Satya Robyn leads a Buddhist practice session on responding to criticism with compassion. The teaching draws on Anthea Lawson's book How Not to Be Good and includes guided meditation, group chanting, and a dharma talk with practical examples for staying steady when criticized.
Chapters
Good evening everyone and welcome to Klati joining us online and anyone watching later. So we're going to begin with a reading this morning by by Reverend Gyomei Kabose. Caspar and I studied with his son Koyo Kabose's organization Bright Dawn for a couple of years, a few years ago now, 5 years, 6 years. And this chapter, short chapter, is called Indifference to Criticism. In general Thanks, Fanny. Just gonna wait a second. Criticism and abuse. So this chapter is called Indifference to Criticism. In general, criticism and abuse are the most common causes of anger and bad feelings between people. How quickly we are upset or angered if others verbally abuse us. Gautama Buddha never became upset or angry when others criticized him. He remained quite self-possessed in response to even the harshest criticism. Ananda, one of his disciples, once asked him, 'Why is it that you can keep calm and not be affected at all by abuse?' Buddha replied with a parable. 'Suppose there is a man who puts filth on a silver tray and offers it to you. Will you take it?' Ananda answered, 'If it was filth, I certainly would not take it.' Then the Buddha said, well, if you don't take it, who has it? Ananda replied, the one who offered it must still have it. Quite right, the Buddha said. Abuses are like filth. That is why I do not receive them. There is no reason for me to become angry or excited. If you do not receive abuse, you will not become angry at anyone. It is no problem at all. You suffer because you make the abuse your own. Criticism is not bad in itself. You can profit by it if you learn from it by taking a serious look into yourself. If the criticism is true, accept it as fertilizer for growth. If the criticism is false, then it has nothing to do with you. As a matter of fact, great people are often criticized as much as they are praised. No matter how hard we try, we cannot control the minds of others, and there are always some who will find much in us to criticize. My teacher, Akagaresu, used to remark, when a ship moves forward, it creates a wake. The bigger the ship, the bigger the wake. We cannot avoid stirring up criticism by our actions, however good our intentions. But like a ship which has already moved past its wake, we should leave criticism behind. So we'll move into some meditation together, and as we sit in the silence, you can either just pay attention to your breath Or just notice the sounds around you, slowly allowing your body to settle, your mind to settle. And if your mind's like mine, it will kick up thoughts and feelings. When that happens, just allow Allow them to pass through, to settle down again. And if you find moments of peace, just dwell in that peace. After some silence, we will chant together, so do join the chanting. The words that we will be chanting are Om Amidaewa Ri, the Buddha of Infinite Light.
Om Amidaewa Ri. Om Amidaewa Ri. Om Ami Dev Hari. Om Ami Dev Hari. Om Ami Dev Hari. Om Amitewari. Om Amitewari. Om Amitewari. Om Namite Wahree. Om Namite Wahree. Omami te warri. Omami te warri. Omami te warri. Omami daywari. Omami daywari. Omami daywari. Om Ami Dei Wari. Om Ami Dei Wari. Om Ami Dei Wari. Om Ami Te Wari. Om Ami Te Wari.
We'll now recite the refuges, precepts, and vows together. They are written on the liturgy sheet, but we're mostly doing call and response. For refuge I go to the Buddha—
for refuge I go to the Buddha—
the one who is awake and full of love—
the one who is awake and full of love—
Namo Buddhaya! For refuge I go to the Dharma—
for refuge I go to the Dharma—
all that guides us to wisdom and compassion—
all that guides us to wisdom and compassion—
Namo Dharmaya! For refuge I go to the Sangha.
For refuge I go to the Sangha.
Those who live in the Buddha's light.
Those who live in the Buddha's light.
Namo Sanghaya.
Namo Sanghaya.
For refuge I go to the Earth.
For refuge I go to the Earth.
The holy ground of awakening. Namo Brum Yai.
Nam-myoho-renge-kyo.
With faith in the Four Refuges—
with faith in the Four Refuges—
and in light of my human tendencies—
and in light of my human tendencies—
I pray that I may become aware—
I pray that I may become aware—
of when I take life.
Of when I take life.
I pray that I may become aware—
I pray that I may become aware—
of when I take what is not freely given. I pray that I may become aware of when I fall into sexual misconduct. I pray that I may become aware of when I fall into wrong speech. I pray that I may become aware I pray that I may become aware of when I become intoxicated.
When I become intoxicated.
No blame.
No blame.
Be kind.
Be kind.
Love everything.
Love everything.
Innumerable are sentient beings. We vow to serve Inexhaustible are deluded passions, we vow to transform them all. Immeasurable are the Dharma teachings, we vow to master them all. Infinite is the Buddha's way. We vow to fulfill it completely.
A moment of peace. So at the moment, well, this week I've been reading a book that's just come out which my friend Anthea Lawson wrote, and it's called How Not to Be Good. She worked for— she's worked all of her career in NGOs and campaign, um, campaigns that she worked to reduce weapons, going from country to country for a long time. She's worked in the kind of financial abuse area. She's got a lot of experience in activism and charities that are— whose whole goal is to make positive change in the world. And, um, the whole book is intended for people who want to do good or who are doing good to, uh, to critique themselves, to reflect on the traps that people that want to do good fall into. So there's a chapter on purity, which I know that, um, as a vegan, I know vegans can fall into that trap. Like, we're you're only good if you're very strict vegan, and then everyone else is bad. And there's a chapter on how to— there's lots of different, lots of different things that, that we do that don't work. She talks about people having a protest voice, which is when you're trying to just tell someone the facts so they'll change their mind, and, and you know, all the evidence is that people don't change their mind when they're bombarded by facts. Um, it's a really good book. Anyway, that's kind of by the by because the reading, uh, today reminded me of a story in there. One of the women she interviewed was, um, an academic who was, um, what's the word— she was asked to do research into, by the National Trust, into the colonial kind of roots of a lot of the National Trust properties. Kind of, where did those properties come from? Where did the money come from? And she did the research and it was published, and then I think that it was just before the Black Lives Matter, uh, time. So she got a lot of abuse, basically. Lots of people wrote to her with abuse, racist abuse, um, not wanting— yeah, not wanting to hear what she was saying about these big houses and estates. And what she did is reply to the people that had emailed her with abuse, and she asked them questions, she shared information, and she said that in 90% of the cases— she couldn't reply to everyone because there was too much abuse, but she kind of picked a few— she said in 90% of the people that she engaged in conversation with within 3 or 4 exchanges of emails, they were apologizing for how they'd talked to her, or they were, they were interested in what she was saying. They, they became human again, and they saw her as a human. Um, what she was doing is not accepting the filth, but she was handing back the filth, but also listening to what those people might have been risk reacting to? What, what, why was it that they were so upset? It reminds me of when I was doing my year of our sits in the middle of town, and I would post about it occasionally on Malvern Hills notice board on Facebook. If anyone's been on the Malvern Hills notice boards on Facebook, you'll know, uh, that it, um, it's a bit like road rage. There's lots of people on there that get very angry about lots of different things. And I would sometimes have angry comments on my posts. And one man once said he was— there was swearing and he was really furious that I would have the luxury to take an hour out of my working day to go and sit in the middle of town. And I responded to him and I said, oh, actually, I work for myself, so I can do that and then work later on in the afternoon, the evening. And he just replied, after being really horrible, he just replied, fair enough. That all it took was me hearing him. I think I said in my response, you know, I know not everyone can do this and I'm lucky, but actually, you know, That was, that was enough for him to kind of settle down and just respond to me as a human. Uh, but this is really an advanced practice that for most of us, most of the time, well, I'll speak for myself, it, it's a really difficult practice, especially when people are talking about issues that are really close to our heart, or, or, um, that we know that people will be harmed by the things people are saying or doing. So what helps us to be better at this? What helps us to be better at not accepting the filth, but maybe there is a bit of compost there, there's something I need to take, uh, for myself. Um, what helps me with this is spiritual practice. Is developing a kind of steadiness, developing a foundation that I can return to, and that I am not so easily, um, knocked from my center. And I think most of you will have had the experience of having a really long day and then someone says something and you just snap, that it's much harder to respond with patience and with curiosity, with equanimity, when we're stretched. And so coming here and sitting in this room with us all is one of the ways that we can really strengthen our refuge, that we can find something that's that's reliable, that we can lean into. It might be the Buddha, it might be nature, whatever it is you want to lean into, as long as it's good. But that helps us to stay steady. And the end of the story of this academic that, uh, Anthea interviewed is that she also listened to what people were saying. And a lot of the people that wrote to her were saying, what about working-class people? What about how we've been oppressed in history by these great big landowners? And she took it on board, and the next research she did, or the next book she wrote, she included Um, she included those people. She included studies of, of how those people had also been oppressed, and so their stories could also be heard, so that we're also opening ourselves up to, to the kind of the little nugget of wisdom in the pile of filth. And, uh, and knowing that the, the people that are angry and abusive— of course it's not okay to be angry and abusive— but that there is something, that there is— they have Buddha nature in them somewhere, that there is something that is trying to be communicated, self-protection, or that's kind of speaking up against something. And sometimes we can hear that and be moved by that. Namami Tobii. So we will, we will finish by making prostrations to the main shrine. So do join in with as much as you are able to. And as we prostrate, we chant Nam-myoho-renge-kyo, which is a way of calling out to infinite compassion.
Gratitude, we make this offering for Buddhas and bodhisattvas throughout space and time. May it be as fragrant as earth. Ourselves, reflecting our careful efforts, our wholehearted mindfulness, and the fruit of understanding slowly ripening. May we and all beings be companions of Buddhas and bodhisattvas. May we awaken from forgetfulness and realize our true home.
If you come back, stand at your seat. So a couple of announcements. Um, I am doing two online talks next week. On Monday at 7, I'm going to be talking about Just As You Are— what does it mean, is it really possible, how might it help us, what are the pitfalls? And on Saturday at 5, I'm talking about other versus self-power. So what does that mean? Again, how will it help us? So if you want to attend either of those talks, you need to go onto our website and get a ticket. It's by donation, and then the Zoom details will be on the tickets.
Uh, what else have we got?
Anything?
Uh, donation bowl in the hallway. We also have a card machine that needs waking up in a special way, so let us know if you want us to wake it up.
That's it.
Do join us for a cup of tea if you're free. I feel like I've forgotten something. We'll finish with the closing verse. Bless thy Amitābha's light, more than we care for all living things upon the holy earth. Forgot about each other. Yes, what did I forget?
