How To Balance Career And Relationships

Hello and welcome, my loves. In this episode of Ask Sami, we're talking about how you can balance your work life and at the same time have a fulfilling private life/relationship/love life. Now, if you are a modern-day successful woman, I can bet my bottom dollar that there's been at least one point in your life where you've thought that it's not possible to have it all. It's not possible to have amazing career success and at the same time have time for dating, for making time to go on online dating apps if you're single, or if you're in a relationship, you may have thought that it's not possible to get the promotions in your company, in your career, and at the same time be able to spend quality time with your partner. This struggle for time management and balancing is real, and I am here in this video to give you my top 6 tips on how I make it happen and how you too can make it happen. My name is Sami Wunder. For those of you who are getting to know me for the first time, I am an international love, dating, and relationship expert, and my specialization lies in supporting badass entrepreneurs, attorneys, bankers, successful women on this planet who are looking to crack the code to their love lives and bring in that amazing, deeply connected, intimate relationship. Now, as I As I said, the struggle for work-life and private life balance is real, and I am no stranger to those struggles personally as well. In fact, I still remember the time when I was just starting to build my company and Aaron was a few months old. I was breastfeeding him and quite literally answering client emails. And I dread thinking about those days, and I'm glad things are better now. But I can tell you that as a successful woman today who runs a 7-figure company, serves amazing women like yourself across 30 countries of the globe, manages a team, is a wife, is a mother of a hyperactive 3-year-old, is a daughter, is a sister, you know, so many times I have thought that it's best to just give up and throw the towel because it's not possible to have it all. It's not possible to be able to do it all. And if you've been in the Wunderworld for some time, you know that I will never allow myself to believe in that kind of BS for more than just a minute. And neither will I allow or let my clients settle for anything less than having it all, because we are meant to have it all. We are meant to, you know, have career success and also be able to have an amazing relationship. And there are so many amazing role models out there, whether you look at Beyoncé or you look at so many— Sheryl Sandberg, so many amazing women who are our modern-day icons of women empowerment, who show you so beautifully that it is possible to have it all. What it comes down to at the end of the day is being able to have the right skills to manage our time and to be able to really understand what our priorities are. So let's get started with how you can use these following 6 steps to find balance in your work life and make time for your love life, which is really important, come to think of it. All right. So tip number 1, set your priorities right. So many times I see many high-achieving clients of mine working overtime or giving a disproportionate amount of their time and attention to their work. Now, this is most often subconscious because work is important, work helps us feel good about ourselves, we can achieve fast, we can feel important. But very often when we work so much and give so much of our time and attention to building our businesses or working for our companies, our love lives get neglected. This is regardless of your relationship status, whether you are single or you are in a relationship. So what I ask my clients to do is to really sit down and chalk out your priorities and ask yourself, what is really important to you? Because what is important to you is what you will always make time for. And when I ask my clients to do this little exercise, which I'm going to be sharing with you now, which is basically asking yourself at the end of your life— and I know this sounds a bit dramatic, but it's really powerful— at the end of your life, imagine yourself on your dying bed. Oh my God. What are you going to regret? What are you going to miss? What are you going to feel like you did not do and you wish you had done? Would you be saying, I wish I had signed up one more client. I wish I had spent that weekend at my company and done more overtime work and got praised by my boss. Would you be really saying that? For most women, the answer is no. What we mostly crave is personal relationships, personal connections, children, having a partner, having a loved one, and having that sense of safety and belonging and connection. That is what our personal relationships provide. So what this exercise shows for most of my private clients is that their love life and having that amazing relationship or that partner or being able to spend time with their children is so important. It's what they live for. It's what they work for. It's what they make the money for. And yet, because we just go through life and go through the hamster wheel so many times, we can neglect that aspect of our life and just work, work, work. So set your priorities right. If you're anything like me, you value home life, you value private life, you value love, and you've got to make time for what is important. So this is the first really important tip that I have to give to you. What are your priorities? Define them. Number 2 tip on work-life balance is to set boundaries. Now, I work with very high-achieving women, which means that I work with the top 5% of the female population that is well-educated and is ambitious and is career-oriented. And what I have learned being a successful woman myself and I know it's a tightrope, is that I have to strengthen my boundaries and learn to say no and behave like the top 5%. The 95% of the women population will not be behaving. What I'm trying to say here is that the majority of women are afraid to draw boundaries. The majority of us are afraid to say no, and me included. I mean, it's an evolution. It's not about perfection. It is hard to say no when your biggest client is messaging you at 10 o'clock at night. It is hard to say no. It is hard to say no when your boss expects you to stay back and just work a few hours extra for that deal that is important for him. It is hard to say no. And yet, if we do not learn to say no and say it often enough, we will find ourselves often drowning in the overwhelm of the demands of what others want from us. And this extends way beyond work life. This also extends to our families and what they want from us, time with our friends, time from our children. So everybody has demands out of you. And unless and until you get really comfortable saying, no, sorry, I can't make it tonight. Sorry, I'm happy to come back to this after the weekend, but I need the weekend to myself. Sorry, I'm going to be leaving work at 6 PM. Unless and until you train yourself to say no, this work-life-private-life balance can be pretty elusive. It is not easy, but it is simple to draw boundaries. Once you train yourself, and this is something I help my clients do, once you really train yourself to be unapologetic around your boundaries, people listen to you. People respect you. People honor your time. People understand that you're not a woman who will stay back in office after 6 PM. 6 PM. People get it. So, but we have to be the ones who are first setting those standards for ourselves and for how we want to be treated by others. Now, tip number 3 is making intentional time for your love life. Now, here in the Wunderworld, because I work with very high-achieving women, here's what I tell them: if it's not on your phone, it's not happening. So just like you put your important client appointments on your phone, you put your all that you want to achieve in your work life, your meetings on your phone. Similarly, that is the kind of intentional energy you want to be able to give your love life. Now, that means you want to be able to block time for love. That's why I call it intentionally making time. Time is just not going to appear. Time and space for your private life doesn't just magically appear in your life. You have to intentionally make it. And that is what this tip number 3 is about. It's about blocking time on your phone. So if you're single, set apart 2 nights for dates. If you get asked out on dates, awesome, go on them. If you don't have a date for that evening, use that time for you. Use that time for self-care, which is actually my next tip, which I will be coming to in a moment. Now, if you are in a relationship and you are married or you have a partner, And he is ambitious and driven, just like you are. What I recommend in this scenario is to make time for magical dates, quality time. So this is where you and your partner can, maybe if kids are involved, arrange a babysitter. This is what Chris and I do quite intentionally. We have our days which are planned in our calendar, where the babysitter comes, takes care of Aaron, and Chris and I go out. And it is So easy, ladies, to neglect this. I can tell you for myself, especially as an entrepreneur, it's so easy to just get drawn into your laptop or do a little more for work, but that has a bad impact, a negative impact on your relationship and your private life. Striking balance is really about always remembering that work, money, success is important, But what is equally important is your relationship connection, a space where your heart feels safe, you know, making love, feeling cherished, laughing, being present with your partner. All of that is equally valuable, if not more valuable. Now, tip number 4 is practice self-care. Just what I mentioned in point number 3. Why practice self-care? Practice self-care is because I see so many women who are very smart, very successful. They are not making intentional time for themselves, which means that they often are tired, sleepless, exhausted, overworking. If you are single, of course, this adversely impacts your capacity to date in Diva Energy, which is what I teach. It's hard to show up in your power and your joy in your feminine allure and magnetism. If you are tired, sleepless, you are not taking care of your skin, your hair, your body, not making time to go to the gym. And if you are in a relationship, you already have a partner, you're not showing up as the best version of yourself. So most likely, when self-care is suffering, arguments increase, sense of resentment in the relationship increases, your overall vibe and mood and energy in the relationship goes down. And I know for myself because I don't like to play Miss Perfect. I actually believe that my clients learn way more and benefit way more when I show them my struggles and I show them how I overcome them. So this tip is so deeply tied with tip number 3, which is make intentional time for your love life and make intentional time for self-care. And this is all about understanding that you can make millions and you can work You can be an excellent worker, but if you're tired, exhausted, feeling like crap, it's worth not much. It's really not worth much. And I want to say this again, it's not worth it. The money, the success is not worth it if you don't have the energy, the presence, the joy in your heart to be able to enjoy all that success that you're creating, which is what I see for so many of my clients. And it was very honestly this way for me at the start of my company because I started my company when I was pregnant with Aaron, and then very quickly Aaron came. And whoa, you know, a breastfeeding mother in a new company. It was quite a ride for me at the start. And then I realized, you know, as the company doubled in revenues and now, you know, we're a 7-figure company, I realized that the single biggest resource in my life is myself. And if I am dragging myself down, overworking, you know, not getting enough sleep, not honoring my boundaries with my clients, then firstly, I am not walking my talk, which is self-love. And secondly, it's going to impact my success because, you know, I am the biggest resource. And if I am tired and I'm exhausted, it doesn't help anyone. So this is why I am so grateful that I could implement these tips that I'm now sharing with you in my life, because they have made the biggest, hugest difference. You know, I do not push myself anymore. I really take good care of myself for most of the part. Of course, every time when Aaron falls sick and, you know, our babysitter drops out on us, or, you know, the— this— there is not enough support, of course things You know, there are imperfect days, but for the most part, I would say that I lead a life of ease and non-pressure. And it's all thanks to these tips, and it's all thanks to these internal realizations that, you know, success and money and achieving is great. We absolutely love our potential and what's possible for us, but we never want to go there at the cost of feeling not feeling good or at the cost of pushing and pressurizing. So self-care is that important relationship with yourself element. And honestly, it extends way beyond, um, painting your toenails and getting a manicure. I think it's so much about, you know, having the time to journal. So I journal, I meditate, I wake up early in the morning every day, and I, you know, make that space and time for myself because I know it's, it's, it's demanding. It's demanding to be a CEO. It's demanding to, you know, be a leader. It's demanding to manage a team of people and keep them motivated. And I deserve to spend that time with me and for me. So really block that time for self-care. Get up, have a morning ritual, you know, take those 15 minutes, do your journaling, Write a gratitude journal, write what your goals for the day are, write and remind yourself that you are enough. Meditate, hydrate, take your supplements. Really, you know, take care of yourself because how you show up and how you show up for your relationship, your man, your partner, or when you're going on dates has so much to do with how you are nourishing yourself every single day. Now, tip number 5 is to go device-free in private life. This was huge for me, and this was really challenging, if I'm honest, at the start, because those notifications can be so addictive. You know, when you see the excitement of a new client signing up, or people, so many people buying the audio programs from samiwunder.com website, it's very tempting to just go and check Right? Go check Facebook. Go check YouTube. But what I started to realize very quickly was that this was this usage of the phone and laptop and computers into my private life and in my married life was really taking away my presence quotient with my husband. So he would be talking to me or saying something to me, and suddenly ding ding sale notification. Someone bought your program, and like whoa yay! And then I check who bought it. Of course, this was way back in 2015, 2016, but this was really starting to impact our relationship because I could see that it's so easy to get distracted, not listen to your partner, not be present with him, and just keep picking up the phone. Chris and I, my husband and I, we actually made a no Devices after 7:30 p.m. policy. I have a lot of clients from the United States, and I am based in Europe. So even though I wanted to put an early curfew, like I wanted to say 5 p.m. onwards phone free time in our relationship, I thought that was a little unrealistic and impractical because I have so many clients from the United States, and that's when the U.S. wakes up and starts messaging me. And you know my clients. Start emailing me. So we agreed on 7:30 PM, and it is still a challenge, but at least there is an intention and we are aware of it. So sometimes I do have to pick up the phone after 7:30 PM, but for the most part, I try to stick with these boundaries. And it has made a world of difference because it's not just for me, it's also for Chris— the same rules that he doesn't check his emails and he And, you know, he also has a really dynamic and demanding job. So this has really helped us to not only get good sleep and not be so overstimulated before we go to bed at night, but to really have present time for each other, like really be there, really listen, really engage. Or for me as a mom, it's also about just being able to engage with my child without, you know, picking up my phone and scrolling. Now, if you're single, what this would look like for you is, at one level, self-care means not getting on your devices when it's time to sleep. So, at least an hour before, put your phone away, put your laptop away. Instead, listen on your iPod to a meditation, something calming down, something non-stimulating. But also, for your dates, I find it incredibly rude when women or men go on dates and they're busy with their phone, they're busy checking their phone, or they're getting up constantly because calls are coming in. It's so rude and so disrespectful for the person sitting right in front of you. So really, just going device-free in your private time as much as you can is such a huge, huge and powerful way of shifting your focus from your work life to your private life and giving your private life the respect and the attention and the energy it deserves. And last but not the least, we are talking about practicing saying no more. So what are you saying no more to? Just the other day, I had an amazing client of mine who signed up for the Inner Circle group coaching program, and she wrote to me saying, I'm in tears right now. It's been 4 months and I have been so busy at work, Sami. I have been able to even get inside the portal and, you know, look at the videos, and I'm hating myself for it right now. And then we got on a call and we spoke about it because honestly, you know, you can't change your life by repeating the same decisions again and again and again. So you have to learn to make new choices. You have to learn to say no to this anymore. So It really requires you as a woman to say, okay, no more neglecting my private life. No more am I available just for work. No more am I going to ignore the courses and the content I have bought and downloaded and I'm still not doing. So you really need to start saying, no more. And it's a decision. It's a decision that comes, that makes— that is the game changer. So I can give you a few examples. By myself, I realized that I was getting a lot of messages on Facebook and it was very hard for me to, you know, answer all the messages or take up all the client booking call requests that were coming in. And it was really impacting my private life because the more messages I had and the more client questions I had or the more client emails I had, the more I had to work to make it happen. So I said, no more to this, no more. I'm going to hire, I'm going to delegate. So I actually have a social media manager now who receives these requests, qualifies them, makes sure that if I am spending time talking to someone, it's someone really motivated. It's a woman who is ready, who is confident that she wants to move ahead in her love life. And so I delegated and I hired, because otherwise, if I kept engaging with the increasing amount of workload, it was having a bad effect on my private life. And so really ask yourself what you want to say no more to. No more this, right? Where do you need to hire and delegate? And not everybody is a CEO or an entrepreneur. Not everybody has this amount of workload, but you could see what aspects of your life you could easily delegate out. Maybe you could hire a home cleaner. That's That frees up time for you. Maybe you can hire, you know, a babysitter. That frees up some time for you. And for those of us who say, you know, oh my God, you know, yeah, financially also, you know, it can be a challenge to hire this kind of support. I get it. Then go ask your friends, you know, go ask your friends if they can, you know, take care of the kids for a little while on a given day each week. Go ask your friends, you know, if they— if you can, you know, do a tandem, you know, give and take. I watch the kids this week, You watch the kids next week. Basically, what I'm trying to say here is that there's always a solution. There is absolutely no reason why you should be compromising on your desire to have both career success, to be able to explore your potential at work, to be able to achieve all that you desire to achieve, and at the same time, be able to take care of yourself, have that amazing love life. had that amazing relationship in your life. It's possible, and the only thing it requires from you is, number one, not to make any excuses. Don't make less time as an excuse, because everyone on this planet has the same amount of time, whether it's the Chancellor of Germany or it's a Hollywood celebrity. We all have the same amount of time, right? So don't make time as an excuse. Be solution-oriented. I know so many of my single mom clients with 2 kids, 3 kids sometimes, who have attracted amazing men while having really responsible jobs, working for Google, Accenture in New York, Manhattan. I know these women. These are my clients. Once they shifted their story, once they stopped giving excuses of why it's hard, why it's not possible, everything shifted for them because then they became solution-oriented. They were like, okay, compromising on my dreams is not an option. So, I need to figure this out. This is where you need to use your empowered masculine energy to put those, you know, to discipline yourself, to block time on your phone, to actually make it happen for yourself. These are my 6 tips, ladies. I hope they were helpful. For me personally, drawing my boundaries, realizing my private life, my time with my child, with my husband, husband, is my friends, my friendships, taking care of myself. All of this is equally important. And yes, I do feel very passionate about spreading my message. I do feel very passionate about spreading the Wunder Work in the world and having 1,000 engagements and happily ever afters. But I know that I want to do it from a place of Power, ease, and joy, and not from a place of stress, pushing, and overgiving. And I know you can do the same. I hope this was helpful. Please subscribe to this YouTube channel and make sure you have left a comment. I hope this was helpful. If you have any questions, please feel free to comment. I love you and take care. Bye-bye. Bye-bye.