In this YouTube monologue, relationship coach Sami Wunder shares a two‑part perspective on avoidant men. First, she expresses empathy, explaining that avoidant attachment stems from childhood experiences and inconsistent caregiving, and therefore is not a malicious trait. Second, she draws a firm personal boundary, stating she would never date an avoidant man because it forces her to over‑function, neglect her own need for emotional intimacy, and requires her to mother the partner. Wunder outlines the standards she expects from a potential partner: self‑awareness, accountability, the ability to apologize when withdrawing, and consistent emotional availability. She critiques common internet advice on "working with" avoidants, arguing that women who have done their inner work deserve partners who meet them at the same level. The latter part of the video promotes her coaching program, Elevate, describing it as a formula‑based, six‑month live group coaching experience that helps women attract secure, emotionally available men quickly and with minimal effort. She emphasizes that Elevate’s enrollment is closing, prices will rise, and invites viewers to DM for a conversation.
Chapters
What is my take on avoidant men? So, 2 takes. The first is that I have compassion for them. I don't think anyone is an avoidant because they are malicious. I think avoidant attachment styles are born from our childhood patterns and how our primary caregivers were either there for us or not there for us. And, you know, how we learned to deal with our emotions based on the situations life gave to us as children. That's my first take. I have compassion for avoidants. And number 2, I would never be in a relationship with an avoidant man because that is me trying to overwork and over-function in a relationship and ignoring my own needs of emotional intimacy and connection with the partner that I like or love. There's a lot of advice on the internet on how to be with an avoidant, how to give them space, how to call them out, how to keep them accountable. And guess what? I don't want to do all that work. As a woman who shows up as her best self, as a woman who's done her inner work and healing, as a woman who lives her best life, I believe I deserve to be met at the level at which I offer. And so I would expect a man to show up in my life with self-awareness. I would expect him to say sorry when he withdraws. I would expect him to recognize when he's deflecting my questions and then show up and meaningfully take responsibility for his behavior. If I constantly have to mother him, understand him, give him space till he's ready to come back, you know, I am putting my life and my needs on a second priority, and this is not healthy for me. And so as much compassion as I have for avoidant attachment styles, I believe it is their responsibility to stand up, change things, take responsibility, go to therapy, do their inner work to heal, and then and only then, if they show up as a healed partner, I'm more than happy to engage with such a man. That is my take on avoidance, and this is why my clients get such incredible results inside ELEVATE, because we literally do not deal with hot and cold men. We literally do not deal with attachment styles. We say, we show up safe, secure, self-confident. We can do vulnerability, we can do intimacy, and we expect the same out of you guys. And that's why my clients attract healthy masculine men who who are emotionally available, who show up consistently, who don't ghost, who don't disappear, who don't deflect, who actually are able to do real relationships with my clients. And that's why I truly believe there is nothing like ELEVATE in the love coaching industry, because we are so formula-based on what it takes for a woman like you to bring in the love of your life, bring in your husband, At the fastest speed, in the lowest amount of effort, and it happens when you recognize the signs of what a healthy, secure, emotionally available man looks like, how that man behaves in dating, and that is the behavior we want you to hold out for and accept nothing less in the process. Elevate is soon finishing its enrollment. The price is permanently increasing. Inside it, you get 6 months of live group coaching support from myself and my brilliant team of coaches. It's a life-changing program for the woman who is ready to do the work, ready to step up, ready to date, and to do it intentionally to call in her husband. So if Elevate is calling you, DM Elevate, and we'll be very happy to have a chat with you.
