039 Turning TRAUMA Into Transformation

Congratulations, Lyme Fighter! Today you had the courage to open your eyes and face another day.

Welcome to Lyme Voice.

This show's purpose is to help you put the puzzle pieces of Lyme into place. Each episode is designed to inspire, educate, and encourage you on your Lyme journey to wellness. Together we will fight. Together we will heal. Together we will live. Here are your hosts, Aaron and Sarah Sanchez.

Wishing your doctors could communicate and come up with a cohesive plan specific to your medical needs and genetics? At Invita Medical Center, they offer a team-style approach, giving you the opportunity to heal. In addition to a commitment of providing radical love and care for their patients, they are strategically located in sunny Arizona because Arizona offers the best integrative medical laws in the country. Call today to speak with one of their patient care coordinators. You can find them online at invita.com.

Welcome, Lion Voice listeners! We're so happy to have you with us today, and as always, I have my beautiful wife, Sarah Schlichte Sanchez.

Hi, glad to be on the air again.

So today we we have a dear friend on that we had in the studio. She has been our kids' second mom.

Yeah.

And, uh, tell us a little bit more about Miss Shelley.

Yeah, Dr. Shelley Grunig has been a friend of our family's for a long time. I was so sick that I did not really know her very well, but our oldest son Derek, she is the coach of his robotics team, and it's just been this incredible experience for him. And has just brought to light all his talents and skills and abilities. And she has been coaching robotics for years, and she just— she does it with such excellence and with such care and concern. She just allows kids to blossom into these amazing, high-functioning individuals. So we've been watching her do this for years and years, but really we got to know her and her husband Bob through entrepreneurial course that my dad teaches called G5T.

Yeah, so now why is G5T important to the Lyme listener now, babe?

Well, we did two episodes, episode 25 and 26, and we talk about needing to think outside the box. For so many people with Lyme, you cannot go to work.

Yeah, I feel like Lyme is damaging— it is as it is to your body, Lyme is equally as damaging to your finances. All of you understand how expensive chronic illness, Lyme disease, can be. It decimates your pocketbook.

Yeah. And I remember for us, like, even as we're like climbing out of, you know, we were just hemorrhaging money for years. And when I actually made the decision to go to treatment, it stopped the hemorrhaging. We were still spending money on supplements every month, but it stopped the hemorrhaging. And just as we're like starting to function more normally, we get— my son is diagnosed and then a year later our daughter. And just so many households are trying to treat multiple family members.

Yeah, one is enough. One will ruin your finances all on its own. And it seems like the more people we talk to, the more common this is— multiple people within the family are being affected by it.

Yeah. And so Dr. Shelley Grunig does not have Lyme disease, but I have watched her in these last 2 years go through this incredible transformation journey. And her battle has been with obesity, But we get to walk. We live right near each other, so we get to go on walks pretty consistently and talk through a lot of this stuff. And the parallels between her journey and mine have been just so amazing, right? Yeah.

It's kind of like the rules of the game. The rules of getting out of Lyme disease are the same whether or not you're battling obesity, whether or not you're battling any sickness of any sort. The underlying general rules The mindset we always talk about, fight, heal, and live. Fighting being a mindset, healing being your choice, and living the outcome. And really, that's what we're going to get into today is the fight, heal, live mindset.

Yeah. And, you know, it was interesting. I remember initially when I went out to treatment at Invita, I remember sitting there realizing, like, I love like Hoarders and My 600-lb Life and these different reality shows that I watch. And I remember realizing that every single person on these shows It got triggered by a trauma. And I remember just thinking, like, I'm in the exact same boat. I got to work really hard at not becoming a hoarder.

Yeah, trauma being Lyme in our case, right?

In my case, trauma, yes, Lyme. And in Shelley's, hers has been obesity. But she said something, and I— that just registered with me months ago. She said, in reference to her obesity, she said, I felt stuck and I didn't know how to get out. And I was like, oh, that's exactly how I feel with your disease.

Yeah, it really kind of cuts you at the knees and doesn't let you move forward. And that's one of the reasons that we want to bring Lion Voice is because it is enabling others to get past those mindsets, those stuck parts. If nothing else, know that others have done it and you can too. So I know this episode is going to be really— even though it's slightly different, we're not talking about Lyme disease per se, we're talking about Fight, Heal, Live and those mindsets that are going to help you all get out of where you're at now. So please enjoy. I think you guys will really benefit. Also, we have a few things to talk about. We have our book launch, Little Bite, Big Trouble, which can be found at Amazon.com and on LimeVoice in our products pages.

Right.

If you go up to the top, you'll see products and books. You just click on that and it'll throw you a link right to Amazon. You can get Little Bite, Big Trouble. And this is a beautiful book. I know you guys are going to enjoy it. It's a children's book, but it also is very therapeutic for the Lyme sufferer because it's written through Sarah's point of view with that type of attitude. So you really kind of feel it. I mean, anybody who's read the book and has known illness, even though it's a short little children's book, it's been emotional for them to read it because it is true to point. Also, if you go to Lyme Voice, another thing you can sign up for is the documentary.

Yes, sign up for our newsletter. And you will get a link with our documentary, Disappearing from Society, and it is really awesome.

Yeah, and that's— I know it's a 20-minute documentary, very well done. Anybody has seen it, again, emotional response. It is just a beautiful little project that— well, it wasn't little, it was a big project that Sarah did. I think you all will enjoy this video as well, so sign up for our newsletter.

Yeah, and if I try to answer questions when you guys send in questions, I haven't done a real great job of getting back to it, but we're going to do a special question and answer session coming up. So if you have questions that we have not answered, send it to us and we'll put those questions in a special episode. One last thing, throughout this episode, you are gonna hear us talking about G5T, and G5T is a financial course that my dad created several years ago. And it has been, I feel like, one of the most healing things for our marriage in the aftermath of trying to recover from Lyme. And through it, we just understood that even when we use the same words, our words had different meanings. And so it's been very healing for us. We interviewed my dad in episode 25 and 26. So if you were interested in finding out more about G5T, you can go back to those episodes. It's also on the show notes page. And several families with Lyme have gone through that course, and it has been a lifesaver for all of them.

Yeah, it, it really brings hope for their finances again. It's worth looking at.

Yeah, and Lime Voice would not exist had we not gone through that course.

Absolutely. So enjoy this episode.

Yes, we're so excited, Shelley. Thank you for coming in and talking with us and for being here today.

My pleasure. I'm excited.

Dr. Shelley Greenig, thank you again so much for being here. Tell us what triggered this moment of transformation because you do it for your kids. The kids on your robotics team transform and grow. But tell us really what triggered your realization that you needed to fight against obesity for yourself, for your family.

Well, I don't think for me it was necessarily one specific trigger. As you said, I've spent years coaching and encouraging young people and their parents many times, right? And I've devoted my life to being a wife and mother, and it was just time. Something really just clicked in my mind. And I often say, like, if I could figure out what that was, what that switch was, I'm sure I could be a millionaire because everybody needs that. But it kind of goes along those same lines of it was part of that journey that started with the financial, getting the financial thinking right and changing our blueprint with that, then led me to work on other parts of my life and realize that, you know, I didn't wake up one morning and say, "Oh, I need to not be fat," but I think over time what I realized was that it was really holding me back. My obesity was holding me back in so many ways and I felt hopeless. And I guess probably if there was any trigger is that I happened to see a workshop happening when I was at a doctor's appointment with a friend. Of course, not for myself, but taking someone else to the doctor. I saw a sign about a obesity workshop happening at a local hospital here. And I thought, well, actually, my family's going to be out of town that weekend and I'm actually going to be by myself. How crazy is that? I think maybe I'll sign up and go. And I signed up and went, and the doctor there had some pretty amazing mindset statements that really resonated with me because of the G5T training that we had done with your dad. And because I knew I needed to change my blueprint and it was time. And so I signed up and began this journey with Dr. Vong, Dr. V as he's lovingly referred to. And a lot of things that he was saying came right out of the many of the books that we had been studying, whether— I could list a bunch of the books and you would recognize those, whether it's T. Harv or Napoleon Hill, you know, all those self-help, getting your money mindset right, getting your blueprint right. And it's all linked, right? Like, it is our health and our wealth, because our health is our wealth in so many ways, right? It's at the foundation of what we build on.

And I've been thinking of this interview for over a year because something you said that your surgeon said totally captured my attention. And I'll tell you what it is and then give you an example. You had said that one of the things your surgeon said is that obesity is a poverty mentality. Was that the quote?

Right. I think what he says— he actually has a course online— obesity is a money mindset. Yeah. So it's poor thinking.

Do you value yourself enough to take care of yourself?

Yes.

And the reason it resonated with me is we've talked about this on prior episodes, is I remember our discussion on vitamins. You know, here we're spending year after year huge amounts of money trying to fix me. And your blueprint from your upbringing was that vitamins were a waste of money. So that was the programming or the blueprint that you brought to the table. So once we understood years into it that we had different programming about vitamins, about self-worth, it opened up conversations that we had never had. So in realizing our mindsets are so important and prevent us from, like you said, moving forward, prevent us from being our true self, tell us about the journey that you went on as you're realizing, okay, I'm limiting myself by my behavior. Where did that stem from? Where do you think for you that stemmed from?

Well, I think that part of this journey that's been beautiful and redemptive all at the same time is just really taking a look at how I felt when certain things were happening in my life. And one thing that, you know, that has— was really a big part of that was when we lost— when our third daughter died at birth. Our third daughter, Trinity, she was our second daughter at the time, our third child at the time, died at birth. And the trauma involved in that, but mostly the It's the self-blame that I had for that. So that's part of it. I'm not going to say that I went back and looked through every event in my life that ever happened and like delved in there, because I think one of the beautiful things that Dr. Vong, you know, one of the first appointments I had with him mentioned the loss of Trinity. And I was a little taken aback because I felt like he was saying, nope, you just need to move forward. We'll get there. We'll get there is what he told me. And I was a little hurt by that, but now I see that that was my mentality and I'm really glad that he pushed me forward. And so that I didn't allow that, you know, I just sort of equate my obesity and maybe it's not the same for everybody, but I, I've met a lot of people over time and I think that it, this is possible that as life events happen to you, as trauma happens to you and you're hurt, that just gets packed on you. You know, that obesity becomes your layer of protection, of your way of avoiding the hurt. And for me, I was finally, you know, had the opportunity. Somebody gave me hope. I've lost 50 pounds 5 times over, the same 50 pounds, right? Or the same 80 pounds, whatever. But can't— eventually it catches back up with me. It comes back on. So this time is different because my mindset is different. I have no doubt.

So tell us So you, um, if you're okay with sharing this, how much weight did you lose, just for the audience?

So I started at 282 pounds, and today I'm at 162 pounds. So that would be 120 pounds so far. And I really began the— I can remember the day. I'm not a good person to remember exact dates, but I remember that weekend that I went to that workshop and decided to change. It was actually my son's birthday, so I'm like, oh good, I can remember that date forever forward, right? Like, it was sort of like I was reborn again with a new mindset on that date. So February 26th of last year. Yeah. So I've been on the journey for a year and a half.

So let's go back to something you said, which I thought was really interesting, how it kind of hurt your feelings when, when the doctor isolated that. And isn't it— I think for myself, and it's really important to be able to get past those points. I mean, and it takes bravery to say, yes, these are the things I've done wrong. That is the fighting men mindset that we talk about all the time, is to be able to look at what you actually did do wrong and to address it with an open heart instead of a defensive heart. And I think people that can look at it with an open heart and not a defensive heart, those are the ones that succeed. And I am guilty of that. And I think in those moments where I've addressed and gotten past the hurt of it, the embarrassment of it, is when you can move forward. So you listeners listening today, that, you know, note that, that sometimes you have to admit your wrongs, and it takes a big person to do that.

Well, and it's— I would say it's not even necessarily wrong, it's just that in hindsight you would want to do it differently. And that, that's the journey and struggle with chronic illness is you get 6 months into a new protocol or a new something or other and you're like, man, I wish I had done this or wish I had done that.

Sometimes it's not a mistake you've made on purpose. Sometimes it's just you didn't know or you didn't— in hindsight, you can see where you did wrong. And to be able to admit that is a big deal and it's a major part to moving forward.

I completely agree. You're right on there, Erin, with what you're saying, that, that we do, that's how we create the opportunity to heal.

Well, and it just— fighting is a mindset in the sense of you experienced a trauma that was not your fault. I experienced a trauma that was not my fault. And yet it becomes our responsibility if we want to move past it. And I think that's really hard.

It really is, because especially in my case, after losing Trinity, I did feel like it was my fault. And that's really what I finally have had to leave behind is that no matter what people said, no matter what I thought, that it happened and it's time to move forward. It's not that I drug her with me to everything, but obviously there was a hurt there and there were other hurts that were probably not as— they weren't as big as that one that I can pinpoint. But that really is sort of the trauma place for me.

And that's a perfect segue into healing is a choice. And again, just like a kid who falls off his bike and breaks his arm, that's just an accident. And yet if you don't deal with the broken arm and go into the ER and fix it, you deal with that hurt forever. And so in the sense of healing consisting of choices, what are some of those choices that you made, choices that you made to fight, choices that said, hey, I'm going to do things differently?

So I sort of— my journey here, like you said, it's sort of parallel with what you're talking about and That's why I love Lime Voice because I think that so many people can find hope on your podcast and on your website and all the things that you're doing. Dr. Vong gave me that hope that I wasn't gonna do this alone, that he had some tools and here were the tools. And I thought, you know what? Nothing has worked up to this point. I've tried lots and lots of things over the years. You know, I've tried every different diet there's out there. I've tried exercising. I've tried different diet pills, different, you know, whatever was out there, but I lacked hope. It's hard when you're trying to do these big things alone. So for me, taking that hope and then turning that into just realizing that it was time for radical change, like I either needed to put my energy into radical change or I needed to realize that I was never going to change this blueprint. So It was totally a mind transformation first, right? We decide to fight. We decide to get angry. It's okay to be angry. I've never given myself permission to be angry. You know, people always saw me, I think, as the fat and happy and nice lady. But since I've been on this journey, I've figured out I need to stand up for myself sometimes. And it's okay, whether it's not agreeing with people or some people are no longer in my life because I cannot currently manage their needs over my own. I need to prioritize myself in a higher ranking up there.

So those people that— they were negative influences on you?

Absolutely. Or there were negative influences, maybe they weren't intentionally negative, but they just led me to question every decision that I made, or question my own confidence, or yeah, just had some sort of negative impact. And it might not have been ever been anything that they intentionally did, but they fed into that blueprint or some of those old habits and that I needed to fight my way out of. Especially when you're talking about obesity, you know, if there's friends who didn't encourage my new radical ways of eating and the new things that I needed to do, it's harder to spend time with that because I need to prioritize myself. I need to fight for Shelley. First. And because in the end, if I fight for Shelly, then Shelly has way more to give. And that's the thing that I've learned along this journey is that— and again, it's much like— it's not the same as chronic illness, but the fight is the same, right? Like, you have to make that decision and then put yourself first, heal yourself, and then be able to help others. Heal themselves.

Well, and then I think it's important to know that once you get to the basement— a friend of ours always says, Stephen Groeters always says, once you get to the basement of chronic illness, whether it's lupus or obesity or whatever, everything is the same once you're there. So I mean, what you're saying is absolutely true in that it doesn't matter if it's obesity, Lyme disease, diabetes, whatever the case is, these mindsets they are universal in these points. And there's a million self-help books out there that kind of describe these.

Absolutely.

Well, and when you're faced with something like Lyme or chronic obesity, you realize that it's just this personal transformation journey, and you can sink or swim. You can ignore it, or you can figure it out so you can move forward. But one of the things I want you to talk about is you— I've seen you understand how you need boundaries in a different way. And I feel like in a sense, I had to learn that lesson very early in my life because of my fatigue. And, you know, I'm sure there's still glaring areas I'm not good at, but I had to learn to prioritize my energy because I had so little of it and only could give what I had. And so I've seen you do that. What has understanding those boundaries and valuing yourself allowed you to do?

Well, I think boundaries is and will be for some time a struggle for me, and I continue to learn about that. But you're right, I have spent many, many years now— I really realized that my obesity was sort of even more triggered because I was giving to so much during— to other people during the day that in order to get the work done that I needed to get done, I would stay up late or pull all-nighters. And to feed that, I would use caffeine and sugar and to spike my blood sugar and keep me awake, right? So it was just like the reality of how I thought I had to live. Just a really simple example is 13 years ago when I started the robotics team, I often stayed up really late into the night working with, you know, supervising the kids that were working in my garage. I might be working on something else, but I was I was supervising them, but I would stay up till 2 or 3 in the morning and it was okay. But the past, especially last year, but even the year before that, it was sort of coming on with the whole G5T training and changing my mindset that, you know, I'm like, no, I am out of energy at 9 o'clock and that's when we got to end and I need to be in bed by then. But if you want to come back at 4 AM when I'm up, because I do get up at 4 AM because I go to bed by 9. PM, you're welcome to do that. But just like creating those boundaries, and what that has done is just allowed me to be more productive with the time that I do have. So, you know, I'm not working at 50% all day, 24/7. Instead, I'm actually sleeping and working at 100% or 120% for those 8 hours that I'm awake, or, you know, however many hours.

Well, and my boundaries had to be geared around I cannot give what I don't have. So if I want to give my kids strength, I have to have strength. If I want to give my kids hope, I have to have hope. And so for me, those boundaries— and I would have never imagined having to kind of live so small for so many years, like my little world was really tiny— but I had to have these boundaries so that I had time to juice every day and I had time to swallow 65 supplements that I knew were going to make me nauseous for 2 years and just went on and on. But even for me, it was a journey of transformation because early on in my illness, I wouldn't have said that. I would have been like, oh, we can't afford it, or, you know, oh, it didn't necessarily feel like it was working, so it's not valuable. And I had to completely change the way I viewed my body and my cells and put those boundaries in place for years.

Yeah, and that was really hard for you because you already felt guilty for being sick, and to be able to give yourself more where you already felt like you were lacking, that was really hard. And I think that was an important step for you to be able to say, it's okay that I'm sick, this is what I have to do in order to not be sick, and to be able to isolate yourself. So I mean, I know many— that's going to resonate with a lot of our listeners because there's so much guilt associated with sickness where you— I haven't been able to meet with these friends and I should be able to go out and do these things for them, be available to them. But in reality, what you're doing is you're cutting yourself off at the knees because the next day you're even worse. And then it progresses to resentment where now we have any— and if you've ever been on any Lyme website or Lyme groups on Facebook, there's a lot of really bitter people. And it's not just because they're ugly people. It's just because they have been put through the meat grinder of illness and it's really hurt them. And so you end up with resentment and ugliness that is really unfair to everyone involved. It's unfair to the person who's dealing with it, and it's unfair to anyone who dares come across their path.

I can really relate that to, to the whole obesity, because the obesity groups that I'm part of, I see that too. You know, just, just this morning, my daughter texted me about something she saw in one of the obesity groups that we're on together. And she's like, "Can you believe that this person said—" I'm like, I told her, actually, if I pulled up my phone and I showed you the message, I said to her, it really is a mental illness in a way. Like, it is a struggle. And deep down there, there is something that the mindset here, again, it just goes back to that mindset of people being hurt so deeply through the process. And I, I think especially the mama guilt, right? Like, I can— you and I have had many conversations on that where as a mom, just the guilt of wanting to give the most and giving to everybody, and whether it's friend guilt or mom guilt or spouse guilt or whatever, but that is part of the fight that you have to realize setting some boundaries, and I'm still learning. I have always admired your ability to think through that. That has helped me in ways that I could tear up right now, but I'm not going to. Just watching you set those boundaries has really helped me in my journey realize that if I want to heal, that I need to do that, and it's okay.

And it's been hard because even lately, like even last night, there was a family event that was happening. We had a really busy week and we had to say no. It's Father's Day weekend, as it's June 16th as we're recording this, and it's Father's Day weekend and it was revolving around Father's Day and we had to say no, we can't come. Even though they kept asking, what were you guys doing? Well, we're busy and it's okay. And we just had to pass on it, which I struggled with yesterday. I was like, oh, we should be able to do this, but I also knew We had an interview this morning with the wonderful Miss Shelley, and we had other— my own Father's Day events to plan. So it's okay. Just give it to yourself and it's okay.

Yeah, the boundaries are really hard. So as you were talking about that, one of the things that has come to mind over and over as you and I have talked over the years is being able to value yourself enough to set those boundaries. And I think when you are operating in shame or trauma from obesity, shame or trauma from chronic illness, whatever it is, it just limits you on so many levels. And it's hard to see that in advance. It's hard to see that coming down the road. For nearly two decades, Invita Medical Center has been leading the way with the latest in personalized treatment options designed for patients dealing with Lyme disease complex. At Invita Medical Center, they offer a team-style approach and the latest technology regarding treatment and testing at an unmatched radical love and care environment for their patients. Call to speak to one of the patient care coordinators today to learn why hundreds of patients choose Invita Medical Center each year. You can find them online at invita.com.

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Let's talk about the oppression, the long-term chronic oppression. For me, it's pain and was pain and fatigue over and over again, which in and of itself brings shame. For you it's obesity. But I was watching a movie, and in the movie the girl said, can anyone truly be happy if they aren't free? And it made me think of my illness in the sense of, did I have happy moments within those years of suffering? Totally, absolutely, of course. And there were moments where I could— it was someone's birthday, and I could say, okay, I'm not talking about pain, I'm not going to think, like, shove it to the side and move forward. But eventually, it would just come right back on top of me, and it eventually controlled my every move, my every thought. What do you think, coming from a place of oppression and now being a year-plus into having more freedom mentally, freedom physically from obesity, can you truly be happy if you aren't free?

It's funny, when you said that quote, it made me think of an article that I read this week, and I'll have to pull that out and maybe stick that citation somewhere around here. But I think the difference? Well, I think that we do have to be free, but freedom, you know, you think about people who struggled with imprisonment, like, how do you get free? You can be free and still be in prison. So again, that goes back to our mindset, like, where does freedom come from? Freedom comes from within, and that's where it starts. Now, often when we're struggling, whether it's— I think we need— we either have a traumatic event that pushes us forward, or maybe there's someone who comes alongside guide and really helps move us forward. But I think you can be happy. For me, the question is, is there real joy without that freedom? And the only— as I'm on this obesity journey, one of the things that I'm watching in these groups as people talk, or with my own kind of journey, is looking in the mirror. There's still many, many examples of, you know, I might have lost 120 pounds, but I've got a whole lot of skin that, that's hanging around that it's gonna go nowhere, you know. It's here to stay. It's a reminder. And I've seen a lot of people really be unhappy with that in their posts or sharing with me verbally just how upset they are about how their arms look because they've got extra skin there. But for me, I'm gonna choose freedom over that. I am not gonna let that extra skin imprison me again with just another negative mindset. So it might not be obesity now. It might be vanity, might be my negative mindset, right? Like worried about how does this look to other people? Did they notice or can I hide this by some way? Because for me, hiding that feels like shame. And it goes back to that dark place of hiding the sadness and the trauma of the death of Trinity. That sort of was the beginning of this journey of obesity for me. So does that make any sense? Totally. Rambling on there a little bit, but choosing joy. There are happy moments even when things stink, whether you have to declare bankruptcy, whether you have to— whether you're in the hospital, whether you're next to someone's graveside, whatever it is. Right. But freedom is really a mental choice. And if we can harness that, like, look at all those self-help books. Everybody's trying to promote how they've really harnessed freedom in their mind. If we free ourselves in our mind, we can unleash amazing possibilities.

Well, and it's so important because it's not just another pill. It's not another procedure that's going to get you past these mindsets. Like, so many people are looking for the lime pill that's going to cure them. Well, until that day comes, We have to change our mindset to be able to go forward. And until all these things, it's not, you know, America has been a pill nation where whatever pill is on the market next, that's going to cure me. Well, we're seeing now because chronic illness is just skyrocketing. I think it's 60% of Americans have a chronic illness of some sort.

Off the charts. It's crazy. And that's all they've changed in the last few decades. It wasn't like that.

I think pharmaceutical, that pharmaceutical attitude of give me my pill so I can go on, it doesn't get the root cause of it. It only deals with the symptoms. And if the root cause is in your mind, just like you said earlier, it's a mental illness, it's a mental mistake, it's a wrong mindset. Until you can get your mindset lined up with healing. That's why we emphasize Healing is a choice. Fighting is a mindset. And those things have to be in line. It's not another pill.

Yes, because that is the only— I mean, I love the fight, heal, live. That is the only way we're going to ever live to our fullest capacity, right? Is because, you know, from my perspective, you guys know that sort of that verse in Haggai that talks about what God has planned for us is far greater than anything we could ever imagine. And if we can only get on board with that in our minds the doors and the opportunities that open up and the healing. Will you ever be able to completely heal from Lyme? Will I ever be able to completely heal from obesity? Obviously, I might have surgery one day to get rid of that extra skin, just because it does become another health issue, to be honest with you. But it's a choice. It's a mindset. It starts with that. And that's how we find true joy.

I love that distinction between being happy and having joy. Because there's a big difference.

But I don't know that I could have articulated that, reiterate that, because I think we talked about that before we started recording.

Well, you just mentioned, yes, there's moments of happiness. And even for me, you know, I had this decade of loss in isolation, and there were moments where I was happy, and I wouldn't have said, oh, I'm not joyful. But I don't know that when you're suffering from oppression of pain, fatigue, obesity, that you even have the mental capacity to be joyful. Yeah.

And that's why it's so important for other people to be on the journey with you is to encourage. So whether it's other people through a podcast or other people through a Facebook group that, you know, that's the thing that you have to surround yourself with people who have the right mindset and that they will speak into your lives and bring you along. You know, I mean, that's really important, you know, to find those few people that will say to you, "You're not thinking clearly," or whatever that is. Because you can look on group— I'm in one of the obesity groups. Someone posts something on there that's definitely showing that obesity is a mindset, right? And you have to be really careful about how you respond. But some people will take a good response and realize. And that's what you were talking about earlier, Aaron. Like, instead of getting defensive about some of this stuff, we have to look at it. If we have that defensive response or, you know, that upset or anger or whatever, and then we need to look inside ourselves and figure out why is that. And if this— do we need to grow from this in some way? Do we need to realize that it's inhibiting our own growth?

And that's so true. Facebook groups— we're in lots of different face groups with Lyme and chronic illness. And just to be aware of the fact that those Lyme groups have provided me with education and inspiration and a lot of positive things, and they've also been the source of a lot of negative things. And so you have to be conscientious. Is this taking energy from me or am I receiving energy from this? And figure out that boundary of, okay, I'm going to let these people speak into my life, if they're on track with where I want to be. If they're not, then I disregard it, right? Yes.

Well, it's sort of like creating your own little mastermind group, right? Where they speak into your life. And we've talked about Facebook, but obviously we do this in person with one another. And I do this in life with kind of a group of women that are in my life that as I started to change, you know, we've signed up people to take your dad's class. My husband and I then went on and have taught the class twice ourselves and brought in people. Because we knew that in order to grow ourselves, we were going to have to grow people around us so that we didn't have to leave those friendships behind, but that we could all sort of grow together. As the tide rises, all boats rise, right? Like, so trying to increase that tide so that all the boats of those people that were important in our lives and surrounding us could also rise.

As we head into our conclusion here, Shelley, in the documentary Disappearing from Society, which was directed by your amazing daughter Mackenzie. One of the lines in there at the end of the documentary says, we all face different hurdles throughout our lives, some brought on by genetics, others by addiction, disease, or poverty. Can you just take us back to a moment within your transformation journey where you had an aha moment of, this is a boundary I need to put in place, this is a concept, this is quote? Like, take us back to one of your aha moments.

Trying to think of one actual aha moment for you. I've had so many along the way, little like, oh my gosh. But I really think the aha moment that's coming to my mind right now is where the journey started, which was the finances. And it relates to the obesity, and this is why. Because in the financial class, we talked about paying yourself first. And my husband and I, Bob, we had been doing that a long time ago, let's say prior to children. Financially, we have been doing that, right? But somewhere along the way, we forgot. We stopped. You know, maybe one week it was like, oh, that's not going to work. So we can't really pay ourselves first. So we'll do it next week. And then next week came and next pay period came and it didn't work because we are a single-income family and That was just the reality of it, right? And it relates to the aha of obesity because I need to pay myself first. I need to take care of me first so that I can give forward. And that really is what's motivating me. Like, I can see now if I get myself right, if I heal myself, how much greater I can live and how many more lives I can touch and the people that I can help. And, you know, whether that's through organizations that I'm part of or communities that I'm part of or whatever that is, that's the big aha for me. That— and it shouldn't sound like such a big aha. Like, as I'm sitting here thinking about it, it's like, no, but what's the big deal? But for me, it was a really big deal because somewhere in there, in serving others, I lost myself and what, you know, where I needed to be going and You know, while I was inspiring young people to do amazing things with their lives, I had a smaller thought, a smaller mindset for myself. So that's probably the biggest aha there.

So as you were talking, the word that popped into my head was wholeness. That's the journey is for you, is for wholeness— spiritually, physically, mentally— wholeness.

Yeah. And to get whole, I think we need other— I need other people. Maybe there's some people that don't. I know I'm kind of a— I would not call myself an extrovert, but a relationships and other people are important to me. So to help myself accountable, setting myself for success, you know, I created that— this Facebook group that I've been doing because I know that that's going to be the best way for me to hold myself accountable and to just have real relationships online, right? In addition to the real relationships that I have in person, because I have a really great support system. I have— as much as this has been my journey my family has been such a big part of the journey. You know, my husband and I just the other night had this conversation. He said, you know, there is really no junk food in this house. Like, I want some chocolate. There is none. I don't even— like, I had to go out and buy sugar recently because we needed it for something, because I don't even right now, because I know for myself I have to take care of myself. And if I'm the priority in my house, I need to set myself up for success. And so I said to him, you know what, I'm really sorry. And I'd like to say that someday there'll be chocolate back at our house, but I'm not even sure that that's going to happen. And you're going to have to be okay with that and stockpile your chocolate at work. That's all I got to say about it because I can't control myself around chocolate. So awesome.

Shelley, give us an overview of Misfit Moms. Misfit Moms is an online Facebook group talking about transformation mindset. Just if viewers would like to join your Misfit Moms Facebook group, tell them where they can find you and what your focus is. Sure.

So they can find me at Shelley Grunig, comma, a Misfit Mom. And I won't go into that whole story of how that name came about, but they can read a little bit more about it or watch some of the posts. But the reality is that as I started divorcing weight— no, I did not divorce my husband. People have asked me that when I— I don't want to say, you know, Dr. Vaughn 's really big about don't say that you've lost weight because you don't want it coming back. Like, I didn't lose it because I don't want to go find it. So I love that. Yeah, he says released weight, but people don't get that. My kids think that when I say I released weight, they're like, Mom, it sounds like you went to the bathroom. So I came up with the term of I divorced 120 pounds, right? But I did say that recently and someone said, oh, I'm so sorry that you and your husband No, no, no, no. So let me make that clear. My husband and I are great. Actually, our marriage is better than it's been in forever. But so that's just A Misfit Mom is where I'm chronicling what I'm learning, my journey, hopefully handing out a little bit of hope to others along the way. People started asking me as they saw a few pictures get out there, or they talked to me like, how have you done what you've done? And so I've posted on that group how I've done what I've done and, a lot of times, why I've done what I've done and just sort of give a glimpse to people. Because I really would like, if there are people out there who are fat, you know, we use— they might be offended by that F word. You know, obesity is a nice way to say it, but the reality is that I was fat and tired and I needed help. So if other people are out there and are struggling with that or interested in how I changed my mindset in a way that might be— give them hope, then come join the conversation.

Well, and I've enjoyed being a part of it because while our issues are different, I'm not the mom I was and I'm not the mom I want to be. And so I remember seeing your initial post about Misfit Moms and I'm like, dude, that totally fits me. I'm doing the best I can, but there's areas that I can't get to and We're all in that boat anyway, it's just whether or not we acknowledge it and try to move forward. Thank you for being here with us today and for giving us your wisdom and your insight. And I love that— divorcing your weight, or for us, divorcing Lyme. And one of the things that I have begun saying is people will email me or, "Oh, well, what test did you do?" and blah, blah, blah, and they want to know all the logistics of of my recovery process. And while I have shared a lot of that on the podcast, I have started to say I'm forgetting— I've chosen to forget the details because honestly everyone's resources are different, everyone's mindset is different. You know, there's some general guidelines, but what I have seen is that mindset plays a huge role in every decision.

And that is exact— that goes back to that first appointment where I told you I shared with Dr. Vong about The loss of Trinity, like choosing to move forward, choosing to, you know, like let's focus on the future. And I know that is so hard. I can't even imagine with Lyme, with a chronic illness, how hard that is, you know. But from my experience as a fat, obese person, that we do have to choose to move forward. And, you know, while details are important, and, and that's why, you know, Misfit Mom, like these are videos of things, real life things that are coming in my life and how I'm dealing with them or the things that are happening as an encouragement for people to move on. But like you said, you can't— it's hard to remember some of those details and that's okay. That's our minds like protecting us, right? Like from the detail of the hurt and the pain.

Thank you, Shelley. Thank you. Wishing your doctors could communicate and come up with a cohesive plan specific to your medical needs and genetics. At Invita Medical Center, they offer a team-style approach, giving you the opportunity to heal. In addition to a commitment of providing radical love and care for their patients, they are strategically located in sunny Arizona because Arizona offers the best integrative medical laws in the country. Call today to speak with one of their patient care coordinators. You can find them online at Vida.com. Disease is contrary to life. Therefore, wherever disease exists, life must also fight to exist.

Good job fighting, Lyme fighters! Keep it up. We'll see you next time. LymeVoice contains general information about medical conditions and treatments. The information is not advice and should not be treated as such. Okay, Lincoln? Okay. The medical information on LionVoice is provided as is without any representations, warranties, expressed or implied. Okay?

Okay.

LionVoice makes no representations or warranties in relation to the medical information on this podcast. You must not rely on the information on this podcast as an alternative to medical advice from your doctor or other professional healthcare provider. If you have any specific questions about your medical matter, you should consult your doctor or other professional healthcare provider. And for you, you consult your parents, 'kay? 'Kay. If you think you may be suffering from any medical condition, you should seek immediate medical attention. You should never delay seeking medical advice, disregard medical advice, or discontinue medical treatment because of information on this podcast. Got it, Lincoln? Got it.