Beginner’s Mind: Curiosity as a Foundation for a Good Life

Welcome everybody to Beginner's Mind: Curiosity as a Foundation for a Good Life. Um, and I'm just, uh, noticing that most of us here have, have quite a lot of Buddhist experience, um, but, but some may have none. Um, and some of the talk will be explicitly Buddhist and some will be, not Buddhist. Um, has everybody heard of Suzuki Shunryu? Zen Mind, Beginner's Mind. So, uh, so the quote that, that really this whole concept comes from, um, is, is what he said in Zen Mind, Beginner's Mind: in the beginner's mind, there are many possibilities. But in the experts there are few. And you probably also know the story of the Japanese Zen master who, um, received a university professor who came to him to learn the Dharma. And, uh, the, the— as the, the professor asked for the Dharma, the, the master poured him some tea and then just kept pouring. And the tea overflowed. And the idea is that, that, that his brain was already full, so there was no point in, in sharing anything with him. Um, so I was kind of wondering, this, this, this Zen concept, um, how, how might we, uh, look at this from different directions? What, what, what, how else might we, um, might we be able to access beginner's mind? Um, and so I've got 3 suggestions today, 3 different ways of, of, um, moving from, uh, a place where there are no options, or one option, or two options, to a place where there are a myriad of options. And I guess that this is important because if we live our lives, um, if we live our lives without a beginner's mind, it's kind of like our hands are tied behind our back. Um, that we— I, I sometimes talk about how I've got glasses that are like Satya Robyn glasses. The lens are Satya, and everything I see through those glasses is kind of colored by that. That, that when I see Paul, I think of the time we shared together, and that's the context I have. That's the kind of Satya version of Paul. Other people will have very different versions. And when I look out to the amazing view here, I see, um, the Malvern Hills and, and the past relationship I've got with the hills. When I think about, um, a problem I might have, I see it through the lenses that I've had on all my life. Um, and beginner's mind is the state of taking off our Casper glasses or our Esther glasses or our Mark glasses, and suddenly the whole world is, is, is different. It's illuminated, it's, it's full of possibility, it's full of opportunities that we couldn't see before. Um, and It's, it's not, it's not— I don't know about you, but I find it very difficult to do that because, uh, because, because I, I hardly ever take them off. And when I take them off, it's kind of— yeah, it's, it's a bit frightening because I, I don't know who I am anymore, almost. Um, so the, the first of the three, uh, different kind of ways of approaching being in his mind I wanted to talk about is internal family systems, which is the the model that I use as the therapist. And if you are at all familiar with IFS, do you want to just kind of stick your hand up? Yeah, so most people have some, some knowledge. So Internal Family Systems is, is a way of seeing people that, um, that posits that we are all made up of different um, bundles of habits and feelings and history that interact with each other much as a family does. So, so it came from kind of family, family therapy, but instead of a family outside, it's a family inside our heads. So there's, there's different parts that interact with each other in various ways or that have different jobs for us. Um, and there's all of these parts that we have. So for example, I had a part that was panicking about the technical issues that was really taking over. So parts can kind of get into the driving seat, and if they're in the driving seat, it's just that part. You are that part. Um, that was the panicking part of me, uh, 10 minutes ago. Um, I've also got a part that's— that loves nature, that's enjoying the view. I've got a part that, um, likes to eat cake. I've got a part that gets jealous of people. All of these different parts interact with each other and, and step in when they're needed during the day. Um, and Internal Family Systems holds that there are parts— we all have these parts— and there is something that is not a part, and that is called Self with a capital S. It's a terrible word for Buddhists, so, uh, so you might just want to substitute non-self. Um, the, the qualities of self are compassion, clarity, confidence, curiosity. There's 8, and I never can remember them all. Um, 4 other C words. So we know that we have self-energy around when we're feeling those things, when we're feeling curious or we're feeling open or we're feeling centered. Um, and there's another big difference between self-energy and parts. Um, and I think that this is the, the one of the keys to beginner's mind is that parts have an agenda. The only agenda that self has is, if you want, if you, if it has an agenda at all, it's compassion. It's, um, it's to, it's to, to, to kind of want what is best for everybody. Um, and so one of the ways that we can diagnose if we're, if we're in beginner's mind or not is to ask ourselves the question, do I have an agenda here? Um, is there something particular that I want to happen or not happen? Am I, am I particularly invested in an outcome here? Um, other than, you know, well-being for everybody. Am I feeling afraid about a certain outcome? And parts really exist because they— we need to do stuff in the world, but they also exist to protect us. They're self-protective. So they're a kind of glasses, I guess, which, which involve a kind of a version of goggle to stop something happening. And When we are, when we are, uh, when we have a part in the driving seat, we will see what's happening through the eyes of that part, that particular part, um, and that part's agenda will be the agenda that is, um, overriding. And that gives us less freedom. One of the, one of the qualities of being in self-energy is freedom. The, the choice is, could be seen as one of the that we can make. There's a variety of choices available to us. Um, I'm wondering if it's helpful to share an example, but I'm also conscious of time. Yeah. So maybe, so maybe my panic earlier when the, when the, the codes weren't sent out, the, the part of me that was panicking was worried. The agenda of that part is that it was worried about how I was going to look, or what you were going to think about me, or your experience, um, in a way that actually made it more, more difficult for me to deal with the problem. Um, and it, it also stopped me from being able to kind of think about what we, what we needed to do, because that part was like, we need to fix this, because it was, it was worried about, about something that was going to happen. And, and that self-protection, um is only necessary because I, uh, is because I didn't want you to think badly of me. And, uh, I have a couple of parts that have that agenda, only one or two. They're hardly ever around. Um, so if I can recognize that part that's, that's in the driving seat, and I can say to it, oh, I see that you're really worried about this, and actually it's okay, people understand, or if they don't understand, you'll survive that. That part might have been able to relax a little bit, and as a part relaxes, it just allows a bit more space for self-energy to step forwards. Buddha nature would be another word for self-energy. So that's the first lens. There will be space for questions at the end, so if you do have any questions, um, do write them down, or you could write them in the chat, but then just maybe don't press return so we can not have the chat going. The second, uh, the second suggestion, and I'll be, uh, I should have said this at the beginning, but you might want to think about a dilemma in your own life as I'm talking, something that's a bit knotty, something that's been troubling you, um, and you might want to think about applying one of these three, these three things to that problem. So if you can think of something while I'm talking. The second one is very simple. It's the word "maybe." Uh, just add, add it in, just add it into anything that's happening. Um, I was talking to Casper yesterday about, uh, the, the people coming to practice at the moment. There's not so many people coming to practice, kind of goes up and down. I always like it when lots of people come because of my parts that have a kind of an agenda around that. Um, and I just had this thought, well, there's not many people coming. Maybe there's not enough people coming, was the thought. And, and the second thought was 'Maybe the perfect number of people are coming right now.' And I don't know if that's true or not, but it immediately kind of shifted me away from this, um, fixed idea of how it should be, and it wasn't like that, and I was unhappy about that, and how could we change it, and, um, blah blah blah. Um, and, and I could feel my body relax just, just as I, I inserted that word in. Um, so we're not talking about, we're not talking about, um, definitely thinking something different. We're just, we're just talking about inserting this tiny little bit of air, a little, a little crack that there's a possibility that we don't understand everything about the situation, or that we maybe we don't know best. I mean, that seems unlikely about me, but just maybe I don't always know 100% best. And then the third, um, lens is— came from thinking about what a Pure Land version of beginner's mind might be. Um, because I always— I personally always associate it with Zen teaching, and I kind of like wondering about, uh, in some ways I think Pure Land Buddhism is quite strange and unusual. Well, certainly in the West, I think people find it— can find it strange and unusual. Um, so what, what would, what would Pure Land Buddhism say about beginner's mind, or what would a Pure Land version be? And I thought about the Buddha, I thought about Amitabha Buddha, and I thought about how The Buddha accepts us just as we are. The Buddha's gaze, the Buddha's compassionate, wise gaze. Um, and I wondered how it might be to look at whatever it is we are looking at with our non-beginner's mind Through the Eyes of the Buddha. Just imagining that we could see as the Buddha would see the situation in front of us. And, and what would the Buddha see? Um, just before coming on the call to you, I saw, uh, on Facebook, uh, there was a picture that our local newspaper had shared about a woman who'd been, um, you know, uh, she'd been shoplifting and, and they'd sent her to prison and her skin was terrible. You could tell that she was, you know, in a really bad place, that she was in the, you know, in addiction and and that there are different ways of seeing that, that we can see that through the eyes of, um, kind of blame or shame, or, um, or we can see through the eyes of the Buddha. And actually, lots of people on the thread had seen through the eyes of the Buddha. Someone actually knew this woman when she was a little girl and said, oh, she was a beautiful little girl, and she got in with a really you know, a man that was really, um, horrible, and her life's, you know, in a mess now, um, that, that when we look through the eyes of compassion and wisdom, we see a lot more than we, than we generally see. We, we get it. And I, and I think that's one of the things I love about Pure Land Buddhism, this idea that the Buddha sees us entirely with all of our— all of my self-protective parts that, that cause various harm inside me or outside me, and accepts me and loves me exactly as I am. Um, I think that that happens because the Buddha gets why I am as I am. They, they get it. And, and, you know, in my work as a therapist, when I meet parts that people have. When I understand those parts, I'm like, of course you'd be doing that. Of course you— of course you'd be doing this thing that is, uh, that is causing harm to you or to someone else. What else could you— what else could you do in the situation that you were in, or the history you've had, or with the trauma that, that's happened? Um, so that there's just something for me that expands away from the fear, um, from the self-protection, into possibility. Um, and I'm just imagining the Buddha looking at, at, uh, at me at the beginning of the call when I was panicking and just kind of just smiling and feeling sympathetic towards me and just kind of, yeah, it's, yeah, it, it, it's, it's okay, it's okay. And, and, and there's something about that that just kind of again calms the parts, can relax a bit, they feel less panicky, and then there's space again. And the space is beginner's mind, that they're kind of the emptiness, the flowers appearing from the sky, from nowhere, that there's an abundance to that, there's a magic to that, which is a real gift. It's, yeah, grace. I would use the word grace. So Three windows. Um, the diagnostic tool of wondering if we are in beginner's mind or not by thinking about whether we have an agenda, like what parts might be here and how desperate might those parts be to keep us safe in some way. And what might happen if those parts could calm down. The word maybe, and, uh, the idea of seeing the situation through the Buddha's eyes, those eyes of, of infinite compassion and infinite wisdom. Um, so I'm going to suggest that, uh, we go into small groups. And if you, um, if you would rather not go into a small group and you just like to sit on your own, could you just let me know? Or could you stop the recording, love? Thank you. Um, just put your hand up so I can see.