How To Get A Man To Want You
In this YouTube coaching video, certified dating and relationship coach Sami Wunder addresses high‑achieving women who are emotionally invested in a man who isn’t meeting their needs. She explains why a man’s lack of attention can paradoxically increase attraction, then outlines three common, counter‑productive reactions women typically exhibit: (1) accepting “breadcrumbs,” (2) people‑pleasing/chasing, and (3) confronting the man with relationship talks. Wunder argues each response reinforces the woman’s status as a “convenient” partner and drives the man further away. She then offers three constructive strategies: (a) recognize that you and the man are not on the same page, (b) shift your focus away from him by filling your life with uplifting, self‑care activities, and (c) open your heart to other men through rotational dating, which restores self‑worth, changes your vibe, and can either prompt the original man to step up or make space for a better partner. The video concludes with a call‑to‑action for her “Attract Your Soulmate” audio training program, citing that over 106 clients have found success with her method.
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Hello there, gorgeous ladies! In this video, we're talking about how you can manage your emotional investment in a man that is not giving you what you desire, and you know you want more from him. My name is Sami Wunder. I am a certified dating and relationship coach, and I help powerful, high-achieving women who have everything going on in their lives and And are now ready to make love a priority and bring in that amazing man into their lives and build a deeply intimate, loving bond and relationship with him. Let's look at the situation when we like a man and we want more from him, but he's not giving it to us. Maybe you've been on a few dates with this person, things feel good, And yet, what he's giving you is not feeling enough. So you want more dates, you want more communication, you want more consistency in communication, you want more frequency in dates, you probably want him to surprise you a bit or make you feel more special. The list can go on, but the bottom line is, you want more from him than what he is offering you at this point in your life. The interesting psychological thing to understand here is that because he is not giving you what you desire from him, it makes him even more attractive to you. You feel more chemistry with him, you feel a greater spark with him, you feel more attraction with him, simply because of the reason that you want more from him. It's hot and exciting. It's like a little game in your mind where you want more, and it's making him very appealing to you that he's not Serving you exactly what you want. Let's look at the 3 common responses women give in this kind of a situation, when they find themselves in this kind of a situation. Now, the first thing, the first kind of response is where they simply accept this low level of attention. It's what I called accepting crumbs in a relationship. You become okay with whatever he's doling out to you. You become okay with seeing him just Once in 2 weeks or once in a month, or you become okay with the fact that he never introduces you to his friends, or you become okay with the fact that he only calls when he's in the city and he never calls when he's traveling, or never communicates in a good way when he's away. So basically, the first response in this kind of a situation for many women is to just accept things for what they are. It's called accepting breadcrumbs. And then we can stay in this situation for years and years and years, and we can keep silently hoping that he will see our value and that he will one day step up. Okay, so this is one of the first very common responses that a lot of my clients give. Now, the second response in this situation could be to get into the man-pleasing mode. So this is where a woman starts to think, okay, I want more from him. I want more attention. I want more affection. I want more communication. I want more dates. So how can I get those dates? And what we start doing is we start twisting and turning ourselves into a pretzel in order to please him. And we start running after him. We bake him cookies and we show up at his doorstep with wine and gifts. And we send him little I love you or I think of you notes. And we start trying really hard to get that which we desire from him. This is common response number 2. Common response number 3 in this kind of a situation where you want more from the man and you know you really like him and you'd like him to step up more and give you that which you desire is that we bring up the famous relationship talk. We say, hey, why are you not texting me enough? Hey, why aren't you asking me out for more Dates, and we are feeling all resentful, and we are feeling all this anger, and that shows up in the way we talk and in the way we bring up this communication. Now, here's why all these 3 responses are not gonna get you the results you want. The first response, where you just accept everything as it is and even though it's not making you happy, it's not gonna change anything in your relationship dynamic with him, and he's not gonna step up one day and just wake up to the fact that you're amazing, because your behavior actually confirms the opposite belief. It confirms to him that you're convenient. You are a convenient woman, and it's absolutely okay for him to give you exactly what he's giving you, because you want nothing more. So staying in that position of receiving breadcrumbs and never doing anything about it, or being okay with it is actually a really bad strategy because it makes the man look at you as a convenient woman, and being a convenient woman is not a very attractive feature, right? So the first response doesn't work. The second response, where you start trying harder or trying to please the man that you want more from, is again counterproductive, and here's why. it starts to feel like chasing to him. So it's like he's running away from you and you're running behind him, right? So he's the deer in the hunt and you're the cheetah and you're the leopard. That's the feeling he gets. Even though I, as a woman, understand where you're coming from and I understand that you just want more and you like this person and you would like this relationship to flourish, but as part of understanding relationships skills, you have to understand how this behavior lands on him and how it makes him feel, right? Because there's two to tango here. So the second strategy is just not gonna work. The second behavior, the second response is not going to work. Now, the third response where you bring up the talk and you ask him to call more, you ask him to text more, is again not going to work, and here's why. It's going to show him that you're over-invested, because he's giving you exactly what he wants to give you. And if he's not giving you more, it's because he doesn't feel inspired to give you more. But if you want more, and you bring up a conversation about it, it's going to tell him without any doubt that you're more invested in him than he is in you. I'm going to say this again: you're more invested in him than he is in you. That's, again, never an attractive place to be. How much attraction have you felt for those men who have come after you, stalked you, chased you, and then told you they want more from you? It feels like pressure for you, right? It feels like, ew, I'm not there. I don't want to give more. I want to take it slow, or whatever it is that is your truth. See that how your relationship conversation, or the fact that you want more, could land on the man. It's exactly how he feels. He feels pressured, and he finds it unattractive, because he can so clearly see that you're more invested in him than he is in you. So, how do we turn this around, my dear? I know this is a hard place to be when you really like someone and you feel that emotional investment. Well, the first thing, The absolute first thing, and I'm going to give you 3 tips here. The first thing is to understand that you're not on the same page, to understand that if he is not giving you what you want and you want more than what he's giving you, then you're not on the same page. This is really important that you understand this and you bring it into your awareness. You understand that, okay, I do feel I desire more, I do feel I like this person more, And I understand that he probably is not as invested in me than I am in him. Now, the second tip here is to get your focus off of him. So every single moment that you spend worrying about what he wants and how you can get him to give you more and what you can do about it is actually you investing more and more of your emotional and mental energy in this man. Now, this is not going to help you. This is not going to help you heal, and this is not going to help you balance and manage your emotional investment, right? So emotional investment is all the energy you're putting in through your thoughts, through your feelings, into this man. So what is going to help you instead is to get your focus off him. Fill your life with things you love to do. Fill your life that have nothing to do with him. Fill your life with things that have nothing to do with him at all, and that that lift you up, that that that that remind you of the lovely, amazing, deserving woman that you are. And this could of course include you know travel trips, a wonder retreat that you could come to, or joining a yoga class, joining hobbies, you know learning a language, whatever keeps you. Growing and evolving, and everything to do that brings you happiness, but doesn't have anything to do with him. So get your focus off him. And the 3rd and the most powerful tip when it comes to managing your emotional investment with a man that you like, who isn't giving you what you desire, is to open your heart to other men. No matter how hard it feels, no matter how challenging it feels, you want to open your heart to other men. You want to start rotational dating. Now, if you're gonna open your heart to other men, here are the 2 things that will happen. You will be reminded, number one, of your worth. You will get and receive attention from other high-quality men, other men who could give you that relationship that you desire, instead of being fixated on that one man who isn't giving you what you desire. You want to open your heart to other men, and you want to open your heart to feeling good again, to feeling desirable again. When you get a lot of attention from other men, you're going to be reminded of your power as a woman, as a feminine, gorgeous, lovely, sensitive, intelligent woman. That's going to heal you. That's going to heal the part within you that is hurting or not feeling good enough for this one person who isn't giving you that which you desire. The second positive impact of opening your heart to other men is that you're not going to be spending so much energy thinking about this man. Other men are going to take more space in your life, more of your time, more of your mental energy. When that happens, your vibe shifts. Your vibe shifts into this Diva, desirable woman. A lot of the times, Men feel it. So this man, even though he's not giving you what you desire, he's going to feel that difference, that shift in your vibe, where you start to feel like a million bucks and treat yourself better and think of yourself better and think of yourself as a woman who deserves more and wants more. A lot of the times when women do this, my clients have reported that their men have come back, their men have started the relationship talk, their men have said, hey, I know I've not been treating you the best, and are you willing to give this another shot? All of this stuff happens, but it doesn't happen when the woman is doing those 3 responses that I talked about, but when a woman is taking care of herself, getting her focus off the man, and really opening her heart to other men and feeling more desired. Of course, the bottom line of this is, when you do these 3 tips that I talk about here and not those 3 reactions that I mentioned before, not only is your self-esteem going to rise, you're going to feel more powerful as a woman, but also, if there is any chance of this man staying Stepping up and really pushing up his game, then this is how it's going to impact him. This is the way to get that. If he's not capable of investing more, if he's not ready or emotionally available for a relationship, the kind of relationship that you want, then he will not step up. But that, too, is a victory for you. That, too, is clarity for you. That, too, is a win-win situation for you. When you focus on yourself and you open your heart to other men, you're going to be a winner either way, because Either he's gonna see what he's missing out on, and he's gonna come back and appreciate you more in his life. And if that doesn't happen, there will be another, better man who will come and take his place and heal your heart and give you the love that you so desire. I hope this was helpful. If it was, please leave me a comment or like this video. It always feels very good to me to know from my clients, from my community, that these videos are helping them. So please do give me your feedback. And of course, go check out my Attract Your Soulmate Audio Training Program, which is the program, the starting introductory program, to help you learn the skills of Wunder Soulmate Attraction that has helped over 106 of my clients attract their dream men in the last 2 years alone. So the investment is not very big, and I can only encourage you to take this little leap of faith, to take that little risk, because the rewards on the other side are huge. Lots of love to you, and wishing you all the love and success in the world. Bye for now. Take care. Bye.
