Shifting Gears.

Welcome to this Wednesday evening practice. We're gonna start with a Bright Dawn Dharma Glimpse written by Ken Muiyo Swanson. On Monday, I had to pay a visit to the courthouse at our local county clerk's office. My first army pension payment upon reaching 60 was wrong, and— oh, I don't know that word— and, and annuity payment was being withheld every month from my first ex-wife. My divorce was over 10 years ago. I've been remarried for 7 years. I thought every piece of paper the army needed, the copies of the divorce decree and the judges and court filings, the new marriage certificates and papers, were submitted years ago. Now I was told the holdup was because the army wasn't sure whether the copies of the divorce decree were legal or not. They weren't certified, whatever that means. So down to the courthouse I went. The clerk of courts directed me to the files, and I was told to go through the originals concerning my divorce and to pull out the papers that I needed, and he would make copies and certify them. So I took this long walk down memory lane, flipping through all the papers, some of which I'd never seen before. It was really depressing having to relive those painful times that I thought were over, done, and settled long ago. I took the appropriate papers up to him, and I saw the following sign hanging on the wall behind the desk: Everything in the present is an effect resulting from causes in the past. 'Whoa, shades of the 12 linked chains of dependent origination.' I said to him, 'That's a neat sign.' He responded, 'It's been here as long as I've been here, 30 years.' I asked if he was a Buddhist. He said, 'No, I'm not. I'm a Baptist.' He said that most people never seem to even notice the sign, and no one ever asked about it. I thanked him for his help and went on my way. I was thinking about my past life, who I had wanted to be, what I had wanted to do, where I'd wanted to go, who I'd wanted to be with, the choices I made, good and not so good, my many failures and some successes. So I was thinking about this karma thing. How do I make amends for those past wrongs and destructive actions and harm that were present in my life all those years ago? I realized that it was not just my actions that I was having to deal with, but I also realized that the only person I could ever control then And now is myself. I feel like I wasted almost 30 years. I recited the Noble Truths in my mind and read my books for understanding. Right understanding, right thought, right speech, right action, right livelihood, right effort, right mindfulness, right concentration. I can't write the past. All I can do is try to learn from it and demonstrate compassion and wisdom in my present and future life, and try to view my past with the same compassion and wisdom. Wisdom and compassion are inseparable. Here's something I read from a 15th century eccentric Japanese Zen Buddhist priest and poet named Ikkyu, who is also one of the creators of the formal Japanese tea ceremony. Under the trees, among the rocks, a thatched hut. Verses and sacred commentaries live there together. I'll burn the book I carry in my bag. But how can I forget the verses written in my gut? All week long I've had stomach problems, heartburn and acid reflux. I'm taking the usual Pepcid and Prilosec. Maybe it's all those verses written on my gut. I have to feel them churning down there for a while. Maybe I can eventually digest them. I don't know for sure. It may be with me for some time or gone tomorrow. I can read all the books and hear all the stories and teachings, but I know that sometimes you just really need to sit and let things settle. It's good to understand, but you also have to experience it at the gut level for as long as it takes. Compassion and wisdom. What goes around comes around. That is where I am today in my practice. Another poem from Ikkyu: Memories flee and are no more. All are empty dreams devoid of meaning. Violate the reality of things and babble about God and the Buddha, and you will never find the true way. Palms together and 3 bows to the Buddha. Namu Amida Butsu. So moving into a period of quiet meditation, just sitting.

Namo Kwanji Envo Sat. Namo Kwanji Envo Sat. Mokwanji in vosat. Namokwanshi in vosat. Namokwanshi in vosat. Namokwanshi in vosat. Namokwanchi in Bosat. Namokwanchi in Bosat. Namokwanchi in Bosat. Namokwanshi in Bosats. Namokwanshi in Bosats. Namokwanshi in Bosats. Namoh Kuan Yin Gosat. Namoh Kuan Yin Gosat. Namoh Kuan Yin Gosat. Namoh Kuan Yin Bosat. Namoh Kuan Yin Bosat. Namoh Kuan Yin Bosat. Namokwanji Ngo Saat! Namokwanji Ngo Saat! Namokwanji Ngo Saat! Namokwanji Ngo Saat— Namokwanji Ngo Sa— namo kwanchi ngo sa— namo kwanchi ngosa— namokwanchi ngosa— namokwanchi ngosa— Namokwanji in Mosa. Namokwanji in Mosa. Namokwanji in Mosa. Namokwanji Ngo Saat! Namokwanji Ngo Saat. Namokwanji Ngo Saat. Namokwanji Ngo Saat. Namokwanji—

For refuge I go to the Buddha.

For refuge I go to the Buddha.

The one who is awake and full of love.

The one who is awake and full of love.

Namo Buddha.

Namo Buddha.

For refuge I go to the Dharma.

For refuge I go to the Dharma, all that guides us to wisdom and compassion, all that guides us to wisdom and compassion.

Namo Dharmaya. For refuge I go to the Sangha, for refuge I go to the Sangha, those who live in the Buddha's light, those who live in the Buddha's light. Namo Sangha. For refuge I go to the Earth.

For refuge I go to the Earth, the holy ground of awakening. Namobhumyay.

Namobhumyay. With faith in the Four Refuges, with faith in the Four Refuges, and in light of my human tendencies and enlighten my human tendencies— I pray that I may become aware of when I take life; I pray that I may become aware of what I've taken away from others; or when I fall into sexual misconduct; of when I fall into sexual misconduct. I pray that I may become aware—

I pray this—

I may become aware of when I fall into wrong speech—

of when I fall into the wrong speech.

I pray that I may become aware—

I praise—

I may become aware of when I become intoxicated—

or when I become intoxicated.

No blame.

No blame.

Be kind.

Be kind.

Love everything.

Love everything. Innumerable are sentient beings.

We vow to save them all.

Inexhaustible are deluded passions.

We vow to transform them all.

Immeasurable are the Dharma teachings.

We vow to master them all.

Infinite is the Buddha's way.

We vow to fulfill it completely.

Mm-hmm.

I'm going to be talking tonight about changing gears, and it's inspired a bit by Dave's talk about being super busy that he gave on Saturday. And everyday Buddhism amidst busyness. So I had a little Nifty Fifty automatic scooter for a long time, many years. It was my first vehicle, and I had lots of great times on my Nifty Fifty, and many, many years, like and just kept it going. And then eventually I decided it was time to progress onto a proper motorbike. I need— I felt like I just needed something that would be more reliable and with just a bit sturdier and all that kind of thing. So I got a 125 motorbike, the one that's outside. Now. And what happened when I got that motorbike is I had to learn how to use gears for the first time, because I didn't have gears on my scooter, because it was just a twist and go. Um, so initially that was a massive struggle, but, you know, and, and scary, you know. I had to get used to going over 31 miles an hour. Which, uh, felt like really fast, especially when, you know, you're completely exposed to the elements. But eventually, you know, I kept doing it and gradually it became less anxiety-provoking. And then gradually I got to the point where if the weather was nice, I could actually enjoy driving around, riding around on my motorbike. And then eventually I got a car license much later than most people normally get it. Quite recent. And, um, and I didn't really struggle with the gears because I'd already had to learn how to do them on a motorbike. Um, and what I found actually— so most people associate motorbikes with being able to go like, like, being able to like go like really accelerate very rapidly and like to get past things and, you know, get out of traffic and that kind of thing. So my motorbike is not really like that. It's only got a 125 engine and it's got a very big heavy frame. It's cuz it's really pretending to be a Harley, but only with a 125 engine. Um, and the way the gears are done, basically accelerates quite slowly. So I, I, there's no vroom. Um, Yeah, which is quite good because I'm not like, I really don't like adrenaline. So anything that makes me experience adrenaline, I just find quite stressful. Um, but I did have that experience more in a car of like, you know, ramping up, um, you know, heading, heading towards the motorway, like gaining speed very, very quickly. And initially it was daunting and, and, and, and, and now it's still a bit daunting, but I'm kind of used to that feeling just like rapidly accelerating and, and going up through the gears. And, uh, a very similar embodied experience happens to me when I go from a time of being able to like really slow down and relax. So whether that's like if I've had like a really relaxing weekend or I've had a retreat, been on retreat, um, those kind of experiences that just without me even trying really slow my system down and enable it to, um, get to that kind of calmer, slower kind of state. And then when I come out of those, um, experiences and back into my everyday life, I experience a very somatic and sometimes quite intense experience of ramping up and going through the gears. And I can literally feel my whole body-mind accelerating just as I do when I'm speeding up to join the motorway or that kind of thing. And I used to really find that really uncomfortable. Uncomfortable, that, that sensation, those sensations, that experience. And it was really easy for me to react to that experience in a way that made it a lot more stressful, that added that second arrow, that extra stress on top of it. Because I go, oh my God, you know, I could really sense everything that was happening in my body, and I start to freak out slightly about it. And that would make it worse. And I would think, okay, I mean, what can I do, um, to decrease the difference between the kind of internal speed and state I get— I naturally get into when I really relax and my everyday life? Like, like, can I, can I decrease the difference so there's not that same level of ramping up? What can I do to get rid of it? Basically, I was like, I don't like this experience. How can I try to reduce it or get rid of it in some kind of way? It must be a sign that I'm not living my life as well as I could be. You know, I'm not doing it right. So how can I, you know, change things so that it doesn't happen? That's basically how I kind of approached it for quite a while. And there is some level of value in thinking, you know, um, how can I reduce the unnecessary rushing that can become part of my day, my way of being? You know, there is some, definitely some value in cultivating, like, just more stillness, less bouncing around from this and that to the other. And at the same time, ultimately there will be times and days and periods of time which are much, much, much more fast-paced. And I will have to, you know, rapidly move between lots of different things and juggle lots of things in my mind, have my energy going in lots of different directions. So what I've more been doing is actually changing my relationship to that experience of ramping up. And I've basically been cultivating more acceptance around it. So I'm noticing all the physiological sensations which show me that that shift in gears is happening, and I'm going, okay, well, yeah, this, that, this is what happens. And that's okay. And that has been a much more helpful shift than trying to get rid of it, trying to somehow create my life where I don't— where it's like I'm with John-Rashid all the time, which is impossible. Yeah, to actually cultivating my ability to be with the ramping up and to know that I don't find it particularly— it's pleasant, it's not pleasant sensation for me, and to be okay with that. And that way I don't add on all this extra stress, stressing about what's happening, which also makes it more manageable. So I'm really thankful for this little shift in perspective that's come over the last few months or so. And I trust that these little shifts are ways in which the Buddha is communicating and transmitting and supporting me. Namaste.

Namoh Amitabh. Namoh Amitabh. Namoh Amitabh. So yes, Dharma bowl in the hall.