095 Top 5 Mindsets to Survive the Holidays

When I am thinking what if, I operate in fear. When I think even if, so okay, even if that thing happens that I'm afraid of, this is how we're going to cope with it. And those, that's just a mental shift for me that I do, gosh, a dozen times a day. Don't operate in fear. Like, believe, picture whatever it is that you need and want. If you need money for treatment, you picture that treatment money coming in, and you declare it, and you say it, and you stand on it, and you do not give away emotional energy to the fear side of things.

Welcome to the Lyme Voice Network. We are chronic illness warriors, caretakers, and advocates who are overcoming illness in all of its many forms. We created this show to inspire, educate, and encourage you on your path to wellness. We're here to help you put the puzzle pieces of healing into place. Join us and our network of Lyme warriors as we discuss how fighting is a mindset, healing consists of choices, and living is the outcome.

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Lime Voice thanks Invita Medical for the continued support. Please reach them at 1-866-830-4576. Welcome to the Lime Voice Network, episode 95.

I'm joined with my wife Sarah.

Hello, Merry Christmas, Happy New Year.

Yes.

This week's episode is all about surviving Christmas, principles that Sarah and I have been using for years to help us survive Christmas. And it was great review for us to listen to this again, and I wanted to bring it to you guys again this year because these are principles we're using right now to help us survive Christmas. Every year it is a struggle. Let's not be— let's not pull punches here. Christmas is hard to do, especially with illness. So Hope you guys enjoy it and take it to heart and use what we've talked about. Also wanted to thank our sponsors, Invita Medical in Scottsdale, Arizona, your integrative medicine, and then tickwarriors.com, which is tick sprays for your yard, for your livestock, for yourself, for your pets.

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Welcome to another episode of LINEVOICE. We are going to try to do this on Facebook Live. We tried 3 times yesterday, had some issues with microphones, but we got it going today.

So, top 5 mindsets for helping you to navigate and make the most of Christmas while going through treatment, while battling chronic illness. It's a whole separate reality than normal Christmas. And we're live even though nothing is showing on there.

Here we are. We have one viewer right now.

Oh, yay. Okay, so, okay, I'm gonna go through the list of tried and true things that we have developed over the last few years and had to talk through 10+ years of having illness impact the holidays for us and impact finances and energy and a ton of stuff.

And I think you're gonna like these because they're principles, principles that apply to everybody's life because everybody's fight is very similar but also very unique. And that's one of the hard parts of finding treatment is that you need unique treatment tailored to you. So, really what these are, these are mindsets that you can apply tailored to your life. And each life is going to look different. Each, each limit is going to look different to each person. So, really, instead of giving you a 1 to 5 list of steps needed, it's really the mindsets needed.

Yeah, absolutely. So, let me go over those 5 mindsets briefly and then I'll go into them in detail. So the first one is containing your fear and choosing to operate in faith. And I don't mean faith religiously, and I will get into that in a religious sense. I mean having faith that things are moving forward and are going to work for your benefit. The second is having boundaries that heal. And that's a huge one because it's easy to compromise your own health to meet the needs of what is happening because you want to be a part of things. Um, three is having realistic expectations for what you can actually do and accomplish and what you're willing to give in exchange for that, because you cannot give what you don't have. So you may want to give 20 hours to a project or 2 hours to a project, and you don't have that. So those are choices you have to go through. Um, the fourth is delegate and eliminate, and there's two aspects to this principle. One is be willing to delegate if you're a Type A or like things done a certain way.

Sarah is definitely a Type A. I like— this was hard for you to do.

I like things done a certain way. And I want them to look a certain way, and sometimes that's not realistic. The other part of that is when you do delegate to someone, sometimes there's no one there to delegate to, and you need help and you don't have access to it. So those are two different factors we're gonna go over. And then the number 5 is to not embrace shame. And, you know, if you have a big heart and you want to live a big life, and you want to create memories with your kids, it is really hard to not let shame come in and say you're not doing enough, you're not enough. And that's a really difficult thing.

Yeah. And it really tries to sneak in, especially after you, you know, the fourth or I'm sorry, for the fourth one where it says delegate. It's so easy to just get to, to, you know what, let me start again.

I'll take over. Let's go back to the top. We are both sick. We have all been sick since Thanksgiving. We have had a house full of sick people, and we're like going back round 2. So it's—

so if we look a little droopy-eyed and we sound a little funny, that is why. But we are powering through because you have to just—

you have to—

you have to keep going. If you— when you're going through hell Keep going, don't stop before the devil knows you're there.

You just keep going. Okay, so number 1 on the principles for surviving the holidays is containing your fear. And I take this a step further and say contain your fear and then operate in faith. And let me just say, you know, we are in the trenches. I am going back through treatment. It's expensive, and we've already been going through treatment for years, over a decade. And so it's just It's an easy opportunity for fear to come in. Absolutely.

Rob even more. Yes, because fear is something that can— that is absolutely valid because there's reasons to be afraid and to be fearful, but it can also take from things you don't want it to. So if you have an event and it's just full of fear, that fear ruined— can ruin an event. Being able to control your fear is very, very important.

And it can be fear of the not knowing how you're gonna feel afterwards, fear of not being able to afford it. There's a thousand levels of fear that exist with chronic illness. And yet one of the things I have found, if I focus on the what-if and the fear side of things, I could be scared all the time.

Right.

Absolutely all the time. And especially when you're going through treatment or dealing with anxiety and neurological stuff, which I have been since May, my anxiety can go off the charts really quick. So emotionally for me, I cannot think about what if. I have to think even if. And we've talked about this on previous episodes, that when I am thinking what if, I operate in fear. When I think even if— so okay, even if that thing happens that I'm afraid of, this is how we're going to cope with it. And those— that's just a mental shift for me that I do, gosh, a dozen times a day. Don't operate in fear. Like, believe, picture whatever it is that you need and want. If you need money for treatment, you picture that treatment money coming in and you declare it and you say it and you stand on it, and you do not give away emotional energy to the fear side of things. So that's number one, and that's been huge, huge, huge for both of us. Yeah. Um, number two is maintaining boundaries that heal. It's super, super hard when you are going through treatment and/or you don't have any energy and you're dealing with cognitive stuff to implement boundaries that enable you to heal. But I don't see people getting better who don't have really concise boundaries as far as healing. And that's hard as a parent when you—

it's discipline, really.

It is, it is.

I mean, it's a real— it's a learned discipline. And, you know, you want to say yes for whatever reason, maybe out of obligation or maybe because it actually sounds like fun But those boundaries have to be there. I mean, it's just as simple as getting to bed at a simple— at a good time, right? So that you can wake up refreshed in the morning.

And we've talked about this extensively, like those daily habits, how easy it is when you are living with chronic pain to have those daily habits taken away from you. Because if you wake up and you can't think, you can't walk, it's very easy to skip out on things. And so for me, I have a list usually of like the top 5 healing things that I need to do on a regular basis to keep myself up and functioning. And during Christmas, on some of those days, I only do 2 or 3 of those protocols and I save the other ones. But I only do that for a specific number of days. I don't like let it go for weeks. And so for me, that's just been a boundary of sometimes I have to give myself time to just be a mom and enjoy Christmas. And then sometimes I have to revert back. And if I'm having a lot of neuropathy that day, I have to make sure and stop and do a coffee enema. Yeah. So it's just this balance. But protecting those boundaries and then giving yourself boundaries to enjoy the Christmas side of things. Number 3 is having realistic expectations. And this is crazy hard for me because I kept thinking as I recovered and was not consumed as much by pain that I would go back to doing what I normally used to do for Christmas.

And it had to tailor— it had to be tailored down.

We're nowhere— I mean, we used to do all sorts of fun stuff and start planning activities December 1st and, you know, we just can't do that stuff anymore.

And this is hard. This is really hard because it's, it's such— sometimes it can be very defeating to accept this.

Totally.

To know that, okay, I don't have the money to— because I paid for supplements or I paid for treatment this month, I don't have the money to go do that Christmas trip, or even just do something simple like, uh, go look at lights, you know, because of all the reasons we had listed, because of healthy boundaries, because of finances, because of limitations. You know, even going out in public with all the sicknesses like we have now— we had family over for Thanksgiving and, you know, they brought what they brought, and here we are. And, you know, now it's cycling through our house. So all that has to be evaluated, evaluated, and, and you really have to look at it and be able to roll with the punches in a sense.

But I also think it took us a long time to learn to communicate about those things because I so desperately wanted things to be normal.

We both did.

That we kept pushing and pushing and like, yes, we'll be at this house and this house. And to some extent that was good at times. And I feel like sometimes we should have, but it's hard when you're sick for so long because you're missing out not on 1 or 2 or 3 events. You're missing out on dozens of events, and emotionally that is so defeating. So like, some of the stuff, I think it just comes down to communication. What are we really capable of? And those are hard conversations to have sometimes if you're already stressed and frustrated about other things. So communication is key. But there are some things like, I quit sending out Christmas cards, but I ordered Christmas cards for like 3 years and never had the energy to send them out.

And it almost, you know, when we decided not to do that, it was more freeing.

Yeah, I was just like, why am I hanging on to this?

Yeah, you would, and it would depress you because you weren't able— there's one more task you weren't able to complete. So just removing it off of the list really freed us up. And it, it's a loss still because we would love to be sharing, right? Well, of course we did make a podcast that we share every intimate detail of our life with.

Yeah, that's true. Who needs Christmas cards? Yeah, we have a podcast.

Tune in to Lion Voice, you'll hear.

But something as simple as we have done years where we've just told our families and stuff we are not doing gift exchange, like emotionally, financially we can't do it, but even emotionally. Yeah, like the time— and Aaron's family did this thing last year where they did not do any gifts, and oh my gosh, it was so much fun. It was just, we just got to enjoy and hang out without the all the extra. And I normally love all the extra, but if you don't have extra to give, it just becomes another thing.

Yeah. And you know, we've done family gifts too. So if finances are tight, sometimes we would just pool all our money together and buy one big gift for the family, like an Xbox, or we— one year we did a Wii, I think. Yeah, um, stuff like that. So that's another option to survive the holidays you know, do that kind of thing. You have to get creative. You really do. You have to get creative. And communication between her and I, we're able to bounce off ideas and work it out because I'll have a crazy idea. She has a lot more crazy ideas than even me, and we balance them out and work it out.

So number 4 is delegate and eliminate. And this delegating to people is really, really helpful when and if you can do it. If you are going to someone's house and you don't have to bring anything, or you can bring the soda or the wine that you can pick up on your way, do that. But delegating even is one of the things that, um, I learned I had to do even with the kids. Like if we wanted to decorate for Christmas, they had to do it. I mean, I could sit there and kind of instruct, but they had to do it. And so that was one of the things that instead of just feeling bad about things not being done the way they are, I had to learn to delegate to kids and be like, okay, if we want to decorate, you got to do it and I'll help, but I'm going to do it from the couch. And so there's little things that you can do, but I think it comes down to attitude and mindset. If I was super bummed that we couldn't decorate the way I wanted to, I could ruin the day. And you have done that many times.

Yes, I've ruined many Christmases. Is that what you're trying to say?

No, not Christmases, but you know, if you have a poopy attitude about something, it comes out and everyone feels that energy. So we have had to learn to control the energy that we're putting out there so that it's fun even if it's not the way we wanted it or pictured it.

Yeah, yeah.

Um, eliminating is a whole nother thing. Eliminate— I said delegate and eliminate. So eliminate could be 'Hey, we're not coming for Christmas,' or 'We're not coming for Thanksgiving.' And those are really hard decisions to make, but they are necessary sometimes.

Yeah, I always say that they're no decisions now so that I can make a yes decision later. So it's, 'Yes, we're not going back to, uh, back home for Christmas this year because of finances,' or whatever. It's not the end of it. It's just a no decision for now. And in that decision, I can choose at that point my attitude. So I can sit here and pout and stick out my lip and whine about it, not being able to do what I wanted, or embrace and enjoy what you have. And really, that's what we're looking at now, is embracing and enjoying a Christmas away from home, in a sense, and, you know, our new home here in Woodland Park.

So number 5 is don't embrace shame. And I talk about shame all the time on the podcast because it's so— it's such an oppressive force. And I say it all the time. I don't understand it. I don't understand even for myself when I'm doing everything I know to do and still struggling, why I would be ashamed of that. But I just think when you are not living the life you pictured or prepared for or which I know so many people deal with for a ton of different reasons. Um, yeah, but it's very easy to look and compare yourself to, I can't provide the way I wanted to, or we don't, you know, we just live— if you are paying for treatment, you live certain levels below your socioeconomic income. That is just the reality. If you're paying $1,000 a month or more, you know, every round of treatment is thousands of dollars. And, you know, some people have been at treatment for 10, 12 years plus. So do not let shame destroy what joy you can find and what joy you have in front of you and the people you have in front of you, because it's— shame just steals from you again. It doesn't give you anything. And I feel like this is— I mean, we've been talking about it for years, but really, I feel like we've just kind of figured this out in the last year. That, you know what, things have happened and it's frustrating to kind of be starting over financially at 40, but this— but it is what it is. And the only thing we can do is move forward and try to get past it as quickly as possible.

Yeah, yeah, keep moving, really. I mean, you have to move forward. Every decision has to be a forward movement, even if it's a no decision, even it's, it's a pause decision so that we make the decisions against this disease and not the disease making decisions for us, right? That, that's a huge thing, a key point, because it gives— it switches power. You're going from defense to offense, and it makes all the difference in moving forward. It, it may not be as much as you wanted, but it will help you move forward.

It will. We said, um, we say it all the time, but you have to move mentally from a position of suffering to a position of hope. And you can't move to that position of hope if you are weighed down by shame. For whatever reason, doesn't matter what the reason is, but do not embrace shame 'cause it just steals from you the energy you currently have. So anyways, I hope that that is helpful for you guys, principles that we have found that we are holding on to even this year. We're still in it, still going through treatment during Christmas, and obviously that has impacted our travel plans. But join us anytime, day or night. We're getting so much incredible feedback from our listeners on LineVoice. That, um, it's just meeting their mental and emo— or their social and emotional needs on a huge level. And we got some gifts this week, and people have been sending us presents, which we love.

This one is, uh, from Stephanie out in Irvine, California.

A nice mug here from Elaine in Minnesota. Find joy in the journey. Thank you, Elaine.

And we've gotten samples from Cure Leaf CBD oils. They sent us probably 8 samples and we're trying them out and seeing what they're like. We'll let you know more. Here, I'll let you—

We do have an upcoming episode about CBD oil coming up.

Yeah, and I'm excited more about that. I know many of you have really experienced a lot of help from hemp and some of you can't do regular hemp or you can only do CBD because of legalizing or because of legal reasons. CBD oil is 100% legal federally, so you can use this in whatever state you're in. So check out CBD oils because these are the healing properties in hemp.

Yep. All right, thanks for joining us. Disease is contrary to life. Therefore, wherever disease exists, life must also fight to exist.

Good job fighting, Lyme fighters. Keep it up. We'll see you next time.

LymeVoice contains general information about medical conditions and treatments. The information is not advice and should not be treated as such. Okay, Lincoln?

Okay.

The medical information on LymeVoice is provided as is without any representations, warranties, expressed or implied.

Okay? Okay.

LymeVoice makes no representations or warranties in relation to the medical information on this podcast. You must not rely on the information on this podcast as an alternative to medical advice from your doctor or other professional healthcare provider. If you have any specific questions about your medical matter, you should consult your doctor or other professional healthcare provider. And for you, you consult your parents, okay?

Okay.

If you think you may be suffering from any medical condition, you should seek immediate seek medical attention. You should never delay seeking medical advice, disregard medical advice, or discontinue medical treatment because of information on this podcast. Got it, Lincoln?

Got it.