Gazing tenderly at my greed.

Welcome everybody, everybody in the room with us tonight, and Katie joining us online. We're going to start with a Dharma glimpse. Written by—

and is it written by Alexandra? Written by Alexandra and read by Jahame.

I've been calling out to Amida a little more frequently recently. Not really asking for help as such, but just to be there for me and embrace me in what I need. I spend a lot of time looking at or being in my garden, as nature is so important to me. It is a hive of activity, and we have so many birds who visit. Robins are one of my favorite birds. To me, they bring the energy of a loved one who has passed away. Territorial by nature, I as they want to protect me. However, just recently I've noticed that the robins I often see haven't been around. I put it down to them finding places to nest and too busy to pop by and say hi as they're preparing for parental duties. This morning I've been watching the comings and goings in the garden whilst I engage in my therapy session, for this is the place I find most comfort. I've just started to have some typed therapy through work, and as I sit here, I have just finished my second session. It was a difficult session as I had completed my life, my timeline of my life, of certain events, and had to reflect upon how in more, in more recent times, the impact of work was having on, has been having on me. The events of the timeline and work are different, yet the theme remains the same. Sadly, upon entering today's session, I had to explain that my beloved Doreen, who is 92 years young, passed away yesterday. She was my mom's cousin, but more like a nan to me. She was so similar to my granddad, who passed away over 20 years ago. I loved them both dearly and was always the apple of their eye. From such a young age. Having typed therapy enables me to sit quietly in my kitchen overlooking my beautiful garden. Talking this through with the therapist was tough and the tears were falling. She was asking me to visualize that my granddad and Dory— what my granddad and Dory might say to me when I feel sadness or anger caused by certain events in my life, and I knew exactly what they would be saying to me. As I was trying to process my thoughts, the therapist's interventions, and guidance, out of nowhere, two robins flew down into my garden and sat on the fence just a little way from my window. They were back. They were here at my time of need. Despite being busy building nests elsewhere, they came to hold me up, surround me with love, and remind me of exactly who I am and what I deserve. I'm so very grateful and thankful for Amida for giving me this gift when I needed it so very badly today. Namu Amida Butsu.

Thank you, thank you, Jeremy.

So I'm going to move into a period of meditation, so making Any little wiggles, any adjustments, any shifting of weight so that your body can get as comfortable as possible, so that the spine can be gently straight.

Feeling the contact of the body with the floor, the parts of it, the legs. Noticing the air on the skin. And finding the breath. And you might choose to, if you like, to float the sounds Namo Amida Butsu silently with your breath. Namah Amida Butu, flowing in and out. With the breath, or simply following the breath, like Satya Robyn. In a moment, we're going to move into chanting the Kwan Yin mantra. If you want to see that written down, it's on the little piece of paper beside you, and it goes: Namo Kwan Sheen Bosat.

Connecting in to Kuan Yin, the mother of all Buddhas, the embodiment of compassion and compassionate action.

Namokwanshi in bosa. Namokwanshi in bosa.

Satya Robyn.

Namokwanji in Bosat. Namokwanji in Bosat. Namokwanji. Namokwanji in Bosat. Namokwanji in Bosat. Namokwanji in Bosat. Namokwanshi in Bosat. Namokwanshi in Bosat. Namokwanshi in Bosat. Namokwanji in Bosat. Namokwanji in Bosat. Namokwanji in Bosat. Namokwanji in Bosat. Namokwanji in Bosat. Namokwanji in Bosat. Namokwanchi in all sad. Namokwanchi in all sad. Namokwanchi in Namokwanchi in Bosat. Namokwanchi in Bosat. Namokwanchi. Namokwanji in Bosai. Namokwanji in Bosai. Namokwanji in Bosai. Namokwanshi Nkosad. Namokwanshi Nkosad. Namokwanshi Nkosad. Namokwanshi in Bosat. Namokwanshi in Bosat. Namokwanshi in Bosat. Namoh Kuan Yin, Bo Saat.

Namoh Kuan Yin, Bo Saat.

Namoh Kuan Yin, Bo Saat. Namokwanshi n'vosa. Namokwanshi n'vosa.

Namokwanshi n'vosa. So we're going to chant the refuges and the precepts. So the refuges— the Buddha, Dharma, and Sangha—

are things we can lean into and rely on in an unreliable world.

And then the precepts, the ethical precepts that we chant after that, are ideals that we're constantly not living up to, and yet can in some way be guided by. And if you want to see these written down, although we do do a call and response, then it's on this little piece of paper.

Beside you.

For refuge I go to the Buddha.

For refuge I go to the Buddha.

Namo Buddha.

Namo Buddha.

For refuge I go to the Dharma.

For refuge I go to the Dharma.

Namo—

all that guides us to wisdom and compassion.

All that guides us to wisdom and compassion.

Namo Dharmaya.

For refuge I go to the Sangha.

For refuge I go to the Sangha.

Those who live in the Buddha's light.

Those who live in the Buddha's light.

Namo Sangha.

Namo Sangha.

With faith in the Three Jewels.

With faith in the Three Jewels.

And in light of my human tendencies.

And in light of my human tendencies.

I pray that I may become aware—

of when I take life.

Of when I take what?

I pray that I may become aware—

of when I take what is not freely given.

When I take what is not freely given.

And I pray that I may become aware—

I pray that I may become aware—

of when I fall into sexual misconduct.

Of when I fall into sexual misconduct.

I pray that I may become aware—

I pray this time they'll become aware of when I fall into wrong speech. Of what? I've fallen into more speech.

I pray that I may become aware of it all.

May you come away from when I become intoxicated.

When I become intoxicated.

No blame.

No glory.

Be kind.

Be kind.

Love everything.

Love everything.

Innumerable are sentient beings.

We vow to save them all.

Inexhaustible are devoted passions.

We vow to transform them all.

Immeasurable are the Dharma teachings.

We vow to master them all.

Infinite is the Buddha's way.

We vow to fulfill it complete.

Namaste.

So today I'm going to talk about gazing tenderly at my greed. So I was at a session on the Sambitsuge led by Caroline and Enrique last night, and one of the things that was said, one of the translations, was that greed, hatred, and delusion don't stick to the Buddha's heart. And I really liked that, like This idea that like fleetingly desire or anger may fleetingly arise and then it passes. There's nothing that keeps it going, that keeps it stuck. There's nothing for it to attach to. Unlike when I watch in myself, when in this story about Satya Robyn, desire arises and keeps going and gets stuck. You know, persists well into greed. So I've been doing a very gentle Ayurvedic cleanse. Um, I've just been eating kitchari. And yesterday, um, on my dog walk, my beloved Onyu got lost for hours, and this was obviously difficult, but thankfully, you know, You know, she, um, no, we found her and it was, it was all okay. But I, I definitely decided I was breaking my kit treatment. There was no way I was gonna go through that and not eat some chocolate. Um, when I got home, even though I felt actually relatively okay when I got back, I'd still decided like it was happening, you know? Um, so I went and got some, well, I got some 100% dark chocolate so that it wouldn't have, at least I wouldn't be eating sugar. And, um, and, and, uh, you know, I had a bit and it was, it was okay. You know, it probably didn't totally satisfy my chocolate craving cuz it wasn't sweet. So then I, I thought about this dessert that I'd been given and I was like, okay, well, you know, I've broken it now. I might as well have this dessert. And so this was on day 8 without any kind of sugar or fruit or anything like that. So I started to eat this dessert. And after a few mouthfuls, I felt really sick. Like it was, I was really not enjoying it. So I was, I was a bit disappointed. I put it down to one side and I waited a little while, but I was like, no, I've, you know, I'm breaking, I'm breaking my Ayurvedic thing for this. I'm gonna persevere and have the sugar and enjoy the sugar. So I went back to it and I had a A few more mouthfuls, didn't really enjoy it, but was like really determined. So you could see, you know, I was just watching all this greed and this attachment, you know, playing out and, and watching what was happening in my body, like my digestive system complaining because it hadn't had to digest anything like that. A bit of fog, a bit of mental fog coming in and, um, And, and I kept eating a little bit and then putting it to one side. And eventually I did manage to finish it, which I was pleased, which I was pleased about. Um, because I was attached to obviously the idea that, well, I mean, one, I was a desperate, um, you know, I was desperately attached to the sugar, but I was also attached to that, this idea that I'd broken my fast and therefore I was gonna enjoy eating this. You know, totally deluded. Um, and what was interesting was if this had happened in the past, I would've been really caught up in quite a lot of like self-loathing and negative self-talk about what I was doing. Like, you know, about how stupid it was to carry on eating it and what I was doing to myself. And what actually happened. Was I just found myself kind of just tenderly watching myself caught up in this with just like, as if I was watching a child caught up in, caught up in something that they hadn't quite like, I mean, children can be really wise, but, but just like doing something that they hadn't quite, you know, re realized and didn't, you know, didn't really were caught up in something basically. And that was. A really unusual experience for me to find this, just like myself, just like tenderly, compassionately watching my greed and my attachment play out. And that is without a doubt a huge gift that Pure Land Buddhism has given me because of Amida Buddha accepting us as we are and accepting our bambu nature, our foolishness, and like gazing, you know, I imagine them gazing at me tenderly as I play out foolish, you know, foolish attachments as well. So it was really beautiful to watch this also happening.

Yeah.

And deepened my kind of sense of what it means to be intoxicated and to be attached and to be greedy from, you know, within this, within this Pure Land perspective.

The desire for the sugar definitely was sticking to me, as, and, you know, forming greed, as it doesn't to the Buddha. Maybe fleeting desires arise and then they just fall away.

They don't stick to the heart of the Buddha.

So I wanted to share that gift of tenderly gazing at greed with you this evening. And maybe the next time you notice a little bit of greed playing out in your behavior or within you, maybe you can invite a little bit of tenderness, a bit of compassion towards the childlike, foolish part of yourself. That is caught up in that. Namaste.

So we're going to move into some prostrations, offering ourselves and our bodies, our hearts, our minds to the Buddha. Namoha, namoha, namoha.

In gratitude, we make this offering to all Buddhas and Bodhisattvas throughout space and time. May it be as fragrant as Earth herself, reflecting our careful efforts, our wholehearted mindfulness, and the fruit of understanding slowly ripening. May we and all beings be companions of Buddhas and bodhisattvas. May we awaken from forgetfulness and realize our true home.

Now we're going to bow one way and then in the other direction to each other. Then we're going to bow to Meishan and bow to our seats and tidy our seats. I'm not aware of any announcements. No, okay. Yeah, okay, you're welcome. Stay for a bit if you want.

Okay, so we'll close with the closing verse.

Blessed by Amitabha's light, may we care for all living things on the holy earth.

Nam-myoho-renge-kyo.