In this solo coaching video, Sami Wunder outlines four common, counter‑productive behaviors that even intelligent women exhibit when they like a man. She explains why each mistake—(1) hiding interest and acting disinterested, (2) sending overly clever or “weird” texts, (3) over‑talking/over‑sharing, and (4) abandoning personal standards—undermines genuine connection and often drives the man away. For each mistake she provides concrete examples from her Elevate coaching clients, clarifies the signals men receive, and offers practical, low‑effort alternatives (e.g., openly express interest, keep texts simple and normal, keep early conversations light, and maintain boundaries). Throughout, she critiques mainstream dating advice that encourages “playing hard to get,” arguing it only works with toxic men. The video ends with a brief promotion for her Elevate program and a call to book a free consultation for women seeking a serious, husband‑focused relationship.
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Today, I want to talk to you about the top mistakes I see even very smart women make when it comes to a man they like. The smarter you are, the more prone you are to making these mistakes. Nobody is above these mistakes, and honestly, they're so avoidable. It's painful to watch women make these mistakes. So let's dive in! Number 1 mistake that I see women make with a man they like is trying to act I know this sounds so weird, so stupid almost, but this is an instinct I've caught in so many of my Elevate clients, when they actually do like a man, but then they get very nervous about following all the rules and making sure they don't look too eager, and they don't look too puppy-like, and too interested, and smitten kitty. So they go the opposite direction energetically, and they try really hard to not let the man see that they like him. And it just doesn't work. It is completely counterproductive. If you like a man and you're showing up on a date with him, and then you see him again at the church, but you work really hard to look away or not look interested or pretend like he's not there, guess what signal you are giving him? You are clearly giving him the signal you're not interested. And this has come up in Elevate Singles groups so often in the last few weeks that I really had to talk about it. So, for example, For example, a client met a guy she really liked on the date, and at the end of the date, he asked her, so how did this go? And what about future communication? And she just went, yeah, I'm really tired. I would really like to go home now, and you can connect with me again. Then the guy later messaged her to say he didn't want to plan another date because he didn't feel there was a connection and she didn't seem interested. And she came to us and said, oh well, I was there the whole evening. I thought it was enough for him to know I'm interested. And I was like, but he specifically asked you about future communication, and if you're interested in seeing him again, then you have to specifically say, hey, this was really fun for me, and I'm more than happy to see you again if you feel the same way. And what it made me realize is that there is so much fearmongering advice in the dating space about not looking too eager, keeping a man on his toes, making sure he doesn't know you're in, that we actually go into dating dynamics with men we like, trying so hard not to show that we like them. And this is not helpful. This is also not healthy. Men are needing visual cues and verbal cues from a woman that you are interested in them, and that it is safe to keep approaching you and keep texting you. So don't give a man you like the signal that you're not interested. Don't go super quiet around him. Don't lean back so much that you have nothing to Don't look away when he's trying to look at you. Don't put his hand away if it actually feels good to have his hand touch you briefly. So don't give counterintuitive, counterproductive signals. And I know this is anti-standard dating advice, but that dating advice that tells you to look not interested is just going to work on toxic men who are only in it for the chase, and then the minute you're interested, they're gone. So if you want a healthy man to pursue you, Show that you're interested. And there are videos on the channel where I talk about the visual clues and the feminine clues you can give a man to show that you're interested. Now, the second mistake I see often smart women make when they like a man is that they send weird texts. Weird texts! So what do weird texts look like? Weird texts look like when you are trying way too hard to be smart, to be funny, to be witty, to be playful, and it just all ends up coming out in a weird way. And this is literally you putting so much pressure on yourself to be interesting to the man in front of you that the language you start to use in your texting just sounds really weird and really doesn't land for the guy. So recently, we had a client in ELEVATE where the man asked her a very simple, straightforward question, by the way, where are you based? And instead of just saying the city in Spain that she is in, she ended up saying, hehe, And he's like, hehe? Hehe? You're based in hehe? And she's like, no, I'm based in Madrid, but it's written on my profile. And then she made an eye roll, and she thought she was being funny, but the guy was like, well, you could just tell me where you are based without sending me an eye roll. And then it got into this weird combative energy, and of course, it was just a dating app match, but it's a great example of, you know, when we inquired from her, Why did she say hehe instead of just saying, I'm in Madrid? She was like, oh, because I wanted to be playful and I didn't want to do the work for him, so I didn't want to say where I am. He could just read it on my profile. So the next thing I told him, go read it on my profile. And I was like, okay, relax. We're making this all way too complicated than it needs to be. You can just say, I'm based in Berlin. You can just say, I'm based in Barcelona. And you can just be normal. Normal! So I know there's a lot of trainings and information out there on being playful, being flirty, being witty, being interesting in your texting. Even I do these trainings for my clients in the Singles Group in ELEVATE, and I 100% subscribe to the fact that you want your texting to feel positive, uplifting. It should make the man smile. But that message doesn't have to be translated into every single exchange with a man. It is completely okay to let a few exchanges be just normal. Because if you try too hard to make every message mysterious, every message playful, every message flirtatious, sometimes the energy that lands is just weird. It's weird. And in online dating, especially in early dating, dates 1, 2, you want to be as normal as possible. And by normal, I simply mean somebody who is welcoming effort from men, somebody who is open, receptive, kind. You know, that is already a lot of checklist tick marks for men. Like, a nice, kind, feminine woman, she doesn't have to be all these extra things in order for her to be valuable to him. So that's mistake #2 when you like somebody, which is trying way too hard with your texting and ending up sounding weird in return. Now, #3 is over-talking and over-sharing. This is very, very common, and it's going to happen when you like somebody, The way you connect with women, which is by talking, is the way you start to try and connect with this man that you've just met. So women get a high when they are talking a lot about themselves, sharing their dreams, doing deep talk. But like, deep talk and oversharing is a total mystery killer and a total killer of the vibe. You have to start to think about this from a man's perspective. So just like Sex— a man talking too early in the dating process about sex is a total vibe killer for you. Deep talk is a total vibe killer for men. They want to flirt with you, light conversations with you, get to know you slowly over time. But if you go in with intensity, heavy information, overshare, overtalk, it is a total vibe killer, and it's something you want to avoid in early dating with somebody you like. Now, mistake number 4, last but not the least, is abandoning your standards. You have standards and you have intuition. And as an aware woman, you already know when a man is wasting your time, when a man is worth your time, when a man is showing up the way a man should show up, which is consistent, effortful, respectful, and when a man is not doing that. But you know all these principles when you don't like somebody. However, when you like somebody, it is very important to be watchful of how you might abandon your standards. I see this happen to the best of women. You might start to accommodate late-night texting, some sex texting. You might start to accommodate infrequent communication, then infrequent in-person dates, and your mind will make up excuses for this person simply because you like him. And if you are in my world, you know, my brand is known for helping you attract a husband, not just another fling, not just a friend with benefits. That's what we do with our clients in ELEVATE, attract a husband. So if you want to attract a husband, you really have to show up in very intentional energy yourself, which means you cannot, no matter how much you like somebody, no matter how much you like this man, you cannot let your feelings for him make you abandon your standards. You cannot let your feelings for him make you forget the standards you hold with men in dating, because the only real way for you to attract the love of your life is to hold those standards. standards. So when you like somebody, please remember to hold those standards instead of abandoning them, relaxing them, and saying, you know, he's special, he's rare, pedestalizing him, and then in the end, finding yourself in a dynamic where you're not getting treated well, or you feel not so special, but you are still hooked. And this happens to the best of women. So don't let this happen to yourself. If you're interested in working with me inside ELEVATE, The link is in the description below the video. Book a free consultation call and we are more than happy to speak to you this year if love and finding love is a high priority. Lots of love. I'll see you in the next video.
