The icy path & the relief of the gritted road

Welcome everybody. I'm going to start this Wednesday evening practice with a poem that was shared with me, and it's a winter poem.

It's not in a book.

I much prefer— I much prefer reading that from a book, but I don't have it in the book. And it's called The Crone of Winter by Molly Remmer.

Just for right now, let the swirling soften.

Exhale into the day. Wherever you are, whatever is happening, allow a cloak of comfort to settle across your shoulders and enfold you with peace and restoration. Draw up strength from the earth beneath your feet. Settle one hand on your belly and one hand on your heart. Feel the pulse of the sacred you always carry within. Breathe in and know that you are loved. Breathe out and know you are free. Trust that you are carried and enfolded as you go along your way. I'll read it again. So this is the Crone of Winter. Just for right now, let the swirling soften. Exhale into the day, wherever you are, whatever is happening. Allow a cloak of comfort to settle across your shoulders. And enfold you with peace and restoration. Draw up strength from the earth beneath your feet. Settle one hand on your belly and one hand on your heart. Feel the pulse of the sacred you always carry within. Breathe in and know that you are loved. Breathe out and know that you are free. Trust that you are carried and enfolded as you go along your way. Namomi dabu.

Namokwanji in Bosang. Namokwanji in Bosang. Namokwanji in Bosat. Namokwanji in Bosat. Namokwanji in Bosat. Namokwanji in Bosat. Namokwanji in Bosat. Namokwanji in Bosat. Namo Guan Shi Yin Bo Sat. Namo Guan Shi Yin Bo Sat. Namo Guan Shi Yin Bo Sat. Namokwanji in Bosat. Namokwanji in Bosat. Namokwanji in Bosat. Namokwan Chi Ngo Saat? namo kwanchi ngo saatt—namocwanshi ngosaat—Namockuansi Ngosaam!— namocoan chi nbosal satyayata kundalini bha avinashita na mukwandshi mbosasaa?tchiiiidtadahnaa. Namoh Kuan Yin Boh Saat! Namoh Kwan Shee In Bo Saat! Namoh Kwan Shee In Boh Saat! Namoh Kwan Shee In Boh Saat! Namokwanji in Bosat. Namokwanji in Bosat. Namokwanji in Bosat. Namokwanji Ngo Saat! Namokwanji in Bosat. Namokwanji in Bosat. Namokwanji in Bosat. Namoh Kwan Chi Inbo Saat! Namoh Kwan Chi Inbow Saaattt— Namo Kwanchi Indow Sadh... namo kwanshi indosad? ...namoho kwaan shee indo sadth. Nammo Kwanchi Nbo Saat! Namoo Kwan Chi In Boosaat?—Nam Mo Quan Shee Im Boo Sadh-Namo Kuanshi Enboo Sakhaaammm...

For refuge I go to the Buddha.

For refuge I go to the Buddha.

The one who is awake and full of love.

The one who is awake and full of love.

Namo Buddha. Namo Buddha. For refuge I go to the Dharma.

For refuge I go to the Dharma.

All that guides us to wisdom and compassion.

All that guides us to wisdom and compassion.

Namo Dharmaya. Namo Dharmaya. For refuge I go to the Sangha. For refuge I go to the Sangha, those who live in the Buddha's light. Those who live in the Buddha's light. Namo Buddha. Namo Sangha. For refuge I go to the Earth. For refuge I go to the Earth. The holy ground of awakening.

The holy ground of awakening.

Namo Bonyai. Namo Bonyai. With faith in the Four Refuges—

With faith in the Four Refuges—

And in light of my human tendencies— I pray that I may become aware— Of when I take life— I pray that I may become aware— Of when I take what is not freely given— I pray that I may become aware— —of when I fall into sexual misconduct. I pray that I may become aware— —of when I fall into wrong speech. I pray that I may become aware— —of when I've become intoxicated. No blame. No blame. Be kind. Be kind. Love everything.

Love everything. Innumerable are sentient beings.

We vow to save them all.

Inexhaustible are deluded passions.

We vow to transform them all.

Immeasurable are the Dharma teachings.

We vow to master them all.

Infinite is the Buddha's way.

We vow to forfeit it completely. A moment of peace.

So the other day, after the snow last week, On a Saturday, I decided to take my dog Onya for a walk, um, which happens a lot and this often, often comes into this room in the form of a Dharma talk. And, um, it— I'd, I'd been already partially been up the hills in the snow and it'd been fine, but somehow that day it was different. By that point, the layers underneath the soft snow on the top had compressed into ice. And it was not, it wasn't just like the ice I saw in Birmingham that night. That wasn't very slippery. It was like really, really, really slippery. And, and as I was walking up the first zigzag path, I was thinking, this is a really bad idea. I was thinking, 'Probably I should turn around and go and find somewhere else to walk.' But for some reason, another part of me was like, 'No, you'll be fine. You're in your new shoes. I mean, they are much grippier than your old shoes.' I was like, 'Well, I mean, they are much grippier, but it is really slippery.' So anyway, foolishly, I carried on very Very slowly. So it was, it was supposed to be quite a short walk because I was meeting someone climbing at a specific time later on. And I was like, oh, I'll just go quickly out for a walk and then I'll be back and then I'll go climbing. Um, and it took about 3 times as long as it normally does because the progress was very, very slow. Like each step was like, oh, if it's a sliding around and I was like sweating away, kind of trying to rush, which was also a really foolish kind of attitude to be having because it definitely made it worse. And I was, from time to time, I was having some comedy moments with other people who I met who were all, all like, yeah, we didn't think it was gonna be this slippery either.

Um, yeah.

Yeah, and I think probably I'm a little bit more cautious or a bit more scared having experienced actually having some like pretty serious concussion and injuries from the tree branch falling on me a couple of years ago on the hills. So I am aware of what it's like to come round on the path. So that was probably in the mix as well. So I was there sweating away, rushing. Um, and, and, and, you know, it was, it was okay, but it was very, very slow. And like, I was like, oh, I'm really gonna be late and all this, even later than I normally am. And, um, and, and I was going and, and then I thought I managed to get on the flat. And so I was just like carrying along and then I was like, right, I need to find a way to get down. And I knew that going down will be hard, like harder than going up. And the first path I came to was like really slippery and there were people like clinging on to anything they could get hold of. And I was like, no, that's not the path for me. And so I kept going and I was thinking, well, one of these paths or roads, one of the roads might be gritted. And then I got to a road and it was gritted. And the relief, the sheer relief of taking that step. Onto the gritted road and was really tangible, really tangible from this mini adventure. And then cuz it was gritted, I was able to, you know, very quickly get back. And Orna was also pleased because she wasn't having to wait for me being incredibly slow, um, as I was on the ice. And I just thought that experience of the relief of stepping foot onto the gritted road was a very good— very similar to what it can be like to finally place a steady footing onto the spiritual path after having been sliding around on the ice of life and Um, how I've had, you know, kind of various kinds of experiences which were similar to that feeling of like going from a place of instability to a place of stability, of sure-footedness. And like, I'm, I'm really, really fortunate in that like I've, I've been drawn to the spiritual life, to spiritual practice, for as long as I can remember.

Like, I've just— I've really always been— I've always had that calling.

Um, so it's not like I suddenly discovered it one day. Um, it was, you know, it's really, it really, it really has always been there. But obviously there have been times when I haven't been So in touch with it when I've been more caught up in the, in the chaos of like unprocessed trauma or destructive patterns or lots of change, lots of loss, those kind of things. And, and then when I would like reconnect again, then there would be that very similar relief of like stepping foot onto that gritted road and being like, oh yeah, I can actually trust the ground underneath me. And the thing is that actually, of course, that's the stability, the potential for stability, is, is, was actually there just as much when I was sliding around, um, on the icy paths. Like if I had let go of the fact that I was gonna be very late and if I'd let go of rushing, then I may have been able to hold onto some level of internal stability. Um, yeah, I mean, obviously inevitably, like the kind of the fear of, for my, of falling over and hurt myself would still have been there, but I'm, I might have being able to have a bit more stability. And it's the same, like, the, the infinite, the divine, was— isn't only there when we're like, oh, we're here, we're— it's okay, we're back on the spiritual life. Like, they're, they're just as much in the instability, in, in, in the chaos. And it reminded me of the Pure Land story of the guy who's being chased by bandits and running away and running away, and then, and then can't run any further because it comes to the bank of this— either it's either a cliff or a bank, you know, um, and, and in front of him there's this, this river of fire, and, and on the other that there's this river of like treacherous waters that are far too dangerous to swim through. And he's there like, shit, like I've got the bandits on one side who are going to kill me and rob me. And then I've got this fire, the fire and these treacherous waters on the other side. And in my memory of the story, like a Medea appears and this golden path across the river appears and he's saved and he's able to make his way across and escape the bandits.

Um, and there are a lot of different interpretations of that story, probably different ways of telling it as well.

You know, one is that Amida appears and then he is able to like access this this path of safety which is separate from the river of fire and the river of water, which kind of runs through, maybe with some allusion to like the Middle Way there. And then there's another interpretation that actually, that we fall into the river of fire and the river of water anyway, like we— that is going to happen But Amida is present in both of those, in both of those, both the river of fire, the river of water, that Amida is present perpetually offering this safety and, uh, stability, just in the same way that Amida is present in everything we experience. In everything we go through, you know, but being infinite by definition, they can't not be. So they're there just as much as when we're not in contact with them and caught up in the chaos and the insanity as when we're like, oh, I'm, I'm on, I'm back in touch with my, on my spiritual path again. Like they were there in all the landscapes. So I was really grateful for whoever gritted that road, and I was grateful for the ice and for the snow that was very beautiful, and I was grateful that I didn't fall over and hurt myself, and I was really grateful for this beautiful embodied metaphor.

Of stepping from instability onto stability. Nam-myoho-renge-kyo.

Namaste. Namaste. Namaste. Namaste. Gratitude. You offer this incense to Buddhas and bodhisattvas throughout space and time. May it be as fragrant as earth itself, reflecting our careful efforts, our wholehearted awareness, and the fruits of understanding. May we and all beings be companions of Buddha, simple Satyas. May we awaken from forgetfulness and realize our true self.

other than what people— everybody here would already pretty know who it is.

Bless Satya Robyn, Father of the Slides. May they care for all living things on the whole earth.