In this YouTube "Ask Sami" episode, relationship coach Sami Wunder answers a viewer’s (Richa’s) complaint that she can’t find quality men and only attracts "douchebags." Sami argues that the problem isn’t geography or dating apps but a limiting belief that “good men are taken” or “don’t exist.” She explains how repeating this negative story creates a self‑fulfilling confirmation bias, filtering perception and experience. Through multiple client anecdotes (Catherine, Paula, Dani, Natalie, Kathy) she shows that women who shift from scarcity to abundance thinking—by consciously affirming the availability of high‑quality men, meditating, and changing internal dialogue—begin to attract suitable partners without relocating. The core advice is to identify and replace the limiting belief with a positive, abundant mindset, supplement it with small practical tweaks (e.g., adjusting dating‑app approach), and then observe the resulting change in love life.
Chapters
Ask Sami is back again! So let's see the question Richa has sent us from New York. Richa says, hi Sami, your Leap Into Love program changed my life and revealed to me so many hidden blocks and perspectives that I wasn't even aware I had. So a big heartfelt thank you for the work you do. You're welcome, Richa. Thank you for the love. Here is my struggle, Sami. I'm having a really hard time finding suitable men to date. I feel like all the good and attractive men are already taken, or if they aren't, then they are not interested in me. I only attract douchebags. Can you help? Can I help you with attracting douchebags? No, I can help you with attracting high-quality men. Let's get at the bottom of what's going on here for you, Richa. Like every single time, I am sure so many single women will relate with your issue, will relate with your struggle, so I'm sure what I'm gonna say is gonna help many, many thousands of women out there. Okay, so I want to start by telling you a little story. My client, Catherine, from the UK, was in a similar situation like yours, and she said, Sami, there are no good men in the UK. All the good men are taken. and I am going to move back to Australia so that I can attract my soulmate. Now my client Paula from Australia said the same thing to me. She said, there are no good men in Australia and it looks like I have to move somewhere else to attract my dream man. And my client Dani from Zambia said the same thing. Dani wanted to move to the UK, which Catherine wanted to leave in order to attract her soulmate because she felt like there were no good men in Zambia. So something is really going on. It seems like there are no good men ever in the city or in the country in which we live. Now at the same time, my client Paula from New Zealand attracted her man and she's very happy with him. My client Natalie recently just got married to her most amazing man in the UK, and my client Kathy in Australia is living the love of her dreams with another wonderful man. Now what is the difference between these 2 sets of women? The one who keeps saying, there's no good man out there, there's no good man out there, and the ones who attract these men so easily and so effortlessly by staying in the same country. Now what's the difference here? Is the difference in the mindset? And in the attitude of the 2 sets of women. Let me explain. So when a woman says, there are no good men out there, all the good men are taken, what she's actually doing is that she's repeating a negative limiting belief to herself. And because she keeps repeating that belief to herself, that story in her head really becomes powerful and feels like the truth to her. Now, of course, our beliefs are like a lens. They're like the glasses or the lens through which you look at the world. And if your lens is colored red, of course you see the world as red. So if your belief is that there are no good men out there, of course when you go out in the world, you don't see the good men. So it's not about changing the countries or the cities that you are living in. It's actually about looking at yourself and changing your attitude, which, believe me, is sometimes the hardest thing to do, because we want to find fault with everything and everyone on the outside. The last place we want to look at is reflect on ourselves and our beliefs and our attitudes. So here's the thing, my darlings. Good men, available men, are everywhere. They're behind you at Starbucks. They're the men who are opening the doors in restaurants when you walk in. It's the man who stops to help you pick up your books once they've fallen in the middle of the street. Good men are everywhere. And what we need to shift is your attitude and your belief and the story that you're repeating to yourself that there are no good men out there. Because still you keep repeating that story to yourself, It's a confirmation bias. That is exactly the experience the world is going to reflect to you. Now, the good news is that so many of my clients, when they have caught this negative limiting belief in themselves and they have turned it around, so they have literally started meditating and practicing telling themselves, there are plenty of good men out there, there are plenty of amazing, attractive, intelligent men out there available and looking for the kind of commitment that I want. These women have been able to attract such men into their experience so much faster. In fact, my client Dani, the one who was complaining about wanting to move from Zambia to the UK, is now about to get engaged to the man of her dreams, and she found him in Zambia. And so did Paula in New Zealand, who kept complaining for many, many months that there are no good men in New Zealand, no good men in New Zealand, is now in a happy relationship. So it's not that you need to change your city or your country. Maybe your dating app, yes, but nothing more than that. What you need to look at is letting go of this belief that you have that there are no good men out there and shift from this belief of negativity and scarcity into one of positivity and abundance. There are more than enough good men out there and there are more than enough good men looking for the same things as I am in my love life. Now go shift that attitude and see the magic it brings to your love life. I'll see you next time. Bye!
