076-9 Acts Of Resilience .

Emotionally, I just have far fewer words.

We both do. And that's, that's when stuff started getting bad, is because we weren't making decisions. We were just allowing the disease to—

Back in 2012, the first time. Yeah, the first time.

This time, with our acts of resilience, we are taking control. We are making the movements. We're saying we're making decisions we didn't want to make, but we're making them, not the disease telling us where to go, how to do it. Welcome to Lion Voice. We are your hosts, Sarah and Aaron Sanchez. We created this show designed to inspire, educate, and encourage you on your path to wellness. This show's purpose is to help you put the puzzle pieces of healing into place. Join us as we interview other warriors and discuss how fighting is a mindset, healing consists of choices, and living is the outcome.

Wishing your doctors could communicate and come up with a cohesive plan?

Specific to your medical needs and genetics? At Invita Medical Center, they offer a team-style approach, giving you the opportunity to heal. In addition to a commitment of providing radical love and care for their patients, they are strategically located in sunny Arizona because Arizona offers the best integrative medical laws in the country. Call today to speak with one of their patient care coordinators. You can find them online at invita.com.

Line Voice thanks Invita Medical for the continued support. Please reach them at 1-866-830-4576. Hey everybody, we really want to tell you about something that has changed our life.

Yes, our Kangen water machine has absolutely been a game changer.

Absolutely.

We had such a great response from episode 64.

Episode 64 goes into the details if you have not listened to it as far as why it's been so helpful and what it does. And basically it's alkaline water, but it's also antioxidant-rich. So 2 glasses of fresh water is equivalent to 5 pounds of blueberries, and it has been radical for us as a household.

Yeah, there's, there's so many more uses. We, I mean, we had to do a whole episode on it. But basically, go to myfreewaterstore.com to find out more information directly. Go to episode 64. You can actually hear Wade Holder talk about all the different app, uh, applications and benefits from it. And then when you are ready to purchase this machine, we are now distributors. So when you're ready, you call me at 505-681-1770 and there is financing available. If it wasn't for their financing options, we wouldn't have a machine. Call me, we'll talk through some of those options, and this is going to be a huge benefit to your life.

Yes, it is.

And we will be talking extensively over this next year even about fasting and how powerful fasting can be with alkaline water.

Yeah, excellent. Water is key, people.

Change your water, change your life.

Yep. Hello everybody. Sarah and I sat down and recorded this episode, and this really talks about some key factors in us moving forward in our life right now. If you haven't had a chance to listen to last week's episode, make sure you do so. It's with Christy Kennedy, and it's a hugely impactful topic, especially to what we're talking about today. Take some time and look that up if you haven't already, and enjoy this week's episode of Lion Voice. Welcome, all you Lion Voice listeners. I'm gonna give you an assignment today, right out the starting gate.

Whoa, I didn't know this was coming.

We are all having being sick as our identity. Let's— today I'm— I am declaring a National Lyme Patients Feeling Sexy Day. What if— what if today we just feel sexy instead of sick?

That is not what I thought you were gonna say.

But it sounds a lot more fun, doesn't it?

Well, yeah. That's hilarious.

If you can muster it, your assignment is to feel sexy. Not about sex, but just to feel sexy. Put on the nicest pair of underwear you have.

I feel like we're going down a road.

Oh, it's a road, all right. You wanted to be vulnerable, right?

No, I said this was going to be a vulnerable episode.

All right, I may edit this out, and if it's not edited and it's still in there, congratulations, you all have heard some crazy—

the real deal.

The real— okay, so today's episode is Today's episode is 9 Acts of Resilience. 9 Acts of Resilience. Yeah, yeah.

And I— if you have not watched Heal, the documentary on Netflix, go do it.

Go do it.

It's so good.

I still haven't done it, sweetie. You've been telling me for weeks now. I've been doing my own documentaries. Well, maybe not documentaries, but I'll get to it.

We've had a lot going on. It's really good. I feel like Heal, the documentary, encompasses everything we've been going through for the last 9 months. So for those of you who don't, haven't listened to all our prior episodes, I was reinfected in May of last year and have gone through several rounds of antibiotics and different things and for the last 9 months and am, I don't have a lot of symptoms, but I'm definitely dealing with stuff.

Yeah, and the second time around, we, we're a lot more keen to what is going on, so we're catching it earlier.

Yeah, and we've been doing proactive things like keto and juicing and intermittent fasting. I've done lots of fasting, um, over the last year, and I physically feel strong. I can actually exercise, and I'm not in any pain, but I'm definitely dealing with a loss of productivity, um, some Cognitive stuff, some cognitive stuff at times, but then also like some mood and personality stuff. I'm definitely more aggravated.

Confusion. There's— I see that a lot with you, that, that's happening where you were so strong up until the reinfection and yeah, it may— your, your cognitive and all that just started to go away.

Yeah, and That's kind of scary. It is scary. And then in like really in December, I started wearing a wig because I had lost just a ton of hair. And then, um, really like since January, I have to wear a wig, um, or a hat or something. And, and that was a choice I made. Like last time I didn't wear a wig, and this time I don't. I don't want the identity of someone who's sick, right?

And on a practical level, it's super easy for you to do your hair. All you do is throw it on. Like this morning, we were out of eggs, and normally for you to get ready to go out of the house, it's a process doing your hair, blah blah blah. This time you just threw your hair on.

Yeah, I might keep— I might wear wigs indefinitely because it's not a loss per se.

No, I'm really enjoying it.

I like it a lot.

Wearing the heck out of those wigs. You look great.

I like to be dressed and have my hair done and makeup on on a regular basis. And so the fact that I can actually put hair on in 1 minute, which is kind of what I started out the program with, because we—

you put on your hair to feel good about yourself, to feel sexy. I mean, sexy is a pretty strong word, but like, yeah, to not feel like a victim, to not feel victimized, to not look like you're wearing your sweats.

Right.

Oh yeah, the— yeah, for sure. I make conscious choices to not wear pajamas as often as possible.

Right, right.

Yeah.

And so like, that's my whole point, is like, let's just do one day today where we act as if we're not sick, or try to a couple times. I know you can't go the whole day because you still got to do whatever, but yeah, I mean, there's regiments and protocols that you're gonna have to follow, but like, take one action today and make it a non-sick day, a non-sick action. Maybe it's not sexy, but maybe it's powerful, right? The sickness wouldn't allow me to even think about that vacation or whatever, your wildest dream. Just think about it. To make one movement today to take, take over, take back.

Well, yeah, and that, like, the emphasis of this episode is Um, really, I feel like the process we've been on in the last year, per se— I mean, obviously for lots of years, but this is— this whole reinfection has just knocked us back down into this world. And I think the thing that we have just been holding on to and implementing in new ways in our everyday life is the fact that we are not at the mercy of our circumstances, right?

We're defining Right. And we're making the decisions, not it.

Yeah.

So we're gonna go over those 9, 9 aspects of remission that it's— the Heal documentary addresses it, but it's Joan Boryansko. She's a neuropsychologist, and she studied people who healed. She called them radical remissions, people who had healed radically or spontaneously. She goes through these 9 concepts. Two, everyone is basically doing if you're dealing with chronic illness stuff, if— which is one is radically changing your diet, and then two is using herbs and supplements. So those are pretty standard. But we all know this, it's not just about getting the right nutrients into your body, it's about so, so much more. And we're fighting this thing that has this multifaceted control over your life, right? Physically, spiritually, financially, emotionally, logistically, right?

It just keeps taking in every area it can.

Yeah. And so that's been the journey that we've been on, and we haven't been on the mic a lot because I haven't been able to talk about it. Like, it's taken everything in me to stay focused on myself and what I need to stay emotionally upright, energized, do my detox, get juice in me, all those things. It's required this immense amount of focus and discipline. And I, I know this about myself. When I'm feeling vulnerable or traumatized or out of control, much like our kids with— we have two adopted kids with reactive attachment disorder And they need structure because they trusted boundaries.

They need boundaries, right?

Because they don't know how to live without them. And then they also trust— people trust boundaries and structure before they trust people. And that's been one of those things that since I got reinfected, I have needed an immense amount of loose structure, structure that met my own needs.

Yeah.

And it's been, um it has felt almost impossible to articulate that to other people. Like, I can in coaching calls and I can on one-on-one, but there has been this weird disconnect for me talking about this. And I don't know if it's because I don't even know how to articulate it.

Yeah, I think it's you coming to grips with it. I think it's you just— I mean, the amount of decisions that are going to be made because of this new infection are mind-numbing. We're now looking at getting you out to treatment. In fact, that's our next announcement, is that we, uh, because of Sarah's issues, because they're not getting better, because she's had multiple, multiple things happen, it's enough for us to preemptively strike against this. And we could put it off, but we did that already. The first round, we put it off and we tried one thing and we tried And it, it cost us 5 times what it should have. So instead of, you know, whatever, $50,000, $80,000, it went up to $500,000. And that's a real number. That's what we figure we've spent so far. Yeah, because not, not even to mention the years that could go by with you going in further and further into pain. I mean, the neurological stuff doesn't go away. It just seems to get worse unless we can address it.

So that's Yeah, so we made the decision a few weeks ago to go— for me to go back out to Invita for another 2 months of treatment. And I'm really, really thankful for the opportunity to go out there because there's definitely something wrong that we haven't been able to fix. But that's—

it's scary.

Oh my gosh, the day—

so we have 2 ancient, you know, we've been at this for so many years, like Everything in our life is worn or broken is how it has felt.

Yeah, our tanks are empty. We've already spent the $500,000.

But, and we were going to go, my car is 18 years old and 2 of the doors don't work and there's a ton wrong with it.

We are going to go test drive.

I'm going to go test drive a car, which is something we'd been looking forward to. And that morning is when I got off the phone with my doctor at Envita because I've been doing phone appointments and stuff and my test results weren't good in October and they aren't— still aren't good and I'm losing more and more hair.

So we made the decision to go back out there and we didn't go test drive.

Yeah. Once again, the disease was stopping us from making forward movements. And that's scary.

Yeah, and, and for me, I just It's the absolute best decision for us right now. Absolutely. Um, and I'm actually really am excited about going out there. I'm in such a better place.

I can take care of myself.

Last time I went out for treatment, I needed a full-time caregiver and I couldn't drive.

And, um, you know, we're mid— even when I went out this summer though, when I was only there for 5 days, I did not, um, By the 5th day of treatment, I could not drive home.

And so that's the treatment's so stressful on your body that you're just physically unable to even operate a vehicle, which is good. I'm glad you made that call versus getting on the road and endangering everybody, right?

But stuff just happens during treatment, and so like the thought of being there alone by myself, um, yeah, no, and then driving in a place where I don't feel good and my brain doesn't work and I'm not familiar with it, like those are just all factors that we've had to readdress.

And with every aspect of this whole reinfection that we've had to readdress, it's like PTSD all over again, each and with each and every decision. And so that's been this huge, like, emotionally hard thing that we have been walking through for months now that's just consumed a lot of our time.

Yeah.

Um, and some of the amazing stuff that has come through that is just understanding on a whole new level how to control our emotions and how to stay emotionally conscious and not be lost in the land of PTSD or the land of fearfulness or the land of— because for me, what I do is just shut down. I just emotionally— I just—

I have fewer words.

We both do. And that's, that's when stuff started getting bad, is because we weren't making decisions. We were just allowing the disease—

back in 2012. Yeah, the first time.

This time, with our acts of resilience, We are taking control. We are making the movements. We're saying we're making decisions we didn't want to make, but we're making them, not the disease telling us where to go, how to do it. So what's one of the first acts of resilience we did? Let's give the people what they want to know.

Give the people what they want. Okay, well, we went over the first two, which is radical diet change, using herbs and supplements. And the third one is following your intuition. And I feel like on so many levels, that's what you have come to understand in a whole new way. Um, and we've, we've talked about it briefly, but we've just had— I mean, we've been coming, we've been repairing and restoring our lives after them literally being decimated because of the emotional needs of our kids, because of my physical health needs. We have kids with reactive attachment disorder. We've both reconfigured careers. We both work from home. Like, we've changed so many aspects of our life. But you specifically in the last year have like learned to trust yourself again, right? On a new— and that got stripped away in 10 years of chaos.

Yeah, yeah. Because— and I think the main reason for that was that I wasn't making the decisions, right? See, I was letting the circumstances dictate what I was doing. And so, like, we don't have the option for that treatment, so we're not going to do that treatment. This time, that is not the case. Yes, we don't have the money, but we're going to figure out something. And if I can only buy one month of supplements, that's what we're going to do until I figure out how to buy the second month. But we're not gonna let— we're not gonna sit back We're not going to wait for things to happen.

Well, and here's what's so key about this, and I, I hope that you guys will hear this, is that for— it's in almost 90% of the coaching calls that I do, I hear people say, what if your spouse doesn't get it?

And that's hard.

It's super hard. And most people are up against that, or they have, um, a family that's very into Western medicine, or— and they don't respect integrative or alternative treatments, right? How do you justify the cost when you're not being supported? And one of the things I started saying early on is you have to stick with your gut. Like, you cannot give away your power. If you think that there is something that you need to go after and something is not right, you have to stick with your instinct. You have to follow that intuition.

It's so important because even in the doctor's office, when the doctor is telling you once again Oh, you're just depressed. You know, your intuition is telling you, no, I'm not depressed. I mean, I am depressed because of this, but that's not the cause, right?

Right.

It's that same intuition that tells you not to take the doctor's advice when you know it's not gonna help, when it— you know, it's just another—

well, and also understanding that it's a journey. This whole thing is a journey. There's not one right answer. Right. And so just to even give yourself permission to say, I'm going to do the— this is what I think is best right now for us currently, and we're going to move forward with these decisions instead of just letting the months and years pass as you continually don't get better. And I— but before you can ever stick with your intuition, you have to own it. You have to know what's behind it. So even for us, We have had extensive— because of this reinfection and having to readdress all these traumatic circumstances and issues in our life, we've had to go back and say, okay, last time we were in this position and I was trying to make decisions by myself is really how I felt, right? Not only was I making decisions by myself because you didn't understand what was happening, you were coming from a place of denial and fear.

Right.

And part of, you know, we talk a lot about like mindset and blueprints and the way we were raised really impacts how we view things. And, and if you are raised in an environment of denial or an environment of not actually addressing the true cost of things, for Aaron, it was very simple for him to just say, I knew he wanted the best for me, but it was simple for you to basically deny the reality of what was going on. On a lot of levels.

Yeah.

And when you eliminate the denial, you have to address the fear, right?

Yeah. And that's when I had to start being honest with myself and asking myself some really honest questions. And I think each one of us has to do that.

Yes.

And that is one of the hard— I mean, what did I tell you? The hardest person a few weeks back, the hardest person to be honest with was myself.

Yeah, and because, because you're in crisis for years, you, you don't have time. You, you're, you're consumed by limited thoughts, limited beliefs, negative energy. And until you stop that and rise above it or control it or put boundaries around that chaos, chaos reigns.

Yep.

And that's what we've been undoing for years. And so this has just brought up so many things. Um, the next one is taking control of your health. And I know that's a pretty broad term for a lot of Lyme people because they're doing above and beyond most of what everyone else is doing. But you know, that looks different for you at different phases. And like, one of the things, um, for me that has just been so helpful this time is exercise. You know, right? I have valued that tremendously. And sometimes I'll go on 2 long walks a day if I am emotionally dysregulated because it just— it's cheap. Well, it's free. It's free. But even in that, one of the things that you've really learned is you've been able to— we talk about self-care all the time, and because we were in crisis for so long, Aaron just went without any of his needs being met and without taking care of himself.

And this time, 80+ pounds, health issues, back issues, nerve issues, all sorts of things because of not taking care of myself.

Yeah, and this was something that we've talked about extensively, but you did not get right. You kept being like, oh, I don't need this, I don't need time to myself, I don't need to exercise, I'll just live with it. And through this whole process, you've come to realize like The cost of that is much greater than the cost of taking an hour a week or an hour a day or whatever.

Yeah, I mean, yeah, an hour a day, a couple hours a week, that is way less effort than the effort it was put into repairing, fixing, the days off of work because I was healthy— was unhealthy, etc.

Yeah, so I What has been fascinating to us is of these 9 steps, acts of resilience that lead towards health and healing— body, mind, spirit, soul— we've been doing them all year. Like, we have a new default method, if that makes sense. Before, we were operating in crisis, and there still are layers of crisis happening, but it's not consuming us because of the choices we've made.

And, and I think it's important to be said too, and as we go on The steps that— in the examples that we've given are not step by step. These are principles.

It's not linear, right?

If you can't exercise, don't feel bad about it, but it's whatever you can do. So maybe it's meditation, or maybe it's— yes, maybe it's just giving yourself 30 minutes every day just to breathe and sit there and breathe and listen to something nice. Or whatever, but you're taking a proactive statement— a proactive move, rather.

Yeah.

And that's, I think, what's important, especially on this last one, in taking control of your health, is just taking some control in whatever area you can. And that— see, chaos breeds more chaos, right?

Yeah.

Organization also breeds more organization. The more organized you are in your life, the the— it will feed it. It's not as easy. Chaos just naturally happens. But as we build those habits, and it's so much for these— for, for all of us to, to even comprehend, but it's, it's, it's really that analogy of you don't eat an elephant all at once, you eat it one bite at a time. And really, I think that's, you know, on these acts of resilience We're recycling through these, and I plan on—

yeah, over and over again.

And each time it's a different example, a different, a different part of our life that we're addressing.

Well, and I feel like part of what has made this reinfection, um, so much easier on some levels is because back 5, 6 years ago we made these decisions. Okay, life we can't live a normal life in the sense like to expect that we're both gonna go work 40 hours a week outside the home is not feasible for us anymore.

Nor wanted.

Nor wanted, but we've had to make a lot of choices and changes along the way to create a life that works for us and the many complexities of Lyme and chronic illness.

And we had to be bigger people in order to do so.

Oh my gosh, and we're still figuring it out.

Yeah, and that— and you know, I mean, you, you have to have— in order to, to get further down the path, you have to resist, you have to fight, and then you heal from it, and then you live, you experience the outcome of that life.

Yeah, yeah.

So the fifth one is releasing suppressed emotions.

Oh dear.

And we have been releasing suppressed emotions, um, for us.

I gotta be emotional.

We have been going— we have been doing extensive meditation, um, yes. So we both read a book called Breaking the Habit of Being Yourself by Joe Dispenza. And, um, our oldest son actually introduced it to our whole family. Most of my extent— most of my family is reading it and has read it. And it's, it's what I would call like a humanistic perspective as far as controlling your reality.

And yeah, it's pretty bland as far as it doesn't Yeah, go ahead.

Yeah, we come from a Christian perspective. So most of the books we've read talk about God, and this book talks about the universe and energy. And some people that we know are opposed to that, which is fine. We believe it's deeply, deeply valuable and has really answered a ton of questions for us, even in how we operate, how we operate, and even why so many of our prayers were not answered. And because we were coming from this place of being victims and begging God for something, begging God for relief from pain, begging God for resources, begging God for reprieve, whatever. And one of the things that we learned, even through Andrew Wommack's Charis Bible College and different things, is that we've already got it. We have already been given all authority to change our lives, to take it back, to take it back, to create abundance, to— and, and we didn't come from that background. We came from a background that said God is sovereign over all things, so whatever you're dealing with, God's using this for good in your life, right? And I don't— and that is, I think, a partial truth, and it's not the whole picture. And Joe Dispenza's book, while being a humanistic perspective, has really filled in a lot of gaps for us and has absolutely proactively helped to change our lives on a lot of levels.

Yeah.

And we're reaping the benefits of some of that, um, and have been, and have been a lot of it. A lot of it.

I, I don't think— I don't think— oh, I know that you would not be going out to treatment without, without it. I mean, it's absolutely—

well, we would never have made it here to Woodland Park, which is where we wanted to be for a long time. We use those same principles to not let our circumstances control our reality, but to keep pushing forward. And it's so easy to get stuck and not do that. And I've done it, like this summer and stuff, I felt so trapped. I was not taking the supplements I needed to be taking because I couldn't afford it. And yet, okay, then, then you keep making decisions and moving forward as things change. And So one of the things that has come from this is as we have gone back, it could— you begin, if you live in crisis for long enough, you just begin to see everything through that lens of being a victim or, um, being used, or you begin to believe things about yourself that aren't true.

Yeah, things that, you know, you didn't believe at the beginning but because they were repeated to you about you, even from yourself, even from yourself, all of a sudden you're like, oh wait, I do believe that.

I do believe this limiting thing about myself, right?

So it impacts— here's a good example, my example. So, uh, my body language.

Oh, this is a great example, right?

So I'm 6'1". I've always struggle with my weight. So at times I've been up at, you know, close to 300 pounds. Um, I'm a big guy. I take up a lot of cubic feet. Plane rides are horrible, right? Like, so, but I've, I've always had this attitude of I'm in everybody's way because I do take up so much space. So even at when we would go to church, I slouch in my chair so that the person behind me could see the screen, because I was always thinking that way. But what I ended up communicating was, I don't want to be here. And then I started thinking that way too, and I started not enjoying my circumstances. By simply— recently, by simply straightening my posture I'm convincing myself and everybody around me that I want to be there. It's a mind shift.

Yeah, totally.

We've already got it. Now I have size and I can use that to my advantage instead of apologizing for it. I mean, I'm not gonna be rude, I'm not gonna be a bully.

Well, no, of course not.

But, but the point is, is that I can be a presence without being, uh, inconvenient. Yeah, and my mindset is what caused me to start thinking I was in an inconvenience or I shouldn't be there. And this is not something I grew— I, I woke up with one day and said, oh, I'm an inconvenience. This is something that I learned.

Yes, and I thought it was so profound when you said, you know, I've always struggled with my weight and felt bad about my weight, therefore eventually I felt bad about my size. And did everything I could do, in a sense, to be smaller and not in the way and not noticed. But what that says to the world is, I don't want to be here, I don't want to engage with you, I'm miserable and unhappy.

Because I was.

And I feel like that's just something that crept in after years and years of, right, duress.

Stress, right?

And then that's what I want people to hear, is that you're constantly being beat down by your, by your own thoughts, by circumstances, whatever. But when you make the resilient choice to say no to that, to stop those thought processes, that's where victory comes.

Yeah.

And but before, what we've learned through meditation is just to take it to a whole new level, because what we learned in a sense in our religious background was just don't do that. Like, oh, you're struggling with something, just don't do it, just quit, or just change, or whatever. Um, and for you to even just identify the root of like, okay, here's how I'm feeling, and, and, or here's something I'm struggling with— through meditation, we've learned to release those negative emotions and all that energy that was contained within them.

If I hadn't taken the time to actually think through my feelings, be emotionally acknowledged that they exist, if I hadn't taken the time to do that, I wouldn't have understood why and walked it all the way back. Because see, I was ex— where I was was I was saying that I'm— I don't want to ever be anywhere. I'm always in the way, so I'm just always uncomfortable around everyone.

Right.

But then when I walked it back, why? Well, it's because I was feeling about my weight. So now even understanding that, it lost power. It did. Just understanding that lost the power. Now, has my weight changed? Well, I've lost a few pounds here and there. I'm working on it. I'm actively working on my weight. I'm feeling better about myself. My pants are getting looser, yada yada, right? Right, like awesome. But it's more than that.

So much more than that. It's so—

I understand where— so I can go out in the public and not apologize anymore. Yeah, I started thinking sexy thoughts about myself, you know. I mean, for— yeah, yeah, how we started out this whole topic is I started projecting who I wanted to be, not who I was.

Right.

And you, you had that for years. Um, I mean, the, the longevity of this illness allows so much dysfunction to creep in on so many levels, and you don't have time to talk about it, or you're in crisis, or you're in the ER every 2 weeks. Like, it just takes away.

And so pounds you and pounds you.

Yeah, I think it's profound that, okay, yes, it is about supplements, and it is about pulsating antibiotics, and it is about all these And even for me, even though I'm not making— obviously I'm not making enough progress and I'm going back out for treatment, but we're still healing on so many levels. And that's what's been so profound about this year. It's been really traumatic. It's been really difficult, but we are still healing exponentially on a ton of levels, which kind of blows my mind. And I love it, like, all at the same time. I'm like, oh my gosh, you know what, like, this is hard, but There's so many areas that are being—

I mean, it's like when you start opening those doors, it just splashes out onto all the other areas in your life. So even our finances are getting healed. Are in the midst of this additional huge chunk of money that we are plopping down to get you out to treatment, we're still looking at our finances at getting better. We're healing in so many ways. We're making progress.

But that progress and that healing has only come through these 9. I mean, really, everything we have learned and walked out, you can put into these 9 concepts. And so that's—

did we finish all 9 yet?

No, we haven't. We're still getting down there. Um, the 6th one is to increase positive emotions.

Mm, or another way to say that would be reduce negative emotions as well, right?

Yes, which we've been doing through meditation. It's been huge for us.

TV influences, right? Bad energy of people that are ugly and mean and nasty, we avoid. We have just made the conscious choice to not— and for some reason, because of our upbringing, we were always there to help people So usually someone that's angry, ugly, and nasty is someone we would gravitate towards and try to help because they were going through something, right? That would be our general MO.

Yes. Yeah.

So we're realizing that this ship can only take— this party ship can only take so much party.

And I, I learned this. I learned this a long time ago because I had limited energy, and I'm—

it's more me. So this is Is this whole podcast about me?

Kind of about you.

All right, I'll be the guinea pig.

Well, what's funny is it's kind of about you, but I'm the one going out to treatment. But like, your growth and transformation has made all of this possible and has made me, um, not feel alone this time.

And well, because we're both doing it together.

Yeah, right.

And so that is— I mean, that's a side effect of the 9 Acts of Resilience. Right, but really you're going through these the same way I am.

Yeah, absolutely.

Yeah, where the real huge transformations in progress through me have really enabled you to keep going forward even further.

Of course. Yeah, because one of the things that came out in one of our meditation sessions was just because he had his own insecurities, anytime we were in a social setting, um I felt responsible to make sure he was happy.

Um, I think it's a pretty common trait between husband and wife. I think that's a pretty— I feel like that's a common thing that happens in a, in a marriage.

I don't know, I hadn't thought about that.

Is it?

I don't know. Write us if that's your story, I guess.

Because I'm more social, I enjoy socializing more and social engagements and stuff, and Um, so yeah, I just projected that onto all guys.

All guys don't want to do that. That's how I thought everybody thought. That could be more than anything.

Hmm, I don't know.

But in any case, but the act of bringing positive emotions—

we do this continually, all the time. Having the right music playing in the mornings, right? Having sometimes meditative music playing in the afternoons when our kids get home from school.

Good energy. We're not playing death metal.

The shows we watch— I mean, we watch America's Got Talent because it's a phenomenal show and it makes me feel good.

It's happy.

It's happy. There's all these incredibly—

shows that people are smiling and laughing. If they're not smiling and laughing, don't watch that show.

Yeah, and we watch a ton of comedy now and not the dramas because we have enough drama in our life. We don't need that energy back in our life.

Is good medicine. That's all there is to it. Laughter is great medicine.

Oh yeah, for sure.

That's positive energy. Gotta bring that in. Gotta have it flowing all the time.

And I feel like that's been what's been so key about this last year for you, is you understand energy now. And yes, I was talking to Steven Groter, who is a very, very good friend of ours, and been on the show a number of times, been on the show a number of times, and he was talking about— oh crap, I lost my train of thought.

What did you say?

Energy. I was doing good energy.

Oh, I've understood this as an empathic, a naturally empathic person, and having done— I've been doing self-help for 20-plus years. But Stephen and I were talking about this, and I asked him, because he's very empathic and he actually I'm about to go through the ART training program for releasing emotional stuff and muscle testing, and he's already gone through the whole program. I'm about to start the first round, but he was saying that he was not like this at all, and it transitioned for him being sick for these last 7, 8 years.

For him, it makes you pay attention to the small details.

You have to, because otherwise your energy gets sucked away in ways you don't even know.

Yeah. Going back to trusting your intuition. I mean, that's part of it, right?

Right.

Mm-hmm.

Yeah, and yeah, so number 7 is embracing social support, and this I think is crazy hard. For me, this has been my biggest—

so what do you mean? Tell me more about that one.

So, oh gosh, there's a lot of variations for what that could mean.

That could mean asking a neighbor to take your kid to school or something. But for me, what it has meant, it's so much deeper. And I'll give you an example. With this reinfection, my girl— when I told my girlfriends— I have a group of girlfriends from high school that I've been really close with for 20-plus years. And when I told them I was gonna go back out to treatment, because I was actually supposed to go do a race and meet up with some of them, and I canceled.

Yeah.

And because I said, hey, I'm gonna be going out to treatment in a few weeks, I'm not gonna come to Albuquerque. And they said, hey, we really want to do a fun fundraiser for you. And I was like, thank you, but no, right? And I said, they don't work, they don't get funded, and it— no, like, I don't, I don't want to go down that route. I had to think about it for about 3 weeks after I said it to them. Why did I feel literally like I wanted to vomit when they said that?

Yeah, it was a strong reaction.

It was a— yeah, it was a strong reaction. And again, it's been emotional, like, why do I feel this way? And so like for me, I, through several rounds of meditation and talking it through with you, as my sister coined the phrase, she says, the turd that won't flush.

Yeah, yeah, that's about what it was like.

My journey with Lyme, even though I'm functioning at such a better level, has been this turd that I cannot flush, and it keeps popping back up and it freaking sucks. And but at the root of it, at the root of it, there's a deep— and I talk about shame a lot, but I realized like there's a deep level of embarrassment.

Yeah.

For needing help, for being back in a place where I'm dependent on people. And it sucks.

Yeah.

Sucks so bad. It— and really what it comes down to is, um, I think for me is to have these really— I think there's logistical hurdles, right? There's emotional hurdles, but there's financial. And for most, 90% of people, it's the financial hurdles that are, that are the biggest. And, um, Even with this second trip out to Invita, we have most things arranged and know how we're going to pay for it. But I don't like being a person who is controlled by, like, in the scope of life, small amounts of money. Yeah, in the scope of life, $15,000 for this treatment and $30,000 for this treatment and $80,000 for that treatment, or $6,000 to go out to LymeStop or Infusio, or $650 to do the DNA testing, or whatever it is. I am deeply embarrassed to be controlled by these obstacles at this point in my life. Yeah, and I know there's a lot of circumstances and I know there's been a lot of loss, but to me this has been a huge thing because when I hear something repeatedly is usually if I hear something 3 times is kind of when it starts to stick in my head. And, um, as we started to make arrangements here in Woodland Park, we don't have any family or, and we don't know a ton of people here, so we started making phone calls for, hey, can Nate go to that basketball camp with you? And can this kid go to this with you? And make all those logistical arrangements. And right before I had talked with my girlfriends and told them what was really going on, two people had said to me, well, I know you don't like help, right? And then when I reacted that way with my girlfriends, I thought, okay, I'm sending out the wrong energy because I do want help and I need help. Why, why am I— why do people think I don't. And I just had to like process through this. Like, I hate needing help, right? Like, I feel like I shouldn't be there or shouldn't need help. But they talk about that in that documentary in Heal, that it's a very like natural psychological thing that happens for people who are patients where they feel like they should be able to do it all themselves.

I know, and I know you're resonating with a whole lot of people right now. Because I mean, even you just being brave enough—

because it—

here's the thing, it doesn't make logical sense that you're not wanting this, and you see that. Yeah, you see that now.

Yeah, because you said you were like, you would never— and I think it's the longevity, this freaking turd that won't flush.

Like, I can't believe it just keeps getting stinkier too. That daggum turd.

I can't believe, like, I'm still dealing with this. And one of the things I repeatedly say is, like, I feel like I have nothing to show for my efforts.

Yeah.

And I know that that's not true. It's not. We're still married. Our kids mostly like us.

Mostly. Most days.

We have teenagers, so it ebbs and flows.

Yeah, I think that's a standard for all teenagers. But no, we're home with our kids. We're, we're a good— we're a functioning family.

Well, and we've created a life we really love on so many levels. So it's right.

And so, I mean, and all that to say is like, we have to convince ourselves that we're not terrible, that we're not terrible people, right?

Because that's what I'm like. Yeah, at the root of it, it's just like, yeah, being a failure or thinking you're a horrible person because you're dealing with this new, you know, you're just dealing with this thing that you can't fix in a sense by yourself. And I think for me, it's— there's the longevity factor is just huge. I just feel like such a failure. I know I'm not, but you feel like a failure. When you need help, like again and again.

And I don't know that we have an answer to fix this if you're dealing with this right now. We don't. But maybe the answer is just simply like I was describing with my weight issues and my— how that was transferring out into my outward actions. But once I knew—

yes. So I think for you, just knowing that you have this shame and where the shame is coming from Yeah, well, and I've used the word shame a lot, but I feel like in the last couple weeks I've identified it really as embarrassment. Like, it's embarrassing to talk about, it's embarrassing to need this help. Yeah, I don't feel that way about other people who are in my exact position, but no, but we're harder on ourselves. And so I think the good things that have come from that is then once we've learned in the last few months, once we can identify the emotion, to release that negativity And it really does.

As soon as I was able to identify, oh my gosh, I'm embarrassed, right?

I, I was freed in that instant on a lot of levels and then have continued to walk that out. Why am I embarrassed? What is that?

You know, in here and here. Okay, so how you believe, what you, uh, what you believe about yourself, yes, is what you display. And we teach people how to treat ourselves, how to treat us.

You teach people how to treat you. Yes, for sure.

So if you're teaching— if you believe, just like I did, that I was an inconvenience, if you believe that you are less than, that's what you're telling everybody around you. Yeah, the very thing you don't want to be is what you're telling everybody and communicating to everyone that you are. And that's hard, but I think it starts with just identifying where this is coming from, isolating it. And once you do that, you take away its power, and now you have a way to fight. You know your adversary's name.

Yeah, yeah. And as you were saying that, that quote that we've just been meditating on over and over again, it's from the Joe Dispenza book, but he says when behaviors match your intentions and when your actions are equal to your thoughts is that's when you're tapping into greatness and operating above your circumstances. So when your behaviors match your intentions and when your actions are equal to your thoughts.

So an example of that would be— so this has been just one of those things that has kept us on track, like, okay, where is it?

What are our goals? What do we want to envision? What do we want to unfold in our life, whether it's about treatment or one of our kids kids or new vehicle or whatever it is. When our behaviors match our intentions, that is when things start to happen. So my intention is I need to go get another level of treatment because what I'm doing is not working. But what we've found is that so often our behaviors or our thoughts contradict really what our intentions are, right? So this statement has been very transformative for us to say, are our behaviors matching our, our intentions?

And then, are our thoughts—

our actions equal to our thoughts, right?

When we run our decisions and our thought patterns through that lens, it's making us be much more strategic in what we want and identifying what we need and how to get there.

Right. And an example of how that worked out in our life.

Well, we've had lots of them, right? But the most current ones are the logistics even for going out to treatment. And one of those things is I need to stay at a place I'm going to be by myself where there's a shuttle, shuttle to treatment to and from, and shuttle to grocery stores. And, um, yeah, because we don't know how you're going to feel, right? And so the cost of that is $8,400. Which would be a phenomenal down payment on a vehicle. And the thought of spending that money is just absolutely nauseating on levels.

Yeah, yeah.

And so, but it's been very difficult for me to say no to the people who have free room and board or a free room for me to stay in, because I'm like, oh, if I just stay with someone, then, then I save that $8,400, because I'd rather spend that 100 different ways.

Right.

But the reality is, is that doesn't match my intention. My intention is to go to treatment, get there to and from every day, have the food in the fridge that I need to do 100% of the treatment. Yeah, and going out there is full-time. You have stuff that you have to do before treatment, like coffee enemas and different things.

You have to prep your own food.

You have to be there basically 9 to 4 type thing. And then when you come home, you have colonics appointments, you have other things that you have to do. And so It's a full-time thing.

Oh yeah.

And I can't be doing that in someone else's home as a guest emotionally. And I still have to work. Like, you and I, we both work from home, but in the evenings is when I'll be working. And so we need a safe place. Anyways, I running it through that filter of, are my actions and my thoughts and everything lining up with what I know I need?

Okay.

I would love to do it a different, cheaper way, but what I need is $8,400 to go to treatment. And so I've been amazed at how my own actions were short-circuiting that process, right? Because I was gonna justify it by doing other things, right? And I think you and I understanding that— I mean, that's how we moved up to Woodland Park. Like, we've done this on a lot of other levels, even with our business.

Absolutely.

But this is harder and rawer. Yeah. Feels more vulnerable because it is that there's so many other factors in as far as embarrassment or frustration, longevity, all those things. And the, the eighth, the eighth thing is deepening your spiritual connection. And that's been something we've actively worked towards our whole life. Um, yeah, but through Dispenza and other authors I feel like it's on a new level of not—

it's a continual process. I don't think you can ever stop doing that.

Well, and I think for us too, our spiritual connection is less— it used to revolve around church, and there's far less religion in our lives than there once was.

Yeah.

And there has actually been a lot of freedom in that.

A huge amount.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And the ninth is having a strong reason to live. And this is hard when you're in pain all the time. This is hard when you are not in control of your life. And right, and this is hard if you've been taking care of sick kids for 10 years. So, and even for me, I'm at this place where most of my energy goes into treatment, taking care of kids and spouse and marriage and work.

Yeah.

And that is about the extent of it. And there's not a lot of time left and not a lot of time left for hobbies or special interests or anything. And so that's something I generally love people. Yeah. So that's an easy fix for me as far as podcasting and networking and different things. But I'm consciously choosing, okay, what makes, what makes me feel good? What energizes me?

You know, and exercise has been one of those things And it's not just a singular reason. Oh no, it's multiple reasons. So you're picking, and, and you still haven't found a fun hobby yet. Like, you don't have a fun hobby like I have fishing, for example, right? You don't have one of those yet. We're on the active search for deepening number 9, right? You know, because you do have us and the kids, and they're all good reasons for staying alive. We all appreciate it very much. But I think on a personal level that can grow. Why are we to think that that can only— I think that was a mind shift for us to think that there's more growth. It doesn't— you don't have to have just one hobby, right?

Well, I think you don't have to have just one passion. I think here's the bigger underlying thing: if you do not love your life, figure out what you can change so that you do love it.

And I've talked about this a lot You're not gonna love the entire thing, just certain aspects. Like, I don't love every single aspect of my life, but being—

even, I mean, I bought recently this year, I bought a different bedspread, and my mom had made me this beautiful quilt that I had for like 10 years on my bed, but that quilt was old and tearing and had a lot of negative emotions tied to it. And so just associated with a lot of negative Right, just replacing that quilt enabled me to love my room in a different capacity.

Yeah, it's not a— it's not even as nice as the quilt we have now. It's not necessary as nice, but those are just different.

It's different. And those are conscious choices. And when you are doing things you love and valuing what you love, even on a little level, it slowly changes your life and it transforms it and it puts you back in the driver's seat. And that's what I see people doing, is they're surviving and they give away their power in other areas. And so in a sense, I, I don't know, I just love this list of things because it's not a cure-all, right? Like, none of what we're talking about is a cure-all. Invita is not a cure-all. ART is not a cure-all for people. These are adjunct therapies that come together, and that's okay because it's a journey worth walking down.

Yeah. Yeah, well folks, thanks for being with us today. And we are— we're not sure exactly what the future is going to have, but we do know that we are going to continue to get out episodes. We have some in storage that we're going to revamp while Sarah's out there, and we're going to try to do some updates to let you all know how it's going at Envita. And then I know a number of you have expressed a lot of interest in going to Envita. So I think the next few months of LimeVoice will be very good for you. In fact, make sure that you subscribe to the podcast because we don't have a certain date we're always coming out. We're not always every Monday. We're, we're kind of rolling with the punches here. So if you subscribe to us, as they come out, you'll get a notification and you won't miss any of them.

Yeah, and I want to like specifically thank like just several people in the Lyme community who have just been huge. I did it, posted it on Facebook, but there's been several people who have like just reached out to me and sent gifts or words of encouragement or letters, and it's been so healing for me.

Yeah, me too. Even though they're gifts for you, they make me feel good. So thank you, all of you who are sending my wife gifts, making me feel good. Yeah, for sure.

Yeah, we interviewed Susan Burden Cross a while back, and she sent me this card and she said, you know, you have to pick your battles and that's okay. And she said, I respect the way you're picking your battles. And I thought it just meant a lot to me because it was— I didn't consciously say, hey, I'm picking my battles, but that's been what's unfolded is I can kind of take care of myself and my responsibilities and then and not a lot else.

Yeah. Yeah. All right, till next time, think sexy thoughts, people.

For nearly 2 decades, Invita Medical Center has been leading the way with the latest in personalized treatment options designed for patients dealing with Lyme disease complex.. At Invita Medical Center, they offer a team-style approach and the latest technology regarding treatment and testing at an unmatched radical love and care environment for their patients. Call to speak to one of the patient care coordinators today to learn why hundreds of patients choose Invita Medical Center each year.

You can find them online at invita.com. Disease is contrary to life. Therefore, wherever disease exists, life must also fight to exist.

Good job fighting, Lyme fighters! Keep it up. We'll see you next time.

LymeVoice contains general information about medical conditions and treatments. The information is not advice and should not be treated as such. K, Lincoln? Okay. The medical information on LionVoice is provided as is without any representations, warranties, expressed or implied. Okay? Okay. LionVoice makes no representations or warranties in relation to the medical information on this podcast. You must not rely on the information on this podcast as an alternative to medical advice from your doctor or other professional healthcare provider. If you have any specific questions about your medical matter, you should consult your doctor or other professional healthcare provider. And for you, you consult your parents, okay? Okay. If you think you may be suffering from any medical condition, you should seek immediate medical attention. You should never delay seeking medical advice, disregard medical advice, or discontinue medical treatment because of information on this podcast. Got it, Lincoln? Got it.