This content was created by Satya Robyn. This content was uploaded by Satya Robyn. This is a YouTube video titled "Practice - who am I? and my bad back" (recorded 2022-12-31) containing an English group Buddhist practice session in a shrine room. Participants include a session leader (Speaker A), Beth Hickley who gives a Dharma glimpse on the nature of self, Katie who facilitates, several other attendees (Speakers B, C, D, E), and a remote participant named Matt. The excerpt covers reflections on self and identity (Buddhist non-self), a guided meditation and visualization, chanting of Pali refuge phrases, vows/dedications, an incense dedication, and a personal anecdote about the leader's back used as a metaphor for the middle way between avoidance and overdoing.
Chapters
Nothing like starting practice with being startled by how loud the audio is. We're on our new computer, which means I don't have to bring mine from downstairs anymore, which I'm very pleased about. Namaste, welcome to everyone in the shrine room.
Pretty good turnout for New Year's Eve morning, I would say.
There's 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11 of us in the shrine room. And Matt is joining us from Cornwall. Hi Matt, lovely to see you. And this morning we have a Dharma glimpse by Beth, and I will hand over to Katie.
Me, Myself, I: Dharma Glimpse by Beth Hickley. What is self? If we understand what constitutes self, then maybe we have a better chance to also— of also understanding what we are being encouraged to let go of. Self is described as a person's essential being that distinguishes them from others. It is actually quite difficult to pin it down precisely because it changes form constantly. Many parts constitute self, ego, introspection on self, identity, character, essential qualities, environment, nurture, opportunities, to name a few. So it's possible to grasp the enormity of the enigma, an individual. Supposedly, we are in charge of our thoughts, have our own personality, have a self-awareness and strive for a healthy, strong sense of confidence. Psychologists inform us of the importance of developing a healthy identity at an early age. Each aspect of myself as an individual—mother, wife, sister, daughter, aunt, colleague, friend, student, neighbor, and nurse—represents a contingency, a role, a play, a meaning. The Thoughts, feelings, opinions, moods, changes, aging, loss, well-being. Years, months, moments fleeting. Snow, birds, bulbs, flowers, leaves, fungi, frost. All in a day, a season, beginnings and endings. Born, live, die. Pain, delight, laughter, sorrow, despair, wonder. Learning, stupid, shamed, proud, and foolish. This is all me. So without self, we would be lost. Or would we? Is self overrated? Is it a form of narcissism? Am I individual? Does it matter? In Buddhism, individual self is considered as an illusion, the belief being that it's not possible to separate self from its surroundings. In fact, the self needs to be deconstructed because an individual identity causes nothing but trouble and disappointment. Buddhist practice is to be aware only of the present. Judgmental views fill my day. I find I reach to Buddhism to help clarify my chaos, but is that not also an attachment? Self is a battle and a baffling conundrum that fills my head with confusion. Self is actually very annoying. Namamitabhu. Namamitabhu. Thank you.
I'm just smiling to myself because I wrote an article recently for a Buddhist magazine, and they sent me the proofs to kind of read through, and that they said at the beginning that I was a meditation teacher. Um, I'm definitely not a meditation teacher, uh, but here I am instructing you all in meditation. Um, I'm just reverberating with Beth's peace and the many shifting selves that I have inside me, the different parts of me, the different causes and conditions that have led to those parts to arise. And something that I sometimes do started doing when I was learning about Internal Family Systems, the, the form of therapy I use, is imagining that I am in a space with all of those parts of me kind of separated out, and, and then being the witness in the middle or at the front that's just there with all of those bits of me. Just kind of sitting quietly. Um, and it also means that if you have parts of you that really don't like meditating, that would rather be fidgeting or playing or doing something else, you can let them know that they don't have to stay. They can go into a different room and have fun. Um, which just leaves the parts of you that want to just be quiet and just be witnessed and, um, have some space. So you might want to use that as a visualization or as an experience as you're sitting quietly. You can be wherever you want, on the beach, or I often find myself in a kind of an atrium, which is a big space with lots of light, and just sit and Witness all the parts of you gathered around. It may be that parts of you kind of ask for attention at certain times, and then you have a choice. You can either listen to them, or you can just let them know that we're just sitting quietly for now. Maybe they can speak to you later. Um, and as time goes on, you might find that peace Slowly descends like snow. Namomi tabu. So wherever you are inside, you can stay there. And invite your parts to join us in chanting. And today we will chant a list of honorifics for the Buddha, which are— which come from the Pali Canon, the earliest written-down teachings of the Buddha. And they'll be on your little bit of paper. Are they on the little bits of paper? Good jolly goods. And the words are Namo Tassa Bhagavato Arahato Samma Sambuddhasa. I can't remember all the translations, but they're, they're phrases like world-honored one, perfect one. And you can imagine that you're chanting to Shakyamuni Buddha, or you can imagine that you're connecting with perfected wisdom, perfected compassion, which sits inside all Buddhas and inside all of us, sometimes more hidden than others, but it's, it's in there all the same. So as we, as we chant, we're calling, calling out to those qualities and allowing them to blossom in the world.
Namur, Tasa, Bhagavatu, Arhatu, Samastambuddhas. Nammo tasah bhagavatu arahato samasvambuddhasatya. Namah tasya bhagavatu arahatu samasanghudasatya. Namur, Satya Robyn, Aratu, Samasamudas. Namotasa Bhagavad Gita. Arhatu Samasamudasana. Namortasa Bhagavato Arhatu Samasambuddhasatya.
Satya Robyn. Nice gentle bells to bring us out of that meditation. For refuge I go to the Buddha. For refuge I go to the Buddha, the one who is awake and full of love.
The one who is awake and full of love.
Namo Buddhaya. Namo Buddhaya. For refuge I go to the Dharma.
For refuge I go to the Dharma.
All that guides us to wisdom and compassion. All that guides us to wisdom and compassion. Namo Dhammaya.
Namo Dhammaya.
For refuge I go to the Sangha. For refuge I go to Sangha— those who live in Buddha's light. Those who live in Buddhist life. Namo sanghaya! With faith in Three Jewels, we pray for you three jewels. I pray that may not take life. I prayed it on me, not taking one. Faith in the 3 jewels? We're faithful to your jewel. Pray that may steal from others. May still have faith in the 3 jewels within each of us. I pray that might fall into sexual misconduct.
I pray that I may not fall into sexual misconduct—
With faith in the Three Jewels! —With faith in the Three Jewels! I pray that I may not fall into wrong speech— I pray that I may not fall into wrong speech! —with Faith In The 3 Jewels! —With Faith In The 3 Jewels! I pray that I may avoid intoxication—
I pray that I might avoid intoxication!
Keep forgetting to have a conversation of Casper about this. Do you have a preference? So we'll try again the 3 remembrances all in one go. So just wait to the end of the 6 words before you repeat them. No blame, be kind, love everything.
No blame, be kind, love everything.
Innumerable are sentient beings. We vow to save them all.
Inexhaustible are the rooted passions.
We vow to transform them all. Immeasurable are the Dharma teachings. We vow to master them all.
Infinite is the Buddha's way.
We vow to follow it completely. No me to boo.
Just doing mini bows at the moment when I sit, because if I bow further down, I'm not entirely sure my back will allow me to come back up again. Um, and I'm blaming Aiko entirely for my bad back. Um, about, uh, 5 weeks ago, she rolled thoroughly in some fox poo. And, uh, for those of you who've had experience of fox poo, you'll know that it's very difficult to get the smell out. So I was kneeling at the shower, um, vigorously scrubbing her over and over. And when I tried to get back up, I was like, oh dear. So that's the first time it went, and then, um, it got better again quite quickly. And then I Did lots of typing on the sofa a few days ago and it went again, but it's much better today. And I was reading the NHS guidelines a couple of days ago about how to, what to do. And what struck me is that there were quite a few things that it suggested that you do to keep a healthy back, but there was one thing that it said you should not do. Uh, which was stay in bed. Um, and I was just thinking how natural it is to want to stay in bed or to want to stay still when moving causes pain. Of course we would want to avoid that pain. And then I was thinking about this as a kind of a metaphor for life. How often do we stay in bed to avoid pain? How often do we withdraw from relationships or stop going out of our comfort zone in ways that we might enjoy if we did it, um, or turn down invitations? And inside us, how often do we veer away from the places in us that hold grief or anger or disappointment or confusion or despair, um, or jealousy, because we don't want to come into contact with that. We don't want to feel the pain of it. And if we're not careful, what happens is that as we lie in bed, we become more and more immobilized. Our back seizes up. More and more. And I know that if I, uh, do too much at the moment, then by the end of the day, uh, my back is complaining even more. So there needs to be this middle way, which is what Buddhism teaches us. We need to find the middle way between avoiding and overdoing, which is the Buddha's life story. He, he began by thoroughly investigating the, um, the avoiding, the indulging, the enjoyment, the hiding from the world, and then he thoroughly investigated asceticism and nearly killed himself. Through starvation, and neither of those worked. So Buddhism teaches us that there is suffering, that we can't avoid suffering, and especially as we get older, our bodies remind us in— in the very kind of our bodies to have all kinds of creative ways of reminding us of our impermanence and of pain. Um, just really, uh, accelerating the learning that, that we can't avoid pain, we can't avoid injury, we can't avoid loss. We're living in a world that is— we're living in difficult times. And we need to keep moving. We need to get up and do the prostrations even though our backs hurt a little bit. And as we do that, we give our bodies a good chance of healing, and we also are in the world. We're in the world being present and hopefully sometimes offering kindness to others and to the Earth. So now, Momidabu, time to exercise my back.
We dedicate the merits of this incense offering to all Buddhas and bodhisattvas throughout space and time. May it be fragrant as earth herself, reflecting our careful efforts, our wholeheartedness, awareness, And the fruits of understanding slowly ripening. May we and all being companions of Buddhas and Bodhisattvas, may we awaken from forgetfulness and realize our true home.
Turn towards center of seats. Blessed by Amitabha's light, may we care for all living things and the holy earth. Nam-myoho-renge-kyo. Hopefully see some of you later tonight. If you want to come and say hello to Matt, come and say hello. Time for a cup of tea.
