How To Deal With A Passive-Aggressive Man?
In this YouTube video, relationship coach Sami Wunder addresses women who are dealing with passive‑aggressive behavior from their male partners. She begins by defining passive‑aggressive communication as indirect aggression that avoids direct confrontation, then lists common manifestations such as sarcasm, taunting, sulking, dragging noises, nitpicking, and criticism. Wunder explains that the root cause is often a lack of emotional safety: men feel unsafe to express displeasure because they fear a hostile reaction, so resentment builds and surfaces as passive‑aggressive tactics. She emphasizes that this behavior erodes respect, attraction, and can evolve into emotional abuse. The core coaching advice is two‑fold: (1) do not engage with the content of the partner’s digs, and (2) address how the partner is speaking, setting boundaries around respectful communication. She provides concrete phrasing examples (e.g., “I’m happy to hear what you’re angry about, but can we talk when you’re in a better mood?”). Throughout, she ties the discussion to her Elevate Inner Circle program—a 4‑month live coaching cohort for women (both single and partnered) that focuses on emotional safety, empowered vs. wounded energy, and practical relationship skills. The video also includes promotional details: enrollment numbers, pricing, payment plans, comparison with her self‑study “Leap Into Love” program, and a limited‑time 24‑hour offer for a private strategy session. The overall message is that women can reclaim respect and safety by shifting focus from the partner’s content to the manner of delivery, while also investing in personal growth through her coaching community.
Chapters
Hey, Divas! This video is all about understanding what you can do when your man is displaying passive-aggressive behavior. So what do we do when we have our partner expressing his anger, his frustration, his irritability, his resentment in the relationship by being passive-aggressive towards us? So, If you're a woman who is in a relationship, or you are married, and you are finding that your man is dumping his frustration on you by means of passing sarcastic comments and remarks, or maybe he's just acting really sulky around you and has a bad mood around you all the time, or maybe when you make a simple request to him, he goes, He pulls on a full-blown, oh, ooh. He makes those kind of dragging noises. Or maybe he's just acting really critical around you and can't wait to pick on you and pick on every little mistake that you're making in the relationship. So if you're in a situation like this, this video is going to help you so much. And what I would love from everyone watching this, whether you're joining live or on replay, is to give me a hint that you're here by just doing 2 quick actions. One is to like the video, and the other one is to say hi in the comments and let me know where you're joining us from. All right, my loves. So what do we do about passive-aggressive communication in our relationships? And I'm pulling this right out of my Inner Circle for Women in Relationships curriculum. So those of you who are looking forward to joining us, this is a taster of what awaits you inside, but just a very little taster. All right. What I'm going to do is answer the following questions. What is passive-aggressive behavior or communication in a relationship? Number 2, what does it look like? Number 3 is, why does it happen? So why does an otherwise loving, healthy man start to get passive-aggressive in the relationship? Number 4, we're going to talk about how do you deal with it? What is the Sami Wunder way of dealing with it? Because, of course, there's so much input on psychology and in different books, and so many people saying, this is my take on this. So I'm just going to give you my spin on passive-aggressive behavior. And last but not the least, this is also going to be a quick reminder that for those of you who would like to join us for Elevate Inner Circle coaching for the next 4 months, my Elevate Inner Circle program is currently open. We have 37 women who are already in and who will be doing the program with us from October to February 2021. So if it's calling you, now is a great time to get in touch with us, book a call, or write an email to support@samiwunder.com. All right, so let's get started. What is passive-aggressive behavior? So passive-aggressive behavior is, or communication is exactly that. It's self-explanatory. It's passive, which means it's not directly confrontational, and it's aggressive, which means that there is still a level of aggression in it, and you can feel the energy of the person who is doing passive-aggressive behavior towards you. What does it look like? That's passive-aggressive. It basically avoids confrontation, which is head-on. It avoids talking in an upfront manner about the problem that is at hand, and it is still an aggressive energy, right? Like, it is still— you feel that the other person, there's something going on with them, even though they're not saying it. So that's passive-aggressive. How can you identify it? Well, you can identify it when there is no complaint, no issue at hand that your partner is saying he he is unhappy about. But at the same time, you are feeling like, you know, something is wrong, something is off. He has something on his heart which he is not communicating towards you. Okay, so it looks like sarcasm. It's a big one. That's why I'm so low on sarcasm, because I believe it's one of the weakest and poorest forms of communication. And it is basically used when somebody wants to make a point, but without having to say it in a straightforward, respectful manner. So sarcasm is one. Taunting is another one. Sulky, dragging behavior is another one. Yet another one is when a man is just making you feel bad about yourself. Like, why did you leave your clothes here? Why can't you wash the dishes right? And he's nitpicking on you. and he's very critical of you in the relationship suddenly. So if you're facing this, let us know in the comments. This is a safe space, and I would love to hear from the women who may be facing some form of passive-aggressive behavior from their partners. And I will come to why is it so in just a minute from now. But I think it's really important to make everybody aware that when passive-aggressive behavior happens, it's really important to pay attention to it because it's so quickly going to become bigger, right? Whatever Whatever the reason behind the passive-aggressive behavior is, if it's not addressed, and if it's not— if you don't do something about it, it's going to keep sprouting up and getting bigger and bigger in the relationship and really harm the relationship. I think women just keep listening to the taunts and keep listening to the bad comments about themselves till they realize, you know what, he's out with another woman, or till they realize that he has not come home now for 2 nights, or till they realize he has suddenly a porn addiction, or he has some major, major, major black mark that shows up because the woman has not been paying attention to a man's passive-aggressive behavior. I think it's really important that everybody in the Wunder Community understands the importance of paying attention to passive-aggressive behavior when it comes to our men and our partners. Why is it so? Why does an otherwise loving man become passive-aggressive? Could be many, many reasons. I'll just name As I said, this is right from the Inner Circle. So those of you who will be joining us, you know what you can expect when you join the community. It's very empowering, and it's a great group of women, all like yourself, all on the same journey, and reminding you that you don't have to do this alone, that you get to be supported in this journey. Which is fantastic, right? All right. So why do some people show passive-aggressive behavior? Number 1 is And I think this is the most important. There are things that need to be said and spoken about that are not being said and spoken. And both people, somehow there is a lack of emotional safety in the relationship. So the man doesn't feel safe enough to open to his woman because he knows if he does express his displeasure, or if he does express something's not making him happy, she's going to blow off, she's going to have a tantrum, she's going to get insecure. Or she's gonna blame him back, or attack him, or fly off the handle. And so it's just so unsafe to communicate. And when it's so unsafe to communicate, what do you start to do? What starts to happen subconsciously is that the anger builds up, and the resentment builds up, and it's like you want to avoid direct confrontation. You don't want to do a big-on, head-on collision and fight. And so the ways in which it shows up is through passive-aggressive communication. So there is, in most cases, cases, it's lack of emotional safety in the relationship. And the woman is somehow not inspiring the man to open up and talk about the things that bother him. And most often, it's because men are very sensitive when it comes to how a woman responds to when he is sharing sensitive information about himself. And if she's blown up and flown off the handle, done a big tantrum, melted down in a puddle of tears and made him feel bad about sharing what's on his heart, then he has learned that this is not going to work. And yet he still has that anger and he still has that feeling of displeasure inside him. And so it's going to come out in these unhealthy ways, so to speak. It's a wounded behavior, right? It's not healthy. If you have a problem, you should talk about it versus stewing on it. But that's what's happening in this case for the guys. And of course, for the poor woman, you know, she's like, What is it? Can you tell me what's going on? Because you've been really mean and really sarcastic, but I don't know what the problem is. So even the woman is left wondering what's going on. All right, so how do you deal with it? How do you deal with it? I have 2 tips to give you, fast and furious tips, straight from Inner Circle Elevate. But one is a don't tip, what not to do, and the second one is the what to do tip. And before that, I have a quick request, which is everybody who's watching this video, whether you're watching on replay or live, it's time to like the video and to let us know in the comments where you are watching from. I can see all your names on the live stream, but it would be really good to hear from you. And whenever I make time like this for free for the community, It's always nice to see the community give back in terms of just engaging and showing that they're here and letting me know that they appreciate this. So like the video and leave a comment where you're joining this from. And if this is feeling helpful to you, just write the word helpful in the comments. Okay, awesome. Hey Sarah, nice to see you join us. So how do we deal with it? Number 1, what not to do. When someone is being sarcastic, taunty, weird, sulky, aggressive, the number 1 thing you don't want to do is to engage with the content of what they're saying. This is the biggest mistake women make when it comes to handling passive-aggressive behavior, which is they engage with the content of what he's saying. So let's say he says, You've not done the dishes again. You've left the dishes exactly, exactly like they were last night. That's the content of his frustration. That's the content of what he doesn't like. Do not engage with the content. Do not engage with the content of what the man is saying to you. Number 2, engage with how you are being spoken to. Okay, so this is the most important thing to remember. Not engaging with the content of what's being said. Number 2, engaging with how it's being said. Okay, so I always tell my clients in the relationships group, you know, the ones where we cater to married women and women who are already in committed partnerships, I tell them, you can say anything to a man, you know, it's how it is said, right? That's the art. You can say anything to anyone, actually, as long as you know how to say it. And it's something similar here, which is, the problem is not what your man is saying to you, the problem is how he's saying it to you. And that is what I want you to pay attention to, because most of you, what will happen is, when sarcasm, criticism, insults are thrown your way, you're going to get caught up in what is said, and you're going to try to cut it out mentally. You're going to try and reason it out with him. Oh, but didn't we agree that I don't do the dishes at night and I do them only in the afternoon? And why are you, you know, again angry about this? Don't engage with the content. Number 2, what do you do? You engage with how you're being spoken to. So when it comes to passive-aggressive behavior, it's not so much about what's being said, it's about how it's being said. And the reason why we focus on how it's being said is because that how either shows respect in the relationship or it shows a collapse of respect in the relationship. And most often there's a collapse of respect in the relationship. And when there's a collapse of respect in the relationship, there is a collapse of attraction in the relationship. And when there is a collapse of attraction in the relationship, You're going to have so many other problems. You're going to not have a great sex life. You're going to fight much more. You're going to, you know, he's going to start getting a wandering eye. He's going to spend much more time on video games and drinking beer with his friends than with you. So it's really important that we understand that, as a woman, you deserve to feel respected Even if you have done something to hurt him, even if you have made a mistake, even if he's angry with you about something, respect in the relationship is so critical. And passive-aggressive erodes that trust and respect in the relationship, because you start to feel like you're being treated like crap. Yeah. My green tea for the afternoon. We're going to address how it's being spoken to, not what is being said. And so the way to do this is to simply say, honey, honey, I'm happy to hear what you're angry about, but can we please talk when you're in a better mood? Because I don't like to be spoken to this way. Yeah. And basically what we're trying to show you here is that it's okay to disagree. It's okay for your partner to be angry at you. It's okay for him to be frustrated about something you've done. It's okay that 2 people disagree about doing a certain thing in the household a certain way, but what's not okay is the lack of respect, right? Just the way I taught you in the webinar on Saturday— and by the way, the webinar replay is only available for the next 48 hours, so make sure you watch it if you haven't already watched it. The link is in the video description above, and I'm sure my team will post it around as well. But just the way we teach you that, you know, men have a core sense of worth and they need to feel respected in your communication with them, I think it's very much the same with women, right? Like, it's one thing to disagree, and it's one thing for a man to not like what we're saying, and it's another thing for him to humiliate us for not liking what we're saying, right? Or doing, for that matter. So in the dishes case, you know, again, this would look like, Honey, I understand you're angry, but You know, can you— can we please talk about this when you talk a little nicer? Right. So we're not dealing with the content. We're dealing with how we're being spoken to. And this brings me to the end and wrapping this all up in a beautiful ribbon, which is the topic of emotional safety. It has to be possible for a couple to have a disagreement, to talk about things that they don't agree on, to get angry with each other, and yet be respectful around it. This is the difference between energy— healthy energy, empowered energy, or wounded energy. Understanding and recognizing empowered and wounded energies is actually the first onboarding module of Elevate Inner Circle, because for me, that is the foundation of understanding where we're coming from. Those of us who feel a lot of anger all the time and a lot of frustration all the time, and we're unhappy with the world and we're unhappy with everybody, we're operating from an unhealthy energy, right? Operating from unhealthy energies attracts more unhealthy outcomes. Operating from healthy energies, empowered energies, masculine and feminine, will give you more empowered results in your love life and in your life in general, right? Emotional safety is the key here. You need to feel emotionally safe around a man, and a man who is picking on you, critical of you, constantly correcting you, constantly showing you down, is not healthy, firstly, in his healthy energy at all. Whether or not he has the capacity to change it is a question we can ask ourselves in the Inner Circle. It's not something I can tell you as a formula, because every woman is different, every relationship is different. But a lot of the times, what we have seen is when we train our clients to be in healthy energy themselves, they're very quickly able to recognize when their man is in an unhealthy energy, when their man is in a wounded energy. And then we teach them how to disengage with that and how to inspire healthy behaviors in the man. But the bottom of all of this is emotional safety. A woman must feel emotionally safe. Right? There is something called verbal abuse, physical abuse, but I think people don't understand that there is also emotional abuse in relationships. And emotional abuse happens when, you know, you are not really at fault for doing anything wrong, but you are constantly made to feel like shit. You're constantly told that, you know, you're not doing this right and you're not doing that right. And a lot of the times, you know, when we serve our clients inside the Inner Circle, what we see is that this woman has this energy of, you know, What am I doing wrong? And trying to engage too much with the content of what the guy is saying, versus saying, hey, dude, it's okay to be angry. I understand you're angry, but that's not how I like to be spoken to. So if you can speak nicely, I'm willing to engage with this. And if not, then I'm not willing to engage with this, because I'm not willing to engage with drama. How do you recognize drama? We also teach you inside of the Inner Circle. So ladies, the Inner Circle is officially open. It is an investment, but I believe it's an investment in your life for the rest of your life. That's what our clients tell us. They don't say it is one of the best investments in their life that they have made. We have so many women telling us it is the best investment they have made in their lives. So much so that, you know, we have 50% client retention rate, and it's the way women keep working with us and don't want to leave us. The Inner Circle is a 4-month program. It's full of live coaching support from me and my team of coaches. It's not a self-study program. For those of you who know that you want to work with me and you've been wanting to work with me, my private coaching prices are quite an investment. It's a multi-five-figure investment, but But the way you get to work with me and my team is right now, amazingly, at an amazingly affordable price, I would say, inside of the Inner Circle. So we run 2 tracks. One is for single women, and one is for women in relationships and married women. We have 2 separate curriculums for both sets of women, and we provide live coaching support. There are workbooks, there are videos inside the curriculum. for me, it represents the best service I have to offer without having to burn a hole in your pocket. So the installment plans are ranging from $1,600 now to $950 over 3 months. So I would say it is still an investment in yourself. I mean, it is cheaper than a Chanel bag, but it— you can buy a couple of Jimmy Choo shoes with it for sure. So that's the kind of sacrifice you may want to make, you know, if you're not going for a vacation because of Corona, Or you know, you feel because of COVID-19, you know, you've not been able to travel out as much or gift yourself a really nice gift this year. I think Inner Circle is the place to be, and I am just super duper excited to see what kind of women we're gonna attract every year. It's it's really amazing to watch how the program evolves because the program. Represents a direct evolution that I go through, right? Like, I, I invest, um, multi-six figures in working with the best mentors in the industry for myself, and I bring that knowledge and I bring that growth to my clients who choose to keep working with me inside of the program. So the doors are open now. If this is calling you, um, I would love to invite you on a call with us. This is a no-pressure environment. Nobody believes in stuffing things down your throat, so it's very important to us that you feel called to it, that you feel like it's time for you to do this for yourself. And if it's calling you, if you've been always wanting to work with me, if it's time for you to really focus on your love life and you feel ready for it, then let's talk about it. And I will be letting you know if I feel you're a right fit for it or not. Trust me, we turn away people all the time if we feel like we're not able to help them. So don't worry about being sold to. That is not the kind of environment I want my clients to have. So if it's calling you, if it's— if you know it's time, if you know you've been wanting this but fear is coming up, then it's time for you to book that call. Is this similar to Leap Into Love? That's a really great question, and I think I talked about this in one of my posts before, which is Leap Into Love is a phenomenal program, but it's a self-study program, right? Inner Circle is different because Inner Circle is live coaching support, which means if you're a single woman and you are dating, We literally hold your hand, you know, when situations come up with men and when things are, you know, you don't know what to say, what to do, how to handle. That's what we help you with. We help you with the situation on the way. Okay, and it's the same for women in relationships. It's not a self-study program. We actually help you identify the blind spots. Okay, and more than anything, I think Leap Into Love is a phenomenal program, but it was still recorded in 2017, and here we are in 2020, and I have grown so much since I recorded Leap Into Love. And I think that's what I bring into the Inner Circle, because the content is constantly evolving inside of the Inner Circle. It's not a stable, you know, content, and it keeps getting better and better because we serve more and more clients. and we really start to understand what the successful woman is struggling with. Why are things not working out for her? Why does man after man fizzle out? What is going on for her? Right. So I think that's the most important thing, which is the difference between doing a self-study program, which is you by yourself, and a life coaching support program where you have constant support of coaches, myself, and a fantastic community. I mean, we have celebrity lawyers in the group, we have doctors, we have hedge fund managers, bankers. We have really smart women in the group, right? Like really successful women in the group. And all these women learn from each other and they just like, they're become rock stars. And we've had so much fun. So this is also something I want to say about the Inner Circle, which is that it's not a place where you come in and then you have to toil and work hard to get results. Okay? We do the work in a Feminine Energy way, which means that our goal is to have a lot of fun on the way, a lot of fun. So my assistant was letting me know that one of our clients has sent her a message saying, I'm having Inner Circle withdrawal symptoms, and when is the next group starting? I can't wait to be back. Right? So we have so much fun, and we're so connected. And I think for this smart and successful woman, what is important to understand about the Inner Circle is that, you know, it's not masculine energy oriented, and it is actually very feminine energy oriented. Which means that our women, our clients, they often have a hard time being vulnerable. And then coming in the group and sharing what their struggles are, coming in the group and talking about what their challenges are, it actually helps them embrace and implement deeper vulnerability. Because it's just so easy to hide behind the camera and say, I'm strong, I got it, and still be struggling in the background. in your relationship. So that's what the Inner Circle does. It gives you that safe space where you can come and you can open up and you can practice authentic vulnerability, and you know you're safe with the women who are surrounding you. I can only encourage you ladies to seriously book a call, speak with us. As I said, it's a no-pressure environment. Nobody's going shove anything down your throat. And the reason why nobody shoves anything down anyone's throat in my company is because I truly believe that, you know, if, if such a big decision is, you know, force— forcefully made, um, it will just not bring you results. The only people who really succeed with the work that we teach are people who follow that desire from their heart to join this program and to make things happen. Of course, there are always fears, and of course, you know, making an investment in yourself is always going to make you anxious and nervous. I make a lot of investments in myself, and I can tell you, every time I click pay, you know, I'm going like, am I doing the right thing? This is so crazy, right? And that's part of upleveling, and that's part of growth. I think we're also afraid not because we're gonna fail at it, but because we know we might succeed. And the fear of success can be very real. The fear of the next level and thinking of your desires coming true can be very real. And so, you know, I can only say that for those of you who know you want this, tonight my 24-hour offer ends. We decided to extend the 24-hour offer with a private session with me because we had some technical issues with the recording, and then the whole weekend we could not distribute the replay. So only this morning we've been able to distribute the replay, or last evening, I think. So we've extended that offer. That offer will expire tonight midnight. And so if you know you are gonna do this for you, it's very, very smart to do it now, right? So that you also get your private time with me, which— not wanting to blow my own trumpet, but I think there's a lot of power in sitting in front of an expert and just getting really focused custom advice around your energy and what you need in the moment. And it's something I hear from my clients all the time, that just one session with me and their world changes because so many breakthroughs happen in terms of understanding, you know, where they're coming from, where there's an energetic block, etc., etc. So for the 24 hours, um, until tonight midnight PST, uh, this is open. So for everybody who is— Parul is saying you can blow your own trumpet, you are good. That's true, more women should blow their own trumpet as part of being positively proud about the work we do in the world, right? Thank you for saying that, it's really sweet. Okay, so if you know this is calling you, it's just $1,600 deposit, and the program opens immediately. So you can go through the onboarding section, and you can already do the masterclasses on wounded and empowered energies, and you can already just get started and have a really solid foundation for recognizing healthy energies inside yourself, healthy energies in men, wounded energies inside yourself, Self-Wounded Energies in Men. And then the group live coaching support officially starts on the 31st of October and finishes on the 28th of February. So it's a long time. You spend 4 months in my company, and I can tell you, it's going to do you a whole lot of good if this is calling you, if you know this is your desire. If this is your desire, today is the day to sign up and secure your Private Strategy session with me. And if you feel like you, you need some support in making the decision— this is calling you, but you're not entirely sure, uh, you'd like to explore other options— then all you have to do is book a call with us. Okay, so Faith, if you're ready for this, then I think it's smart to grab the strategy session with me. It's worth €2,000, and when you join within PST midnight today, you get it absolutely free. All right, my loves, I hope this was helpful. And for everybody who's been called to the next level, this is the opportunity, and it's your time to jump up and claim it. I love you.
