luxurious amount of time to really just sit with yourself, and it's, you know, I will be honest, um, you have to go to quite deep vulnerable places, raw places. You feel quite exposed sometimes. You're so protected in the community, but you know, you really have to look inwards to establish some of the things that have been holding you back and also working out what you need versus what you want. I kind of, you know, for my next romantic partner, I thought I had a wish list of these things, and when I looked at it, it was sort of like, is this really what I need? And do those things at the top of the list, which seem now looking back quite superficial things, are they really what I need in my next partner? So I think, you know, that really, really helped. Just in terms of like focusing and getting you onto the set and onto a— into a state where you were then in a sort of a healthy, healthy place where you could then sort of go out into the world and try and find your love match. That was really sort of groundbreaking and eye-opening for me. Another thing I loved as part of the program, and I'm sure loads of us will say that as well, is kind of the demystifying men's section, which comes towards the end. Just having this like newfound knowledge of like the male mind and how it works, um, it's just been so liberating. Um, it feels such a relief to know that, you know, these, I don't know, really crazy thought patterns that you might be having as a woman, um, they're just not happening for a man. They work on a completely different set of like timelines and, um, you know, they're— yeah, they— it's, it's completely different, like the completely different species and And just having that knowledge has been really empowering. It's just allowed me to, I guess, just relax into the process and not to overthink things. And then I guess the third thing, and everybody will mention this who's been part of the Sami Wunder Elevate programme, is the community. It's a forum of a rich tapestry of women from all over the world, different backgrounds, different experiences, different ambitions, different goals. Like, we all want something slightly different from, from this work that we're doing with Sami. It doesn't always look exactly the same for everybody. But as well as being like genuine, genuine cheerleaders for each other, um, we also are able to share loads of experiences and tips and, and like practical things, which is a do what I love. The coaches are obviously masters in this, but just through our own experiences, we actually become like experts ourselves, and we help each other out a lot. And it's a really, really beautiful thing. And so, um, you might be interested to hear where I am at the moment. So I am dating somebody, um, exclusively, and he's great. Um, it's early dating— well, in Sami Wunder's world, it's early dating. It's about 4 months. For me, in my previous pre-Sami Wunder life, that would have been a long-term relationship, but it's 4 months. So in Sami Wunder's timeline, it's still relatively early on in the dating process. Things are going great, um, and I'm very happy, but, you know, I'm not projecting onto the future. I'm just super present and comfortable in where I am. And so I would not be in this headspace had I not done all of this work before. I would have been trying to hurry him along, get an idea on where things were going. I'd have got the whole next 5 to 10 years of our lives mapped out. None of that has happened, and it just feels— I've said this word a few times now, but just hugely liberating. It feels like a ton has been lifted from my shoulders. So I really can't recommend this work highly enough, um, and I know that if you jump in like I did, you won't regret it.
