In this YouTube video, dating coach Sami Wunder delivers a blunt, motivational talk aimed at women who unintentionally "chase" men. She outlines five concrete signs of chasing behavior: (1) repeatedly initiating contact (texts, calls, plans) especially when interested; (2) over‑explaining actions and feelings; (3) tying self‑worth to a man’s response time; (4) offering relationship benefits (time, intimacy, attention) before any commitment is given; and (5) being unable to stop despite sensing an energy imbalance. For each sign she shares client anecdotes from her Elevate program, explains the underlying emotional drivers—fear of abandonment, need for control, and low self‑security—and describes how these patterns erode male attraction, leading men to lose interest and eventually disappear. She frames the content as compassionate yet direct, encouraging viewers to recognize these patterns, heal them, and shift into a more feminine, non‑controlling stance. The video ends with a call‑to‑action: viewers are invited to take a free “Love Blocks” quiz, like the video, subscribe, and engage in the weekly “Sami Wunder wisdom” series.
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I'm going to be brutal with you on this video, but if you listen closely, it's going to change your life. Because so many of you amazing women are still chasing men and not even recognizing that you're a chaser. So let's dive in and figure out if you're a chaser, and then we celebrate if you are a chaser, because what you can see, you can change, and what you can't see about yourself, you can't change. So are you a chaser? Are you a chaser? Number 1, the first sign that you're a chaser is that you initiate with men. You initiate texts, you initiate calls, you initiate plans. If he doesn't pick up, not a problem, you'll just call again. If he doesn't answer, not a problem, you will text again. This is chasing. You are a chaser if you do this. And you won't believe the number of amazing, smart, well-educated women who behave like this when they like a guy. So when you don't like a guy, it's all okay. You're not a chaser. But you have to be aware of your tendencies to chase men, especially when you like them, because that's when your feelings get involved and all logic leaves the room. Now, sign number 2 that you are a chaser is that you over-explain yourself. I literally have a real-life example from ELEVATE. One of our clients said, Sami, I called him, he didn't pick up, so I called him again because I was worried. He didn't pick up. So I called him and I left him a voicemail to explain why I had called twice. Girl, you are a chaser. And this is not a judgment. I say this with a lot of compassion, but all that over-explanation, all those paragraphs about why you do something, what upsets you, why it hurts you, how he can do better next time, All of that over-explanation is you chasing the guy, is you over-investing in the guy. And it's literally you not being able to let the moment breathe because you feel anxious and you feel some kind of insecurity or some kind of abandonment. And the way you get relief is by explaining yourself. Now, sign number 3 that you are a chaser is when your self-worth depends on his Response time. So let's face it, so many women have a hard time when a guy doesn't respond to their text. And your nervous system is almost hooked on his response time, like you're following the stock market. And your happiness hormones go up when he responds quickly, and you feel very sad and deflated if he doesn't respond quickly. And all of this emotional roller coaster that you're going on, Is your chasing energy. You're so hooked into the guy, and you're so hooked into getting validated from him, and you're not even recognizing that about yourself. And you're saying, no, Sami, I love myself, I'm high value. Okay, well, you are always high value because, well, you are worthy. But these behaviors are all signs of women who are chasing men. And as you can see, sometimes you may not be doing what I said in sign #1. You may not even be calling, you may not even be texting, but you still may be energetically so hooked to his response time that you are still chasing the man. And what is amazing about being hooked to men is that it gives you the impression that he must be really special, he must be really important, he must be so meaningful in your life, because, well, look how intensely you feel and how intensely you wait for his name to pop up in your inbox. And again, no judgment. I've been there, I've done that. So hands up, I used to be a former chaser without even recognizing it. So I have deep compassion for you, but this is chasing, and men feel it. Men feel it. I remember a client in Elevate who said that she used to watch her guy's response time. She used to watch when he was online, when he went offline, and when he texted her. And she used to follow all of that like a detective. And then she used to say, but I'm not a Like, I'm feminine and I'm not a chaser. And this gap, this catastrophic gap between thinking you don't chase, thinking you are in your feminine, and then behaving in these ways is the reason why dating feels hard, is the reason why you keep getting hooked and attached to the wrong guys. It's the reason why the husband has still not come. So we need to face this so we can heal this. We need to face this so we can fix this. Now, what is the 4th sign that you are a chaser without even realizing it? It's when you give relationship benefits to a man without even him having offered you commitment. So again, I see this in my Elevate clients all the time, and I work with super smart, super brilliant women. So this is not about intelligence, OK? This is just about lack of skills, and sometimes also a little bit lack of self-awareness, because we think we know these concepts and we're getting them right, but in reality, there is this huge gap between what we know and how we behave. So this would look like treating a guy like he's the center of your life, giving him access to physical benefits, sleeping with him, and giving him all your time, giving him all your energy, giving him all your attention, making him the focus of your life, getting really excited, puppy-dog excited about, you know, him finally being convinced that you're worth it. And so you're pouring all this energy into this man, and he has not even asked you to be exclusive. So he's really surprised that you're giving him all this access to your time, to your body, to your energy, and giving him this exclusive status in your life where all your weekends are free for him, and you'll even cancel plans with friends to go see him. You've centered this guy, and this guy wonders and scratches his beard and asks himself, what did I do to deserve this? Like, why is she treating me so special? What did I do to deserve this? And does this mean that if I don't offer her exclusivity and I don't ask her to be my girlfriend, she'll still keep treating me so well? She'll still keep giving me all this access? Then, as a smart man, I don't have to offer her Girlfriend or exclusivity because well, she's so nice without offering that. So in a man's brain, men's brains are super efficient and super transactional. They will make the bare minimum effort to keep you. And if he has access to all these assets and resources and time and energy and beauty and company and body, why does he need to do anything more? Why does he need to offer you commitment? And without even realizing, you're chasing. You're chasing. You're chasing because you're ahead of him in the timeline, and you're trying to win him by pouring all this effort, energy, attention into him instead of letting him work to access you. Girl, you're a chaser. And I say this with love because what you can see, you can heal. So see this right now. If this is you, say me in the comments. There's no shame in our game. There's no shame in our game because what we can see, we can heal. And that is the big gift of this brutal video from Sami Wunder. By the way, if you're learning, if this is helping, even if you're annoyed at me, give me a like and subscribe to the channel. This is the space where every week, so generously, I come and share my Sami Wunder wisdom on how to attract and create healthy romantic relationships with incredible masculine men who adore you. So sign #5, you are a chaser, and this is the biggest one. You find it hard to stop, even when you feel the imbalance in the energy. So you could be feeling like he's not investing enough. You could be feeling in your body, your intuition could literally be telling you he's not putting enough effort, he's not showing up enough, he's not asking you out enough, he's not seeing you in person enough, he's not prioritizing you enough. He only calls when he wants a booty call. He only texts when he's bored. Your feminine intuition could be telling you all of this, but you don't listen to it. You find it hard to stop yourself, even when you sense the imbalance. And you know what this is about? Ultimately, internally, this is about not being able to surrender control. Because when you feel the imbalance and you're still not stopping, it's because you're afraid of giving up control, and you're afraid of surrendering to what might happen with this man if you didn't make the effort. Would he abandon you? Would he forget you? Would he completely disappear and stop making an effort to keep the connection? These are the fears and insecurities that drive us to control. Mm-hmm. And so we keep controlling, even when we feel the disbalance in the energy, because we're so afraid of being abandoned, and we're so afraid he's not going to love us if we don't show up and carry the connection. And this is the classic quality of the woman who chases. She is so afraid that if she didn't do the heavy lifting, if she didn't keep the connection alive, if she didn't call, text, double-text, nurture, assure, reassure, Show him what a good woman she is, he's gonna leave her. And she doesn't want to be left. She doesn't want to be alone. She doesn't want to lose the guy. And so she chases. And unfortunately, in listening to all these fear voices, and in refusing to give up control, in refusing to step into her feminine, in refusing to let the masculine man lead, she actually ends up— creating that same fearful result of him abandoning her that she was initially so afraid of. Because what happens when women chase men? Slowly but surely, men disappear. Slowly but surely, men lose attraction. And this is the painful pattern of so many high-achieving women who chase, who don't even recognize they chase, And then they are just locked in these connections that never lead to the fulfilling relationship they want. Now, if you're ready to break this pattern, take my Love Blocks Quiz below. It's going to change your life, and it's going to open your eyes not just to what's blocking you from shifting your internal patterns, but also what you can do about them to heal them. It's completely free, and the link is under the video description below. If you enjoyed this video, give me a like, give me a subscribe, and I'll see you soon next week.
