Practice - Surrender and Shame

Namaste. Welcome everybody. I'm thinking I really need to get those, uh, bell master training sessions in. We need more bell masters. So Caspar is in London today, and I imagine some other people are doing bank holiday weekend things. Welcome to Clare on Zoom, and welcome to Izzy, Dave, Imogen, Aidan, Em, and Angie in the shrine room. And we will begin this morning with a Dharma glimpse from Angie.

So to you, Angie.

When life brings you to your knees, you are in the perfect position to pray, says Rumi. And it is something I found to be completely true. Every depth that I've been to has been necessary to enable me to surrender. To surrender my view that I can control life. To surrender who I thought I was up to that point. To surrender because I no longer had the strength to cling to the riverbank whilst the river of life flowed onwards towards the sea. Every time I let go of the bank, I realized that the river would carry me, that I was held by an infinite presence of which I wasn't separate, for I was also part of the river. Just as the support and acceptance from my teachers and fellow travelers was always there I'd simply convinced myself that it wasn't. So all I had to do was let this greater love in. Staying in touch with this truth is an ongoing practice for me, partially forgetting and then remembering this presence as a member of my being, as my being as a member of them. Similarly, through my work, I see that the more attentively people can listen to the murmurs of their soul, the more their life gains a sense of meaning, alignment, and support. There seems to be something inherently guiding and true about this presence. And as the Buddha said, Just as the mighty ocean has but one taste, the taste of salt, so my teachings have but one taste, the taste of freedom. Nam-myoho-renge-kyo.

So we will sit quietly together, just appreciating that image of all of the teachings having the taste of freedom. And as we sit this morning, maybe you can just become aware of anything in you that is stopping you from tasting that freedom. Which, if you're anything like me, will be many, many things— thoughts or worries or bodily sensations. Whenever you notice that you're holding on to these or pushing them away See if you can just relax and allow them to be there as they are. If they feel like they're a bit much, just step away a little bit or make the space bigger so they've got more room to roam around in. And as you notice these different things inside you and outside you and allow them to relax You might become more peaceful. You might not feel the peace today, but trust that there is a settling process happening and that gradually over time things will begin to drift towards the bottom where they can rest a little. Namomi tobi. This morning, as we chant We'll be summoning the presence of Kuan Yin. Kuan Yin is the figure on the shrine on the left of Lakitu Shvara, and she is the hearer of the cries of the world. She's sometimes depicted as having many, many hands so she can help everyone who needs help. And she has the quality of soothing moonlight rather than the bright sunlight of Amida. There's a gentleness to her, a comfort. So as we chant Namo Kwan Shin Bosat, you can allow her qualities to bathe you.

Namo Kwan Sheen Bosat.

Namo Kwan Sheen Bosat. Namo Kwan Sheen Bosat. Namokwan shi inbo sat. Namokwan shi inbo sat. Namokwan shi inbo sat. Namo Kwan Sheen Bosat. Namo Kwan Sheen Bosat. Namo Kwan Sheen Bosat. Namokwanji in Bursaat. Namokwanji in Bursaat. Namokwanji in Bursaat. Namokwanji in Bosat. Namokwanji in Bosat. Namokwanji in Bosat. Namokwan shi nbo sat namo kwan shi en bo sat namo kwanshi imposat namokwansi em bosad Namokwanji in Bosat. Namokwanji in Bosat. Namokwanji in Bosat. Namokwanji Ngo Saat! Namokwanji in vosat. Namokwanji in vosat. Namokwanji in vosat. Namokwanji Namo Sattva Sammāsati—Namokwanji Inbho Sasat-Namokwanji Endboss Hatnamo Konshi Imbo-Saat—Namokwonishi Emboss hat namocwanchi imbos sat? Namokwanshi in Bursaat.

Namokwanshi in Bursaat. Namokwanshi in Bursaat. Namokwanji Ngo Saat? Nanmo Kuan Ji Endo Sach!—Namo Kuan Ji endosach...Namoo kwaan shee em bo saath?! Naaammm ooh quaan jee en boo satchh?? "Naamu kwann shii im boh sach." 'Nama Quanchi' I Am One With All Life . Namenoom Khwaaanshee Em Bo Sachtch!! —Japanese translation of same phrase. Name O Kwanzhi Imbo Sahthtchaahhh!!! -Chinese edition. Namo Guanyin Bosat! Namo Guanyin Bosat! Namokwan Chi En Bo Sa— namo guan chi en bo sat? Namokuan Shi Inbo Sat... namokwanchi n'po saaattt?! Satya Robyn. Namokwanji in Morsang.

For refuge I go to the Buddha, the one who is awake and full of love.

Namo Buddhaya.

For refuge I go to the Dharma. All that guides us to wisdom and compassion. All that guides us to wisdom and compassion. Namo Dharmaya. Namo Dharmaya. For refuge I go to the Sangha. For refuge I go to the Sangha. Those who live in the Buddha's light. Those who live in the Buddha's light. Namo Sanghaya. Namo Sanghaya. With faith in the Three Jewels. I pray that I may not take life. With faith in the Three Jewels, I pray that I may not steal. With faith in the Three Jewels, I pray that I may not fall into sexual misconduct. With faith in the Three Jewels, I pray that I may not fall into wrong speech. With faith in the Three Jewels, I pray that I may avoid intoxication. No blame, be kind, love everything.

Innumerable are sentient beings, we vow to save them all.

Inexhaustible are deluded passions, we vow to transform them all.

Immeasurable are the Dharma teachings, We vow to master them all.

Infinite is the Buddha's way.

We vow to follow it completely.

Namaste. So I wanted to talk this morning about shame, brought to mind by Angie's Dharma Glimpse about the kind of the times when something takes you to your knees. Yesterday afternoon I had a, a, an experience that took me to my knees. We've been working with our dog Ralph for a couple of years now on his reactivity around other dogs. When he came to us when he was 7 months old, he was good as gold and very passive, and I thought calm around other dogs. But as he got more confident, as he settled in to living with us, we realized that he was actually kind of frozen in fear and that as he got more confident, he started shouting at other dogs and lunging at them and generally threatening them. Um, so that began a kind of a long journey of trying to work with his reactivity, which is what I discovered it's called. I didn't even know what reactivity was. Because he's frightened and he, and so he needs to run over to the other dog and tell them that he's the boss before they, before they attack him. And I've read many, many books. I went to quite a few different trainers or, or who sometimes give you the same advice and sometimes different advice. And very slowly we have been making progress. And he's reached a point now where we have been trusting him to go and meet other dogs. And then yesterday afternoon in Worcester Woods, we were walking down a kind of quite a narrow-ish path, and a woman with two collies was coming towards us, one on the lead, one off the lead. And Ralph made a beeline for the dog that was off the lead and snapped right in his fur. The woman screamed, she was really worried that her dog had been attacked and bitten. Um, and it was just awful, and I was absolutely flooded with shame that I had allowed my dog to do this thing to her and upset her and upset the dog. Um, and, um, I think that I forget when I'm not experiencing shame what a horrible thing it is to experience. I've read a, a really good book on violence, kind of a man that looks at mostly men who are imprisoned in America, and the numbers have gone up and up and up, and he talks about this violence as being a result of shame, as a result of these men trying to avoid feeling shame. And that, that we take really drastic measures to avoid shame because it's probably the thing that we, uh, we like to feel the least. Shame says, I am bad, I am wrong, I am useless, that, that in my core there is something about me that is rotten and no good. So it's a, it's a, it's a feeling about our entire identity, and it, and it takes us over. It overwhelms us. And the purpose of shame, because all, everything that we feel has some kind of purpose or some kind of, um, uh, there's a good intention behind there somewhere. Because I don't think shame has a purpose, it has a— there's a reason for it, that we shame people and other people shame us partly to avoid feeling their own shame and partly as a way of feeling safe, that we may feel that if our child does something that's wrong, that if we shame them then they'll never do it again and then that will be good for them. Or there's a kind of a— there's a function in there somewhere that is one of those things that the intention for helping actually means that more distress is caused or that more suffering is caused. And I was wondering about, uh, what Rumi says, you know, that, that, that these things kind of take us to our knees. And I did feel like after that incident, we were kind of sat at the table, um, having a drink and, and keeping a very close eye on Ralph, just kind of trying to— I was just trying to feel okay about myself again. I was trying not to feel like the worst person in the world. And what really helped— I, I spoke to some people and that was helpful— but what really helped is that I wrote to my trainer, because we're going to some classes at the moment, the, the lead trainer. And she replied with such kindness and empathy. She started by saying, yes, that sounds like it was really horrible, and it's really hard when these things happen. And then she said it may be that the collie— collies apparently are known for kind of keeping their— because they kind of, they're prey-driven, so they keep their eyes on other dogs sometimes. So it may have been that Ralph felt that he was being stared at. Who knows? But she said that— she said don't despair. She said don't— try not to overreact, that if you become very tense again around other dogs, that won't be good for Ralph. And yes, you can do these things. But she basically said to me, you're not a bad person, that this was just one of those things that happened, and that she's seen improvements in Ralph. And it, it just sort of— it, it dissolved enough of the shame for me to be able to find my center again and to see that what happened was an incident that was not good and that you know, we need to take a lesson from, but that it wasn't the end of the world. It wasn't the end of Ralph's training. It was— it doesn't mean that we can never trust him with another dog again, which is what I was feeling yesterday afternoon. So what am I saying here? I've said lots of different things about different things. I guess there's something about acknowledging the power of what happens inside us, that sometimes it just takes us over and there's not much we can do about that. And that's often to do with old wounds that are being kind of re-triggered. Um, and that, that is never the whole story. That is never the whole story about us. Or the thing that's happened. It just feels that way when we're right in the middle of it. And what helped me was something that came from outside. I wrote to Anne because I just had a feeling that it might be helpful to, to let her know what's happened. And I received something from her that really helped. And I guess that Pure Land Buddhism is similar, that we acknowledge that we are foolish beings of wayward passion, that we're driven around by our kind of our fear and our attempts to protect ourselves. And it is possible to ask for help from something outside us and to receive that help, that that help does come in. And it doesn't always come from where we expect it, but when we ask for help, My experience is if we ask for help and we're patient, we do receive it. Namomi to be. How do I usually do prostrations and the bells for prostrations? We'll see how it goes.

We dedicate the merits of this incense offering to all Buddhas and Bodhisattvas throughout space and time. May it be fragrant as Earth herself, reflecting our careful efforts, our wholehearted awareness, and the fruit of understanding. So you are praying. May we and all beings be companions of Buddha and Bodhisattvas. May we awaken from forgetfulness and realize our true nature.

Blessed by Amitābha's light, may we care for all living things. Amma ho ye ho. So just a couple of announcements.