In this video, dating and relationship coach Sami Wunder shares a candid account of her 11‑year marriage to Chris, focusing on how her rapid rise as a successful love‑coach created tension in the partnership. She explains that while her early inner work helped her attract a high‑quality partner, the demands of running a multi‑six‑figure business pushed her into a dominant masculine, “boss” energy that clashed with the feminine dynamic Chris fell in love with. The resulting disconnection manifested as reduced intimacy, resentment, and silent expectations. Sami describes the pivotal shift she made: repeatedly anchoring back into her feminine energy, taking personal responsibility for her own showing‑up, and refraining from micromanaging or blaming her husband. This self‑reflection restored emotional and physical intimacy for the majority of their relationship. She also outlines her 6‑step Love Success Framework—covering sex, communication, money, parenting, boundaries, and magnetism—that she teaches in her 6‑month group program ELEVATE. The video concludes with a promotional invitation to book a free relationship assessment, positioning the program as a solution for couples stuck with generic advice.
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Hey Divas! So I don't even know where to start talking about my relationship and my marriage. I mean, Chris and I have been married for over 10 years now, and like any other marriage, you know, there's been ups and downs, there have been lessons on the way. And what I really wanted to connect with you on today was how the relationship was struggling a little bit at the beginning, and then the tweaks I made, That really helped me to be able to become the emotional master in the relationship, in the marriage, and really take responsibility for the way I was showing up in my relationship and marriage, and make sure that I was showing up as the healthiest possible partner, because that is always the biggest inspiration for our men to show up as the healthiest possible partner they can be in their connection with us. So welcome! This is dating and relationship coach Sami Wunder. Hi! I am so glad we have connected and you have found me. So my husband and I, we've been together for 11 years. When we dated— and that's a whole other story, which you can find on my website, samiwunder.com— but it was a very healthy dating dynamic. I had done all this inner work to bring in Mr. Right, and he totally is 100% Mr. Right. And he proposed within 9 months, and it was amazing. And of course, like all relationships, there were times when I had to ask myself, what do I say here? What do I do here? This doesn't feel good, or that doesn't feel good. But because of the inner work I had done, let's say I had the tools and the empowerment to ask for what I wanted and for having my needs met. However, something that both Chris and I had not seen or predicted that would happen to our relationship is, of course, my phenomenal success as a love coach. So I don't know how much you already know about me, but when I met my husband, for the first— 2 years. 2 years of our marriage, he was the sole provider and he was working with the European Space Agency. We were living in Paris and everything was provided for by him, and it was an amazing time in my life. I did a lot of shopping in Paris and I was a housewife and, you know, just walked around looking at the Eiffel Tower and the Champs-Élysées. But after that, I mean, I have a master's degree and, you know, I knew that I wouldn't be just sitting at home forever. And so this is when my was born. And this is when I asked myself, what is the gift that I want to share with the world that actually really makes me feel very passionate about helping other people? And what came up was the big transformation I had had in my love life, where initially I was struggling for years as a single woman, and then I started doing this inner work and learning about Feminine Energy and learning about healthy boundaries and speaking up and, you know, communication skills. And that is when I decided to become a love coach. And oh my God, my love coaching company was such a phenomenal success. Within a year, we were a 6-figure company. The second year, we were a multi-6-figure company. The third year, we were a 7-figure company, and so on and so forth. And I think my relationship was not ready to take the amount of masculine energy that I started to show up with. And I think one of the mistakes that I made, that I just want to be very open about, is assuming that just because I had done the work as a single woman to attract my amazing husband, that that was the end of the world. And now the relationship is just going to be fine. It doesn't need any more nurturing. It doesn't need any more education because I did my work as a single woman. Being where I am today, you know, like 10 years happily married, both of us parenting our 2 little boys, I would invite you to never make that mistake. Even if you have been a very self-aware woman in your single days, I the dynamics that we need to learn inside romantic relationships, long-term romantic relationships, and the skills that are needed in there are just completely different than what you learn during your single days, or if you've been doing any work around Feminine Energy or being a high-value woman. The skill sets are so different that are required. And so what really started to happen was that I started to get more and more in my Masculine Energy, because the business was taking so much from me. You know, I'm a love coach. This is my gift. On the planet, you know, and I get terrific results for my clients, and I'm really good at what I do, but I'm not trained to run a business. And so I had to deal with so many challenges when it came to running the business and learning on the go, you know, how to hire a team and how to manage a team and, you know, how to do all these things that a business requires you to do. And it was very stressful for me. It basically made me get more and more and more and more into my masculine energy. And then what was interesting was, when we started to have arguments, or we started to have a fight, the fear came up that, oh, now that I'm successful, now he doesn't love me. Or, now that I'm successful, and now he's really seeing that he didn't marry a housewife kind of woman, he actually married a feminist, a strong, ambitious woman. Now he won't find me attractive. And I think this fear— I'm just being honest about it— this is so relevant for so many of my successful clients and the women we work with inside ELEVATE, which is my 6-month-long group coaching program, where we help you elevate the connection, the passion, the love in your relationship. And this fear started to show up for me. It was so easy, it was so tempting to just blame my husband, even though he's so loving, so present, so amazing, and to just blame him for the disconnection I was feeling in the relationship, and say that it was because of my success and my brains and the money I had started to make. But it required a deep level of personal responsibility from my side to say that, you know what, this man adores you, he dotes on you, he would do anything for you, and yet you're saying that the reason why you're feeling the disconnection or the fall in intimacy emotionally and physically, the reason for that is your success. But what if your success wasn't the problem? And Chris told me many, many times in those little patches of disconnection that we had, especially after The first baby was born, our first child was born. You know, that's always a tough phase for any relationship. And then after the second one was born, something similar happened where he assured me that it wasn't my success or my brains, that he actually loves to see me shine. But sometimes what he has an issue with is when I show up in that prickly, masculine boss energy inside the marriage. And it's not what he fell for. And it's still today, not the energy that inspires him to, I don't know, to want to touch me, to want to make love to me. What really calls him in is always the Sami, the woman he married. He doesn't have an issue with the success. He just says, I just want to be with my wife. I just want to be with the girl I married. And so it required, in terms of tweaks, I think the biggest tweak that really Supported me in these harder phases, because let's just face it, overall, 90% of the time, I am in a very healthy, loving relationship, as long as I continue to take responsibility for myself and my husband takes responsibility for how he's showing up. But let's say, for those 10% of the times in the last 10 years, where we have felt that pang of disconnection and that pang of lack of intimacy, always just going back Into my Feminine has massively shifted the dynamic in the relationship again. And it's really interesting, because I think a lot of my high-achieving clients struggle with this. We are very capable women, we can do so much. And sometimes, when you do a lot and you give a lot, you have all these silent expectations that your man will understand you and understand that you have so much on your shoulders. And men are more than happy to be our heroes, and Chris is always more than happy to be my hero. But what he doesn't like is when I I step into this masculine, and I have all these silent expectations from him, and I get really resentful if he doesn't mind-read and doesn't offer me things that I, in my head, imagined he should be offering me. So every single time when I have been in those rough patches, what has brought me back to feeling connected with my man again, what has brought the love back, the fire back, the spark back, and literally every single time elevated us to the next level, is me anchoring into my Feminine Energy. And me taking responsibility for how I am showing up in the relationship versus pointing fingers at my husband and saying, you're showing up this way, you should change yourself. No, I always say that metaphor, like when you point one finger at anybody else, you know, 4 are pointing towards you. This is so true for romantic relationships. Just having this capacity to self-reflect and say, okay, you know, yes, he's not perfect, but neither am I. Where can I take more responsibility? And for me, just stepping back into my feminine, Being more respectful in my tone, not micromanaging, nagging, controlling my husband, not correcting my husband, not telling him what he should do or who he should be. I think just relaxing back into Sami as a woman is just always bringing the dynamic back into love and harmony. So there are, of course, many other parts to the process. There is not just Feminine Energy, and this is why I developed my 6-step unique Love Success Framework, which I teach you inside ELEVATE. The Love Success Framework is encompassing all parts that one needs to look at if one is wanting to heal or elevate a relationship. And it includes, you know, sex, communication, money, parenting dynamics. I think parenting is like such a huge topic, especially amongst young couples, working couples. Chris and I also had to do a lot of communication in order to, like, you know, make sure as a working couple, he's able to work, I'm able to work, the kids are well taken care of. So all of this is covered inside Love Success Framework. We dive deeper into We dive deeper into boundaries. We dive deeper into helping you be that magnetic feminine woman that a man actually can't wait to be around. That's the power of Feminine Energy. So if you're curious about how the Love Success Framework inside ELEVATE can help you, I'm going to invite you to book a free relationship assessment with a trained member from my team who's going to look at your situation, see if there are some patterns we can identify, and then guide you with the next steps of how we can best support you. And this is a no-obligation call. means you don't have to sign up for ELEVATE. But let's face it, this is one of the top ways our biggest success stories find us, dive into the program, and start creating terrific results in their relationships and their love lives. So if you're tired of generic advice on the internet that is not really moving the needle for your love life, for your relationship, then I highly invite you to book this call. You're going to be speaking to a real human from my team, and I'm going to be Taking on the cost of this conversation. So you have to pay nothing for it. You just have to show up. We're very excited to help you elevate the relationship that you are in and, you know, get the fire back, get his attention back on you, help you feel happier and more connected in your partnership, because our love lives really matter. And I think they have one of the biggest impacts on our mental health, our careers. And so this is one aspect of your life where I'm going to invite you to not delay, not wait, Be in empowered energy, take action, and it's completely free. So what do you have to lose? Book that connection call today, and I am so excited you and I have found each other.
