073 Lyme Southern Belle- I'm Still UNDEFEATED with Jessica Donaldson

I haven't lost yet. I'm the one with the undefeated record. Like, none of the other ones, you know, none of the other diseases have beat me. Nothing has. Not a single thing. My worst day, I still overcame. And I tell people this all the time. Think of your worst day. Think of that time where you were literally crying on the bathroom floor, praying for God to kill you. You got through that. You're the champion, not this disease.

You're undefeated.

Exactly. You're the undefeated warrior, not your disease, because you beat them every day up until now.

Welcome to Lion Voice. We are your hosts, Sarah and Aaron Sanchez. We created this show designed to inspire, educate, and encourage you on your path to wellness. This show's purpose is to help you put the puzzle pieces of healing into place. Join us as we interview other warriors and discuss how fighting is a mindset, healing consists of choices, and living is the outcome.

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Yep. Welcome to Lime Voice, everybody. We have a great episode today with Jessica Donaldson. Jessica can be found at limesouthernbell.com. She has a great blog, great humor. What, what an amazing person this is. She has become, uh, quite good friends with Sarah. I think you guys are going to really enjoy this episode. In fact, we have her scheduled for other episodes after this one. It'll come up here in the future, but I know you guys are really gonna love this episode with Jessica Donaldson.

Welcome to this segment with Jessica Donaldson. This is Jessica's first segment with Lion Voice. And Jessica is the founder of the Lime Southern Belle blog, and I like to call her my blogger extraordinaire. Jessica, welcome to Lime Voice. Thanks for being here.

Thank you so much, Sarah. I've been looking forward to this. We've tried so many times. Like, I'm glad we're doing it this time.

Third time's a charm.

Fourth time's a charm. Yeah, yeah, we're gonna get it. We're getting it.

It happens that way sometimes.

Well, I mean, we just discovered we're besties, so we'll figure it out.

Yeah. So you wrote an article called Pin the Tail on the Donkey, and this was one of your very first articles, and it was published by The Mighty a while back, and that will be on our show notes page. But I wanted Jessica to talk about this article and what brought her to the point of writing it because there is so much power in voicing your story. And that is why we started Lyme Voice. And we had done a post a few weeks back, and I, I wrote it out. I said, my voice, your voice, Lyme Voice. And I absolutely love it because that is why there's power. And there's just power when you hear someone else's story of like, okay, that person's life sucks and they got through it, I can do it too.

Yep, exactly. I mean, it's kind of a positive take on misery loves company that if you know other people are— have been suffering too and have gone through the same thing, well, heck, if they can do it, I can do it. Or I can at least push myself to do better, you know. Even just there, you don't have to be successful at everything. God knows I'm not, you know. So it can just be a journey, and to definitely just kind of get on the bandwagon of that. Totally.

So So tell us about this article. Tell us about Pin the Tail on the Donkey.

Okay. So my family has probably had a good 10 years of hearing bits and pieces of this little rant throughout my life. It was kind of my frustration moment with— I was researching. I'm such a researcher, always have been. I used to tell doctors with every diagnosis, I'm an information junkie. I will research it to the ends of the earth because I want to know how to do what I need to do. Like, what can I do to make this better? And, well, when you start researching chronic, especially late-stage Lyme disease, you get so many different opinions. You have one doctor that swears you treat it this way. You know, one doctor that it's like lupus. No, it's like cancer. No, it attacks the T cells like AIDS. Hey, how about we're just sick and we just get better? Like, how about that? Okay. I just want to know what I need to do to get a little better. You know, I'm not asking for miracles, not asking for you to wave a magic wand. I'm telling you to not tell me I need low-grade chemotherapy for zero cancer. Like, that's just not okay for me. You know, I mean, and the things that I was told were just crazy. And then you would go on to the diets. Oh my gosh, the freaking diets that I have been on to try to help with Lyme disease. Lord help my poor body. Like, bless its little heart. Like, we have done everything from, okay, you can't have sugar. Oh wait, now you need sugar because now your blood sugar is 35. Oh no, wait, now you need to drink a whole bunch of water. Wait, that's too much water. Wait, we gotta do cucumber water too. No, wait, that's lemon. Lemon, right? Or turmeric, or— you know what I'm going— please just stop making it so complicated. Just, it doesn't have to be this, this complicated. It was my kind of jump up on the soapbox and go, you know what, we really don't have this figured out. Can we just start there? Like, that's a good place to start. Let's just figure out what's helped each other. Like, you tell me what's helped you, I'm gonna tell you what's helped me and we can figure this out. You know, it was one of those times for me where I just— my therapist had recommended me writing a book. I was like, eh, how about a blog? Like, I can do a blog. I don't know about a book. I can do a blog. So this was the first piece that I kind of just put together and it just flowed right out of me. And I'm sure it doesn't read as funny as it does in my head. But maybe now hearing my voice and kind of like how I am, people get it. Because it was really just something that was supposed to be funny for me. Like, it was my Lyme rant, my time to jump on that soapbox. I'd be like, oh, just stop. Like, don't come at me with another cure. Don't come at me with another diet, another supplement, another nothing. I don't need any more of them. Like, I just need to know what's helped you so I can figure out what could help me. You know, it was that simple. And it was just kind of grew from there, I guess.

So what I thought— I thought the analogy was perfect. As soon as I saw it, I was like, oh yeah, that totally makes sense. It is literally— that's how you feel is physicians are walking around with their blindfolds on trying to figure stuff out, and you're like, really? Are we better off? For the most part, like, oh, most of us have been doing this a lot of years.

Yeah.

And so I think it just brings to light the discussion that needs to happen in the sense of like, none of us actually know what is going on here. For the most part, people think they do, and different clinics and different organizations do have different aspects figured out, right? But that's it. They have key pieces of the puzzle figured out, but the whole picture—

oh, it's one big mess. Yeah, it's a Monet completely. When you're standing far away from it, it's gorgeous. When you get up to it, you're going, oh my goodness, what in the world is going on here? Like, you know, yeah, yeah, I could even like We can even take that even a step further to say people that, you know, haven't been able to embrace this aspect of it, of the beauty in the chaos. It is chaotic. It is a disease that can attack you on every single level. Like, there is not a level we can discuss that Lyme disease cannot reach. Like, there's just not, you know. So then why not treat it? As a whole body issue. You know, it's not a disease-rooted issue. It's your whole body. We have— and that means your spirit, your physical body, what you're eating, what you're feeding yourself mentally, everything. You know, that, that's where the healing lies. The frustration and the anger and depression and darkness of Lyme disease lies in the pit of how to treat it. If we get away from that, gosh, you know, we can heal. You know, like, you just have to get out of that, that dark pit. That's what it is, you know. And, and start so hard to get out of the pit.

Oh, you have symptoms that are literally pinning you down.

Oh, I totally understand. I mean, when I actually— which I have another story coming out that's telling my remission story— I actually successfully had remission from Lyme disease for about 17 months. And so, yeah, you know, I just get that.

Tell me your— tell me, you know, like a 2-minute version of your story and then the fact that you are in remission.

Okay, so, um, I've been sick basically majority of my life since puberty. Went everything from endometriosis, then it progressed to, uh, IC, and then non-Hodgkin's lymphoma, sarcoidosis, histoplasmosis, uh, I mean, you name it, they've tried to stick me with it. But, and then eventually 2013, I was diagnosed with Lyme disease. Was actually tested, came up positive for Lyme, Babesia, Bartonella, Epstein-Barr virus, and Rickettsia, which I'm probably saying wrong, but that's just how I want to say it. So, you know, I really don't care. So, yeah, so it was very overwhelming for me right away. Was with the LLMD doctor and started— I started IV antibiotics because I threw up everything. Like, that's one of my go-to, oh my goodness, the Lyme is out of control symptoms, is when I'm throwing up every day. That's kind of my little red flag that goes, yeah, we need to focus on this a little bit. And so started IV antibiotics, endured 6 PICC lines and infections and removals, and then finally had a port-a-cath put in I think like March 2014, sometime around in there, and started— finished out my IV antibiotics. And that year they told me I— they would be surprised. The doctors told me they would be surprised if I made it to Christmas. I was so sick. My decision was, well then, if I don't have much time left, y'all are the first thing to go. I waste no more time in a doctor's office. Like, none. I refuse to see y'all. Okay, cool. Like, that was just my decision. And it was more because—

because why bother doing more of this?

Exactly, exactly. And it was a rebellious thing in me too. Like, okay, you're just telling me I have to accept I'm gonna die? Uh, no. Like, no, I was 30, 30 years old at the time. So no, that's not okay. You're not sending me home to die at 30. That's not happening. I'm gonna start figuring out how to figure this out. I got off of every pharmaceutical I was on, every pain medicine, slowly and surely started focusing on my diet and got active. I lost 120 pounds by the summer that they told me I was— I know, right? I lost a whole person. That's what my nephew says. You lost a whole— yeah, I was like, I know. Yeah. By that fall that they had told me I was gonna die, I was enrolling in nursing school and feeling great. I had never felt so good. Like, I don't even remember as a teenager feeling that good. When I tell you that remission— like, I'll get choked up. Remission from disease. I've referred to it many times as the Great Valley from Land Before Time because it is. I mean, everything you can imagine about it being great, it's even better. Like, oh, it's so sweet. Like, I lived so much. I worked out, I went to school, was there for my nephews, bartended on Beale Street. Girl, I lived. And then slowly, like, symptoms started coming back and I didn't want to admit it. Like, I powered through about a year of going, no, I just have strep. No, it's normal for a 32-year-old to have shingles. No, you know, like, denial was big. Like, So big. And then eventually ended up working for a pharmacy that their granddaughter ended up getting diagnosed with Lyme at the same time I was realizing I was no longer under remission. And that's my little port sister. I absolutely adore my baby. And I'll have to send her this so she can hear a little shout out to her. Um, and that's really where everything kind of went downhill, but in a beautiful way. Like, my body started declining rapidly. Um, the symptoms I started having of Lyme disease again— I have seizure-like episodes that last up to 30 minutes. Um, I never had that before. The neurological side wasn't near what it is this time. Whoa. You talk about like doing your mind flip out of my goodness. I had a hard time accepting this one. Like I really did. I had to mourn myself all over again. And, um, but then as I started writing and as I started making these connections with these amazing, beautiful souls, like just some of the purest hearts and most biggest spirits I've ever met. Like, people— readers started reaching out to me, and I started connecting to them, and I started forming these lasting bonds with people at a time when I felt isolated and alone. And it became so empowering for me because I knew sharing my story was helping somebody else. So I could handle the emotion of it easier. Like, just interesting. Yeah, just to be able— yeah, I guess I don't have children. Um, I guess it's kind of a mother's love kind of thing. I have always had a heart that I want to love everybody. Like, bring them all to me, I'll love all the babies, all ages, I don't care, you know. So And I've done that before when I was younger, you know. I was a house mom for abused and neglected teenage girls and children. And it's just my heart. I just want to help, you know. I just want to—

you do.

This is what's been— this is what I've been through. Tell me your story too, and let me just love on you. Like, that's all I want to do. I want to make you laugh and I want to love on y'all.

Yes, right? God, isn't that valuable? Mm-hmm. But now, do you think— I mean, you are already that way because you did at 18 have a— be a house mom, and that's one of the things that initially connected. I was like, oh, I have a heart for orphans, and you were like, I have a heart for— or—

oh yes.

And yet, but I think going through this loss, I see two different types of reactions. When you go through this type of a loss, people react in two different ways that I see. One, they're like, oh my gosh, I want to help everyone, I don't want anyone else to suffer in this capacity ever. And I, I meet a ton of people. And then I meet people who are like, this has been so traumatic, I can't stay here, I have to get out, right? And I, I think there's value in both perspectives, really. And I think it changes because I think it ebbs and flows because I do the same thing. I'm like, oh, this is too much, I can't handle this, blah blah, disengage a little. And then I'm like, And then something happens and you see someone have breakthrough, or you see someone move to that next level, and you're like, ah, it's worth it.

Yeah, right, right. I mean, I just told you, you know, right before we started recording that I just had the last few days where I just had to cry it out. I had to cry it all out, and that was okay. You know, it's okay for us to be sad. Like, yeah, it's also equally okay for you to be happy and sick too. Like, those are both okay. Um, you know, like, I—

interesting. I've never heard— I've never heard anyone address that and say it's okay to be sad, yes, but it's okay to be happy too.

It is. I mean, I kind of feel like, especially once I started sharing my story more, I would have people literally ask questions that I— that you could perceive as very, very negative in nature What did you do wrong for your Lyme disease to come back? You know, things like that. Or, you know, why do you think you can help anybody more than I can? I don't. I just know that this is my truth and that I want to help. And if you want to come on board and get on board this little groovy train we got going, that's cool. If you don't, that's cool too. Like, I'm not gonna push anybody to do anything, but I really think that we should push ourselves to find the beauty in the pain of whatever it is. There's this really, really great book that I absolutely love, and it's the 12 Archetypes. I can't even think of the name now. Dad, I have to send it to you. It'll come back to you.

It'll come.

But what it basically says is we have these different stages in our life. And to put it in the simplest terms, you start off in the innocence phase where you have childlike faith, where you can believe anything is possible. If you want to fly off the roof, girl, I'll tell you you can. Okay? Yes, I have no problem with that. Then you enter the second stage where there's inevitable betrayal. Something's gonna betray us.— if it's going to be our body, a friend, a loved one, a flat tire, whatever, there's going to be some form of betrayal. Then you fall into the orphan category, which I think this is why I love this whole little frame of thought as much as I do. Because you've been betrayed, you've lost your hope. You lost what you thought was your safety net. You lost your parental um, bond, I guess, so to say, with yourself. So you have two options in the orphan phase, which you just spoke on. You have the one that is the rebel, wants to change the world, wants to make sure that nobody else ever suffers like this again. And you have the other side where they're in the darkness and they're in the pit, but there's value with both. Because both have the option to progress to their warrior phase. And that is where you realize you're not broken, you're not your disease, you're not your diagnosis, or whatever other— any other label that's been tried to put on you. You're not. You're a warrior that overcomes daily battles. You heal every single day from things that would send most people crying in a corner. You're a warrior. So then the whole idea of thought is once you realize you're a warrior, you realize you have the tools to get through whatever betrayal that comes along because you know you're a warrior. So then you can have your childlike faith again. You can have your hope. You can put your trust trust specifically, not hope. You can trust that there's better days ahead. You can trust it at that stage.

Is that called The Hero Within? Yes. Archetypes we live by?

Yep.

That's okay. I looked it up as you were talking and it's already in my cart. It's like, oh my gosh, it looks amazing. I've never heard— I mean, I like to study archetypes and understand them and But I haven't seen that whole, um, like circle, transitional circle between the orphan, the innocent, the magician, the wanderer, the warrior, the altruistic. But you do go through those phases. You do, for sure.

I mean, and especially, especially if you're someone that's battled chronic illness most of your life, you know, you, you're a warrior. You know, like, I've had conversations with myself.

You have to be.

You have to, right?

You have to be in order to get up every day.

I told— I've told others, and I've had to tell myself— I love the, um, quote from Alice in Wonderland: I give very good advice, but I very seldomly take it. I am Alice. So I, I totally lost my train of thought, but that's so true. I am Alice. I am totally Alice. Like, that is how I feel. But, um, that once you like have established it, you realize— think of your darkest day. Like, all of us that have had chronic illness, I guarantee you, you've probably thought of suicide.

Guarantee you.

Absolutely. Probably. I mean, like, I would say about— I mean, at least 99%. And I'd like, like, to meet that 1% because you were a unicorn, dear sir, and I would love to.

Yeah.

Okay.

You know what was so fascinating? Just this week I was listening to an interview and, um, the psychiatrist said that they interviewed— there was this big study done and they interviewed all the people I don't know the era, if it was in the '90s or early 2000s, where they interviewed people who had jumped off the Brooklyn Bridge.

Oh yeah, yeah. Have you heard this story?

I have not. Yes, it— we have been talking about it all week. Aaron and I just keep talking about it because we— suicide is such a huge issue in this community. And I know Jessica and I have spoken. She had a, a, a reader who— a reader who was following her who committed suicide after X number of years of suffering and We have get notifications and messages from family members whose family members have committed suicide, and it's this daunting thing. And the psychiatrist said, he said that they interviewed— now, only 1% of people who jump off the Brooklyn Bridge survive. So of those 1% who survive, 99% die. Of the 1%, every single one of them said they instantly regretted it the moment they did it. Yep. And One of the things we've talked about is there is a quote says, people do not commit suicide because they want to die, they commit suicide because they want to stop the pain. Yep. And that is absolutely so true over and over again.

It's not—

it is— they want to die, it's that no, they have no hope left in them that the next day isn't going to be just as atrocious as the last 5 years, right?

And then when you're looking down, right, and when you're looking down the, a tunnel, you know, or even into a pit, really. I mean, let's call it a pit because that's what it is. You know, when you're looking down into a pit and you're at the bottom of it like that, you can't see anything past your own, like, past what's going on. You can't see that there's better days ahead because you've lost any trust, hope, faith, anything that there is. You just— you've lost it. And it's not that you want to die in any way. I mean, I, I'll— sorry, I'll admit, even with this time around not being in remission, I've begged my brother to even kill me before. And it's not me wanting to die, it's I don't want to be in this much pain anymore. That's all it is. I don't want to feel tortured. But we can do so many things if we can acknowledge that those times are going to happen because we deal with the daily battles we do. And because, you know, something that comes easy to somebody else, like having a healthy immune system, doesn't come as easy to us. So that's okay. We're going to have the darkness. But when you're able to feel that darkness, you can also feel that depth of light too. You can, like, as close as you feel to death, you can feel alive in this as well. You can. You just have to be able to acknowledge that it's okay. Like, just like storm clouds, you know, a bad day is gonna pass. 10 bad years? Heck yeah, I've been there too, honey. Like, whoa. I used to pray for just an hour break from pain. Like, just get an hour, that's all I'm asking. Or you can just give me the strength to deal with this, but I have to have one or the other. And It's amazing to see when you open yourself up to those options what other things can fall into your lap.

If you don't give us an example, just being in that super dark, horrendous place that we have all been many times, how do you build yourself up? How do you do it? What do you say to yourself?

Okay, so this is, this is exactly what I say. And I actually have it written out several times. I probably even have it posted around my room at this point. Um, first, faith makes things possible, not easy. I have to remind myself that I can put my faith— if you're not a religious person, I'm not leaning towards one religion over the other— I can put my faith into the greater good goodness, light, and love— God, if you will— and know that I'll have the strength and I'll have the well of strength that I need to get through these battles. And then also I remind myself this one little thing: I haven't lost yet. I'm the one with the undefeated record. Like, none of the other ones, you know, none of the other diseases. Have beat me. Nothing has. Not a single thing. My worst day, I still overcame. And I tell people this all the time. Think of your worst day. Think of that time where you were literally crying on the bathroom floor, praying for God to kill you. You got through that. You're the champion, not this disease.

You're undefeated.

Exactly. You're the undefeated warrior. Not your disease, because you beat them every day up until now.

So, Jessica, I love that.

I mean, I love it.

Yeah.

And that's what I have to remind myself. I mean, and, and I remind my readers too, I try to as much as I can, that you, you can be so much more than just your disease and just your pain, because You're more than that. You are more than that. You know, you have more to share than just your suffering. You have a beautiful spirit. You have a beautiful story. You are made to help somebody else. You know, we were made to have a community. And why not embrace each other? You know, why not? Why throw all this hatred? I mean, that's One of the things that led me to keep writing was just there is so much negative, you know, like just so much ugliness within the, the whole chronic illness community and the world, really. I mean, we'll just be honest, the whole entire world right now, it's just a mess. Well, we won't get my hippie side too much on her.

It is. No, but you bring up a really good point. You have to consciously choose to seek out the light, the positivity, to find what is giving you energy and not focus on what is taking.

Exactly. And I kind of came to an epiphany one day when I wrote a post and I was up at 4 o'clock in the morning throwing up and I was throwing up for hours. I am not kidding you. It was horrendous. But as soon as it stopped and I was able to go outside, I watched the sunrise and it was so beautiful. And when you have moments like that, like even in photography and art, if you can see the contrast between your dark moments and the really beautiful ones, you can embrace it even more because they become more beautiful. You know, I mean, if you've lived your life stuck or in pain and in suffering, if you can embrace just a little bit of the beauty, it's gonna look like it's in high technicolor to you. I mean, high definition technicolor all the way. You will have the prettiest rosy glasses you've ever seen, okay? Because it'll be more beautiful because you've dealt with the darkness, you know? Yeah, you've done it. So you can do it. If you can tangle with your demons every night, if you can tango with your body fighting back at you at every freaking turn, and your mind too— oh, let's just throw that one on the table too, you know, just throw it all out there— if you can do that, honey, there's nothing you can't do, okay? There's just not. You cannot convince me you can't. You know, so I mean, and then I have to remind myself that, and there's so much power when you start changing the narrative in your own head. You know, if it's by writing a blog or if it's by joining a support group, write a book, heck, just even do a post a little bit longer than your Twitter characters and Connected over the fact that we could not handle condensing all of what is going on in our brains under 140 characters. I can't do that. I cannot do that. I can't either. Like, my posts on Facebook never have the pretty background because they're way too long. Okay. Yeah, I don't even get the option. No, but if you'll open yourself up and even just getting these things out and seeing your struggles and seeing where your passion is and where your purpose is, it's going to empower you and it's going to empower the next person that you meet and the next. It's such a huge ripple effect. We can actually make change in the world that we, our generations, are screaming for if we're the change. You have to be the change. You can't expect somebody else to do it for you. It won't happen. It just won't.

Like, Jessica, that is perfectly said.

Well, thank you.

It is like, that's it. Okay, cut the show.

That's it. So now you know everything you need to know.

So there you go, we just solved all of your problems right there, people.

Yep. I mean, you'd be amazed at what I could get done this sick from my porch. I mean, my God.

Right. Yes. Thank you for your time. Thank you for talking to us even though you were throwing up at 4 AM this morning. Um, check out Jessica Donaldson. Her blog is at Lime Southern Belle: Finding Beauty in the Pain. She's on Facebook a ton. Thank you so much for being here, Jessica.

Thank you so much, Sarah. And I love y'all's show. Y'all, you gotta follow along, boys. Come on, like What are you doing if you're not? Like, come on, people, get on board.

Yay! Yes, yes, definitely rate, review, subscribe, all that.

Oh yeah, all that good stuff. Lime Southern Belle's me on everything. Lime Voice, they're on everything. We've got the branding pretty down, so just Google it up and let's follow and let's spread some love, y'all. Let's spread some light. Please love each other, you know, just, just love on each other a little bit.

Yes.

For nearly 2 decades, Invita Medical Center has been leading the way with the latest in personalized treatment options designed for patients dealing with Lyme disease complex. At Invita Medical Center, they offer a team-style approach and latest technology regarding treatment and testing at an unmatched radical love and care environment for their patients. Call to speak to one of the patient care coordinators today to learn why hundreds of patients choose Invita Medical Center each year. You can find them online at invita.com.

Disease is contrary to life. Therefore, wherever disease exists, life must also fight to exist.

Good job fighting, Lyme fighters! Keep it up. We'll see you next time.

LymeVoice contains general information about medical conditions and treatments. The information is not advice and should not be treated as such. 'Kay, Lincoln? 'Kay. The medical information on LymeVoice is provided as is without any representations or warranties, expressed or implied. Okay? Okay. LionVoice makes no representations or warranties in relation to the medical information on this podcast. You must not rely on the information on this podcast as an alternative to medical advice from your doctor or other professional healthcare provider. If you have any specific questions about your medical matter, you should consult your doctor or other professional healthcare provider. And for you, you consult your parents. Okay? Okay. If you think you may be suffering from any medical condition, you should seek immediate medical attention. You should never delay seeking medical advice, disregard medical advice, or discontinue medical treatment because of information on this podcast. Got it, Lincoln?

Got it.