The #1 Mistake That Kills A Man's Attraction For You | Sami Wunder Relationship Advice

Hey there, my beautiful ladies, divas! Welcome to this video where we're going to be talking about the number one intimacy killer in romantic relationships, and it's called mothering your man. So, in the next few minutes that we're going to be spending together, I'm going to be talking about what exactly mothering a man in a relationship looks like, We're also going to be talking about why it's so damaging in your relationship and why it's not as harmless as many of you are brought up to think it is. Last but not the least, I'm going to help you imbibe, embrace the seductress inside of you, and tune out of the mother. If that sounds like a good plan, Let me know in the comments by saying, good plan! This is dating and relationship expert Sami Wunder. I specialize in working with high-achieving, successful women in experiencing a personal happiness in their lives by attracting their dream relationship, their dream man. Today, we're talking about mothering. What is mothering, first and foremost? Now, mothering is a role we women play, and a role that is very instinctive to us, a role that nature has planted in our DNA, where we can take care of the needs of our little ones, and we can read the needs of other people. That's the same behavior, whether you're doing it for your children or whether you are doing it to a man, as long as you are the one looking after the needs of somebody else, you are in a mothering role. Now, where do we get this mothering role from? For most of us, it's been modeled from our mothers. If at home we observed a mother who was always looking after our dad and who was always sacrificing her needs and who is always putting herself on the back seat and putting the man on the front seat, or maybe even you as a child, she put you on the front seat and put herself on the back seat, then that is what mothering looks like. I know that for me, for example, my mom was always putting us as kids first, and she was putting Dad above herself and putting Dad and his needs above her own needs. I did grow up in that kind of role modeling environment, where I thought that the way Mom is behaving in the relationship is the way you show love. A lot of women, a lot of young girls grow up looking at their moms Mothering their dads, and they grow up looking at their moms sacrificing their own needs, putting their womanhood behind, and just playing the role of a mother. Mothering is nurturing a man's needs. Mothering is nurturing your children's needs. Most often, when we do that, what happens is that our own needs as women our own needs as human beings, not as mothers, because that's a distinctive role we play. But just if you were to leave the mother behind, and if you were to leave the boss lady behind, if you were to leave the high achiever behind, what would really be left of you is the woman, right? This woman, your essence, your core, is what gets neglected when you start to take on this role of being a mother. So, how many of you have been seeing mothering at home, and how have you— how has it been modeled to you? I'm sure most of us think it's a good thing, right? Like, to mother is to look after, to mother is to take care of, and so it must be a good thing. Now, the thing is, when we do it to our kids, we have no choice, right? That is, again, a responsibility and a huge blessing given to us by nature. Sure that we can be there for our kids and we can be there and take care of their needs. But when it comes to our men, mothering is the number one intimacy killer, the number one attraction killer that I find my clients struggle with when they are in committed relationships and in romantic relationships. Which brings me to part number 2, why is mothering so damaging to our romantic relationships? Every once in a while, I attract clients who come and tell me, you know, Sami, I did everything for this man. I did everything for the guy. I took care of him. I took care of his needs. I put my needs behind his. I was being the really good girl. I was really being there for him, and I was really being the nurturing good girl. Slowly, what happened was that we were not having sex anymore, and then over time, he said that he's not feeling it for me. That's what men tell you when they don't know what else to tell you. They tell you that he's not feeling it for me, and he's not sure if we should stay together. Now, I can give you many more examples as we go along, but the fundamental thing you need to understand around why mothering is so damaging to your relationships and to the attraction your man feels for you is because he's not looking for a mother. He has not committed to you to be in a monogamous relationship with you, So that he can hire a new mother. Most probably, he already has one. Most probably, he already has one. And unless— even if he doesn't have a mother, even if she's no more, he is not dating, he's not in a romantic equation with a woman so that he can find a new mother. So what is he there for? He's there for to experience romance with you. He's there to experience dream-girl-like qualities of yours. He's there to experience making love to you. He's there to be your lover. He wants a wife. He wants a romantic, sexually charged relationship with you. Okay. He is wanting that when you guys were first dating, and you were this radiant, gorgeous, amazing woman with red lipstick on her lips and looking great, smelling awesome, full of sexiness, full of diva vibration, full of self-love, full of fun. This is what he signed up for, right? And this is what he hopes you will continue to be in the relationship. But what happens is, if we've had a childhood where our mothers have modeled to us that mothering and looking after men and taking care of men's needs is the way to love a man and is the way to be in love and be in a relationship and interact with men that way, then what's going to happen is very quickly, whether we are in a committed relationship or we're married, we're going to start switching the role. We're going to move from wife Girlfriend, lover, seductress to mother. I have a client right now who is a new mother, and she has a newborn baby to take care of. It's just the baby's 2 months old, and she came to me and she said, Sami, but you know, I'm so exhausted, I'm so tired, I feel like I'm doing everything. And to top it all, he's also withdrawn. The sex has really dried up, and I do not know how to navigate this anymore. I'm cooking the meals, I'm breastfeeding the baby. I look like a storm, just came out of a storm. And I just have really bad hair days and really bad in-my-pajamas teary days. This is really not feeling good anymore. My first tip for her was to stop cooking the meals and to start asking for his help more in the household, from her partner. She was so scared to have that conversation because she was wired to feel like this person who has to be responsible for everything in the relationship, who has to be responsible for everything in the household. And so when she had that conversation with him and I told her to just have it, I said to her, you should ask him for help. You should tell him you're feeling really tired and it would be great for him to help you with the meals. And you know what her partner said? He said, I don't get it why you have to breastfeed the baby and then be so tired. And then instead of napping and taking care of yourself or taking a bath or going out with the girls, You stand in the kitchen and cook these really delicious but really unnecessary long and unnecessary detailed meals for us. It's simply not needed. Then he said, I'll be more than happy to do it myself. She was so surprised when she came back. She said, Oh my God! He said that it was totally unnecessary what I was doing. And at the same time, he also offered to start cooking the meals himself. And so, it's so funny because men don't need us to be their mothers. Men don't need us to look after them. Men don't— healthy men, grown-up men. We're not talking about baby men, okay? There could be the baby men, but we're not going for the baby men. My clients don't go for the baby men. My clients don't— plan to attract men who are scared of spiders and in their feminine energy and taking longer to dress than my clients do. My clients want to attract masculine men, where the man is in his driven, ambitious, giving, action-oriented energy, and the woman can relax in the safety of his masculine energy and be in her feminine energy. If that's the kind of man you have at home, especially that kind of man, you are going to see that he's going to be really resentful, and he's really going to start losing attraction if you're in the mothering energy. I can give you another example of my client who has 3 kids, and her husband, he's often in a traveling job. They are living together after a long time because of the quarantine, and otherwise he would always be moving. And so she had found her mother chicken role with her children, and now the man is back in the picture and he's not traveling anymore so much. And now she's having a really hard time stopping herself from mothering him. So when she cooks for the kids, she also cooks for him. And then she— sometimes he says, I don't feel like eating, or I'm not hungry. And then, you know, it triggers her because, according to her, she's giving and she's doing and he's not appreciating it. And it's very much the same equation where we don't even ask our men if they want what we're giving them. We don't even ask our men if they need what we're giving them. We just give to them from this assumption that a man will appreciate us giving to them, and then we get angry and we feel rejected and we get triggered when that is not received well. So this is not just the case for my clients who are in committed relationships and married relationships. This is also true for my clients who are in exclusive settings with their partners and they are navigating going all the way to the ring. What happens a lot of the times is that women, they will start out as being Divas, and they will start out with My Work and having boundaries, saying no, creating positive tension, being in their Feminine Energy. Then, as they start to get comfortable with the guy, they will start to become Mummies. They will start to become Mummies, and they'll start to get into the mothering role. Then, what will happen is that they will start to start acting like wives instead of being the woman that the guy is seeing or treating him as the guy they're seeing. They're going to start telling him, hey, it's really cold outside, do you want to wear your cap? Or, hey, are those vitamins for you? Did you take them today? There's this urge to go into the mother role. A lot of people ask me, Sami, Is it that I just have to stop being a mother, in this mothering role for a man, because it damages attraction in the relationship? And my answer is no. Mothering is not just harmful to your relationship. It not only kills attraction for your guy, but I also believe being in that role of responsibility and always looking after other people's needs, is also very exhausting for the woman inside of you. Any kind of mothering is a form of self-neglect. It's a form of looking after other people, but not looking after yourself, not looking after the woman inside of you. Again, it comes back to not just stopping mothering because your man wants to See you in the lover and in the wife and in the girlfriend, in the seductress role, but also doing it for you. Because if you lead a life— see, it's a different thing. When I became a mother first time, of course, like 2, 3, 4 months, you are just coping with your body and the changes in your body, and you are looking after this new little blessing, and you need to give and you need to do, and that is totally okay. But If it becomes something that you can't move away from, if it becomes the way you start to interact with the world, and in that process, you look after everybody else's needs, but you don't look after your own needs, then what starts is a form of self-neglect. That self-neglect is, my kid is important, but my woman is not important. The woman inside me is not important. I see it happen all the time to my clients who are mothers, that their husbands, they're there, they're in a monogamous situation, so they can't go and have sex anywhere else, but the sex really declines. Because when the woman is in that role and she's not connected with the dream girl inside of her, and she's not connected with that seductress inside of her, her, and she's only just looking after the needs of her kids and her husband, he doesn't feel inspired to be interacting with her in that sexual way, in that lover kind of way. A lot of my clients will tell me, Sami, we just have sex once a month. I'd be like, okay, and how does that feel? At first, they will say, well, it should be enough. But then they also realize, why is their husband so withdrawn? Why is he not so into them? Because he has those needs. If you've married a really masculine man, he has those needs. Trust me, when you step away and when you give yourself permission to step away from the mothering role, you will find that it's not just the man who wants sex and attraction. You also want it. The woman inside of you, maybe not the mother, but the woman inside you also craves to be desired this way, also wants to be touched in this way, also wants to be made to feel special in this way. I think the woman inside of us really cherishes being touched, and there's nothing like that kind of physical intimacy that can feed our womanly soul. The more we are going to be going into the mothering role, the less there'll be physical intimacy, and the less there will be emotional intimacy. Because, at least within a committed relationship and within a married role, within a monogamous arrangement, sex is one of the deepest and most heartfelt ways we connect with our men and our men connect with us. And mothering is gonna kill that. Long story short, mothering, I believe, not only is something we want to not do to our men, after a point, it's also something we don't want to be doing to ourselves. Because if we are the kind of woman who's only thinking about other people, who's only thinking about our husbands, our boyfriends, our kids, We are self-neglecting, right? The woman inside of us. And you can do this, you can do this, but you can't do this for long, because the damages of this behavior and the damages of choosing this are going to really start showing up in your relationship. So, if this is helping, let me know in the comments by saying, helping. Lovely to see so many of you join us. Before I give you my last tip today, which is tip number 3, on how to actually start moving out of the mothering role and start adopting more the seductress role, I would love to tell you— I'm so excited to tell you— that we are opening the waitlist for the Inner Circle, 7th Edition. It's going to start enrollment this 15th of May, so in 2 weeks from now, the Inner Circle is going to be enrolling. This is my group coaching program where you get to have me and my team of amazing, lovely, well-trained coaches supporting you for the next 4 months. We're doing a very special Wunder Baby Edition for the next 4 months, and this is opening on the 15th of May. Everybody who's on the waitlist is going to get some really fantastic bonuses and For those of you who have been wanting to be working with us, wanting to be working with me, this is one of the most efficient and powerful ways to be in my energy, to be in my company, to revamp your love life. We run separate groups for single women, and we run separate groups for women in relationships. I'm super duper excited, and we are leaving The link to the waitlist for the Inner Circle in the description of the video. So make sure if this is calling you that you're on that waitlist. So let's move forward with the 3rd tip with which we will finish this video, and that is how to shift out of mothering into the role of the seductress. I have a very contentious way of explaining this, and I'm going to just drink my apple shröla before I give you this comment. But if this is helping, let me know in the comments. Give me an emoji, send me some hearts. If you have a question about mothering, please let me know in the comments. All right, so when it comes to moving out of the mothering role into the role of the seductress, I always love to learn from the escorts. In fact, in the Inner Circle, we even talk about what can we learn from escorts? What can we learn from women that men go to when they are not feeling satisfied or not feeling happy their partners at home. This is not to say that we welcome our men going to the partners. This is just about being that woman who is able to learn from that other woman. What is she offering the man that maybe even I can offer, but that I have forgotten? I have forgotten the parts that I used to have when I was just dating this guy and what attracted him to me in the first place. Okay, so the escorts, number one, they're very leaned-back energy. They're never— you'll never find them telling a man, have you taken your medicine? And have you done this? And have you done that? They're very leaned-back. They sit back, they relax, and they listen to They listen to the man. One of the ways you can quickly start moving out of the mothering energy into the seductress energy is, instead of being that woman who's just always in action and doing and action and doing and action and doing, just slow down. Slow down inside of your relationship. That's tip number 1: slow down and start offering. Listening to your partner. When we are in this mothering energy, we're so full of thoughts and we're so up in our heads, we have so much to do. Basically, when our man comes in front of us, we just vomit the day out in front of him and we just connect with him with our minds. Now, when you slow down— slowing down is essentially going into your feminine energy— When you slow down, you are going to start listening more. And when you listen more, you create that space for your guide to open up. I actually had one of my clients who's a very big Instagram influencer, way bigger fan following than mine, and she said to me, Sami, after I started doing this— because she's also a young mother of 2 boys. She said that, you know, it's just so hard at the end of the day to— and she's gorgeous, she's absolutely gorgeous looking— she said, it's so hard at the end of the day, when we finally come together, to slow down. I just want to shut my brain out. I want to talk, talk, talk, tell him about my day. I realized that that is not fostering connection in our relationship. So what she started doing was, When they come together, the man and the woman, and the kids are finally asleep, she has started to talk less, and she has started to become really slow in her demeanor. She's not running around the house, she's not multitasking, she's not doing 200 things, and she is listening to her partner. She was telling me on one of our sessions, Sami, He has started opening up so much more to me. It's amazing. He tells me everything now about the business and about his clients. It's so good to see that when I can slow down, when I can just be there and listen, he's opening up and it's really improving our relationship. The quarantine is improving. She thinks it's because of the quarantine, but that they're able to come together and now she has these tools to be that space, be that seductive, mysterious, silent space for her man and her partner, and he's really opening up to her. That's tip number 1. Are you motivated to do it? Are you motivated to try it? If you're motivated to try it, say yes in the comments. Before I give tip number 2, with which we're going to finish this video, I want to say that if this video has helped you today, it would be so amazing if you liked it and if you let us a comment and let me know— if you left a comment and let me know how it has helped you. I love hearing back from you, so make sure you like the video and you let me know how this has helped you today. Okay, and remember, for the inner circle, if you are looking forward to working with us, if you really believe now is the time to work on your relationship, on your love life, on your— if you're a single woman, if you're married, doesn't matter, we cater to both sets of women. Get on the IC waitlist. That's where you're going to find me and my team helping you, supporting you, have and create that amazing love for the next 4 months. As I said, we have a very special Wunderbaby Edition coming So, you want to get all the details by being on the waitlist. All right. Now, tip number 2. Let's ramp up our physical intimacy. Yeah? Let's ramp up our physical intimacy. How many of you have Felt like you are not connecting with your man physically, but like, it's okay, right? It's okay. There's so much to do. There's work, and there's the kids, and you're tired, and you feel exhausted, and you always feel like tomorrow will be a better day, and maybe we'll do it tomorrow. And so, you've stopped paying attention to your physical Intimacy with your guy. Now, if that's going on, remember, this is a really important element of any committed relationship and any married equation. If you're going to neglect this aspect of your life, it's going to come back with damages. Because at some deep level, I believe it's unfair to our partners that we show up and we are only interested in our kids, and we're only interested in our work, and we're not anymore interested in nurturing our relationship. We're interested in nurturing the man, right? We're interested in doing things for him, but your man is not the relationship. Your relationship is that separate component between you and your guy that you share, and that shared element of the relationship is what sex and physical intimacy really feeds. So you don't have to tell me on the public page why this is what's going on in your life, but here's the thing: I want you to start becoming aware that this is— if you've been neglecting this part, or if this part has been getting neglected, it's time to take control, and it's time to bring it back And sometimes, it can look as simple as taking interest in yourself. When the kids have gone to sleep, making time to take a bath, making time to smell good, making time to lotion yourself, making time to put on your satin gown, making time to go into bed and put your head on his chest, making time to put the phone away, and then the rest automatically happens. If it doesn't happen, then there are other components in the relationship that we can help you with, to take care of, so that we can revive an otherwise dead sex life. But paying attention to that is so important, and it's going to happen if you stop the mothering behavior anyway. But if it still does not happen, then— Inner Circle is the place to be where we help our women in relationships and our married clients have amazing love and have an amazing marriage and have amazing committed relationships. My client, let's call her Ruth, she is a very busy woman. She is very successful, and so is her husband. And when she came to us, She was full of resentment. Why was she full of resentment? Because she was being such a mother to the guy. Of course, the guy was resenting it. The man was resenting it, and the man was unhappy, and their sex life was totally out of the window. She felt really angry because she thought she was being this good person who was nurturing him, nourishing him, looking after his needs, and then he couldn't even give a damn about her. How horrible of a man! Well, when she left the Inner Circle, 4 months later, her marriage looked completely different. She took responsibility for shifting the behaviors that she could shift and she could transform within her marriage. What she found was that her husband was actually very interested in her and was really a caring and good man, also sexually attracted to her. It's just that with all her mothering energy and all her micromanaging and controlling, controlling energy. He just never got the space to be there for her like a man should be there for her. So, 4 months after the Inner Circle, her married life looks completely different, completely transformed. And this is possible for every woman who is ready to do the work, willing to ask questions, willing to ask for support. So, if this is calling you, the Inner Circle waitlist is in the video description, and my team will be very happy to post it in the comments. I'm very excited to hold the space for you, to be there for you, and to transform your relationship. I hope what we did today here was helpful. Take good care, and if you like this video, if this was helpful, leave us a comment, like the video, share the video, and I'll see you soon again. Take care, ladies. Bye-bye! Bye!