Narcissistic Men & Psychopaths - 7 Red Flags to Watch Out For

Today, let's talk about narcissistic men and psychopaths. 7 red flags I want you to watch out for. Now, if you've met somebody who seemed too good to be true, was extremely attractive, charming, was saying and doing all the right things, but then you spent a little more time with them and found out that they were actually rather manipulative, insecure, or even dangerous, then you know exactly what I am talking about. Now, in my work, I've been working as a dating and relationship expert for high-achieving women for the last 10 years. I rarely talk about psychopaths and narcissists, and that's because I teach women how to attract and create healthy romantic relationships with men. And the way I approach this is by helping women get in touch with their feelings and their intuition so well that when a man makes them feel bad, Or when the woman's gut says something is wrong, she trusts in that. And so I tell my clients all the time that if you follow my work and you just listen to your body and you respect how your body feels around somebody, then you will never fall for narcissists and psychopaths. This is why I have not really spoken about narcissists and psychopaths enough in my work. And I also believe that in the dating industry right now, this word narcissist is being used too much. And every time a woman doesn't like the way a man behaves, there are unaware women out there who will just call a man a narcissist. I'm not up for that. However, I do believe that this is foundational information, especially for those women who have experienced narcissists, abuse, toxic relationships. All of that stuff is real, and I am so happy that I am talking about it now. So, Don't use this information to hold it against every man who speaks for himself or stands up for himself. But in the back of your mind, have this information, knowing that if somebody shows these signs to you repeatedly, then it is certainly a red flag. And remember, in all relationships, you deserve to feel good, happy, safe, and secure. So if a man repeatedly makes you feel insecure or bad, makes you feel like you're crazy, then trust in that feeling and don't keep tolerating. This is dating and relationship coach Sami Wunder. Let's dive straight into the first red flag. The first red flag is that narcissists and psychopaths tend to be charming but superficial. So when you meet a narcissist or a psychopath, they're going to charm you. They are going to sometimes even love bomb you, because they are really hooked on attention and self-importance. But if you pay enough attention, you will see that all of that is superficial. So, for example, with one of my clients, Melissa. What she found was that this man was coming at her really intensely, with all the right compliments, all the right words, and yet he didn't really want to know her. He didn't really want to engage with her. So when she started working with us in ELEVATE, I told her, let's do a little test. Let's ask him for some help. Let's see if he's going to do something for you. And it was interesting to watch, because all of a sudden, from all that intense texting, love bombing, you're the love of my life, I haven't met somebody like you, when she asked him for One small favor. He took 5 days to get back to her. And I was like, that's the sign. That's the sign that he is in this connection with you to get your validation, but he doesn't actually want to give anything in return. He doesn't care. So sign number 1, when you're dealing with a narcissist or a psychopath, is that it's all about them. And they're going to be very charming. They're going to floor you with their words. But it's all going to remain superficial. The minute you want something, or you need a favor, or you need some help, this is where you will see the true character of that man. Now, let's talk about sign number 2 of a narcissist or psychopath. This is when people tend to have a very grandiose sense of themselves. Now, it's one thing to be confident. It's one thing to have positive pride. I have positive pride in who I am, but I know I'm imperfect. I mean, right now I have wisdom tooth pain, and my dentist gave me this medicine, chlorhexidine, and I used it to wash my mouth. And guess what? Like, it blackened my teeth. Like, I am so embarrassed by what's going on. And it takes another week or two to see the doctors and get an appointment for a surgery and get my wisdom tooth extracted. So the reason why I'm telling you this vulnerable share is because it's one thing to be confident, but it's another thing to like, think no end of yourself and to think that you are above everyone and you have no imperfections and you're not a human and like everything about you is perfect. So narcissists and psychopaths tend to have this grandiose sense of self, and they tend to think that they're better than everyone else. For example, a real-life client story would be my client Sarah from Elevate, where she was in this relationship, which from the get-go I could feel like was an unhealthy relationship for her. And then as she started to share more and more with us in the coaching program, I noticed that whenever Sarah's partner would talk to her, he would always belittle her. He would say things like, oh, you wouldn't ever understand my stresses, or people just don't get it. People just don't get what it takes to be me and what it takes to have the level of success I have. And so he would use every time, every situation, and every opportunity to belittle her and show her down. and show him as the more important person in that connection. So that's definitely the sign of a narcissist or psychopath, because they have this never-ending, arrogant, grandiose sense of themselves, and they think they're better than everyone, which is a very toxic trait to possess, a very unhealthy trait to possess, right? Because we're all different, we're all unique, we're all good, we all have something special to offer, and at the same time, we're all human. We're all going to die one day. Nobody's above nature. Nobody is above anybody else. So it's an unhealthy sense of pride. Now, red flag number 3, and of course, as we go through the video and you watch it right to the end, the more signs you see in somebody, the more it should be confirming to you that this person is a narcissist or a psychopath that I'm dealing with. So the 3rd one would be lack of empathy. So lack of empathy is actually a very telltale sign of narcissists and psychopaths, where You might be going through a hard time, you might be struggling with something, and they'll just make you feel like you're being too dramatic, you're being too needy, you're being too jealous, you're being too insecure. So you really want to notice, whether you're dating or you're in a relationship, when a man has no empathy for your harder situations, your harder moments. So again, I remember one of my clients, Jessica, she had just lost her aunt, and whenever she was trying to talk about it with her partner, because this happened during COVID It was a very sad experience. She couldn't see her aunt, go to her funeral. It all happened really fast, and it left her in deep grief. And whenever she tried to talk about it with him, he would just totally lack empathy. He would say, yeah, you know, you just lost an aunt. Why are you being so dramatic about it? It's not like you lost your own child or you lost your own pet. And she just felt so belittled, and she was like, oh my God, I almost feel like I'm— I'm worthless. Insane for grieving for my aunt, who I loved so much and who loved me back. So this lack of sympathy and empathy for your emotions is a very telltale sign of narcissists and psychopaths. I would say they are incapable of empathizing. So if you notice this quality in somebody and you're dating them, this is a sure shot red flag. It is so difficult to live with somebody who just refuses to empathize with your experience. Now, red flag number 4 that you're dealing with a psychopath or narcissist, Of course, I have my list here for you. And this is pathological lying. Believe it or not, psychopaths and narcissists lie pretty effortlessly, and they have no moral judgment around lying. They lie to make their life easy. They lie to be right. And so very often, what I have seen in my decade-long experience now as a love and relationship expert is that narcissists and psychopaths will not only tell you lies very easily, They will actually make new lies, and they will just make you feel like you're the crazy person here. I remember this very telling story of my client, Candace, who was in a relationship with a man where she would constantly come and tell us, my boyfriend is out again late, and he's always working. Sami, what do I do? Am I in a relationship with a workaholic? But like, when we were dating, it wasn't like this. He was all into me, he was love bombing, and it was all so lovely. And now that we're in a relationship, you know, he's always late, he's always telling me he's at work. And I was like, okay, Okay, is he really always at work? And I basically said to her, is there anything in your gut that is telling you that his explanations are not correct? And she was like, yes, and I've just been very scared to say that. And I was like, just observe his behaviors, you know, and bring it up. Just share with him that you are wondering where he is and why is he working so much and why is he working every night. And it was incredible to watch how one of their friends, Jessica, then showed up and shared with Candace that She saw him outside with 3 different women on 3 different days. And when she confronted him with this information, he again lied to her and said to her, oh, Jessica is just jealous of our relationship. You know, that's why she's trying to break us up. That was the moment I told her, you are in a relationship with a psychopath, because no matter how much evidence there is that he's doing the wrong thing, he always just comes up with a new lie. You trust your friend, right? Why would she make this up? So the thing with psychopaths and narcissists is that they are pathological liars. And that means that there is no internal check and balance around lying, and they will just fabricate the finest web of lies and end up making you feel crazy, like you're the crazy one. Like, why would you believe your friend Jessica? You should believe me, even though she saw me with 3 different people. Why do you believe her? You should believe me. Very bad sign. And lying itself is just a very unhealthy quality. Forget about calling it pathological. Forget about associating it with narcissists. How can you live with somebody or be in a relationship with somebody whose word you can't trust? Imagine, like, constantly being on the edge. Is he telling me the truth? Is he not telling me the truth? This is like the telltale blueprint of being in an unhealthy relationship, which drives you nuts. So if you find that somebody is lying and their stories and facts are not adding up, like, this is really a huge red flag to walk away, because it doesn't get better. Now, red flag number 5 that you're dealing with a narcissist or a psychopath is when they are manipulative and they're gaslighting your emotions. So I've worked with over 5,000 clients intimately at this point, served over 18,000 customers. I have so many stories to tell and just so much experience. Like, there's so much I've seen in the love and relationship world. And here I would say that psychopaths and narcissists, they will make you feel like you're the crazy one, no matter what situation happens. In every situation, they will find a way to make you believe that your version of events is wrong. And their version of events is correct. So I remember this client whose partner used to say all kinds of weird and mean things to her when he was angry and was having an outburst. And then when she would quote them later in order to resolve them, because that's what you do in a healthy relationship— if something hurts you, if your partner said something off, you want to revisit it, you want to talk about it, you want to solve it, you want to communicate it— he would say, I never said that. I never said that. You're imagining this. I would never talk like this to you. No, that's not true. I didn't say that to you. And she would come back and say, Sami, this is like really making me feel like a crazy person. I feel like I'm crazy. I feel like I'm hallucinating. It was such a difficult case for us to support, because over time, she was like, I don't know what the truth is anymore. He was gaslighting her experience. He was gaslighting her version of events. He was not taking responsibility for what he was saying, and he was manipulating her By making her feel like she was the crazy one in the equation. And so this was where I had to really show her that if she continues to engage and be in this connection with this man, she's going to drive herself nuts and she's going to just feel totally isolated. She was starting to isolate herself and she was like, oh, maybe I shouldn't do Elevate again. I was like, oh my goodness, don't leave that only community where there is positive energy for you. People are holding you, people are listening to you, because otherwise you're just going to become like this woman in a shell. And you're going to become fearful and just think you're crazy and doubt everything, right? So don't let this happen to you. And I'm so happy to say that, you know, this woman stuck along. It was a bit of a journey, but she ultimately left this man. Then she went into Elevate Singles group and attracted a great, healthy partner. But it took work. It took work because there was so much self-gaslighting that she had imposed on herself. She had to really learn to trust her feelings again, really learn to trust her intuition again, because this man had broken her confidence And self-trust to such a great extent. So it's really important to notice that psychopaths and manipulators will gaslight you and will make you feel like you're the crazy person in the equation. So you really have to hold your own at some level with these people. Now, sign number 6. So we are slowly coming to the end of the video. If this is helping you, please show me your support by liking this video right now, hitting the subscribe button if you want my regular weekly content, and sending me some love in my comments before I go for wisdom tooth surgery. I would really love it because I'm not a huge fan of pain, and I've not been looking forward to this. Honestly, I've been avoiding getting these wisdom tooth extractions done, but now it's time because they keep inflaming and they keep hurting. But I'm so proud of myself for showing up for you despite what's going on in my life, because this is my commitment to you, and I love my YouTube family. So please, please send me your love before we finish this video. So number 6 red flag of narcissists and psychopaths is that they blame others for everything. A Every individual, man or woman, has the capacity to take personal responsibility for their mistakes, personal responsibility for their errors. But a narcissist and psychopath lack this ability. Basically, if anything goes wrong, it is never their mistake. It is always somebody else to blame, always somebody else's fault. And I remember with my client, Hannah, her husband used to have these really crazy outbursts Temper outbursts. He would go mad and he would like hit the wall and like hit the doors and bang utensils. And when she would say that my coach has taught me that it's okay to get angry, but you definitely need some help managing your anger because you get really mad, he said to her, well, tell your coach that it's you that drives me mad. It's you. You are the problem. Because if you weren't there, I wouldn't be so mad. If you weren't there, I wouldn't behave this way. And so even though he was behaving so badly, her husband, she was the problem. He had no capacity to take personal responsibility for how he was showing up and how he was behaving in this relationship. So this is a very huge red flag. So everyone who's watching this video right to the end, you're smart, because I think this is one of the biggest telltale signs of dealing with a psychopath or narcissist. It is impossible to be in a healthy relationship with somebody who lacks the ability to say sorry, who lacks the ability to say, this was my doing, this was my error, this was my fault, I am responsible here. And when somebody lacks that ability, you know that nothing is going to change or improve in that relationship, because every time something goes wrong, it is somebody else's fault. And if nobody else is there to blame, you are going to be the person he blames. But he's never going to grow, he's never going to change, he's never going to learn, he's never going to improve. So that is sign number 6 you're dealing with a narcissist or psychopath— just complete lack of capacity to take personal responsibility and always finding somebody else to blame. Now, lastly, the final red flag that you are dealing with a narcissist or a psychopath is that they push boundaries and they exploit others. Narcissists and psychopaths are all about themselves. They're all about, what do I want? What do I need? What is the advantage I can get from this woman? What are the benefits I can get from this woman? And so when you try to set boundaries with a narcissist or a psychopath, they're going to push those boundaries. They're not going to respect your personal limits. I remember a client whose boyfriend used to literally manipulate her, guilt-trip her into lending him money. And he would say things like, Oh, if you love me, you should lend me this time, and I will, of course, give it back to you. Don't you trust me? And she said, No, it's a personal boundary. I learned from Sami Wunder in ELEVATE that it's best to keep money separate. We're also not married right now. And he would say, Who's this Sami Wunder? She doesn't know how to really love a man. If you love me, you would do this for me. You know I would do it for you, right? Like, why wouldn't you lend me these $50,000? I will invest them in my business, and as soon as my business takes off, You know, I'm going to give it back to you. And when she said no, she said, honey, I love you, but I would really like to keep money separate, he just went totally nuts on her, called her all kinds of names, told her she's selfish, she's awful, she's bad, and then dropped her for another woman that he started to date, like, literally within 2 weeks. And then we knew— she and I had to laugh, my client and I, because it was a relatively short relationship. And I was like, you dodged a bullet here, girl. Do you understand that he was was in it for himself. Like, he doesn't care about you. He doesn't care about the relationship. He's just in it to manipulate you. And there are men who seek out such women. Narcissistic men and psychopaths don't like strong women with boundaries, because then they can't exploit you. Then they can't use you. Then they can't abuse you. So they push their limits. And if they don't get their way with you, they will call you all kinds of names. They will be mean to you, horrible to you, Because they are looking to break you. They are looking to find that vulnerability. And unfortunately, there are many vulnerable women out there who don't do the work, do the inner work of strengthening themselves, strengthening their boundaries, finding their voice, doing the Sami Wunder work of empowerment and love. By the way, definitely go to my website, www.samiwunder.com. Pink Tuesday is coming, which is our massive once-a-year Black Friday sale. It's happening on November 26th this year. And you can grab up to 70-80% off on all of my digital programs, but just for one day. So you definitely want to make use of that because education is so important. Imagine if you shared this with your girlfriends, with your mother, with your sister. Women will have the awareness that when they come across a narcissist or a psychopath, these are the signs, and then hopefully they will be better off. They will be more empowered. So many times, these kinds of men look for weak women with no education, no strength, no boundaries, so that they can enter this woman's world, then exploit her, use her, and abuse her. So I hope this video was helpful. Help me share this. Help me spread this message. This is another message that every woman needs to know so that she never falls into the trap of psychopaths and narcissists. If this was helpful, I would love to hear from you. Take care, and I will see you next week, hopefully with Better deed.