The gift of desperation

Hello, Bidaboo. Welcome.

Very happy to see Beth online. Hi, Beth. And Clatty. Hi, Clatty.

Good to see you as well.

Very happy to see everybody here as well. Today we are going to start with a poem about God, so I'll read it once with God and then we'll put the Buddha in for the second reading. And I can't remember who it's by, I think it's Teresa Teresa of Avila. Yes, Teresa of Avila, and it's called Feeling Desperate. The earth and sky will open their purse for you, and your life will change if with all your heart you say these words every day: Teach me, dear God, all that you know. One night I walked through the streets feeling desperate, in need of alchemy. A hooded priest passed by where there were no lamps. I could not see his face. I only heard these words that he kept repeating: Teach me, dear Lord, all that you know. I knew a treasure had entered my soul. I'll read it again. Feeling desperate, the earth and sky will open their purse for you and your life will change if with all your heart you say these words each day: Teach me, dear Buddha, all that you know. One night I walked through the streets feeling desperate, in need of alchemy. A hooded priest passed by where there were no lamps. I could not see his face. I only heard these words that he kept repeating: Teach me, dear Buddha, all that you know. I knew a treasure had entered my soul. So we will sit quietly together for a little while, uh, try to find a position that is upright without being stiff and Just allow your thoughts to float through you like leaves blowing through an open door and out the door again. Um, if you start collecting leaves by mistake, you hold on to whatever's happening inside you, just notice that and just release whatever it is, from your grasp and let it float away. And over time, you may feel that you're beginning to settle a little. And, uh, we will do some chanting after some silence, and so do join in the chanting, and you get the The chain. I'm a meatbag.

Namoh Amida Butsu. Namoh Amida Butsu. Namoh Amida Butsu. Namoh Amida Butsu. Soo namo amida butsu. Namo amida butsu. Nammo ami tabutsu. Nammo ami tabutsu. Nammo ami tabut— Soo namo amida butsu. Namo amida butsu. Nammo ami tabutsu. Nammo ami dabutsoo. Nammo ami dabu— Soo namo amida butsu. Namo amida butsu. Nammo ami tabutsu. Nammo ami dabutso. Nammo ami dabut— Soo namo amida butsu. Namo amida butsu. Namoh ami tabutsu. Namoh ami tabutsu. Namoh ami tabut— Soo namo amida butsu. Namo amida butsu. Nammo ami tabu soo. Nammo ami dabu soo. Nammo ami dabu— Soo namo amida butsu. Namo amida butsu. Nammo ami dabutsu. Nammo ami dabutsu. Nammo ami dabut— Soo namo amida butsu. Namo amida butsu. Nammo ami da busu. Nammo ami da bu— Soo namo amida bu—

We'll now recite some verses together. Precepts, refuges, bodhisattva vows— these are all guidelines for us in our daily lives and also inspiration something we can point ourselves towards. So I will speak and then you can repeat after me. For refuge I go to the Buddha.

For refuge I go to the Buddha.

The one who is awake and full of love.

The one who is awake and full of love.

Namo Buddhaya.

Namo Buddhaya.

For refuge I go to the Dharma.

For refuge I go to the Dharma.

All that guides us to wisdom and compassion.

All that guides us to wisdom and compassion.

Namo Dharmaya.

Namo Dharmaya.

For refuge I go to the Sangha.

For refuge I go to the Sangha.

Those who live in the Buddha's light.

Those who live in the Buddha's light.

Namo Sanghaya.

Namo Sanghaya.

For refuge I go to the Earth.

For refuge I go to the Earth, the holy ground of awakening. The holy ground of awakening.

Namo Bhumi.

Namo Bhumi.

With faith in the Four Refuges.

With faith in the Four Refuges.

And in light of my human tendencies.

And in light of my human tendencies.

I pray that I may become aware.

I pray that I may become aware.

Of when I take life. I pray that I may become aware of when I take what is not freely given. I pray that I may become aware of when I fall into sexual misconduct. I pray that I may become aware of when I fall into wrong speech. I pray that I may become aware of when I become intoxicated. No blame. Be kind. Love everything.

Innumerable Ascented Beings, we vow to save them all. We vow to transform them all.

Innumerable other Dharma teachings.

We vow to master them all.

Infertile is the Buddha's way.

We vow to fall flat completely.

Am I me to be? So this poem is called Feeling Desperate, and For me, the feeling desperate is a prerequisite to the words that the priest speaks, to the words that feel like treasure to the person listening to the writer. 'Teach me, dear God, all that you know.' And you might say, why is that? Why, why do we need to be desperate before we say those words? I think to really mean those words, we need to have more than just a kind of a willingness to be taught, to hear. Um, we need something that's gonna kind of get us past um, the difficulty that inevitably arises on a spiritual path. And it reminds me of two things. First of all, it reminds me of the 12 steps. It reminds me of the first step, um, which is, I admitted that I was powerless over whatever— people, places, things— and that my life had become unmanageable. That the first of the 12 steps that needs to be taken before any of the others can be taken Is desperation is, uh, a deep acknowledgement that we're not in control of something, that something is controlling us and that we can't handle it, that we need to ask for some help. We need someone else, something else to help us. Um, and people that don't take the first step properly don't make it to any of the other steps. And, uh, that's one way to give us that kind of motivation, is to— often what happens is people's lives are in such an almighty mess by the time they, they end up in a recovery group that, that there's kind of— there's nowhere else to go, that the desperation arises naturally through all kinds of things messing up. Um, and it works. It doesn't always work, but it— I've seen it work. Um, but it's not a very nice way to step onto the spiritual path, uh, to be, to be so Desperate. Um, and then there's the alternative, which is that we kind of bumble along in our lives and we, we do okay. And maybe we distract ourselves because we work hard and we— our salary goes up, or we're working towards getting a house, or we do the family thing, or, um, we use various substances, mild substances, bit of alcohol, a bit of TV, a bit of, um, whatever it is we use to distract ourselves. And if we're doing okay, why would we come out on a cold night to come and practice with other people, especially all the way from Droitwich. I know some of you have only had to climb the stairs, but that takes, that takes something as well. You could have stayed under your duvets and watched some telly instead. So we don't, I don't want extreme desperation. And if we, if we don't have any desperation, then, then we maybe don't get here. So the Middle Way, the Middle Way takes me to the Four Noble Truths. The First Noble Truth is that life includes suffering, that suffering is inexorably woven into life, and that we can't escape it. And I think that a lot of us, certainly me, um, do various things to try and avoid the reality of that suffering, um, things that take us away from ourselves, things that take us away from a higher power. So the point of the First Noble Truth is that it's inviting us to see the reality of life to notice that when we take refuge in things, the impermanent things, the things that we didn't list on our Four Refuges, that we're disappointed, or that somehow we never quite get enough, or that it works for a while and then it stops working, or that our relationship kind of has ups and downs and we can't quite find our feet. Um, or that the binging next Netflix isn't quite enough to get us through whatever it is we're going through. And really being honest with ourselves about the, the nature of reality It, it brings us to that point of being teachable. It brings us to that, that point of having some motivation to do something different or to be open to something different. And that's where the writer reaches, where they say, I'm open to you teaching me. Teach me everything you know. They're not asking themselves, they're not asking another human being. They're trusting that there is something wise and loving that knows more than they do. So if you have lots of desperation already, then my invitation is to see, to reframe that desperation as something precious. That might be annoying to hear because it's not nice, it's not nice to feel it, but, but that's your fuel. That's your fuel on the spiritual path. That's what will get you through the kind of knotty times when it's just easier to, to not step forwards. Um, and if you don't have any desperation at all, just maybe be curious about where you might be, um, where you might be just kind of turning away from greed or hate or delusion, just turning away from the reality of impermanence, the suffering, and an invitation to step into a life which is more real, which is more authentic, and maybe more painful, but also more joyful, and with more opportunity for connection, with more opportunity for appreciating beauty and being kind and receiving kindness and learning things that, that you don't know already. Um, and, uh, yeah, it's a wonderful thing. And I am deeply grateful to my own desperation, to the desperation that landed me into a, a 12-step group all those years ago, to the desperation that, um, that got me into my first Buddhist practice, which felt quite scary, and that kept me here, that kept me coming back. Even though sometimes I think it would be much easier to live a life that was just about going on holiday 3 times a year, and I don't know, that didn't, that didn't include, uh, quite so much reality. But it is very precious and and we're not on our own. We are literally here together, um, and there are many other people in the world who get this and who are on a similar path. And that's why sangha is so important, because we can remind each other of these things. So I'll read it one more time. Feeling desperate. The earth and sky will open their purse for you, and your life will change if with all your heart you say these words each day: Teach me, dear God, all that you know. One night I walked through the streets feeling desperate, in need of alchemy. A hooded priest passed by where there were no lamps. I could not see his face. I only heard these words that he kept repeating: Teach me, dear Lord, all that you know. I knew a treasure had entered my soul in that moment. So I'm now going to leave the screen, Klaty, and do some prostration. So do just do some bowing wherever you are, and we use the chants that you will be familiar with from 30 Days. Sometimes we get older, we're all going to start helping each other out. We need to get some young people in to help us out.

Namaste.

Gratitude. Make this offering to all buddhas and bodhisattvas throughout space and time. May these fragrant resurfaces, so reflecting our careful efforts, our wholehearted mindfulness, and the fruits of understanding, slowly ripen. May we awaken from forgetfulness and realize our true home.

So if you'd like to come and stand at your seats. So we always end practice by first of all bowing to each other. One side, then the other. To the main shrine. Tidy our seats and bow to our seats. We have announcements. So on the 7th of March, we will be chanting the chant we chanted earlier on for 2.5 hours. Do join us if you want a taste of a kind of immersive chanting. You can come for less time than that if you want to. I imagine at the beginning of March, I am I don't know because I have to go to Nottingham for 2 weeks. Watch this space, maybe April. It's going to be the first half of March. Okay. Um, which means I will not be around. Okay, so it might be, yeah, starting. Great.

Uh, anything else?

No, we're going to be starting the volunteer days, uh, volunteer hours They have, they've peed off, so nobody else came. But we're restarting them up again. Do you know when?

No.

Okay, we will have to watch the space. We will have to ask for our meeting tonight. Okay, great, great. And we have a new card machine, which means you can now donate in the hallway by card or into a golden bowl or online, brightearth.org/donate. Um, I will come back after I go. I'll come back, so don't go away, you two, if you want to say hello. And we do have a cup of tea after practice. You're very welcome to join us. And we finish with the closing verse.

Blessed by Amitabha's light, may we care for all living things and the whole world.