In this coaching video, dating expert Sami Wunder explains why many successful women unintentionally lose men’s respect and outlines three concrete rules to reverse that pattern. She first identifies common self‑defeating habits—prioritising a man’s needs over one’s own, cancelling plans with friends, tolerating bad behavior, and over‑investing emotionally—arguing that these signal low self‑respect and invite mistreatment. Rule 1 advises women to never give more than a man gives, keeping their investment at least two steps behind his so he must earn her time and attention. Rule 2 focuses on emotional self‑regulation, distinguishing the harmful “cool‑girl” façade (suppressing feelings) from the healthier ability to stay calm and articulate emotions under stress, which men find attractive. Rule 3 stresses the importance of clear boundaries and the willingness to say no, illustrating with a client story where enforcing a boundary about last‑minute plans prompted the man to respect the woman’s schedule. Throughout, Wunder emphasizes that respecting oneself, communicating needs, and enforcing consequences lead to men treating women with admiration and attracting high‑quality partners. She concludes with a call to join a free video series and her ELEVATE program for deeper guidance.
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Today, let's talk about the 3 rules I absolutely want you to follow in dating as a high-value Diva, if you desire that men respect you. Now, before I dive into what are these 3 rules, let's talk about some of the ways in which you might be showing up in dating that is actually causing men to lose respect for you. And of course, this is totally avoidable. This is dating and relationship coach Sami Wunder. I'm glad you found me. I help smart, strong, successful women find and keep amazing love. So let's talk about how you could be unintentionally making men lose respect for you in dating. With the women I work with, what I often find is that we have a very simple thinking about the dating process. We think that when we like a guy, all we have to do is smile, be nice to him, show him that we really like him, and then he's going to come for us. But just look back at your history of dating. Has this ever really worked? I mean, some women I know even go so far as revealing their real feelings to the guy and then get walked all over by him. They get disrespected and mistreated by men. And this happens because, so often, we lack the understanding that dating and attraction is ultimately about self-respect. If we do not show up showing behaviors that show other people or show men that we like and truly value ourselves and we really respect ourselves, then men are going to walk all over us. So some of the behaviors that women show in dating that make men lose respect for them is when, as a woman, you prioritize a man's needs over and above your needs, when you cancel plans with your friends to see him, when you accept his bad behavior without saying, hey, this is not not okay, when you keep working hard and keep investing in the relationship, even though he's not making an effort to invest in you. All of these behaviors indicate to men that you're the kind of woman who can be walked all over. And trust me, this happens to a lot of smart, successful women that I work with inside my ELEVATE program. And if you are somebody who is getting mistreated by men, then the 3 rules I'm going to give you now are totally going to be game-changing So rule number 1, if you want men to respect you in dating, is to never give to a man more than he's giving to you. In other words, men must earn your attention. They must earn your time. If you really like a man, if you really find a man attractive, and if you find that a man has a lot of the qualities that you're looking for in men, but you forget to see how this man is treating you, and you keep investing in him, and you keep giving him your time, your energy, and attention, simply because you have feelings for him, then men will not treat you with respect. And this is because men deeply value what they work for. And if they're not pouring into you, if they're not giving you their time, money, energy, attention, and you keep pouring into them, it tells them that you don't really value or respect yourself. And again, you might be tempted to think, this is not me, I don't do this. But Truly, this comes to light when you really like a man, because when you don't care about a man, your attention and your investment stays very normalized and balanced. But it is when a woman likes a man, when she has strong feelings for a man, that she will become the good girl, the nice girl. She will allow him to walk all over her. You can't meet me tonight? No problem, I'll see you tomorrow morning. You are late for the date? No problem, I'm going to be understanding. And this is because you have strong feelings for him, and you're allowing him to treat you in ways that you would probably never allow any other man to treat you in. And this is why I invite you to be even more conscious and cautious around men you like, and make sure that you're not pouring more attention into them, you're not giving them more than they are giving to you. So that is rule number 1 of getting respected by men in dating. Never invest more in him he's investing in you. In fact, always keep your investment 2 steps behind him so that he knows he has to keep working to win you. I can promise you, men go crazy about women who are able to exhibit these behaviors. I really want you to take them seriously and watch right till the end, because I have an amazing gift for those of you who are serious about attracting your Mr. Right. Rule #2 is all about being able to emotionally self-regulate. regulate in stressful situations. Men lose respect for women who appear to be really sweet and nice in the beginning, but then suddenly, when something goes wrong, they completely lose their cool. I mean, how much of a respect do you have for a man who, in a traffic jam, suddenly throws a fit, goes totally crazy, starts banging his hands on the wheels of the car, and says things like, I can't believe we're standing in a traffic jam! And you're like, oh my God, it's just a traffic jam, right? So it's not very attractive when we lose our cool, we lose our emotional balance in stressful situations. And just like you wouldn't find a man who is doing that attractive, a healthy, empowered, masculine man will lose respect for a woman who loses her cool too quickly under pressure. You don't have to be the cool girl. Being the cool girl is different from being the woman who is cool under stressful situations. So the cool, under-stressful-situation woman is the woman who can be calm in a stressful situation. Let's say there is actually a traffic jam that you're standing in, and you're getting late for your meeting. So you're able to emotionally self-regulate. You can take a deep breath, and you can go, oh my God, I feel stressed. I really hope this is all going to be okay and sort itself out today. So you are able to communicate your emotions and feelings, and you're upset without going bonkers, without going nuts, because it's truly one of the fears men have, that she's hot, she's lovely, when is she going to turn psycho on me? As I said already, there is a distinction between being the cool girl and being the girl who is cool under pressure or in stressful situations. So being the cool girl is often A lot of the times in the world of dating, we are given the false advice that men just want to be with somebody who's light, easygoing, and easy-breezy. And I think that is really bad advice, because the idea there is to stuff your feelings down, to stuff your truth down. Don't speak the truth, never be inconvenient to a man. And so when women hear that, they actually end up getting mistreated by men, Because they accept so much bullshit from men, right? Because they don't want to appear too high maintenance, they don't want to appear too difficult. So being a cool girl is not cool in my world. What's cool in my world is being cool under stressful situations. Otherwise, you should always be the girl who is able to calmly, nicely, and kindly ask for what you want. Speak about what is important for you, because otherwise, you are going to become the woman that gets trampled on by men. And trust me, that is not attractive. All these ideas floating on the internet about being the cool girl is really damaging to the self-esteem of especially young women who are listening to this kind of advice, because it literally tells a woman subconsciously, if you are high maintenance, you're going to get rejected by men. But in my world, and I've been doing this for 10 years now with a tremendous success rate for my clients, what I have found is that The woman who is high maintenance is actually much more attractive to men and has a far higher success rate with the right men. Of course, there's going to be insecure men and wounded men and men who just do not want to make an effort for the right kind of woman. But let's say a man who likes you, a man who values you, is going to love the fact that you are a woman who respects herself, that you are a woman with needs and desires, and you're not afraid to communicate them. So remember always the between being the cool girl under stress, which is a great quality to possess, and men will really respect a woman who exhibits that quality, versus being the cool girl who never has an issue, and how that cool girl is not really the girl that is respected by guys. Rule #3 of being respected by men is being able to draw your boundaries. Being able to draw your boundaries is all about being able to say no. And for those of us who are people pleasers, who are man-pleasers, who are afraid of striking conflict if we express what we want or say no to what we don't want, we often might have a problem with drawing our boundaries around men, especially around the men you like, because you want to see him, you want to date him, you don't want to cause conflict and cause things to break apart. I remember this one time when my ELEVATE client, Really wanted to see her guy, and she had told him 2 times, can you please give me advance notice? And he would say yes, and then he would still not give her any plans for the weekend, and he would wait till Friday evening or Saturday morning to make a plan to see her the same day or the next day. And she kept wanting to go along with it because she really wanted to see him, and whenever they met, they had such a great time. But then she would come back and always post in the elevator Facebook group, what can I do to get him to make plans in advance? Because otherwise, I feel like I'm keeping my life on hold and waiting for him to make plans so that we can see each other on the weekend. And guess what my advice was? My advice was, respect yourself and draw a boundary. And of course, healthy boundaries come with consequences. So what my client was doing was, she was saying, it's not okay to make last-minute plans, But then she would still go along when he made last-minute plans. And so this was giving the guy the signal, I can continue to treat her this way. I don't have to take her more seriously than this. It was only when she followed my advice in ELEVATE and actually took a deep breath and did not see him one weekend, because he again made plans on the last minute, that this brought up a sense of loss within the man. And he actually messaged her that week on Monday, booking her for the next weekend. So this is how you get respected in dating. And I know it feels so counterintuitive for those of you who are used to being the good girls. And this is why I have the most amazing invitation for you today. I have a video series where I'm showing you how you can be the woman that men respect and treat with admiration in dating, and that actually attracts high-quality men with ease. It's completely free. Link is in the description below, so make sure to join. I hope you enjoyed this video. If you did, make sure to give me a like, leave me a comment. I love hearing from you, and I will see you next weekend again.
