096 Recovery...A Journey Of Self Love with Jackie Shea

I had just kept kind of hoping that I'd wake up and, you know, it would be over. Like, I, I had— I wasn't embracing it actually as part of my life journey. I was looking at it as an obstacle on my journey. And those are drastically different perceptions of a reality, right? This is an obstacle versus this is an escalator.

Like, this—

for sure, this is just part of it.

Welcome to the Lyme Voice Network. We are chronic illness warriors, caretakers, and advocates who are overcoming illness in all its many forms. We created this show to inspire, educate, and encourage you on your path to wellness. We're here to help you put the puzzle pieces of healing into place. Join us and our network of Lyme warriors as we discuss how fighting is a mindset, healing consists of choices, and living is the outcome.

Wishing your doctors could communicate and come up with a cohesive plan? Specific to your medical needs and genetics? At Invita Medical Center, they offer a team-style approach, giving you the opportunity to heal. In addition to a commitment of providing radical love and care for their patients, they are strategically located in sunny Arizona because Arizona offers the best integrative medical laws in the country. Call today to speak with one of their patient care coordinators. You can find them online at invita.com.

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Hi friends, I am your host for today, Sarah Slickty Sanchez, and today's episode is with Jackie Shea. Called Recovery: A Journey of Self-Love. And I would just like to say that I love this episode. I know I say I'm excited about all the episodes because it's true, but I love this one. And there's a lot of depth in this, especially in the last half of this interview. And I know I say that all the time, but that is also true. So goodie for you, you get depth and authenticity every time. One of the things that I really like about Jackie is her and I have very different lives, and yet I have been doing some coaching with her over the last 6 months. She has been able to help me make some profound differences in my life, and I'm very, very thankful for anyone who helps me get to the next level or expand my understanding of things, and she has done both. So if you are interested in coaching, jackieshea.com is her website. She's fantastic. You're going to love the interview. One of the things I say in this interview, um, and I want to just expand on it a little, is when we did our documentary Disappearing from Society— if you have not seen that, it is on linevoice.com, Disappearing from Society. It's a 17-minute documentary about my story and 3 other people. And, um, in there I say that I will choose— I will fight to live and not just exist. And those words were carefully crafted. I will fight to live and not just exist because I existed for a long time. I didn't know what was wrong. I didn't have a diagnosis. Um, but you do a lot of existing and not living and thriving when you are battling a chronic illness. So she has really helped me prioritize some things. And when we recorded this, I think we had only done like 3 sessions together. And so we've done more since then. I, in 2013, when I went through treatment the first time for chronic Lyme disease, I had to give myself permission and learn to fight in a new way for my physical health, physical and cognitive, really. Um, I'd been suffering for so long, I didn't even understand what a normal life would be like at that point. As many of you know, I was reinfected in 2018 here in Colorado, and I After being on antibiotics and doing things from afar, I, we ended up making the decision in 2019 that I needed to go back out to treatment. And so I went back out to Invita Medical in Scottsdale, Arizona, and they have a cognitive repair program called iRAD that is just phenomenal. I don't see anything else that competes with their program. Lots of people get better, but the whole cognitive function thing is just huge and they really have a really good protocol for it. So in 2019, even though I was physically better than I had been, cognitively and in other ways, I was going way downhill. I was having chronic kidney infections and losing all my hair and had all this skin stuff. And so I, I feel like what I had to do was decide in a new way that I needed the next level of help in 2019, and I had to fight to live, not just to exist, for my emotional wellbeing, and not just mine, but our whole family's. Jackie really helped me prioritize some of those things. So for that, I'm truly thankful and I know you're going to love this episode. This episode is brought to you by tickwarriors.com. If you use the source code LymeVoice, you will get 10% off. Tick Warriors offers safe, effective, all-natural, eco-friendly protection against ticks, mosquitoes, and other insects. They help you protect the people, pets, and property that you love, as well as your livestock. And we live at, we live in Colorado, up in the mountains. We're at like 8,500 feet elevation, right? And we have snow probably 8 months out of the year. So you would not think that ticks would be an ongoing issue necessarily, cuz it's cold here a lot. We do have a lot of snow, but I have deer walking through my yard on a consistent basis. And in December, we were at a barber shop. Aaron was getting his haircut and a tick walked across the floor at the barber shop here in Colorado, 8,500 feet elevation with snow on the ground. We've had snow since, um, October, and there was a tick in the barber shop. And I about— it— yeah, they're just always around, folks. So go to tickwarriors.com. .com and get eco-friendly protection for your people and your pets and your property. Uh, let's see. So, ooh, one of the things I wanted to say, at about 30 minutes into this interview, I'm trying to tell a story and I have a complete brain freeze. And we were talking about the concept of waiting to get better, and Jackie was saying at this point she had been sick for X number of months and was just waiting for her life to get back to normal. And I was referencing— I'm going to tell you now the part I could not recall for two reasons. Um, we were talking about the book by Melanie Thurnstrom called The Pain Chronicles. If you live with any level of chronic pain, this is an invaluable resource. And in the book she talks about— and I think when she wrote this she was in her late 20s or early 30s She ended up living from an injury with ongoing excruciating pain in one arm. The psychology of this book is just fantastic and so fascinating because she interviews all these patients who have gone to pain clinics. Anyway, she talks about waiting and waiting, waiting to, in a sense, resume her life. And she realized X number of years into dealing with chronic pain that the money she had saved to buy a house would be better served seeking treatment options for this chronic pain because it was consuming so much of her life. So in the interview, that's what I'm wanting to say, like, oh, this girl Melanie— this author Melanie Thurnstrom had this money saved to buy her first house, and she ended up having to spend it on treatment instead. I couldn't recall the story.

I—

it was there in the back of my head, but I couldn't call it forward. And I call that like brain freeze. But I bring that to your attention because because some of the feedback I get from you guys is so many people have said, hey, we love the interviews, but it's these like little aha moments and moments of humanity that come through when two people are talking just about the losses and about the suffering and about the complexities that you have to deal with. And so in— when you hear this interview, 30 minutes in, you're gonna see I'm gonna be like, uh-oh, shoot, and I'll say, it'll come back to me. And I left that in the recording. I could have just edited the whole thing out, but I left that in the recording because, um, it'll come back to me as a statement of intention that I started saying years ago. And I don't always say it, but I dealt with so much cognitive fatigue for so many years before going out to Invita the first time. And they, even with the second reinfection, dealt with a ton of cognitive fatigue. There, there were so many times where I wanted to just be like, oh, I lost my train of thought, I'm so stupid, or blah blah blah. I chose years ago, I don't remember when, to even if I uttered the words, ah, I lost my train of thought, I would instantly say it'll come back to me versus I'm stupid or I can't remember or whatever, whatever it is, whatever those limiting beliefs are that you impose on yourself. I have many of them. I'm trying to evaluate them. But that's one of those really minuscule micro movements of intentionality that I've chosen to say when I am struggling, because it's hard when you can't find your words. Golly. Over My Head is another phenomenal book about a physician who ended up getting a brain— a traumatic brain injury. And she's just full of insight in the same way. Like, when you are stuck on some level, do you say things that empower you or do you say things that limit you? So 30-minute mark on the episode, you're going to hear that. Um, our second sponsor for today is Medical Bill Gurus, and we are super happy to have them. With empathy at the forefront of our daily mission, Medical Bill Gurus is dedicated to being in the trenches with patients and raise awareness for the daily challenges facing them. If you are paying out of pocket for medical bills, which by the way, if you are listening to this podcast, I guarantee you are paying out of pocket for medical bills. Medical Bill Gurus will come alongside you for no money out of pocket and get money back on either clinic visits, out-of-pocket medical expenses, and they are a wealth of information. If you are looking at changing your insurance, call Medical Bill Gurus. Daniel Lynch is a wealth of information and he is familiar with all the clinics around the world. And can tell you exactly what is going to, uh, what you can do to put yourself in a better position, what options are available to you. So wealth of information. And when we started advertising for them, we heard from several patients who had gotten money back from Medical Bill Gurus. It doesn't cost you any money. You— they only get paid if you get paid. But one of our listeners said she got $10,000 back off of one treatment session. So that is huge. Another one of our sponsors is Invita Medical. If you are completely debilitated and you need to get back up to functioning, I don't know, they have just absolutely been a lifesaver for me twice now, so I highly recommend them. And last but not least, in our next episode, it's gonna— it's called Honoring the Reality of What Is.. And Aaron and I are going to go over just a lot of kind of what unfolded for us in 2019. It was a very hard year in a lot of ways. Um, and yet we made decisions in 2019 because we had learned how to make different decisions back in 2013 and '14 and '15. And when you have to fight for your life, when you have to fight for your emotional well-being, your physical well-being, your I mean, normal people don't understand the lives we live, okay? I don't even understand the life we live. It's super confusing trying to take care of kids who have congenital Lyme. When people are going into the ER, when you have ongoing issues not just for a year or two but like a decade, normal people don't understand our lives. And we're going to talk about some of the confusion of that and really honoring the reality of what is going on in our lives emotionally, physically, financially. So that we can get to the next step. So I hope you enjoy this episode.

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Welcome to today's episode of Lime Voice. With me today is Jackie Shea, who is the host of the Healing Out Loud podcast and also a life, health, and business coach. Jackie, thank you so much for being here with us today.

Thank you so much for having me. It's such an honor. I love your podcast and I love your vibe. So, so happy to be here.

Yeah. So Jackie and I started talking closer to the beginning of this year and then briefly through treatment while I was gone. And then her and I have been able to do a couple of coaching sessions together. So I wanted to bring Jackie on the mic. How did you actually find our podcast?

Um, that's a good question. How did I find your podcast? I think that I just was doing like a lot of Googling for Lyme podcasts at some point and found you guys and, you know, made it sort of a thing to listen to an episode of each of them. And I think I was on a long drive to Northern California and I just downloaded a bunch of episodes from a bunch of different podcasts and I listened to you, your sex, your sex and chronic illness episode. I, and I immediately shared it with a bunch of clients actually, and that's, that's what drew me in.

Awesome. So Jackie is a full-time coach, and it was interesting because when we started talking, I, you know, I'm looking her up and I'm listening to her podcast and I'm like, she's kind of like me. She's doing exactly what I'm doing in a different way, not under Lyme label. And so I'm really excited for her to be here today. So Jackie, tell us how you came into the whole chronic illness realm to begin with.

Like how I got sick? Yeah.

How did you join this club that none of us actually want to be a part of?

Yeah. So I really did not— I never, I never thought my life would, you know, we always think like, not me, that won't happen to me. I knew very little about Lyme disease, even though I am from the Northeast. It was like a Connecticut disease, right? Like it's something you get in Connecticut, so check yourself for ticks when you go to the woods of Connecticut. And I got bit in Los Angeles in 2000, the end of 2013. So when I left the woods, I got bit by a tick in the woods, and when I left the woods that day, I thought to myself, I should check for ticks, because if there was ever a time for to check for ticks, like that would have been the day. Yeah. Immediately followed by the thought, there are no ticks in Southern California. Interesting. And so I didn't. And it was November 17th, 2013, 3 days before, 4 days before my 26th birthday. And what ended up happening was that I thought my life was super full. I was, I was, I was an adrenaline junkie because really because of past trauma and childhood trauma. And I worked all the time and I played all the time and I was never home and I, you know, didn't take super good care of myself in that way and didn't— I really didn't want my life to change. I was an actress and a waitress and I— when I found out I had Lyme, 3 weeks later, I got diagnosed within a month of getting bit because, because I had the rashes. I had gotten the rashes. They were atypical, but, but they were severe. So I had been diagnosed and my first thought was, this is great. I just have to take some antibiotics and then I'll be back to like normal life. And I really did. I thought it was like a great diagnosis. Because I thought it was a fast, easy, swift situation. I loved Western medicine. I loved like, take a pill, take a pill, make it go away.

I love the illusion of Western medicine, right?

I love, I was like, this is great. Like, why are people complaining about American healthcare? I just get the antibiotics and I've been treated with antibiotics so much of my life because I've always had a, a weak immune system. Hmm. So, so they give me antibiotics and I ended up having to be on them for a year, getting sicker and sicker and sicker and sicker, taking 5 at a time, doing intramuscular antibiotics, just, just declining, declining, declining, declining. Finally, I was so sick that I gave up the antibiotics and decided to heal naturally. And that is when I went into this world of mind, body, spirit healing. And I dove really deep into it because I was totally unwilling to live that way. I was, I mean, I was, I was so sick I couldn't hold my own head up. Like I was so tired and weak that I needed a wall behind me just to sit up. I was down to 95 pounds. I couldn't hold any weight. I was in a wheelchair for any long walking, long standing. Seeing like more than a block. I was— I had lost a lot of my hair. I was not sleeping ever. Oh my God, the insomnia was brutal on me. I was depressed. I was anxious. I was suicidal. I had muscle twitching. I had— I mean, it was just— I had joint pain. I had physical— I had fibro pain. I mean, I just had pain from my head to my feet, like just really bad. And And I gave myself over to the spiritual, emotional, and physical work. And I ended up going to Florida for peptide treatments. I went to Indonesia for 2 months for ozone therapy. I, you know, saw healers. I did all the kinds of herbal protocols. I bounced from doctor to doctor, did what I needed to do.

I did— now, are you doing this by yourself? Like emotionally, who's there with you? Or physically, who's there with you at this point in your mid-20s?

Um, I had a tribe of people. Definitely my boyfriend, who is my, my new fiancé, was— we were together for like probably 6 months by the time I got sick. Um, and he was with me the whole time. He was not my like main support system. And that was, that was very intentional on my part. I made it so that, you know, my— I cast a wide net of support. And my family was not available. So friends, friends, friends, friends, friends, friends. That was my tribe. And I leaned on a few very specific people. And they showed up for me in a profound way.

Okay, awesome. So you're making these decisions, life-altering, embracing the unknown, giving up the illusion of Western medicine being your salvation.

Yeah, and that was depressing. Like, the, the level of abandonment that I felt by the— by medicine, by doctors, it's like, it's like everything in Lyme was such a process, you know. There was no— there was no like, this is just happening now. It was like the level of abandonment I felt by my family members, the level of abandonment I I felt with the medical system and the doctors, with insurance, the— I had no money. I mean, the financial piece of it, everything was the friends who could no longer be my friends. But, you know, having an intimate relationship with somebody new, it was new while not being myself, you know, all these identity layers that I was attached to starting to go away, like my my looks, my confidence, my brain, my, you know, my feistiness, my adventure, my adventurous spirit. Like, it just felt like my identity was being stripped and I had to get to know my soul, my spirit. So yes, what ended up happening was that I found someplace in there this immune disorder. Called common variable immune deficiency. And the way you find that is you test your immunoglobulins. And if you're— and there's 5 subclasses of immunoglobulins, and then there's an IgA and an IgE and an IgD and an IgM. I knew nothing about this and nobody had ever tested it. Is— oh, you have your white blood cells, you have your natural killer cells, and then you have your immunoglobulins. They are of equal importance to your immune system. And for some reason, probably because it's very expensive, doctors don't often test for the immunoglobulins. Hmm. If you are a person who has been like sick a lot in your life, sinus infections, bronchitis, respiratory things, pneumonias, this is the kind of thing you want to test for.

Interesting.

Okay. And they came back all low. And what the treatment for that is called IVIG, IV immunoglobulin, and it is plasma from other healthy people's immune systems. Um, it's a highly, highly expensive treatment that insurance covers if you need it, and it's a treatment that you can do even if you don't have low immunoglobulins, just once to boost your immune system. And people People with Lyme see really tremendous effects from that. So when they found that, I started to really get better. Like, once I started getting treatment for that, along with all of the other things I was doing and had done, was— it was just a massive turning point. And from beginning to end, it was about 3 years.

And, and yeah, that's, that's how I came to be a chronically ill member of Yeah, so you and I have talked about this off camera, but, um, explain the process because we talk all the time about fighting being a mindset, and you're talking about losing your identity, and so much of mindset is wrapped up in identity. And like you said, there's so many layers to our identity, to our self-worth, and so How do you— you did not have a family support system saying, hey, we're gonna fight with you, something's wrong. You had to make that happen yourself in a life-altering way and face the unknowns of what you didn't know and embrace what you didn't know. So what are some of those mindsets for you that started— like, looking back, give— take us back to a couple moments where you realized, okay, I'm doing things differently. I have to think of myself differently or my environment differently. What are those mindsets that enabled you to keep fighting and embracing all the changes that you had to make?

Hmm. Two moments came to mind. It's a great question. One moment that comes to mind is that I had spent the beginning of illness just waiting for it to be over. Be over, go back to life as it was, go back, go back, go back. And I had just kept kind of hoping that I'd wake up and, you know, it would be over. Like, I wasn't embracing it actually as part of my life journey. I was looking at it as an obstacle.

Journey.

And those are drastically different perceptions of a reality, right? This is an obstacle versus this is an escalator. Like, this is for sure, this is just part of it. So I was waiting and waiting, and one day a friend said to me, um, she said— I, it was probably about a year, a year in, maybe a year and a half in And she said, look, I don't think this is going to be you, which ended up being not true. It was me. She was like, I don't think this is going to be you.

What did she mean by that?

Well, shit, I'll tell you. Okay. But if you end up being sick for another 2 years, right? She was like, if you're a person that has to be sick for another 2 years, what would you do differently? And now it's something that I ask all of my clients because it just struck me so deeply. I realized that I would be living actually completely differently. And my answer to her was I would do more. Like, I would, I would take photos. I would, you know, read. I would listen to different audiobooks. I would write more. I would engage with life however I can from my bed, right? I would show up for conversations and be present for them instead of being like, when will this be over, right? So that I can show up to this conversation as a healthy person. There's that moment. And there's another moment I had where I actually had talked to a coach, a life coach who knew nothing about illness, which, which I don't totally suggest. Like, if you person that is sick and you want coaching, it is so great to talk to somebody who actually knows what it's like because it's a very specific experience. It is very, very specific. Yeah, totally. However, this, this guy still ended up really helping me. He— I was on the couch. I was so sick. My head's like hanging off, you know, I'm like dying, and I'm talking to him, and I'm complaining and complaining and complaining, and poor me, poor me, pity pity pity, like my life sucks. And he said, he said, you're not a victim. Like, he just said, I hear a lot of victimhood. You sound like you think you're a victim. And I was pissed. Oh my god, I was so mad. And he was like, let's talk about victim versus ownership. Let's talk about victim mentality versus taking responsibility. And I was like, how dare you? You think I'm not a victim? Like, I am sick. I am 27 years old and I am sick. And he was like, how's that working for you? You know? And he sent me some writings on like victim mentality versus taking responsibility. And what I learned from that moment is that I was a victim of getting bit by a tick and responsible for everything I did with it. And it pushed me into a new level of responsibility and ownership over my life and my life experience. And I, you know, there are so many more moments, Sarah, but those two moments do come to mind as like pushing me to take responsibility, to get out of self-pity, to get into gratitude, to get into the present moment, to see how I could live well while feeling bad. Mm-hmm. And those felt like the right mindsets for me to get well.

Yeah. Yeah, that's really good. I always talk about fault versus responsibility. It was not my fault that I got infected, but it is my responsibility to deal with it. Just like you would if you had a broken arm, you would go into the ER and get it set back into place. But we don't think— sometimes we don't think that way if we've never been in the chronic illness realm and that realm extends for years. Instead of days or weeks like most people are used to, you realize that you are living with that mentality of waiting to be well.

Yep. Yep. And it, and it is a time suck. Like it takes away from what your life could be. This, this belief that like you can't live well while being sick is false. And if you want to keep believing it, like you are losing your precious time here on the planet.

Melanie Thornstrom wrote a book called The Pain Chronicles, and it was— it— I actually got introduced to it by my first pain doctor, and it was just fascinating. She interviewed hundreds over several years of patients, as sat in on hundreds of patient appointments at the pain clinic where the doctor would come in for the 15 minutes, here's what we're doing, blah, blah, blah. And she describes that experience that she could tell there was just this huge disconnect for most people. And she said that the people in the waiting room of pain clinics had the shabbiness of homeless people or the unemployed, like their time was of no value to them. And it's, it's layered with wisdom, but it's one of those things that Aaron and I were just talking about last night in the little, in the documentary that we did, Disappearing from Society. If you have not seen that, it's at lionvoice.com. It's on the front page. And we're interviewing Steven Groeters and his wife Heather, and she says, this is our journey back to Steve. Like, we're trying to get back to who he was. Who— because in the, in the documentary, he says, who I am is not here. And he's been fighting, gosh, 8, I think at least 8 years now. And it's so What Erin and I were saying yesterday is that statement of getting back to who we once were— those people don't exist anymore.

That's right. And do you know—

yeah, they don't. Even when I listen to our initial interviews on Lion Voice 4 years ago, we are not those same people.

That's right. And it is a grieving process. I mean, it is that— like, there is a total grief in, in saying goodbye to who you once identified with, right? Like, it's not— you are always the same who you are, right?

Your spirit.

But that who you once identified as, that grieving process is big. And Sheryl Sandberg in Option B—

have you read that book? No, but I just have heard a couple people mentioning it.

I really, really love that book because she talks about how we don't bounce We bounce forward. And I love that so much because it takes it out of this like, I need to get back, to I can't wait to see where this is going. And if I had had that mentality, because my life really did take off, like I did, my life got better as I got well and I experienced the changes that I experienced. And I didn't trust it. I didn't have faith that that would be the case.

Hmm, that things would get better or that it was a journey worth taking to begin with?

It was a journey worth taking to begin with, but it was the right journey for me.

Okay, so you've already started talking about it, but let's talk about those conscious choices that lead to healing, because over and over again, healing always consists of choices and You are saying exactly the same process I went through. You don't even understand the choices that are in front of you that you're not making because you're back here saying, when I get well, I'll be able to do this, or as soon as I get this. And Melanie Thurnstrom, she says in the book that, uh, hold on, it's right there. Oh, coaching, honey, it'll come back to me. I'm sorry. Um, she just talks about that deep grieving process in such a way that it made me realize, oh, I'm limiting— I'm limiting myself. And that was one of the gateway— her book was one of the gateways of saying there's other alternatives out there outside of just going to the pain doctor and getting on pain pills. I need to start thinking about nutrition. I need to start thinking holistically in ways that I was unaware of. So those are all those conscious choices, and you've already mentioned some of them, but how did those conscious choices— give us a few examples of game changers, conscious choices, and then how those started to stack on top of each other.

If you're listening to this show, you're probably not a fan of ticks or biting bugs. Many of us can't even enjoy the outdoors because of pests like ticks and mosquitoes. You know, Sarah and I realized this in a very sobering way with her second tick infection. You know, we live in Colorado, one of the most beautiful places in the world, but honestly, we were scared to enjoy it. That's why Tick Wires invites you to come to the green side and join them in the war against ticks. They provide— check this out— eco-friendly products for you, your family, pets, and yards to reduce damage from ticks and tick bites. Learn how to safely protect your family and yards and help battle tick-borne illnesses. Remember, ticks will bite year-round in many places. To learn how you can enjoy the outdoors again, visit tickwarriors.com. Go to episode 92 to hear the full episode about the products. Also, don't forget this: TickWires is offering a 10% off discount to all first-time purchases. Simply add LymeVoice at your checkout and you get 10% off. Go to tickwires.com today.

For nearly two decades, Invita Medical Center has been leading the way with the latest in personalized treatment options designed for patients dealing with Lyme disease complex.. At Invita Medical Center, they offer a team-style approach and the latest technology regarding treatment and testing at an unmatched radical love and care environment for their patients. Call to speak to one of the patient care coordinators today to learn why hundreds of patients choose Invita Medical Center each year. You can find them online at invita.com. Ways that I was unaware of. So those are all those conscious choices, and you've already mentioned some of them. But how did those conscious choices— give us a few examples of game changers, conscious choices, and then how those started to stack on top of each other.

Like the conscious choices I made to heal, like the things I did? Yeah. Um, so, so one of the things I tell people all the time is find somebody who had what you have and ask them what they did and do what— do what they did. So that's what I— that's what I did. I found people or got connected to people that had healed from Lyme disease, and I asked them what they did, and I tried it. And I believe that a lot of healing from Lyme is like throwing shit at the wall and seeing what sticks, because— because It appears very much that none of us who heal heal in the same way. Like, I haven't met a single two people who have healed from Lyme disease and been as sick as I was and as a lot of us get that used the same tools to heal.

Some people— You're right.

Some people have this like massive success with ozone therapy. Some people have massive success with stem cells. Some people have massive success with antibiotics. And so, and so I had to try all kinds of things and listen to my body and see what it liked and what it didn't like. So, so that's what I did. And some things I discovered on my own, like Self-Compassion. And Self-Compassion is a book by Dr. Kristin Neff. And I use that— that book was like my anchor. I I started— for me, healing was really a journey of self-love.

Hmm.

So, so it was like self-compassion, inner child work, trauma work, you know, how to love myself more, how to love myself more, gratitude work.

And did you feel like you did any of that naturally beforehand?

Before I got sick?

Yeah.

Yes. So I have been living a spiritual life for like about 13 years. Okay. I've been in 12-step recovery for, for many, many years. And so before that, I had a spiritual life. Like, I meditated, I did practice a lot of gratitude, I practiced a lot of self-awareness, self-inventory, you know, communication skills, things like that. But, and, and like the self-love, I was always trying to have more self-love, but illness made it so that it was life or death, right? So like if I didn't learn to love myself, I felt very clear that I was going to spend the rest of my life sick and miserable, that I had to learn to love myself, to have compassion for myself, to, to care for myself like a small child. I had to learn those things. And I, I talk about inner child work is like one of my really like one of the main things I did to get well. Because whenever I didn't know how to take care of myself, I would talk to little Jackie. I'd be like, "What do you need?" And she'd always tell me, "I need to lie down. I need some food. I need a hug. I need this." And I would just— it was just constant self-soothing. Before I got sick, I went outside for soothing. Right? Yeah. Boyfriend soothe me, you soothe me, work soothe me, exercise soothe me, outside, outside, outside. And illness forced me into really deeply learning how to self-soothe.

So yeah, go ahead. And that's actually something that you've brought into my life through coaching that I have— was not aware of, though, or not unaware of, but the whole inner child thing. So that's been, well, I'll talk about myself here and your, my, what you've been helping me with. Um, Jackie's been helping me just from that perspective of a little child, like what does little Sarah need? And that's been very powerful for me because I'm being pulled in a lot of directions. And it was one of my things when we were talking about coaching, I'm like, I don't know if she's gonna get my life. Because it's so— there's so many kids and there's— I have kids with special needs and all that stuff. But it again was like, you brought a different perspective into my life from that viewpoint that kind of— that very much enabled me to start saying, okay, wait, I'm out of crisis medically because I'm back from treatment, but I still need to make these decisions emotionally to control what's going on with a variety of kids with special needs and all that stuff. And so that's been a very helpful practice to say, what is the little version of me like just innocently need? And for me, it was just like protecting some of my time differently.

Yeah, I love that. I love that, Sarah. And you know, inner child work feels super dorky. It's like, it's really, it's a funny thing to talk about, and it takes people getting used to, or, you know, people really don't want to do it sometimes. And I mean, I straight up am like having full-on conversations with little John, whether it's on a piece of paper or like out loud or in my head, there's always some kind of dialogue going on. And it can be, it can feel ridiculous. But there is something about our ability to take care of an innocent child that we just struggle with in our adult selves. There is something about picturing a small child and being like, what would I do for that child versus what we do for ourselves as adults? And we're all just so new, like we're all new all the time. So I feel like I never stopped needing the things that little Jackie needed. I just— the difference is is that she needed them from other people and I need them from myself. Oh, I like that.

Yeah.

So it's not like I need the same exact things. I need food and I need water and I need exercise and I need sunshine and I need love, lots and lots and lots of love, and I need attention. It's all the same as what I needed as a 1-year-old.

I just need to meet my own Yeah, and it's interesting too. One of the things that Aaron and I were discussing this morning is when you're sick for years and one of you slips into caregiver mode and the other one is in parenting mode, or as things shuffle down, um, we were having a conversation and he was like, hey, basically like checking in with me emotionally, like, was it okay that I was in a sense not meeting your needs, and I was doing this, this, and this. And I was like, yeah, of course that's okay. I was like, why did you think I was bugged or something? He goes, no, I'm just wanting to make sure that we're communicating. And I said, you know what? I said, it's my responsibility to meet that need. I said, you, because you have been a caregiver for a lot of years, you've had to guess and say, hey, how are you doing? Can I, you know, are we okay? Are you annoyed? You know, all those things that start to happen. And I said, we're at the point that if I have a need, it's my responsibility to tell you. You don't have to guess. You don't have to play this game anymore. And that was like a powerful moment for us just this morning to realize we're both in control of meeting our own needs.

Oh, so beautiful. And it saves a relationship. Anyone who's sick and in a relationship like this saves it. The ability to like take responsibility for your own, for satisfying your own needs. This is what saves a relationship.

Yes. So, and I— what are some— give us a couple more healing choices that you see, maybe not even in your own life, but playing out with your coaching.

Yeah, spiritually, emotionally, mentally, physically, any of it.

All of the above. I mean, I always— we spend a lot of time talking about the physical side of things because our symptoms control so much of life. But when you really look at it, all those conscious decisions are being filtered through those blueprints and that, that understanding of where you are at physically, what you want from life, what you are hoping for. Are you— I mean, you and I have talked a lot about worthiness. Worthiness comes into play, I think, dozens of times a day in our decision-making.

Yeah, it really does. It really does. You know, I'm going to talk about kind of a weird choice I made, which was about decluttering and organization.

It's such a—

it's such a kind of Because I feel like maybe no one's brought that up on the show. Okay, let's talk about that. It was a really big deal for me. You know, that Marie Kondo book came out about The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up. It came out like right as I was kind of crossing a bridge to getting, to getting well, but I wasn't there yet. There were like a couple of things that just like really needed to get worked out. And that was one of the things I did I started following her book and seriously changing my living space. And you know what? It was very impactful. And I continue with those, with those practices. Like, I never let my surroundings feel heavy on me or exhausting on me. I need to walk into a home and feel uplifted. Bright light. I need to look at things that bring me joy. It seems so simple, but like, I have facing me right now a bunch of sunflowers. Sunflowers bring me a lot of joy. That's why they're in my sort of logo and all of that. I love sunflowers. And I need— one of the things she talks about is that like everything we see, everything in our view should bring us joy. Hmm. And I started really creating that for myself. And it makes a big difference. And I hope to never let that go. And it's very simple and it doesn't have to be expensive, but getting rid of things, organizing things, looking at joyful things, that's all big. And what else? There are so many decisions I made along the way. One thing I started doing too, as I started to get better and better, was I found things that really worked for me, like infrared saunas, acupuncture, massage, those three, and trauma therapy. And I would do, like, instead of packing my schedule with them, I would do, like, one thing a week. So one, each one once a month. Trauma therapy once a month, acupuncture once a month, massage once a month, infrared saunas once a month. And I would, I would do that because I started after I came back from Indonesia from ozone therapy. I decided to slow way down in my recovery. Like in my first year, I was everything at once, everything at once. Everything needed to happen at once because I needed to get well. Stat. And even since then, like, even if I have days where I don't feel good, I slow way down. It's like not everything needs to happen at once. It can be a very slow process. Sometimes I just need to take a hot bath and lie down. I don't need to do a coffee enema, drink a celery juice, dry brush, and then take an Epsom salt bath and then go to acupuncture, you know. So that, doing a fundraiser, was a really, really, really big turning point for me.

Really? Yeah.

In what way? Um, it gave me options to do treatment. I had no money. I had no money and I needed to be willing to ask for help in a really big and loud way. And just raising like close, I think $20,000. Wow. And I needed to keep asking, like every week, every couple of days, I needed to keep asking. So again, it was like having my own back before anybody else's. You know, one of the biggest things I see from people is, is fear of asking for help. There's a couple of things. One is that people—

yeah, go ahead. Oh no, I was just gonna say because people get worn down. People— you get tired of saying I need help on whatever level. Maybe it's I need help getting to the grocery store, I need help financially, or I need help picking up a prescription. Asking for help over and over again is a whole hard thing emotionally.

It really is. It is. And you know, I only did it for 3 years, so I didn't do it for 15 or 20 years, but we're always asking for help, right? Like, I have this very big month ahead of me. We just got engaged. I'm wedding planning. I didn't want to do a bridal party. And this is obviously much more fun than asking for help with illness, but I didn't want to do a bridal party because I didn't want to ask people to, like, go out of their way for me. And then I was like, I need help. I asked 5 people for help. Great. Now we're moving this month, and I was just journaling this morning being like, I can ask for as much support as I need. Like, I can— and people can say no. I can ask for anything I want to ask for. I just read a quote this morning that we don't get what we want by by like dreaming of it, we get what we want by demanding it. Right. So I can ask for anything I want. It can be outrageous and I can ask for it because people can always say no. And, you know, there's a funny thing. It's like I felt like it was valid to ask for help when I was sick and in bed. And like couldn't move. But is it valid to ask for help because all these really exciting things are happening but they're still overwhelming?

Hmm.

Oh yeah, it is. But it's scary. It's almost scarier for me to ask for help when, when things are good and I'm just like, I'm moving to this great house, but I need help.

Yeah. Well, there's so many different layers. It's one— it's just those layers of where am I at, where do I need to be, what's that delta in between, and how do I fix it? But that's easier said than done emotionally.

All of it, right?

And it's all practice. So, well, and, and it's those micro habits, it's those little decisions that add up over time. And when you've had so much loss and things taken away, when you do start to feel good, you're like, oh, okay, what, how can I keep this up? How can I keep adding these beautiful moments back into my life or these moments of joy back into my life? And it does take practice and it does take repetition to rebuild those social skills, those understandings, those just having, just being at an event with your nervous system being calm. Like, that's a whole thing to not let your nervous system get completely jacked up with adrenaline. And, and getting used to doing that when you're sick is different than getting used to doing that when you're well.

It's a cycle for me. Oh, so different. It's such a good point, Sarah, because I think a lot of people are under the assumption that once they get well, like, the work is done and it's just gonna quote unquote go back to normal. Right, or go back to how it was. And it's the— I tell my clients this too all the time. I'm 3 years out from, from being, from being sick, and I am still just like finding my way, you know, like giving myself permission to go out at night spontaneously is still something that I'm like, can I, can I do that? Will I, you know, will I, will I have to come home suddenly? Like, there are— it's been 3 years, you know, rebuilding my life has been such a journey. And, and, and I did not think it was going to be such a journey. Hmm.

Like a switch will just go off. A switch will go off and you'll be living your life. That's right. Except that life doesn't exist. That's right. Sad reality for— by the way, if you haven't had that experience yet, know that it's coming. Yeah.

No matter what, like, even if you're a person who's not sick, you know, you will— you're right, you will lose somebody and go through insane grief, and you will get a divorce, or you will, you know, have something happen that just changes your life.

One of the things people ask me a lot is, well, how— or one of the things we address a lot with coaching is, well, how do you proceed forward when your spouse isn't on board? How do you proceed forward spending money if your spouse doesn't get it? Or all those things. And I tell them, and I'm— it's not callous in any way, it's just from reality— that I have no idea if your marriage is going to make it through this. None whatsoever. But honestly, you're trying not to die right now, so you need to take care of yourself. And if your relationships may make it through this, great. If they don't, they probably were not serving you to begin with. And that's something Aaron and I have talked openly about We've stayed married because we both consciously choose to choose that every day by the way we communicate, by the way we prioritize our time, all those things. But there's no assumption from me on any level— financially, emotionally, spiritually, physically— of what's going to happen a year or two from now. I feel like that's one of the things I've learned. Like, on one hand, I feel like I have a ton of control because I have more control than I used to. On the other hand, I realize we control nothing. Yeah. And, and it feels like this conundrum to me, but I feel okay with that being the case of, you know what, there are things we can control and there's so much we can't. But it has taught me to even deeper look to myself internally for those answers and not being dependent on Aaron's mood to affect my mood, not being dependent on my finances to say you're safe or you're not safe. It's almost like rewriting these stories that we've been telling ourselves for years and years. And I find that to be a very lengthy process. But so much of it— if you don't go through that process, you don't get back to living.

Right? That's right. Yeah, it's all— that's all so many good points in there. And, and you're right, like, I don't know. I don't know if somebody's gonna get well. I don't know if their relationship is gonna make it. Like, it's actually not right for everyone to get well, I think. Like, I believe that we all have our own spiritual curriculum, and some people are not meant to get well. Some people are not meant to get sober. Some people are not meant to, you know, have a lot of money. Some people— like, I just, I believe that it might not be what's best for somebody to get totally well. Hmm. Interesting. It's a radical thought and it's really hard to swallow. But that's— I choose to believe that. And, you know, there is a shaman belief that I love that you've just been talking about that says that we have 80% control over our lives and 20% is left up to God or spirit or whatever, the universe. And I love that because— and it means that I can do the work I need to do to get well, and there's, there's 20% that I just don't have control over. Yeah, same with a relationship, you know, like you can work— you just talked about it— you can do your side of that work. You can work on your communication, you can be more loving, you can be faithful, you can but you don't have control over what Aaron does, you know, or how he feels. Um, and that's it. That— it was a really helpful way for me to look at life and my relationship too, like, to see— because I have so many abandonment issues. I mean, I am just like, Ian's gonna leave any second, you know. Oh yeah. So it's a helpful way for me to look at my relationship that I have a bunch of control over whether or not this relationship works out. Interesting. And then I— and then I— and then there's some that is just on him. But, but I get to choose how I behave, how I respond to him, how loving I am, you know. And I'm sick, how I react to being sick around him, all of it.

Yeah. So how do you live differently? I mean, there's so many ways. I know that there's so many ways. How do you give us one example of living differently that would not have come about without being sick?

Yes, there are so many. I'm trying to pick one. Um, I am about 1,000 times more focused. Interesting. Yeah, so before I got sick, I was all over the place. Um, I had a lot of dreams and a lot of potential and a lot of things I wanted to do with my life, but because I could waitress and make enough money, um, I just kind of did a lot of adventure and just getting by. I did a lot of just getting by. And illness, illness made me, and age, illness and age, like I got sick at one of those times where anyone at 26, 27 is changing, right? But illness calmed me down enough to go, this is what I want. And like, now is the time. And I think because of illness, I no longer need to live in a state of distraction. So one of the things I couldn't accomplish— one of the reasons I couldn't accomplish most of what I wanted to accomplish is because I needed to be distracted at all times. So I would literally like work all morning, then go rollerblading, then go do the rings, then go to trapeze class, then go to coffee with a friend. Like, I had a lot of coffee dates with people that I barely really cared about, right? But there was like, there was a lot of like driving far away to go to a coffee date with somebody, a lot of time wasting to be distracted. And because I don't need to be distracted anymore, I'm, I've been able to really grow and build a business that means so much to me. I spend my time how I want to spend it within my value system. I spend my time with people I want to spend my time with because I know what my priorities are. So because I have my priorities so clearly laid out, because I'm able to be quiet, because I'm able to be alone, because I have more self-esteem and self-love, I am able to accomplish and focus on the things that really matter to me.

Jackie, I love that. Oh, good. I love that.

That's super powerful. It's been a huge change.

Huge.

And I feel there's this, there's this tinge of like, I'm no longer a free spirit. You know, I had an argument with Ian the other day because he was like, you're such a business, like, boss now. And I was like, I'm still a free spirit.

I'm a bohemian trapped in this entrepreneurial world.

And he was like, he was like, no, you— he was like, sure, like, your spirit is always going to be, you know, free and fun, but you are like You are focused. You are business. And it's, it's an interesting change, but I'm so— I wouldn't have had it, I think, without Lyme.

Well, and I can attest to it. When you channel your energy into a business program, into podcasting, into coaching, you are in control of a lot of how you spend your time and the space and the people you're around. And that's an incredible incredible gift to give to yourself. But your spirit, who you are, then comes out. Like, I've benefited so much from your spirit in our 2-hour sessions together because I get to then feel that energy, that I feel that spirit in you of, of wanting to live this big life and having to learn how to do it within confinement or under oppression or different things. And yet that very thing then is enabling you to speak on a whole different level and give your energy to a whole different bunch of people who do care.

Yeah, yeah, right, right. It's so powerful. It really, it really is. It is so powerful. And you're touching on something else too, or I heard it in what you said somehow, that we also just choose who to give our energy to, right? Like, that is such— for me, that's such a gift because I was just giving my energy to everyone all over the place, right? I was just like, you get it and you get it and yeah, here's some energy for you, some energy for you, all over the place. And because, because I've learned to really put myself first. I can't— like, I just— I don't have— I don't have, like, endless energy to give. And by the way, nobody does.

Yeah.

Like, no, but the only way you end up having that is if you push yourself and push yourself and push yourself. And I am no longer in a position to push myself to that extreme. So, so I choose— I very intentionally choose the people in my life.

Yeah. All right. So tell us how we can find you, Jackie, for all the people out there who know that they need a new life coach, someone to help them keep moving forward in their health and their businesses.

How do they get in touch with you? Thanks, Sarah. Um, at jackieshea.com, which is J-A-C-K-I-E-S-H-E-A.com. And you can contact me through there and find the podcast through there and find writing through there.

And oh, we barely talked about the podcast. Tell me some of your favorite aspects of the podcast, Healing Out Loud podcast. You guys, if you have not tuned in yet, there are some fantastic health-related things on there. I am— I will tell you later the episode that I'm on and what I'm going to experiment with, but I won't say it till I'm ready to talk about it. That's great.

Yeah, I love it. I love that I get to hear from— I love that I get to hear about all kinds of different healing modalities and from all kinds of different people. I have— the podcast has been such a gift for me because I have learned so much from so many other people, and I have been deeply inspired by all of my guests. So I just— I feel like the podcast has been such a gift for me in my own journey. And that's— so you can find all of that, Healing Out Loud. I mean, it's obviously on iTunes and all the other places, but It's all through my website too at JackieShay.com.

Awesome. Thank you so much for giving us some of your energy today, Jackie.

Thank you so much, Sarah. I adore you and I'm so grateful to have been on.

Yeah, thanks. Hey, Lion Voice listeners, we love bringing these episodes to you every week. If you would like to help us and support us, there's several ways you can do that. Those are all listed at LymeVoice.com, and if you look there, there's ways you can donate even as little as $1. Any would be appreciated to help continue to get the message out, to help fight, heal, and live. Thanks again. Hey, Lyme Voice Warriors, just wanted to tell you about our friends over at Oval Dogs Coffee. They're a family-owned roastery right in Rio Rancho, New Mexico. Oval Dogs Coffee uses some of the best coffee from around the world, grown by dedicated farmers. Oval Dogs Coffee cares about people and the amazing things that people can do when they're affirmed, nourished, and inspired. Inspired. Learn more at ovaldogs.com. Go to ovaldogs.com to order your coffee and have it delivered right to your door. Oval Dogs Coffee, loyal to the cup.

Hi guys, I want to let you know about a book I wrote called Little Bites Big Trouble. And I'm going to read a review that recently came in. This is from Carolyn, and she says, thank you so much for writing your book. It has become the means by which I have explained Lyme to my 4-year-olds. They asked for it to be read as a bedtime story over and over again and love that the mama birdie does yoga and juicing like their mommy. I can't thank you enough for writing this book. It has helped my family so much. You can find it today at Amazon.com. Little Bite, Big Trouble. Disease is contrary to life. Therefore, wherever disease exists, life must also fight to exist.

Good job fighting, Lyme fighters. Keep it up. We'll see you next time. Lyme Voice contains general information about medical conditions and treatments. The information is not advice and should not be treated as such. Okay, Lincoln? Okay. The medical information on LionVoice is provided as is without any representations, warranties, expressed or implied. Okay? Okay. LionVoice makes no representations or warranties in relation to the medical information on this podcast. You must not rely on the information on this podcast as an alternative to medical advice from your doctor or other professional health healthcare provider. If you have any specific questions about your medical matter, you should consult your doctor or other professional healthcare provider. And for you, you consult your parents, okay? Okay. If you think you may be suffering from, from any medical condition, you should seek immediate medical attention. You should never delay seeking medical advice, disregard medical advice, or discontinue medical treatment because of information on this podcast.

Got it, Lincoln?

Got it.