023 Do Over Life, Grief Recovery with Matt Mcspaden

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Because I mean, and I was at the point where I, like I say, I had great people around me, but I didn't have anybody up at 6 o'clock in the morning saying good stuff to me, you know. And so I had to create that positive energy within myself. And I had to create that in my life if it was going to exist at all.

Congratulations, Lime Fighter! Today you had the courage to open your eyes and face another day. Welcome to Lime Voice. This show's purpose is to help you put the puzzle pieces of Lime into place. Each episode is designed to inspire, educate, and encourage you on your Lyme journey to wellness. Together we will fight. Together we will heal. Together we will live. Here are your hosts, Aaron and Sarah Sanchez.

Welcome, Lyme Voice listeners. We're so glad to have you with us today. Congratulations, you got out of bed, you made the decision to face another day. You've won. Now go get another one. We're so happy to have Matthew McSpadden on today. We were on his show a couple weeks ago. What a cool guy. He's a really interesting guy in he suffered a stroke due to an accident. His brother died, had a divorce, all before the age of 30. So he's got a really interesting story. I know he's not Lyme, but he's dealt with some of the same outcomes of his trauma. Many of us out there are dealing with, with family issues, with relationship issues, with loss of mobility, loss of brain function, all those things that Matt has had to overcome and relearn. Yeah, so we, you know, we instantly had that bond, that connection. I mean, Matt, even though we've never met in person, I consider Matt a friend, a guy in my corner, and I believe he can be that for you guys too. There's more information about his podcast coming up, but it's called The Do-Over Life: Overcoming Grief Matters.

Yeah, and it's important as we're all on this journey of, you know, even the privilege of pondering something, of going back over. It's been one of the things I've talked about is having the freedom to ponder and think through things because I didn't have it for so many years. My thoughts were consumed with stop the pain, stop the pain, stop the pain. And after treatment, when my pain stopped, now I've gone through this whole process of trying to relearn how to manage our house, relearning just the art of communicating and having conversations because So much of that stuff got taken away in survival mode, in crisis mode. You don't have time to sit and just have conversations.

Yeah. Yeah, so important, so important. And then when you're struggling from a mental lack or fatigue or whatever that Lyme is throwing at you that day, you know, it's hard to do any of that. You really have to make a conscious effort and So Matt totally fits the fight, heal, live attitude. He lives it, loves it, and, and he's continuing on that way. And he's seen success. He's seen movement in his life. He's moving past. He's changing his poop into fertilizer.

So cool.

I'm really glad you guys have a chance to listen to him. Make sure you go check out his podcast and subscribe to that. And while you're at it, if you haven't already, please subscribe to LionVoice. We need you guys to help us by subscribing and rating and reviewing. If you're able to do that, our story gets out to more people because it comes up higher on the list. So if you guys go to either iTunes or Stitcher, check us out, give us your rating and review, subscribe. The newest episodes of LionVoice will be delivered directly into your mailbox. And also, don't forget to check out lionvoice.com. A lot of the stuff that we're talking about today. The show notes are going to be listed there, and, uh, some of, some of the offers we talk about are going to be listed there as well. So go ahead and check that out.

Yeah, and I wanted to just share, as we talk through grief and trauma— and I do feel like you guys listening will really enjoy Matt's podcast because it just speaks to all that stuff— I wanted to read some writing that I had written in one of my journals a while back as just going through the process of grieving, of understanding those grief— understanding the grief and the losses. And, and I feel like I've had to just do that over and over again to kind of keep moving forward. So let me read it. I wrote, watching our household fall apart made me feel both angry and utterly heartbroken. Seemingly simple tasks like tucking a kid into bed were unattainable. It didn't make sense. Nothing made sense. I was isolated in a prison that no one could see. Those who stood alongside us could see the fallout, but no one could offer us solutions or ideas on how to help. They didn't understand how incapable I really was. I did. It was evident with every shallow breath and every painful move. But life relentlessly marched forward, oblivious to the fact that I couldn't keep up. As the years unfolded, more and more of our life was being strangled by neglect. There was no catching up. I was just trying not to fall further behind. And the reason why I think Matt is just going to be a great interview is because there are so many losses with Lyme. I mean, all chronic illnesses, the losses are somewhat very invisible to most people, but they also, especially with Lyme, when you don't get the dignity of a diagnosis for 10, 15, 20 years, there's so much loss. And so I feel like he has a really good attitude about, you know, you can't just solve trauma. You, you can't just solve it, figure it out, and put it aside. You really have to process through it and glean from it what you can. And I think that just takes time.

Yeah.

And I, and I like Matt's process of thinking through things and So I think you guys are really gonna enjoy the episode.

Yeah, a lot of good helpful stuff. Hi guys, I want to tell you about Audible. I love Audible. Sarah loves Audible. I know you guys are gonna love it as well. It has been such a huge resource for us. We have an offer at lionvoice.com where you can actually get your first month free. This is a great way to grab one of those books that you've been meaning to read and be able to do it on the go. In your commute, while you're doing your chores, or if you just don't have the strength to hold up the book that day. This is a great way to be able to utilize the information that is so vital for your health and recovery. Go to lionvoice.com, get your free Audible download, and help support Lion Voice. Thank you guys so much, we really appreciate it. Welcome, Lion Voice listeners. Today we are very excited to have our guest Matthew McSpadden. Matthew has his own podcast called The Do-Over Life. If you haven't checked it out, you're gonna want to at the end of this episode. But before I tell Matt's story, Matt, are you ready to help us put the puzzle pieces of trauma into place?

That is an affirmative, sir.

All right.

Well, Matt, as you know, we do like to highlight Fight, Heal, Live. So if you could start out by telling us a little bit more about yourself, some of what you're doing, and then go into your fight story, into your path to recovery.

Once again, thank you so much for having me on the show. It's an honor. I really count you guys as friends in my grief recovery process, so thank you guys for having me on the show. Um, really quick, my story kind of turns interesting. When I was 19 years old, my older brother passed away, and then 2 years later I had a stroke, and it was near fatal, but I bounced back through lots of recovery and people and things to kind of come in my way. And then, um, fast forward another couple years, and my ex-wife at the time, she I came in from running and she said, "I want a divorce." And so through all of these things, I've had to learn how to overcome and how the way I'm feeling right now is not permanent. It's just the way I feel right now. And so I really connect with the fight part of your guys' podcast's mantra, I guess, because I had to fight and I'm still fighting. I mean, every day I wake up and my whole right side is numb. I can't move it, but I've got, I've got to keep on pushing because I know that tomorrow will be better than I was today. So thank you guys for having me on the show, and that's my explanation.

Awesome. So what does that look like then? You're what, 21, and you have a stroke?

Yes. Yeah, that's right. So I was 21 playing flag football. It was a freak accident. I've researched it a lot, like on the internet and stuff, and, uh, I, I've never heard of anybody having this experience. So I was playing flag football, playing defense, and I was going after a ball that was in the air. And right about the time I got to the ball, um, my best friend— I was actually the best man in his wedding— and, um, he was coming after the ball at the same time, and he hit me with his head right in my left carotid artery. So that's in your neck, and The next thing I remember is I was lying face down on the ground about 10 feet in front of where I was. So he hit— I've been hit pretty hard a couple times in football growing up, and he hit me, no question, the hardest I've ever been hit. And so it just caught— I was okay for about 5 minutes, and then I would assume the carotid artery just burst, and I passed out and don't remember a thing for about 3 weeks. Wow.

So it wasn't a genetic issue, it was more of a trauma that caused the stroke?

Absolutely. It was a traumatic event for sure. And no, nobody in my family has really ever died or has had a stroke that led to, um, some bad events in their life. It's just an accident that happened as I was walking through life.

So you're 21 years old I mean, stroke— when I think of a stroke, I think of grandpa in his 60s. So this is way out of left field. What did that do to your personality? How did that change you?

So that's— that is the best question I ever get asked, um, when I'm kind of walking through, um, because I'm still recovering. Yeah, like I said, my, my right side is still numb. I feel like I'm not the same person that I was spiritually or emotionally, and so I'm I'm still in the recovery process. I think I'll forever be there. But, um, so I think how I've changed is I'm much more empathetic now because I not only am I— do I feel really bad when somebody says, yeah, my grandpa had a stroke, but I also get what they're walking through. And I get that their grandfather, he's going through something that not all that many people on this planet have, just like you guys talk about with Lyme disease. And so I'm definitely more empathetic. The negative side, I guess I would say is I'm not very, and these kind of differentiate between each other. I'm not very patient when, like when I'm talking to people and they wanna talk about the weather and—

Small talk.

Like just small talk. It just annoys me because I know that there's so much more to life. And I know that today may be the very last day that I get And I don't want to die and say, yeah, I talked about the weather today.

Matt, we are cracking up because just like last week I was telling Aaron— and I've been very social my whole life, like if I went to a party I wanted to talk to everybody in the room for at least a few minutes versus like talking to one person for a long time— and I told Aaron, I said, I am so bad at small talk.

So I've, I've changed. I'll add on to that. I used to be the person that would walk around, talk to everybody, to make sure they felt comforted and warm and welcome and all that. And now I would rather just talk to one person at the party for 2 hours. And that, that has really changed about me, and I, I don't really know where that comes from.

Um, but yeah, well, I mean, you bring up an interesting point because there's pre-sickness and then post-sickness, and you know, sometimes we end up fighting so hard for the pre-sickness us. I love your attitude, especially when I listen to your podcast, Matt, is your attitude is you are a new person. You're not striving after what you were. You have a new normal and you're taking what you have and using it. And I mean, I think that's really— if I could put keys to success down, that might be one of them. Even for Sarah and I is when we made the choice to quit being quit longing and mourning after our old self and moving forward with our new abilities, hindered as they may be. But as you move forward, that's when you can have success. That's when you can gain your life back by letting the old basically die and using what you have now. Thank you for that so much. I appreciate it.

You're welcome.

Matt, how has that changed your close relationships?

So my, my close relationships that, um, would last a lifetime if I couldn't walk, talk— and I couldn't do that for quite some time— um, the, the ones that will last, and you, you guys know who those are, and listeners out there, you guys know who the lifelong relationships are, and those have gotten really close. About 6 people in my life I could count on that I know would come get me if I called them and they had to drive clear across the United States. They would come get me. Yeah, but my, my kind of close— and I, I won't call them friends because my definition of friend has changed— my friends are those close people to me, the people that, um, are just out there that kind of were close friends, I don't really interact with anymore. I, um, I mean, I will, I will definitely talk to them if they start a conversation. And like, coming up pretty soon is my high school class reunion, and like, I'll go and we'll, we'll hang out and stuff. But I don't really seek them out for advice and things of that nature. So it's definitely changed. I think I'm more close to the to the friends that will last a lifetime and not really interested or invested in maintaining or upkeeping the relationships that are kind of not as close as the other ones.

Yeah. So Matt, when you wake up in the hospital as a 21-year-old and you've been unconscious for 3 weeks, take us through that process. Like, did you wake up and say, okay, I'm fighting, I want my life back, or was that a gradual thing?

Oh, and let me add one more thing. How did your brother's passing play into your stroke? Because you've mentioned that several— as a, as a pivotal traumatic experience. So I kind of don't want to ignore that, of course. But how did that play in as well?

So you guys ask great questions. I'm gonna love this interview. So I think back to the original question. Okay, I think I, I woke up and just kind of got my bearings, but I really don't remember all of what happened for about the next year. Wow. All of 2011, I, I remember some things but not really in linear fashion that we remember a lot of things, right? And so, um I, I was so very depressed. I, I considered suicide. I didn't have a gun or a rope or anything. I hadn't gone that far, but I had seriously considered, what if I just ended this thing? Because that would be a lot better than moving forward and going to therapy again today, because that sucks. And so I, I just I kept waffling in between, like, am I gonna just— and then I kept waffling in between, am I gonna just lay in bed today or am I gonna get up and go running? And then it became, am I gonna lay in bed today or am I gonna go to class? And then so gradually it became this fight of, am I going to stay in bed and let this grief and let this trauma win, or is my story going to be a story of a guy that had some bad things happened to him. His older brother passed away. He had a stroke, but he kept fighting and he kept breathing and he kept living. And through that, he made a good story. And I decided somewhere in that process— and it wouldn't— I don't think it would be a specific day, um, but on the point of a specific day, so early November, I, um— so I had the stroke on October 13th, okay? Got released from the hospital in like November 2nd, I believe. And then maybe November 10th, 11th, somewhere in there, I was at home and everybody had left because they were, you know, doing their own thing. And I, um, I had hopped in the shower, had, um, come out of the shower and was trying to get dried off. You know that drill. And as I was pulling my right leg out of the shower I couldn't move it, and I collapsed. Couldn't move. And I was laying there on the bathroom floor, and I specifically remember this because that was where the fight came in. And I decided that, okay, I'm either gonna have to get up or I'm gonna lay here. And because I tried to get up, it was about a 20-minute process for me to get up, but I finally got up. And that was the day that I decided, like, you know, I think, I think I can fight this. But I'm sure the next morning I woke up and was like, I don't want to get up this morning, right? And I was still— I fell back into that depression. But I remember that day specifically because that was the day that I learned that if I was going to beat this thing, it was because I was going to fight.

Yeah. Wow. I think you bring up a really good point. It's— and, and I went through this, I still go through it. You have to choose hour by hour to fight. It's not like, oh sure, I'm gonna fight and get my life back. You wrestle, or at least I did, I wrestle with that hour by hour. Like, if, you know, sometimes I have to rest and that's okay, but I have to consciously choose to not let the disease take away any more days.

Yep. Yeah, I would add on to that. I would say, um, for, for some people in their walk and in their journey of life, getting out of bed may be the best that they can do, and that should be applauded. For other people, it looks like they should go apply for a job, or for other people, it looks like they should go talk to a couple people sitting at a coffee shop. For some people— and I have been there for extended periods of time— you have to get out of bed.

It starts there. So yeah, you do have to celebrate those little things.

Yeah, absolutely.

Yeah, I mean, if you wake up and you face the day, you've already won. So that's one victory. So let's find the next victory.

And so did your brother's passing affect your fight?

Absolutely. I think so. He died. It was about 2 and a half years before I had the stroke. And I think at first it, it kind of added on to my grief and trauma and it still does. But then it turned into, I have to live not only to get myself recovered from the stroke, but I have to live for Michael. And I have to, that was my older brother's name. I have to live to realize his unrealized potential and also mine. I felt like at that time in my life, I had some unrealized potential. And I think I still do. I think we all do. And so I had, I was, battling with. I have to realize my potential, and also I have to realize what potential Michael had still out there.

Huh. Wow.

So you've had this traumatic experience, you've talked a little bit about how you now have to move forward to heal, because healing is a choice. We can't choose these events happening to us, but we can choose how we address them. What has been one of your biggest assets in healing?

So I want to kind of tag on to that.

Okay.

That, that is really, really important to understand that what happened to you, many times, I would say 99% of the time, we can't control it, right? And so I, I will start there, and that's such a great point. I think one of the things that I had in my corner— two things that I'll mention— I had a lot of people in my life that I, um, could lean on and that I could trust and that I could count on. And so without those people, I don't think I would be standing here today. I think, um, either I would still be in bed or not have a podcast. And then I think, so people was the number one. You gotta, you gotta build your dream team. And I think I built a pretty awesome team to get me through all that. Number two, I think I had always been an avid reader. I'd always— and so I turned that into, I'm gonna read self-help books. And so I read through John Maxwell, I read through Dave Ramsey, I read through, um Golly, I can't— Tony Robbins. I just read through all of their books time and time again, and it just gave me, um, some comfort knowing that I could fight through it and my life could look better. I didn't really know what that looked like, but I knew that I, I could read and feel that somebody else was encouraging me and somebody else was telling me to keep moving forward. So I would say those two things: people And I was just an avid reader and still am.

Yeah. You know, it's interesting. We keep hearing that same thing. And I've been an avid reader too, my, my whole adult life. But I've had obstacles that I've had to overcome that. And so I just kind of had to pour myself into figuring out what wisdom these people had to give me. And I, you know, I think it's been a huge foundational thing of, Yeah, how do you— when you're in these situations that nobody can help you with, you do have to go to these outside sources to get that wisdom.

Yeah, because they're the only tools that, even for Sarah and I, and I'm sure you'll agree with this, they're the only tools that have worked.

What our friends and family, what they understand and what they know, they give us sympathy. Yeah, but— and which we're very thankful for, but it's not powerful. It doesn't change your life, it doesn't empower you.

Yeah, it's, it's that education and that, that really gives you the power that you need.

I would say that empathy, that means something to me at least. Sympathy doesn't mean a thing. I just tell people my story and they're like, oh, I'm sorry, but I know they don't relate. I'm like, that didn't mean anything to me. But if I'm talking to somebody and they're like, yeah, my dad had a stroke and I can say, for your wife, I'm really sorry. That means something to me.

Yeah, you know, that reminds me, um, there's a speaker named Mike Murdock that I really like, and he says, um, those without your pain rarely understand your goals.

Hmm, that's a— that's an amazing quote.

Yeah, and I love it because I'm like, yeah, so you know, you do have friends, but they don't know how to help you, and you are really on this journey, this journey that most people don't understand.

Yep. Matt, I have to go back to your first question. You had said you brought people around that you trusted and knew that supported you. You know, as I put myself into your position, you've just lost your brother, you've gone through a divorce, How did you recover even from that to have the courage to look for new support? I mean, just the loss of your brother and your wife at the time would have— I mean, to me, that would have just flattened me. I don't know if I could have searched out new friendships, even a new wife. How did you get through that? Tell us more about that.

Yeah, so it is my opinion that days start the, the absolute second we wake up. And so through reading all those books, I realized that I, number one, had to start my day off right. And number two, I had to start in a positive, affirming way. I knew those two things. And so I just, I honestly just reached out different affirmations. And I just found that if I say these 10 affirmations when I start the morning, they're all positive, like I can be something to somebody today, I will help people, really small things. But if I start my day like that, it, it's crazy what it— what happens when we write it down and then when we hear our voice say it. So I've been doing those, um, I was doing those a couple months before I got a divorce, but I've been doing those for about 4 years now, and it is crazy the impact that it's made on my life because I wake up and then 10 minutes later I have all this positive energy flowing towards me and out from me. And so I And that is what I would say that people— like a small takeaway is do some affirmations as soon as you wake up because it is amazing what impact that makes in your life moving forward that day and also that week. And then that week turns into that month and then those couple months turn into a quarter and then those quarters turn into a great year.

Wow, that's great. That's such good advice. And it's a theme. You know, like you said, you hear it in a lot of the self-help books. You hear it from people who are succeeding and overcoming, is to speak, speak truth and speak life into their own life.

And it's, it is very powerful because I, I mean, and I was at the point where I, like I say, I had great people around me, but I didn't have anybody up at 6 o'clock in the morning saying good stuff to me, you know. And so I had to create that positive energy within myself, and I had to create that in my life if it was going to exist at all.

Hmm, that's awesome. I seriously have been like so looking forward to this interview, Matt, because it's just so important of a topic. Like, people— I know your story is going to resonate with our audience because they need to hear that they can rise above their circumstances, that even if everything is falling apart, they can still speak truth to themselves and create that, like you said, that, that positive energy.

So people ask me all the time— not all the time, but I mean, pretty often throughout the last few years— they asked me, how'd you get over this? Like, it seems like your story is worse than anybody's I've heard. Like, how'd you do it? And my response is that my story isn't worse than anybody's you've heard. Anybody that's gone through any type of grief, anybody that's gone through any type of trauma, I think we're all on equal playing field. We all get it. But I think the one thing that I have had in my corner is, and this, this is just who I've become, it's not who I was. So if you're familiar with a Gallup poll, you take, it's like 150 questions, you take it, it's just rapid-fire questions. And you just mark the first one that you can think of. And my, my number one strength is positivity. And so I am just always— my first inclination when I'm talking with someone is to be super positive. But it wasn't that way. My nickname— shout out, Mom— um, when I was growing up was Eeyore. And so if you know anything about Winnie the Pooh, Eeyore is the guy that like thinks that everything's going awful and the sky's gonna fall. But I've changed that into, I'm going to be a person that's positive. And so I would say that that is the biggest takeaway from me today for your listeners is to please find a way in interactions with people, in interactions with yourself, because we do have interactions with ourselves, be positive because it is from that place that we can find strength and power and wholeness again.

So Matt, as you're going through this healing journey, and I know you're still on it, um, have you had to learn to do— I mean, if you wake up and your right side is frozen, you have to relearn how to do things. And for me, the last 2 years, I've had to relearn how to do everything in the sense of the way I would pick up or make a meal. And there were just limitations mentally to what I could do. And So tell us, what are the things that you've had to relearn through this journey? Like, obviously positive energy, you're creating your own positive energy, but what other aspects of your life have you had to relearn?

So if you know anything about— and I know just enough about strokes and the impact they make on your body to be dangerous. I am not a doctor, never wanted to be a doctor, so this is just me kind of chatting about what I No. Yeah. And so, um, when you have a left brain stroke, most often it affects sight, it affects speech, and it affects your— the right side of your body's mobility. And it also affects short-term memory. And so my eyesight was, um— so on October, I don't know, 20-something, they checked my eyesight and it was great. So my eyesight didn't get affected, but the three things that did were short-term memory, speech, and right side mobility. And so I had to— I was seated in a wheelchair for about— so I was laying down in bed and was seated in a wheelchair for about a month and then learned how to stand up. I could not talk, battled through that. Little funny story. I hope this is appropriate for your audience. If it's not, cut it out. But I was going to speech therapy in the therapy center., and, um, she said she had heard that I was a PR major, and she said, what, what exactly do they do? And she— and I said, I'm gonna get an internship at Playboy. What I meant to say was, I'm gonna get an internship at People. That's that. And so my— it's called aphasia, but my, my words were all jumbled up in my head. I knew what I wanted to say Yeah, and I had to open my mouth to say it, but I didn't know what was going to come out when I opened my mouth. And so it wasn't until about, I would say, early 2013 that I could put a paragraph together and not like fumble my way through the conversation. So it was a long process to learn how to speak again and just say, I like dogs because they're fast and because they're healthy. I, I could not say that for a couple years after the stroke. And so I, I know what it's like to have to learn to do things again and to learn to— like, I didn't know what 2 2 was. Yeah. Now some of that knowledge came back as I practiced it, um, some of it didn't. And so I just had to relearn it. And so I, I'm so glad that I I got a hold of this book, it's called Mindset by Carol Dweck, and she's a researcher at Stanford. I believe she's a professor as well. And she talks about the difference in the people that think they can learn something and then these people that think, yeah, I've never been good at it, so I'll never do it. And I, I'm from the camp of, well, I just, I'm just not very good at it because I hadn't practiced it enough, so I might as well practice. And so I think I've had to relearn a lot of things, but I think I've always come from the mindset of I can learn anything if I'll put enough time with it. And so I just decided to put some time into relearning how to memorize things on a short-term basis. I put some time and work and sadness and struggle into relearning to talk. It's an awful thing when you forget how to talk. Because that's how we communicate in our culture. And it is a tragic thing to come across somebody and you open up a conversation with them and then just to not talk back. And so I've had to learn a bunch of things along the way, but I think to listeners out there, I would say you can do it. You can learn anything as long as you're willing to put in the time and the work There'll be good days, but there'll also be some bad days, but keep pushing forward because you can learn something.

Yeah. And that's so true. I feel like I've come to that realization where I just had to break everything down into really small steps and then I would just practice those steps and that would eventually equate to a whole task being solved. But it's interesting cuz my sister Stephanie, she was in an automobile accident and she had bruising on 3 sides of her brain. And she's now 6 years post-injury, and she still is dealing with a lot of fatigue, personality changes, all those things that happen when our brains get jumbled, jumbled, as I can't find that word. Um, and she introduced me to a book, Over My Head, by Claudia Osborne, and she's a doctor, and she herself, she gets hit. She was riding a bike and gets hit and has to relearn everything, and through my journey, I really feel like she articulates some things that I was never aware of because nobody was telling me. Everyone was telling me I was fine. So a lot of my stuff was just internal losses, knowing that I couldn't communicate the right way. And she has this quote, even for me, they say, oh, you seem perfectly normal, you seem fine. And I am to some extent in a small window where people see me, but if they could see like the whole picture of my life, they would understand how really incapable I am in some situations. And when I would tell people this, they'd be like, oh, everybody forgets stuff, it's no big deal, blah blah blah, you know, all that short-term memory stuff. And in the book she says, and I'll read you the quote, it says, their occasional absent-minded moments and quirks of intellect have not robbed them of intellectual exchanges separated them from a beloved profession or made them unrecognizable to themselves. Love it. I just felt like, oh my gosh, she, she can articulate those losses that other people don't see.

Yep. To add onto that. So I, so like I said, I didn't know any math. I didn't know what I, I kind of had the concept in my mind of what 1 1 was, but it goes back to like, what is 6 times 3? Okay. It's 18. So fast forward about 4 years, I was a math teacher in a public school for 2 years. That, and that just shows you— seriously? Yes. So that shows you how, how much we can learn and how fast we can learn if, if we will come to terms with the fact that, wow, I, I don't know anything, but I can learn it. And I think that author kind of said that in such a powerful way.

So, all right, let's head into the live portion of our show.

Yeah, you've been telling us a little bit here and there about what you— your ups and downs. What is, if I understand you correctly, your—

how many years post-trauma? I— so it happened on October 13th, 2010. So we have— we're recording this on October 21st, so just over 5 years.

Okay, so 5 years down the road, tell us some of the ups and downs.

So we, we've kind of talked about this, but my, my ups have been I have found a new wife that loves me and accepts me for who I am and is willing to grow with me and develop with me as I grow and develop and change. And we've had a daughter, and that is an unbelievable experience to, to bring life in this world. And it's crazy how when we're at the hospital, they, they finally just give it to you and say, good luck. And that's an interesting dynamic, but we're learning. And so, um, any marriage advice or, um, mom or dad advice, send it to me. I'd love to hear it. So yeah, those are my big wins. I, I think I've also started a podcast, and that's been a big win. I'm gonna, um, hopefully be done with a book by the end of November, so that's a big one as well. So I would say I've had a lot of big wins. My downs are— I get in this mode sometimes of— because like I said, my, my natural inclination, like, from day one was to think the sky is falling. But I've learned that I I have to be positive when something comes at me. So I think I battle with depression, not in a 'I'm gonna kill myself' type of way, but in 'I don't really know what to do, so I'm gonna sit here and do nothing'— that type of depression. And by 'do nothing,' that means not get out of bed, not put on clothes, not go walking, not do the simple life events that take place within a day. And so I think those are my downs, and I think the way that I get through those is calling somebody on my dream team. That, for me, that looks like my mom, a couple friends, my dad, my uncle, people that are in my life that I know that I can count on, that have been there through the good and they've been there through the bad. And I just call them and say, I'm having an awful day. "Can you help me?" And it's really amazing when you'll say that to somebody, how instantly they'll come to the rescue.

Well, you bring up a good point because you're articulating how they can help you. So by calling them, you're empowering them to step in and encourage you. And I think that's part of the battle is just bringing people into your world.

Yeah. No, it's funny. The conversations go like this. I'm usually crying and I say, so-and-so, can you help? I'm having a bad day. And I shut up and don't say anything, and they just pour over positivity and affirmations once again that are true about me, that are true about my life and who I have been and who I'm going to be. And so it's important, it's ever so important to have people on your team, and that looks for for your audience, that looks a bunch of different ways. For some people, that may occur on Twitter. For other people, that may occur on a forum. For other people, that may occur at a coffee shop. But have people on your team that you can count on.

Well, virtually your podcast can, I think, would be a great team member for our listeners.

Yeah, Matt, we haven't really talked about what, what was your thought process in, in launching the podcast? Why a podcast? Why at this time? Like, and, and has that contributed to your healing process?

Great question. So I, I think I've always wanted to get my story out there, but I, I've had kind of a closed mindset, and I'm working on this. I'm reading through Carol Dweck's book again for about the 15th time, but, um, about how I can learn something. And so I'm a journalism major graduated from the University of Arkansas with a journalism major, but because of the stroke, it's taken away my thought process of writing in the how and the why behind things. And yeah, so I just get straight to the details, so that takes out the life in my writing. But I've learned that when I'm talking, I can add some of that life back in. And so I was thinking about starting a blog And I was like, no, I don't want to do that. How else can I do it? And I hadn't really heard about podcasts. I knew they were a thing, but I really didn't know about it. So researched it and am doing one. What I have realized is it's been really good for me to say my story over and over in forums like this and also on my podcast because it's given me a sense of power that I never knew that was within me, that— and but I know now that I can say my story and that it can positively impact other people. I have a couple coaching clients that are jumped on board with me the past couple months, and they've talked over and over about how hearing my story gave them power in telling theirs. And so that— it's just, it's just been so comforting to hear that. So yes, the podcast has definitely been an asset to me in telling my story.

Yeah, it's amazing. I remember as we were talking through like how we would tell our story, you know, for a long time I'm like, why would anybody want to hear this? It sucks so bad. Like, why would you want— you know, but what we're hearing from our audiences is that they can resonate because they're in the same boat. Yep. And so it does— when you hear someone who understands your struggles, it does empower you to think differently, to act differently, to put things into place.

So that's awesome. My dad says, um, that if people aren't going through trauma themselves, they either know someone or going to meet someone really fast that has gone through trauma. So, right, it's, it's not about if you're going through trauma, listen to this show. It's about you're gonna know somebody really fast, or you are going through trauma, so listen to something or read something that talks you through how to get over that.

And I've done a ton of reading on grief because long before anybody saw what was going on, I knew I was grieving, you know, this just downward spiral of losing aspects of your life and personality.

Well, Matt, um, one thing I'd like you to do is if you could tell us how people can get a hold of you.

So they can get a hold of me by texting one word, all caps, no spaces, DOOVERLIFE to 33444. So two 3s, three 4s. And that will, um, kind of let you know about what I do. So once again, they'll text DOOVERLIFE, no cap, or all caps, no spaces, to 33444, and that should take you where you need to go.

Awesome, that's fantastic. I'm gonna do it right now. Okay, Matt, you've only been doing your podcast for a short time. Where do you think this road is leading?

So it's an interesting question because it causes you to think about what does the future hold, right? And I love activities like this because it gets me, and I think your listeners would do the same. It gets you to think about the beyond and what could happen. And if I do this, what's going to happen? That's really exciting. I think what brings me joy is saying what little I do know about overcoming grief and overcoming trauma, is spitting that out and saying that. So I think it looks in the immediate like I'm going to come out with a book. And I'm going to come out with a course. And so I don't know where that will take me, but I think I know this, that if I keep telling my story— and that's what I love doing, because in that I, I've found that I can give other people power in telling theirs. Yeah. So I, I don't really know what that means, but awesome.

Okay, so what is the title of your book going to be?

So I haven't decided that, but it's going to be very practical on how do you— it may, it may— I may just stick with how do you start your day in overcoming grief. Oh, I love that, because I think that's really, really important, because I think it's important to think about, like, go to 30,000 feet out and like, how do you do it? But it's— for me, what's benefited me the most is things that are really practical and things that I really could walk away from now and do now and see an impact in my life. Hmm.

Let me ask you a question before we close here. Do you think, um, you know, depression and post-traumatic stress— isn't there just an element of the fact that, like, when you've been through something so grievous, you have to process through that? And some of the days, like, I'll be fine some days, and then there's just days that it weighs me down and I can't see past the sadness. And now I can kind of pull myself out of it and take a mental health day. But do— did you have to kind of give yourself permission to grieve and then keep moving forward? Because I feel like there's a back and forth. You can't just push forward and you can't just grieve. You kind of have to mesh them together.

Yeah. So I would say 9 out of the 10 people you talk to are going to say the absolute wrong They're going to say, like, if you walk up to them— and because that's why I said have a dream team, because it's, it's important to not call somebody that I hadn't talked to in 4 years, call them crying and say, I'm feeling really awful, because what they're gonna say is, get over it. Or at least what they're thinking is, get over it. I got bad stuff happen in my life too. But it's— so be careful about your dream team. Make sure that they're on your side and make sure they're in your corner. But yes, absolutely, it is okay for you to take weeks, months to be sad, to be mad, to go through the grieving process and whatever that looks like for you. There's a bunch of grief theories out there and I don't think we have time to get into there, into that. But I think, yes, it is so very important for you to, for you to just sit in bed and think Wow, my older brother died. That is an awful thing. And just sit on that for a day or two and then think about, in my life, yeah, my wife left me. Let's think about that for a second. And so yes, it's absolutely important and needed and wanted. And I will say in my life and who I've talked to, it's not all that common. People, people really don't sit and think and consider what they've been through.

To, but I need to, you know. And it's funny because I tell Aaron all the time, like, because I was in so much pain, I just couldn't hear myself think. My, like, subconscious just was screaming at me to stop the pain. And so I told him, like, these last 2 years I've just had the privilege of pondering things because I can hear my own thoughts. I trust my head again, and You know, that's— it's not easy to do that. Yeah.

And I would say in that comes creativity. In, in the sitting and, and thinking about, God, I can't believe that happened to me, you're able to think creatively about what the next steps are for you and in your walk. And so I, I would say, number one, it helps with just overcoming, but two, it helps you be creative and thinking and moving forward.

Yeah, awesome. Well, let us know when the book comes out. I'm really excited for you. And, and then what do you anticipate the course— are you thinking like an online course?

Yes, I, I have a course already live on Udemy. I'm getting some great feedback from it, and that's just on the morning affirmations that I do. And, um, and so I think it'll be centered around the book topic.

Yes. Okay, and give us the information for, for that, for the Udemy course.

Yeah, so you'll log on to udemy.com. It's an online place where you can take courses, and you can learn how to cook, to you can learn how to overcome grief, to you can learn how to code. And so it's been an awesome resource for me just because I, I get to learn things, and I I enjoy doing that. And so go to U-D-M-Y— U-D-E-M-Y, I'm sorry about that— and that will take you to, um, this platform. And then you'll just type in Grief Recovery, and I believe I'm the first one to come up. Got a blue background, some logos on the middle. But yeah, it's my course, and it's just on my affirmations that I say in the morning. Awesome.

Thank you so much for sharing that with Yes, absolutely.

If you would like more information on what Matt is talking about, as his book comes out, we'd love to highlight that into our newsletter. So if you go to lionvoice.com, you can sign up for the newsletter right there, and as Matt's book comes out, we'll make sure to let you know. Matt, before we let you go, is there a quote that you can share with us?

So yes, there is a quote. I don't really know who said it. But Hugh Freeze is the guy that's made it popular. He's the Ole Miss football coach, and his quote is, "Win the day." And I think that is so powerful for me in my life and where I'm at right now, because if I can just win the moment, if I can just win today, that's a win for me. And so I don't know what a win a year from now looks like, but I do know if I can win today, if I can be kind to my wife, if I can be a good example to my daughter, I've won that day. And so that's what I'm focused on right now, is winning every day.

Very nice, Matt. Thank you so much for being with us today. Really appreciate your time. Go check out his podcast. It's, it's on my subscribe list. I love it, and I'm looking forward to the next episode, Matt.

Thank you guys so much for having me on. And to all you grievers out there, keep listening to podcasts like Lion Voice because it's in that listening that we can become powerful again. So thank you guys for having me on.

Thanks, Matt. If you like what we're doing here at Lion Voice, one thing you can do to help us is simply by going to iTunes iTunes or Stitcher and leaving your review. This really helps get the message of LineVoice out to others. Don't forget to go to our Facebook page, LineVoice, and while you're there, give us your like. Also, go to LineVoice.com and you can find all sorts of information and past episodes, also some of Sarah's blog posts. Don't forget to share while you're there.

Talk to you soon. Disease is contrary to life. Therefore, wherever disease exists, life must also fight to exist.

Good job fighting, Lyme fighters! Keep it up. We'll see you next time. LymeVoice contains general information about medical conditions and treatment. The information is not advice and should not be treated as such. Okay, Lincoln? Okay. The medical information on LionVoice is provided as is without any representations, warranties, expressed or implied. Okay? Okay. LionVoice makes no representations or warranties in relation to the medical information on this podcast. You must not rely on the information on this podcast as an alternative to medical advice from your doctor or other professional. Healthcare provider. If you have any specific questions about your medical matter, you should consult your doctor or other professional healthcare provider. And for you, you consult your parents, okay? Okay. If you think you may be suffering from any medical condition, you should seek immediate medical attention. You should never delay seeking medical advice, disregard medical advice, or discontinue medical treatment because of information on this podcast.

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