Sami WunderCEO, Dating and Relationship Coach For Ambitious Women / 1200+ client success stories / Mum / Wife

THIS is not in your control!

6 Jun 2025 · 0 min

Watch on YouTube

0:28

In this brief monologue, relationship coach Sami Wunder explains that when a man who was previously interested suddenly reduces his effort or stops pursuing a woman, the cause is almost always external to the woman—typically unrelated personal circumstances in the man's life. She emphasizes that women often internalize the change, questioning their own actions and seeking ways to improve, but she urges them not to blame themselves because the reasons for the man's disengagement are beyond their control. The core message is to shift responsibility away from self‑criticism and recognize that a partner’s behavior can be driven by factors unrelated to the relationship.

When a man is interested in you, a man is thinking that you're an amazing woman, but he still stops chasing because of what is going on in his life. It has literally nothing to do with you. Women tend to be hard on themselves, and every time a man starts to slacken his effort or stops the chase, the women tend to ask themselves, what is it that I did wrong? Where did I go wrong? What can I do better? If a man is disappearing on you or stopping the chase, don't blame yourself, because these are literally reasons that are not in your control.