How To Increase Your Feminine Softness Around Men

Hello there! This is Sami Wunder, your fiercely successful, fiercely loved dating and relationship coach, and Feminine Energy mentor for the high-achieving, successful woman who doesn't want just an amazing career in her life, but also an amazing relationship, and the love and adoration and cherishment of an amazing masculine man in her life. And in this video today, I want to talk to you about how you can increase your Feminine softness, whether you're dating or you are in a relationship or married. Now, first of all, everyone who's joining me live, make sure to say hi. Tell me where you are from, so that if you are new to my community, I get to know you. You see, I want to get to know you. I want to get to know your struggles. I want to get to know what you are— what challenges you're facing in your dating or married life right now, so that I can help you. You ladies, yes, I'm here for you. I do this for you, so get in touch, say hi, whether you're watching this live or you are watching this on replay, from whichever part of the world you are joining me, make sure to say hi and say where you're from. Alright, so in this video today, we're gonna try and keep it short, maximum 15 minutes. Let's see how well I do it. And there are 3 things I wanna do. So the first thing I want to do is— hey, hey, hey, Jordan! Everyone who's joining, hello, hello! So the first thing we're gonna do is, we're gonna talk about what is softness, right? What is feminine softness? And why is it important to bring it to our daily behaviors and in the way we're showing up with our men and in the way we're showing up in our relationships? The second thing we're gonna do today is that I am going to be talking to both the women and the married women. So, I'm going to tell you how you can bring in more feminine softness in your interactions, in your behaviors, and in your relationships with men and others. This is— feminine energy is not just a transformational energy for our romantic relationships, it's also a transformational energy for all our relationships. And I'm going to talk to both single women and married women, and I'm going to tell you about my most amazing, life-changing, transformational program, Extraordinary Love Inner Circle, which is currently enrolling fantastic women from across the world. So I'm gonna be giving you hot tips on that, so that you don't miss that opportunity, if you're a woman who is looking to attract, create, and keep extraordinary love in her life in 2018, not just for her romantic relationship, but also for herself. We're going to talk about the Extraordinary Love Inner Circle. And number 3, number 3, I'm going to give you an action step today to make sure that when you leave this livestream today, you have information that you can act upon and you can work with. Okay? So a lot of the work I teach, ladies, is very— sometimes can feel very challenging because it is intangible. Energy is intangible. But just like You know, you don't see radio waves, and you don't see mobile phone waves, and yet they exist. That's what energy is. It exists in waves all around you, and the men you interact with can feel it. The people you interact with can feel it, and that's why energy is so powerful. So what I'm going to do as step number 3 in today's video is, I'm going to leave you with something really tangible that you can take home and work on. So make sure— What is that? You stay here and stay live and watch this right till the end, because the best cookie has been saved for the last. All right, so let's start talking about feminine softness and why it is important. You see, the whole fundamental of my work is based on the premise that we live in a highly masculinized world, We live in a world where women are very often a lot in touch with their masculine qualities— doing, planning, leading, organizing— and not so much in touch with their feminine qualities— receiving, listening, intuiting, and softness. Feminine qualities— we're highly disengaged with our feminine side, feminine energy side, and we're highly engaged with our masculine side. And so the basic premise of my work is that we women today are highly masculinized, and it's not really our fault. This is the world we live in today, and this is one of our coping mechanisms, as I call it. Being smart, strong, hard, having a very put-together exterior is one of our coping mechanisms in such a world. Now, what this has done is that We talk a lot about strength, and we talk a lot about appearing smart and put together, but there is not much emphasis laid on the other side of the coin, which is, but what about inviting softness? What about the feminine quality of, hey, come in, I let you in? What about the feminine quality of, yes, I'm strong, but that's on the inside. I don't have to push my strength on your face. You can just come in and you can be in my presence, And you can relax in my presence. So, we women have become so businesslike in our communication, we have become so headstrong and so smart that we have lost touch with our softness. And here's why that softness— and I'll come to it in just a moment on what it looks like— is so important. Your feminine softness is so important because that's what pulls in a man. That's what invites a man. That's what attracts a man. Have you ever seen a woman who looks perfect from head to toe? She's really well-groomed, and she's got this nice dress on, and she smells great, and has a nice handbag, and nice shoes, and everything is so perfect about her, and yet there is an energy about her that doesn't want you to go up to her, or doesn't make you feel safe with her, or doesn't feel inviting enough. Has anyone ever experienced that? I have, yeah, and I'm sure if you have experienced that too, that you've seen someone looking really amazing, really great, and yet you haven't felt the safety and the warmth to walk up to them, to compliment them, to talk to them, to tell them that they're awesome, to want to connect with them— that's what I'm talking about. The element that is missing there is softness. invitation. Come, connect with me. And this is what feminine softness does. This is why one woman who would look so amazing and so perfect will still not be able to attract men to her like bees to honey, even though on paper everything is so perfect about her, whereas another woman who is more relaxed and more, you know, wearing more common clothes, not looking that tip-top, top can still attract men to her like bees to honey. This is all about the energy we are exuding in the world. Feminine softness, or connecting with feminine softness, actually makes you exude that energy of invitation. It makes you exude that energy of connection. When we are a soft place to turn to, when we are a soft place to go to or land, what's going to happen if we are single? men are going to just find us really approachable. Men are going to walk up to us. They are not going to feel afraid to walk up to us because they feel energetically we are soft and open. Now, what does that look like? What does softness look like in marriage? In marriage, softness could look like, or even if you are in a committed relationship, it could look like that even though you've had an argument, even though everything is not perfect in your relationship, your husband or your partner is not afraid to move towards you. He is not afraid that you're gonna insult him or judge him or be super reactive towards him negatively, and he feels like you're still that soft space to go to. And that is so important. I teach it over and over again, because every time we lose the sense of softness in our relationships, and we become really headstrong and really analytical, we push our men away. Because I don't know how much of this work you have followed and which of my programs have you done, but depending upon your knowledge of my work, you will be able to understand that men are all about sensing our vibration and sensing our energetic connection with ourselves. Okay? So if we are Energetically closed off, and we are energetically hard, and we're energetically not wanting to connect. Let's say married women, women in relationships, you're angry with your guy, and you're really pissed off with him. You will face an energetic shutdown. You will face an energetic guardedness. And your man is going to feel that. He's going to feel that, and he's not going to feel safe enough to come up to you. He's not going to want to make up to you, because he He just feels the fear of rejection, and he can feel your energetic guardedness or your energetic closed-offness. So that's what soft energy looks like. It looks like an invitation to connect. It looks like, I'm here, I'm a human being, you're a human being, let's connect at that level. And yes, I may look good and I may look great, but you know what? There's so much more to me and my soul than what you just on the outside. So single women, you definitely, definitely, definitely want to make sure that you do not interpret Diva as being closed off. Yes, Diva is high-value. Yes, Diva is a woman who knows her worth, but Diva is essentially soft on the outside because she feels strong on the inside. That's my entire conception of femininity. It is not about being a prickly cactus, or a CEO, or a Superwoman on the outside. It's about being a strong woman on the inside, with your boundaries, values, principles that guide you and drive you, and that you know you stand for. And on the outside, being soft and being an invitation. Alright, so that's what softness looks like. That's why softness is so important. So how do we get around being softer? How do we get around being softer? We are all— I'm gonna take a sip of water. Keep sending me your comments, I can read them. There is nothing like permanent damage, Jose. Everything can be repaired most of the times if you know how to ask for help and reach out for help at the right time. One woman said that she feels like she has damaged her relationship permanently by her headstrong behaviors. That's not true. If you reach out for help and you get the right help at the right time, almost 97% of relationship issues can be fixed. Let's look at what does softness look like. What does softness look like when you're single and dating? And what does softness, or what could softness look like when you are married or in a relationship? Of course, I could go on and on about this. This is my forte. This is what I'm really good at. What I'm going to do is give you one tool, one tool each today, based on your relationship status, that you can use to enhance your feminine softness. The number one is our single ladies. Single ladies. Single ladies want to be seen as more approachable, want to be more inviting, more attractive towards men. This is especially going to help all those of you who know you look good, talk well, talk smart, but you're still not able to pull in the quality men that you would like to attract and you know you deserve. One of the first things you want to do, one of the first things you want to do is to really notice your body. And you see me slowing down here because I'm getting into my own feminine connection, feminine energy here, okay? And teaching is very masculine, so I have to, you know, really step up into my masculine and teach. But right now, to demonstrate this, I want to Go deeply into my feminine energy. All right, so you want to notice your body and you want to see how your shoulders are right now. Are they hunched up or like tensed up? If they are, just consciously relax them. Take a deep breath. Consciously relax your shoulders. See how your jaw is right now. Is it tight and All tensed up and clenched. Let it go. Relax. Soften up. Take another deep breath. As you go down your throat, your chest, imagine just letting go of any tension in this part. And all of that love energy going in through your breath, just dissolving all that tension and guardedness that is— that you're carrying within yourself right now. And smile. Smile, ladies. You know, there is a smile you can give where you go, Sami told me to smile. Yeah? And connect. And there is a smile where you exude invitation, where you exude feeling relaxed, where you exude fearlessness. I am not afraid if you walk up to me Because I can handle this. I can totally handle this. In fact, I want you to walk up to me and tell me what's going on with you and say hi. So there is a presence, there is a lack of guardedness, there is a fearlessness about that smile when you are in your body, relaxed, and giving that full presence smile to a man. Yeah. And really, ladies, this is about energy. If you come from a place of trying to make something happen with a man, or if you come from a place of, oh my God, I'm gonna smile now and get men to ask me out, it's not gonna work. Because this is energy, and energy is really a reflection of your deepest— of what is deeply going on within you. So yes, I want you to be soft, and yes, I want you to be alluring, and yes, definitely, I want you to smile, smile at men too with full presence. But basically, I want you to show up in the world with full presence. I want you to show up with your full radiance and gifting your happiness and gifting your full joy to everyone who comes in contact with you. In one of my programs, I explained this concept as flirting with the world. You don't want to just flirt with men, you want to flirt with children. You're going to— Oh my God, look at that Cutie pie, isn't he lovely? Yeah, you want to flirt with puppies, you want to flirt with trees. This is not about strategizing to get a man, because every time you strategize, your vibe changes and you become outcome-oriented. Softness is simply about being in our bodies, not being in our heads. I did not say this earlier, so the reason why I took you into the body is because a lot of us are a lot in our heads. Right? And when we're in our heads, we're in our masculine energy, and we're not really present. And that's when we look really disconnected and guarded to men. Okay? So that's why I want you to go into your bodies, and I want you to really dissolve any tension, any self-judgment, any feelings of, I'm not good enough, and really shift yourself into the moment in your body and be fully present with that smile that radiates. If you can just implement this, ladies, if you can just implement this one thing, but do it right. Again, it's not a strategy, it's about your full presence in the moment and being in your body. Being in your body, this is really important, because in your head rests all judgment, thought, case study of why you're good enough, why you're not good enough, and the minute you go into your head, you're going to disconnect Disconnect with the present moment, and the man in front of you is going to feel it. He's going to feel afraid of walking up to you. Really, that's what he is going to feel afraid of. Okay, so now let's look at— that was for single women, and as I said, stay till the end because I have an amazing tool from Leap Into Love that I'm going to give to you today. So you really want to stay till the end and make sure you stay till the end of the video and carry that golden nugget that I'm going to give to you at the end of the video today. So let's quickly come to married women and women in relationships. Now, married women and women in relationships, you have the luck that if you are married or in a relationship with a man who adores you— and hopefully, if you are a Sami Wunder client, that's exactly the kind of relationship you have— you are naturally more relaxed, you are naturally softer in your relationship. Simply because you don't feel like you have to do image management with your man, and simply because you feel like you can be yourself with him. At least all my clients who have relationships where their men adore them feel like it's much easier to be soft around their men, because they feel like they can be themselves. Your real struggle around softness and being alluring and being soft really starts When you have a hard moment. So, a hard moment is having an argument, having a fight, feeling a sense of disconnection with your husband or partner, because he said something that pissed you off, or he did something that he said he wouldn't do again, or he forgot to do something that he said he would be doing, right? So, our challenge with softness and staying like an invitation, staying alluring, Being a safe space for our partners really starts at that time when we're having that little fight or that little argument. Of course, again, there are so many ways to deal with this, and there is no cookie-cutter approach. Every marriage is different, every man is different, every relationship is different, but here's a quick tip on how you can maintain your softness. So, you want to understand the difference between emotional disconnection and physical disconnection. What's gonna happen is that when you have an argument, or when you have a fight, or a bad, hard moment with your man, you are going to want to push him away. Say yes if you relate with this. You're gonna be pissed at him, you're gonna be angry at him, and if you are doing the Sami Wunder work, you, you wanna spew all kinds of anger words on him, but you will not do that because you are smarter than that. You are a woman who is constructive and who chooses her words because she knows that words can either make or break relationships. So you keep quiet, but you're still simmering inside, and you're really angry, and you're really pissed off. Okay, so what you want to understand is that right now, there is an emotional disconnect between you and your man. The way to not increase that, the way to not exacerbate that situation, exaggerate that situation even more, and the way to continue maintaining your softness, even though you are pissed and off, and even though you are angry, is to not let a physical disconnect happen. Now, what the hell does Sami mean, not let a physical disconnect happen? Right, so a physical disconnect looks like your man approaches you, wants to give you a hug, wants to say sorry, and you go like, just leave me alone! Yeah, just leave me alone. And that's because you're feeling this emotional disconnect and you're pissed at him and you want your distance You want the space, and he's not giving it to you because he's a man. And if you're doing Sami Wunder tools, most probably, he's even coming back to you really fast and trying to make it up and trying to say sorry to you. So what you want to do in that time is to actually allow the physical closeness. You wanna let him hug you. You wanna let him say that sorry and hold you. Yeah? And you wanna do that because you will see that with that physical contact that you will have, firstly, it will not push him away, and it will make him feel safe. And this is really important, ladies, okay? Because once a man learns that it's not safe to be with you, That he can't come and say sorry to you because you're going to throw a tantrum again and become all reactive about it. He's going to learn. He's going to learn that. It's not going to inspire him to keep coming back. We're talking about high-value men here. We're talking about healthy men with healthy self-esteem. You don't want to train him to believe that he can never come back to you, right? So even though emotionally you're feeling that disconnection, you want to maintain softness by allowing the physical connection again, by letting him hug you, by letting him say sorry. You can say something like, Honey, I really feel sad right now, but thank you. Thank you for walking up to me. So just appreciating that little bit of connection, and you will see that when you connect and when you let Let him come to you. Elena and Sonia are saying, my man never says sorry. Well, ladies, there's something else going on there. You see, there is a kind of a Wunder relationship. A Wunder relationship is a relationship where my clients, they have men who adore them and who worship the ground they walk on. And of course, these relationships are created with certain set of tools and certain set of Feminine Energy practices. So if— it is a completely different story if your man is, you know, in a power struggle with you, which is what it looks like. He thinks he's always right, one of the ladies is saying. Now, that is a completely different situation. This is where you are pressing a masculine man's buttons with competition. This is a power struggle, okay? So when men start to say that they're always right and you're always wrong, It's because the feminine-masculine loving sexual polarity is not there in the relationship. Both are in their masculine, and this is the head-butting, I'm right, you're wrong, I'm right, you're wrong, right? So this is a completely different scenario. If you're in this scenario, please reach out to me. Maybe you want to consider the Extraordinary Love Inner Circle, which is my group coaching program, which I have to talk to you about very quickly now. But basically, ladies, who are married, in relationship, when there is an emotional disconnect, allow yourself to be soft by not creating a further physical disconnect, or creating a further physical barrier. Because men in marriage and men in committed relationships really bond through physicality, and you don't want to disconnect with that. You don't want to create further distance by pushing him away, because you don't want to give him the signal that it's not safe to walk up to you, it's not safe to say sorry to you, it's not safe to give up his ego and say, okay, honey, I was wrong. So when a man is doing that, please, please appreciate it and maintain your softness. Maintain your softness. It's also going to allow the resentment and anger within you to melt in that moment. I would love to give more examples on this because I experience it. I'm a married woman myself. So I would love to give you more examples, but this is a free livestream training, and for the serious women among you, there is something way more valuable that I want to talk about right now, which is my Extraordinary Love 2018 Inner Circle Group Coaching Program. Now, this program Is starting on the 5th of Feb. Okay, so 2 weeks from now, we're starting off, and it's 8 months of group coaching, ladies. Invaluable, invaluable, life-changing stuff. Okay? The women in 2017 who were part of the Inner Circle, there were engagements, there were marriages, there was motherhood, there were job promotions. There was just, like, women transforming into women they never thought they could be. Yeah? So, those are the life-changing results we're looking to create with the Extraordinary Love Inner Circle in 2018. It's not for women who are not serious. It's not for women who don't want to do the work. It's not for women who think that relationship work is just about gossiping with your girlfriend and taking mumsies. Mommy's advice. No, it's about those women who really take their love life seriously, who really want to turn things around 180, right? Make those huge transformations. So that's what the program is gonna offer you. Let me quickly tell you what it entails. 8 months of group coaching support. So what you're gonna have is once a month, livestream from me, just like this, but I will be teaching you content. I will come there. There's a group for single ladies, and there's a separate group for women in relationships and married women. We're catering to both sets of women. I will teach you. I will teach you the energy of control. I will teach you how to deeply heal your emotional triggers so that you can have a more fun relationship, a more fun marriage. I will teach you the tools and the mindset of the Feminine Energy that you can carry to your dates. If you've ever wondered, what does that look like? I'm going to give you those answers. The first livestream of the month is always going to be content. I'm going to be teaching you. The second week, you get a check-in from one of my associate coaches. These are women trained by me. They're good. They're not me, but they're amazing. They bring their skills and whatever they have learned from me, into the group, and you can get direct questions answered. Next week, again, a Thursday check-in from one of my associate coaches, and the week after, you get a livestream like this, where I answer your personal questions on the group. And of course, you get 8 months of amazing FP group support. You know, the women I pick, or the women I say yes to for the Extraordinary Love Inner Circle, are extraordinary women, and they're very highly responsible. They know what they're They are really eager to hear the answers, to ask the right questions. So really, really, ladies, we're talking about the crème de la crème of the Sammy Wonder community coming together in one Facebook support group and really supporting each other. Two support groups: single and in relationship and married. Okay, so your total investment—it is really a no-brainer. This is really a no-brainer. €3,000 for the entire 8 months, and there is an installment plan. Okay, so Nadia is saying, what time are the group calls scheduled for? Um, they are around— I think you're in Relationships— 1 PM Berlin time. Okay, 1 PM Berlin time. And ladies, remember, if you cannot make it to a live stream, if you cannot make it to a scheduled call, you will watch everything, right? We're not gonna delete things and keep it away. You're going to be my clients, and we're going to make sure that you are able to access the livestreams and the group coaching calls. Basically, what you're also going to have access to is all my programs for single ladies: Date Like a Diva, Attract Your Soulmate, and Diva Dating Toolkit, the meditation, the affirmations. You're going to have all of that. The women in relationships and married women, you're gonna get Reignite His Love for You, Soulmates Forever. So there's a lot of self-study you can do. There is nothing, really nothing, that you cannot achieve while you're being part of this kind of fantastic, fabulous, supportive community. Just really imagine what 8 months of highly focused, world-class relationship support can do for you. Now, my private coaching prices are really 5 figures, high-end, and I know that not everyone can afford to work privately with me. But really, that is why I bring up group programs like this, because I want to help more women. I want to impact more lives. I want to help change more lives. And that is why this program is highly affordable. There's an installment plan available, and for the small The smart ones among you, really the smart ones among you, you can make the most out of these 8 months by really just showing up 4 times a week on the group, engaging when I'm there, asking your question for the calls, asking on your Thursday check-in any challenges you have. And if you're hungry for the answers, you're gonna get more, more, more than what you ever expected. changed, ladies, in the Lost Inner Circle. It is always a matter of having faith that, you know, your life can change, that you don't have to go through those trigger cycles, and you don't have to go through the pain and the misery of getting your heart broken and trying to do it yourself. Really, you know, stepping into your higher value version, the woman, the queen who deserves to be Who can ask for support, who easily, and with a lot of fun and joy, invests in herself. So it's really about being that woman, okay? And if that woman is you, and I really hope it is you, and that you're serious and you're motivated about your love life, and whether you're single and looking to attract your soulmate, or you're in a relationship or married, and you want to take it to the next level of intimacy, depth, and love, then I invite you to send me a message or send me an email. Send me a message on Facebook or send me an email, and I'll be more than happy to consider your application for the Inner Circle 2018. So many lives changed last year, and this year I cannot wait to see which one of you are going to be the ones whose lives will change. And remember, with Sami, At Sami Wunder, we talk big-ticket items. Big-ticket items. We're not about just the next step. We're about the next step, and the next step, and the next step, and the next step. And ladies, believe it or not, I cannot believe— I say this again and again, and I have no shame in saying this— if I did not have access to this information, firstly, I would not have been able to attract my husband, Secondly, if I were able to attract him by some stroke of luck, I would not have been able to be engaged with him in 9 months. If that was also possible by some stroke of luck and I did get married to him, I would not have been able to sustain the intimacy challenges and my triggers in marriage had I not had access to this work. So don't try to do everything on your own. Don't try to do relationships on your own. Learn the skills that work, because you deserve to have that amazing love in your life, and you deserve to be supported as you move forward to create that amazing love in your life. There should be no shame in asking for help. There should be no shame in understanding that we all come from different cultures, we've had different childhoods, our parents tried our best, But there were all kinds of triggers and hard emotional stuff that we went through in our childhood that shaped our beliefs, that shaped our emotional triggers, which we now bring into our adult relationships, right? This is deep work. This is deep work we do here, and of course, we deserve to be supported for this. So I invite those of you who are absolutely kick-ass motivated for your extraordinary love in 2018 to come forward, send me a message on Facebook, or send me an email at sami@samiwunder.com, and I will be very happy to give you a seat. There are also some final early bird join-in bonuses, which is a 90-minute intensive workshop with me and a group of 10 other women on healing, managing your emotional triggers in relationships. This is going to be power-packed and amazing. And this is a bonus that we are distributing to women who are gonna be among the first 10 women to join. So we just have one last bonus left, early bird. We have left the link on the title of this group, and my assistant Sandra will also be posting it in the comments. So for those of you who know this is for you, who know what a steal this is, oh goodness sake, you know, when someone says I can't afford, I'm like, God, 8 months of world-class coaching support from a coach who delivers results over and over and again, over and over and over and over again. This is a no-brainer, ladies. So if you know you're the one, go click that link, sign up, and I'm looking forward to see all the new faces that are going to be joining us today. And now to end the video, softness. Back on softness because I promised you You wanna walk away knowing what to do and knowing what softness looks like. So today, as you go about your day, whether you're single, dating, or married, I want you to check 5 times during the rest of the day, is your heart energy here on the left side open or closed? Closed. Open or closed. Very often you will find if you're at work, if you're full of fear, if you're, you know, busy worrying and thinking about what can go wrong with your marriage or with your relationship, etc., etc., you are in headspace and your heart energy is closed. Okay, so when you, when you find that your heart energy is closed, you're not being soft, you're being very guarded. You're not inviting, you're not in your feminine. So what you want to do in that moment is to take a deep breath, exhale, imagine your heart energy opening. Really, it seems simple, but actually the greatest things in life are very simple. We forget the power of intentionally opening our energy. And that's what I'm asking you to do here. You want to catch yourself in that moment when your heart is closed, and you want to take the time and intentionally open your heart to love, to acceptance, to connection, and invite everyone around you energetically into your aura to come share the party that is going on within you, my feminine Dimas. All right, my lady loves, that's all from me. I have to move on to my next session with my client. But here's to extraordinary love in 2018! I am so looking forward to seeing fantastic, amazing, motivated women join me for Extraordinary Love Group Coaching Program. And remember, early bird bonuses are fantastic! Send me that message, click that button, do this for you, and Opportunity is knocking at your door. It's time for you to say yes to the grand life and the grand love and the extraordinary love you so deserve. And if you're invested in your goals, and if you're invested in 2018 to actually finally, finally making your love life tick and happen, then I'm invested in helping you have it. Lots of love. Take care, everyone. Bye! Bye!