Sami WunderCEO, Dating and Relationship Coach For Ambitious Women / 1200+ client success stories / Mum / Wife

Men test you if you are going to chase them

8 Jul 2026 · 2 min

Watch on YouTube

1:35

In this YouTube monologue, dating coach Sami Wunder explains a component of her Love Success Framework (specifically Pillar 4) that describes a common pattern she calls “rotational dating.” She argues that many men, when uncertain about their feelings, will deliberately ignore a woman’s texts to test whether she will chase them, seeking proof of emotional attachment. Wunder labels this behavior as a sign of emotional immaturity, noting that emotionally mature, high‑self‑esteem women—especially those seeking serious, intentional relationships—should not increase effort in response. Instead, she advises women to do inner work, maintain self‑esteem, and refrain from “playing the game,” as doing so would only reinforce the test and cause the woman to lose interest. The segment also references her ELEVATE program where this framework is taught.

Chapters

He is starting to feel something for you, and he is not sure about his feelings. So in dating land, let's just accept it, most men are rotational dating. That is why it is pillar 4 of my Love Success Framework that I teach my clients inside ELEVATE. And basically, what happens is that when a man is ignoring your texts, he is subconsciously testing whether or not you're going to chase him. Like, whether or not does he have you? Does he have your attention? Has he got you emotionally hooked? Now, this is where I know it's sad to hear, by the way, but this is where I would say this kind of man who does this kind of test on a woman is actually emotionally immature. Because if you are a woman with a high self-esteem, and if you did it, for example, on somebody like me, I would just lose interest. I would lose interest in a man who's trying to test whether I'm going to chase him or not. Because if I'm an emotionally available single woman, I am looking to get married, you know, build something intentional. Then these kinds of games are not going to make me double down my effort and chase. It's instead going to make me lose interest in the guy. But let's just say emotionally immature men, and sometimes emotionally immature women, will get hooked with these dynamics. So the most important thing to not do in this scenario is to make more effort, which is what a lot of women who haven't done the inner work do in these scenarios. When a man ignores them, they see that as a sign to double up effort, to send more texts, and that is actually you failing the test. If There is a test that you want to pass here.