Ep4- Why I refuse to be a blank slate for my clients- and how they are benefitting

Foreign. Hello, everybody, and welcome to episode four of Unmasked Minds, the podcast with me, Sarah Wills. I am a psychologist and I just wanted to start by saying a massive thank you to everybody who has watched or listened to the first three episodes and for all your incredible, incredible feedback. I wasn't sure if I was going to keep going with this. And after all the feedback I'm hearing from other people, listening to other podcasters, to other therapists, I'm just so invigorated and inspired now to keep going. So much so that it is the middle of the school holidays and I'm at home with my kids at the moment and I just said to them, I'm running over to my clinic to just set up my new equipment. I've got some fancy new equipment, including this microphone. And when I was here, I'm sitting in here, it is over 40 degrees in here. You'll start to see me sweating it up if you're watching the YouTube. But I was like, you know what, Sarah, just press record and do a quick sneaky one while the kids are having lunch because I'm just really feeling the energy. And it's all thanks to you guys who have been giving me the feedback, who have been listening. I think we're ranking as number four already in the self help category in Australia. Australia. So a massive thank you for all the reviews, for everybody. Just taking those few seconds to leave a five star review, sharing it on Instagram, all the things I am so grateful. I see absolutely everything that's happening and a massive thank you. So what I wanted to talk about today was the blank slate psychologist and why I am not one of those. Now, this is something that I talk to my clients a lot about and it is something that I wish we'd learned a lot more about when we were studying to be psychologists. There seems to be this old notion where psychologists are supposed to be blank slates. And basically our clients know nothing about us. We stay neutral. We don't really have views or advice or opinions or personalities or lives. And our clients come to us and tell us their deepest, darkest secrets and they know nothing about us. Now, this came from a generation of therapists, which is very different to today. But, you know, there's a lot of ideas that are still important to note when a client comes to therapy, it's about them, you know, it's not about us. There's this notion around transference where I believe it was kind of like if we are neutral, then our client will open up out more about us. And start to project things that have happened in their previous relationships onto us for us to help analyze and understand them better. But what I am finding, and I don't know if it is just a shift with technology, with availability, with social media and all of that kind of thing, but what I'm noticing with myself being online, on social media, and being quite an open book when it comes to my private life and what I focus on in therapy is I'm finding that by not being a blank slate, my clients are benefiting. Because at the end of the day, that is what is most important. If I was coming on here saying I don't like being a blank slate because I don't like it, that would be problematic in a way. I mean, it's important to know what we need or want, but it's always about the best interests of the client. So let me talk about what I've experienced with my clients and why I continue to share parts of me both online and in the therapy room. Now, I think it's really important to note that as a person who shares a lot on social media, I do it knowing or under the assumption, I guess, that every single one of my clients may see the content, right? So before I put anything out there, I do a sense check that would I be comfortable for all of my clients to know this information. And whilst what I share might sometimes feel a bit chaotic or a bit personal, it is important to know that I always do sense check that. And if I didn't, man, there'd be so much more that I share out in the public because I am an open book. But I do check myself because of the work that I do. So one thing that I'm noticing in my clinic space is most people who end up before me as a client have actually followed me for quite a long period of time on Instagram before they end up being my client. And the reason for that is because in today's society, trust is so, so important and I think underestimated in many areas and in many therapeutic relationships. I mean, people will watch me potentially for years, and in doing that, they start to develop a relationship with me, even if they're never talking with me. But they start to look at the content I put out there, they start to look at my life, they start to understand me and they start to ask themselves questions like, if I were to go to therapy, would she be the right fit for me? Do I align with her and her values? Would she align with mine? Would she understand my way of life? Would she get it? Is she passionate about helping people in this situation? Because that's another thing. Like, the first one is, do you align with me as a person? Because how many times has someone made that huge decision that they want to go to therapy or that they need a level of support and they make that decision and then they make the phone call, they go to gp, they get their mental health care plan, and then they jump on a wait list for six months or so. And then when they finally get to their first therapy session, they sit there across from someone and they just think, this person isn't it. This person I don't align with. They don't get me. The energy's not there, the vibe's not there, the trust isn't there. And I know a lot of people say to you, trust comes. You've got to take a few sessions to build trust. But how freaking cool is it when someone rocks up to their first session and they feel it instantly and you are just off and running from the first session? So I think that really, really important thing is about by being vulnerable, by purposeful and ethically disclosing parts of me and information about what I do, it helps to build trust with my future clients. Another aspect of trust is relatability. And what I find is that when I share out there moments like, you know, all of my reels and posts on Instagram, I'm Sarah, the psych on Instagram. For anyone that isn't already over there, the content that gets the most engagement for me is the stuff where I'm real and raw and relatable. The stuff where I share, you know what, these school holidays, I yelled at my kids. You know what, I'm having an argument with my husband. You know what? I am human too. And when I share that kind of information, it makes me more relatable. All of a sudden, my client doesn't feel that they are this fragile, broken little bird showing up. And I am the expert saying, ah, why you do that? Jeez, look at you. Look at your attachment wounds. Let me fix that. It also reinforces that the goal of therapy is not perfection as well. I think so often people come to therapy and they think, I just need to fix these broken parts of me. And when they are fixed, I will be happy. La, la, la. Jumping through rainbows, skipping around the house every single day. And that is not the reality when we go to therapy. I mean, everybody does have different goals and different circumstances that they're dealing with. But one thing that I will often say to women, busy women in today's society is that you can work on those wounds and we can build awareness and we can manage, you know, that angry response that you have or that wound that gets triggered and makes you behave in a certain way that no longer feels aligned with how you'd like to behave as a woman, as a mother, as a parent, as a daughter. In the workplace, we can work on certain things and we can improve how you respond to situations and how you feel in situations. So we absolutely can do that. But you'll still get it wrong sometimes. And I think when I share that, even as a 43 year old woman who's been in therapy herself for 10 years and is now a fully qualified psychologist who does a lot of continued professional development, I still get it wrong sometimes too. And whilst that can feel really vulnerable, I almost. Sorry, I almost don't even like to use the word. I get it wrong sometimes too, because I think that's a part of it. And if it's wrong or right, it's a very black and white way of thinking about it. If I were to rephrase that, I would say sometimes I don't regulate myself like I'd like to, or sometimes my behaviors are not aligned to how I'd like them to be. And it's not the end of the world. It's not like, ah, shit, I'm no longer fixed, I better go back to therapy. Part of what we do in therapy is teach. What do you do in those moments? How do you feel about yourself in those moments? Do we respond with shame and guilt and oh my God, I'm broken, or do I give you tools to gently respond in those moments and say, hey, yeah, this is a part of it, you are human and let's just course correct or get back on track if that's what your, your goal is. So, yeah, I think that by showing up and not being a blank slate and doing things the way I do on social media builds that trust, it makes me relatable and it just makes clients comfortable in the sessions because they understand a bit more about me and a bit more about my, my approach to therapy and to life. And the thing is, that's not gonna work for everybody. So I'm not sitting here saying that all therapists should do this because it would be really inauthentic for some therapists to do this because it wouldn't necessarily align with who they are or what they value in life and in their work and in their work that they do as a therapist. But what I think I'm saying is that for the people who do value that, they will feel safety with someone who leads the way. I lead some people and some therapists I'm well aware of, look at what I do and go, ah, I don't like that. That doesn't fit well with me. I don't want to know that about my therapist. I just want the focus here and I want it to be really clinical and I just want it to be like that old school, blank slate approach. And I definitely think there is space for that for the people who like that. But what I'm learning is there is definitely space for people who like this kind of relationship with their therapist. Because I opened my clinic 12 months ago this month and my books have been entirely full for the whole first year and I'm closed at the moment. I have a wait list and I'm now working on bringing out other types of products, including this podcast, because I hate the idea that there are so many people who want to work with me and my style of therapy and they just can't get in at the moment. I think another thing that's really beneficial by sharing what I do on social media and that kind of thing is that people know the areas that I like to work in. You know, we don't often talk about specialists in psychology, but I'm not for everybody and the work I do is not needed by everybody. So the more we can be out there and not say, I'm a general psychologist, I can deal with everything and sort of say, you know what, I'm a middle aged woman, I've got my own story which has led me to be really passionate about working with this group of clients. It's really helpful for people to say, yes, she's for me or no, she's not for me. Because no one wants to go through that whole process of getting on a wait list, going in, getting your plans, waiting six months and finding out that not only does the person in front of you, your new therapist, not vibe with you, not get you, not understand you, but also not have the skills and capability to deal with your unique situation. Right. As psychologists, we are all trained in the basics across everything, but I am passionate about working with middle aged women, going through that midlife transition, going through neurodivergence discovery. And I've also spent so much time, effort, energy and money training in trauma. I run these EMDR trauma intensives. I work deeply with women who have experienced childhood or adult trauma and I'm so passionate about that. So the more I talk about that the more I will attract the people who need that kind of work. And then when I'm working with my clients, they love it better because they're in the right spot, but I love it more as well. There is nothing worse than working with clients in an area that you, that doesn't lighten you up every day. And I guess this might be a bit of, you know, advice for new psychologists out there as they're working on. What do I want to share out there on social media? What does my brand stand for? What am I going to talk about if I choose to self disclose? Now, with all of that in mind, we do need to consider our own ethical obligations in our code of conduct. One thing a lot of people don't realize with, you know, the coaching and therapy market out there at the moment is that a psychologist is a protected term. So not anyone can call themselves a psychologist. To be a psychologist you have to have completed the requirements of study, which at the moment is six years minimum of university study. And then you have to have completed your internship where you work, I guess, really closely supervised by a qualified professional. And then you get signed off and then you get accepted into the medical board of professionals in Australia. AHPRA A H P R A. Now when you are a member of ahpra, you are bound by their code of conduct and their ethical obligations. Now that is a good thing because it means we are protecting the integrity of this profession. And so people know when they go and see a psychologist that they are getting someone who is qualified, who is professional, who knows how to do the risk assessments, who knows how to treat this person no matter what they're showing up with. And they know when to refer off if the risk is greater than something that they can manage. Now anyone can call themselves a coach and I'm not having a go with coaches or all of the, you know, all of the other titles out there at the moment because I believe there is time and space for them. But it's important to differentiate that when someone is a psychologist, they are bound by very different rules. And those rules apply when we're working with clients, but also outside of the room. Things like confidentiality, things like sharing testimonials. You know, you will never see me sometimes, gosh, I want to, but you'll never see me sharing. Like this person overcame their trauma and, and went from feeling crappy to feeling amazing because they did my trauma workshop. Like, we are not allowed to share information like that because it can be misleading and it can create False hope. And it can breach confidentiality as well. So whilst I am advocating for myself in not being a blank slate, I'm a really bloody colorful slate. All right? I self disclose, I provide warmth. I say, me too, if you. Someone's sharing something and I've been through it, but in, in a very appropriate way, but I still make sure I follow the guidelines. Now, to be honest, when I first finished studying psychology, actually still to this day, I'm a little bit terrified of Ahra. Now, when you're at university, it's just drilled into you Ahpra. This opera is like this big police that will tell you what you're doing wrong. And you, you know, with social media only now really taking off and therapists starting to play in this space, there's this big fear that we're going to get it wrong and you can't overshare and you can't do this and you can't do that right. I think we can simplify it a bit. There is a lot of training out there and I always make sure I do the training so that I'm up to speed on what people are thinking is and isn't appropriate in this social media space. Because our client's best interest is always at heart. However, I think we can do self disclosure, do warmth, do relatability, do approachability, do social media and still have our clients best interests at heart and still do it in a way that protects all of our clients. Not only can we find ways that protects our clients, but I believe actually increases the client's experience by creating that trust, creating that warmth, creating that beautiful, safe relationship. I mean, most people are in therapy because there hasn't been safety in relationships for them in the past. And if their therapist is the first place in their life or one of the first places where they can feel truly safe, I'm going to give that to them. And if that means I'm going to occasionally say, hey, you know what, if, if you'd like, I could share a story where I went through a similar thing. Or if I'm going to occasionally say, hey, you know what, I'm really proud of you. That's another thing that was meant to be a big no, no, but if that builds safety and then my client can start to understand what a safe relationship feels like and can start practicing the tools I'm teaching them about safe relationships and then they can go and use them in real life, then I am here for it. And I know there are so many more therapists out there that are Navigating this at the moment, I'm not saying I get it perfect. And I'm so grateful for. There's a heap of different psychologists all online at the moment. If I think of a few worth mentioning, there's Emily, the playful psychologist. There's Johanna from adhd, Her Way. There's Jackie from Flow State Space. I'm going to get some of these wrong. There's psychology with Socks. There's a few of us, a group of us psychologists who are all trying to navigate this together and support each other. And there have been times where we've sent messages to each other saying, hey, oh, do you think that one crosses the line or do you think, what are you concerned about this? Like? I think if you are open to working in this space, you do need to be open to feedback as well. I have seen as well where psychologists get criticized for being too transparent or disclosing too much and they, like, double down on it. But also, another thing that's really worth mentioning is there are psychologists out there who still believe that blank slate is the only way to go. And it's worth understanding that that is their belief and that is okay. And if that works for them, that's great. But psychologists out here doing things differently are receiving a lot of criticism from those doing it differently. And that's something I've had to, you know, reset on a number of times. I've actually received DMs from people saying, what you're doing is wrong and you're disclosing too much and you're putting your clients at risks, and it's yuck. And I need to process that. I do that in supervision. As part of our AHPRA guidelines, we have to seek supervision around everything we do. So it's something I speak quite a lot about in peer supervision, but also with my supervisor. But I think it's just such a messy space because it's new. But there is also just so much opportunity in this space for us to change the way psychology is, to evolve it, to use social media and podcasting and all of these platforms to benefit our clients. And I'm so here for that. It feels so aligned with me, and I know my clients love it. So, yeah, thank you. I'd love to hear your feedback, particularly from other therapists or particularly from people who have been to see therapists that maybe they didn't align with and whether this is something that you would find beneficial in your therapeutic relationship. So, as always, thank you for being here. Thanks.