In this video, relationship coach Sami Wunder explains why many women’s attempts to make a man obsessed with them backfire. She argues that focusing on the man creates neediness, nagging, and low‑vibration behavior that pushes men away. The core solution is to become obsessed with oneself—cultivating self‑love, personal style, hobbies, and fulfillment—so that a woman positions herself as the prize. Wunder outlines the principle that attraction is driven by a woman’s confidence and self‑value, not by constant validation‑seeking. She highlights common communication mistakes women make with men, such as criticizing or disrespecting them, and advises adopting feminine, respectful communication. The video encourages women to reclaim the confident version of themselves that originally attracted their partner and offers a free mini‑course, “Get Him Obsessed,” with five short videos teaching self‑love, feminine energy, behavior adjustments, and effective communication. The content serves both as a mindset shift guide and a promotional pitch for her Elevate group coaching program.
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Today, let's talk about what gets a man feeling obsessed with you. I think so many women go about doing this the wrong way. They want their man to be obsessed with them. They want their man to do grand, dramatic gestures for them. They want the man to set up magical dates. They want him to bring flowers, make love to her. But in the wanting of all of that, Most women forget who they are becoming. And who they're becoming is a version of themselves that is nagging, complaining, dissatisfied, unhappy, sitting on the couch, maybe even putting on weight because we feel so sad and depressed and we really want our man's attention. We want all those amazing things from our guy, but who we become in the process of wanting that, the desperation that starts starts to show up within us, the neediness that starts to show up within us, the constant argumentative, nagging side that starts to show up within us, the part that starts to show up within us that resents him— it all ends up making him uninterested in us. It ends up making him not want to spend more time with us. So this is the paradox we're literally looking to solve. Because in my ELEVATE group coaching program, I tell my clients that if you want your man to be obsessed with you, then ask yourself, what is the version of the woman that I need to be in order to get him obsessed? Because in order to get him obsessed, the focus can't be on him. If the focus is on him, all your energy is leaving you. You're ending up feeling anxious, insecure, less than. If you want his attention, if you want him to think about you, if you want him to be obsessed with you, the bottom line is, you have to be obsessed with yourself. And that looks like loving yourself, living your best life, looking after your body, using style and fashion as a means of expressing yourself, having hobbies that are exciting for you, having work that fills you up with fulfillment, because no man is attracted to a woman who is needing, his validation. Every healthy masculine man is attracted to a woman who loves herself, values herself, appreciates herself. And while it could be easy to do this in dating, when you're not that attached, what I see with my clients inside the Elevate Relationships group is that very often in long-term relationships especially, we let go of ourselves. We stop taking care of our bodies, we stop being interested in our hobbies, And all our focus is on our guy, and all our focus is on what is wrong in the relationship. And then we tend to have a lot of conversations with our guy on what is wrong in the relationship, what he's not doing right, where you feel bad, what you don't feel supported with. And my guess is that, like for most of our clients, if you're doing that, the results are not very positive. He just calls you a complainer, he calls you a nagger, he says you're always dissatisfied. So how do we start shifting this around? I think the first real big shift that women have to make, if you want any man to be obsessed with you, is to understand the core principle of attraction. The core principle of attraction is not that the more I like the guy and the more I tell him I like him, or the more I love my husband and the more I serve him and support him, the more he's going to love me back. That's not how attraction works. If you want a man to be obsessed with you, whether he's your husband of many years or you're just dating him right now, Is to put yourself on the pedestal, is to know that you are the prize. And no, this is not about being a narcissist. This is not about being a non-empathetic person. This is not about being a selfish person. But in order for somebody to value us, in order for somebody to think about us, in order for somebody to create space in their lives for us and treat us as important, I think we have to accept the fact that we have to make space for ourselves in our own life. We have to prioritize ourselves. We have to give energy to ourselves. We have to think we are important. We have to invest in ourselves. We have to be willing to put time, money, energy into ourselves, because the whole idea that you want a guy to do this for you, or you want your man to do this for you, without you doing it for yourself, is a very flawed idea. And I think so often we don't understand that our energy in our relationships and in dating is talking to men all the time. In fact, men are constantly observing you treat yourself, how you look after your body, how you look after your heart. And that could look like, if something makes you sad, if something makes you unhappy, you resolve it. And of course, how you resolve it also really matters. So a lot of women want the man to be obsessed with them, but then they struggle with communication. In other words, when something upsets you, of course, if you value yourself and if you love yourself, you want to talk about it and resolve it, because you don't want to keep censoring your emotions and just accepting poor treatment. But at the same time, what I have found— and I've been doing this for over 10 years now, helping smart, strong, successful women find and keep amazing love as part of my group coaching program, ELEVATE, which you're welcome to check out. The link is in the description below this video. What I have found is that most women have not educated themselves on how to communicate with men. So when you are angry, when you are upset, You lose it. You don't know how to say it, or you end up saying it in a way that is really hurtful, or is really emasculating for him, or is really disrespectful for him. So it's very interesting to observe these paradoxes that we want the man to be obsessed with us, but then when we talk to him, how we communicate to him is really not good for him. He doesn't like it. Now, just ask yourself, Do you like to be around somebody Who is critical of you? Do you like to be around somebody who is disrespectful towards you? Do you like to be around somebody who's constantly unhappy and drains your energy? Do you like to be around somebody, even if they're good-looking, even if you know they're objectively a nice person, but they always make you feel like you're failing or you're not doing a good enough job? Do you like to be around somebody who constantly makes you feel like you're not getting it right, you're never doing good enough? you're not a good person. Do you like to be around that person? We want our men to be obsessed with us, and yet the person we are being in our relationships is exactly that low-vibration woman, right? Nagging, complaining, making him feel awful about himself. And in this behavior, just forgetting that we feel attraction towards people where we feel good. We feel attraction towards people where we feel loved, where we feel desired, where we feel wanted. And yet the way we try to go about getting our man obsessed with us, or getting a man obsessed with us, is by showing up in these less empowered, less embodied, low vibrational ways. So in terms of turning this around, the most important thing is your mindset. You have to get it that your man, whether you're just dating him or you're in a relationship, was attracted to you because of who you used to be in the beginning stages of getting to know each other. And that is the woman that you want to go back to. Now, of course, there are many more parts to this equation, and I am so happy to share that I would love to help you with learning how to be that woman that a man can be obsessed with, because it's all about becoming that person. And any woman can become this person, but what she has to be ready to do is have the willingness to learn. So I would love to be the person in your life who can teach you the skills that are required to step into that frequency of self-love and feminine energy that men are so attracted to. And to help you with this, I have a mini-course called Get Him Obsessed, where I'm revealing to you, over 5 10-minute videos, how to embody your feminine energy, what behaviors to stop doing if your man is not being attentive or more aloof and distant towards you, what behaviors to start practicing if you want him to start loving you more in an emotional way, in a physical way. And last but not the least, we're also going to talk about how to communicate your needs and feelings to your man in a feminine way, so that it does not destroy your relationship or damage your partnership when, once in a while, you have to communicate about harder feelings. Now, you don't have any excuse to not join this, because I'm giving this completely for free right now. Its value is in thousands, but I'm giving this for free because I want to help you, and because I want you to get a taster of how powerful the Sami Wunder Work is when you apply it. So if you're serious about shifting your relationship with the guy in your life, and you really are excited about getting him obsessed, but in a way that you love yourself even more in the relationship, click the link in the description below. And join me inside Get Him Obsessed. You can also say, give me the link, in the comments, and my team will give you the link. Thank you so much for joining. If this video was helpful, make sure to hit like, subscribe to my channel, and I'll see you next week. Bye!
