Xmas Eve Practice - softening & opening, great doubt and great faith

Morning everybody, welcome to our Christmas Eve practice session. Welcome to Kema, Luna, and Matt joining us on Zoom. And Philip's here in person today and is going to read one of his own Dharma glimpses for us. So over to you, Philip.

Thank you.

This is called Softening, Opening, Connecting, Losing, Repeat by somebody called Philip Woolbridge. On a recent stay at the temple, I became more aware how time spent there creates a softening and opening in me. I invariably arrive with my ego, self-absorption, and delusions prevalent, underpinned by my fears, jagged edges, and emotional wounds. But gradually, over the hours and days there, these start to ease and I can be nourished through allowing in some of the wisdom, compassion, and truth— brackets— dharma that is all around. Where these come from, I'm not sure. Certainly the people there create some or a lot of it. Where do they create it from? Again, I'm not sure. Maybe the conditions are created for all of us to allow something of the infinite the Divine, or whatever you might call it, to flow through us and into each other. A few weeks later, I was sitting in my lounge having been to practice online. I'd lost that connection again, as I always do, and hardened back into surviving inner and outer worlds where ego, anxiety, suffering, craving, and grasping seem inescapable, pervasive, and pernicious. I suddenly became aware of and connected to the waves gently lapping onto the beach at Morecambe Bay through my front window. Despite the cold December weather, the sky was clear and blue, and there was enough sunlight to give the panoramic a radiant beauty and brilliance. I felt blessed. It was a moment of serenity and fullness even if only fleetingly. It reminded me how that beauty and serenity, or perhaps something of the divine and infinite, is never far away. I briefly saw with a surprising clarity how it is always around us, within touch and distance, and how I perhaps simply needed to create the conditions in me, the softening and opening to allow it in, even though I will inevitably lose it time and time again. Maybe those conditions are also always changing. What works at one moment in time doesn't work the next. There is impermanence all around, I guess. For me, sometimes those conditions seem to be with others who have self-awareness and allowed the Divine and Infinite to flow through them. Sometimes it is when I can quieten my mind to seek it within myself. Other times it is when I'm out in nature and it is resonating the same frequency as within me. I start to trust that the infinite, the divine, the Dharma body is always there, within reach for those who want to find it, but both inside and out, and realize that I am both in need and deserving of it, that I don't need to grasp at it, that humility can keep me grounded in the meantime. Gratitude to Beth for helping me see that one, that I can have the patience to wait for when the conditions are right for it to flow into and through me, and hopefully onto others too. And that although it will go, it will always come back again if I make room for it.

Namah Amida Butsu. Thank you.

So now moving into meditation. An invitation to notice whatever is arising without pushing it away. So it's not an exercise in trying to quiet the mind or stop what's here from being here. Noticing our reaction to the doorbell ringing, any other thoughts that are around, just naming them. Oh, here's a thought about What I'm doing later. Here's some anxiety about this. The act of naming helping to create a sense of the curious observer and the thoughts and feelings that, as the Buddha said to his son, are not me, not mine. I am not that. This morning we'll recite, we'll chant the Tai Chi Chi mantra together. Tai Chi Chi, or Mahastama Pratva, is one of the attendant bodhisattvas of Amida. Lotus flowers bloom naturally at their feet wherever they walk. Their name means something like the one who has great strength. Or courage. And, um, they're over in the corner next to Leon. And the words— so we're kind of invoking those qualities of, uh, courage, steadfastness, and, and a sort of naturalness, uh, trusting that lotus flowers will appear without us having to do anything really. And the words are Namotai Shichi Bosatsu.

Namotai Shichi Bosatsu. Namotai Shichi Bosatsu. Namah tai shiv jee bhur sat. Namah tai shiv jee bhur sat. Namah tai shiv jee bhur sat. Namotai shi shi bo sat. Namotai shi shi bo sat. Namotai shi shi bo sat. Namah Tai Chi Chi Bo Sat. Namah Tai Chi Chi Bo Sat. Namah Tai Chi Chi Bo Sat. Namotai shivji bhosat. Namotai shivji bhosat. Namotai shivji bhosat. Namah Taiji Ji Bosa. Namah Taiji Ji Bosa. Namah Taiji Ji Bosa. Namotai shi shi bo sat. Namotai shi shi bo sat. Namotai shi shi bo sat. Namotai shi chi bo sat. Namotai shi chi bo sat. Namotai shi chi bo sat. Namotai ji ji bo sat. Namotai ji ji bo sat. Namotai ji ji bo sat. Namotai shi shi bosat. Namotai shi shi bosat. Namotai shi shi bosat.

Satya Robyn.

Namotai Shishiposat. Namotai Shishiposat. Namotai Shishiposat. Namotai shichi bo sat. Namotai shichi bo sat. Namotai shichi bo sat. Namotai Shichi Bosatsu. Namotai Shichi Bosatsu. Namotai Shichi Bosatsu.

Nam-myoho-renge-kyo. Tai Chi is also the bodhisattva that appeared to me on my world. Therapy training to remind me or reassure me that I didn't have to do everything, be everything, help everybody. Just being myself was enough. So we'll run through the Refugees and Precepts, which are on the liturgy sheet. For refuge I go to the Buddha— for Refuge The One Who Is Awake And Full Of Love— For Refuge I Go To Dharma All That Guides Us To Wisdom And Compassion Now My Damaya—

now my dammaia!

—for Refuge I Go To Sangha forever devoted to this Earth. Those who live in the Buddha's light—

those who live in the Buddhist life— Namaste Sangha!

With faith in the Three Jewels— I pray that I may not take life. With faith in the Three Jewels— I pray that I may not steal. I pray that I will still With faith in the Three Jewels— With faith of these jewels I pray that I may not fall into wrong speech. Not falling to one's feet. With faith in three tools we do this. I pray that time may not fall into sexual misconduct. Sexual misconduct? With faith in the Three Jewels. Into each rules. I pray that I may avoid intoxication. I pray that I may avoid intoxication. No blame. No blame. Be kind. Be kind. Love everything.

Love everything. Innumerable are sentient beings.

We vow to save them all. Inexhaustible are deluded passions. We vow to transform them all. Immeasurable are the Dharma teachings. We vow to master them all.

Infinite is the Buddha's wisdom.

We vow to cultivate calmness.

There's an old saying that perfection angers the gods because they're the only ones who are allowed to create anything that's perfect. But I'm not sure I would get away with using that as an excuse for continually getting the words wrong if I was in a Japanese training monastery. And certainly in, in the old days, If my trainees were doing that, I would have given them a hard time. Yeah, thank you. Henry K mentioned to me recently that he'd been thinking about doubt, the place that doubt has, uh, in the spiritual path, and, and maybe he'd be interested to have a chat with me sometime about that. And, uh, I haven't replied to him, but I was thinking about it this morning. And, um, he didn't say any more about what his own thoughts were, but it reminded me— great doubt and great faith are, are both seen as virtues, I think, in Zen Buddhism particularly. And I don't know if this is a teaching I received or if it's something I sort of read in between the lines, but my sense is that they both end up being the same thing. Great doubt and great faith end up being the same thing, or even are the same thing ultimately. Why is that? Or, or how can that be true of something that sounds so completely opposite? Well, you know, as it's around Christmas time, maybe I'll use an example from the Bible. I'll throw in some Buddhist stuff as well. But what occurred to me as we were walking around the garden, it's actually the Easter story rather than the Christmas story, where Christ is sort of saying to God, why me? Why have you chosen me to do this? I'm not happy about this, and, um, really doubting the path that's been laid out for him. But in that doubt, he was in conversation with God. And I think that's the key thing. It's not a position of— great doubt is not a position of apathy or putting things to one side, or ignorance. It's a deep inquiry into the nature of what it means to be human, and in the— and into the nature of the infinite. We keep pointing ourselves in that direction. This phrase that crops up in Shin circles Easy to practice but hard to believe that we are accepted just as we are, that the Pure Land is right here if we just wake up to it. To doubt that, to doubt it deeply, is to be in conversation with it, is to keep testing it, is to keep putting your foot Slowly out and seeing, oh, is this ground steady? Is this going to hold me? It is a position of being alive. And great faith is the same. It is about having an open heart and an open hand and being alive to whatever is appearing, whatever is arising. It's not a position of blind faith or certainty. It's a kind, it's a kind of certainty in something, but it's, it's a certainty that includes knowing that our understanding is, is always going to be limited to some degree because we've been reborn in human bodies that are limited in how they can comprehend the infinite. As it says at the end of the Heart Sutra, going, going, always going beyond. You can't just go, oh yeah, I've got it now. There's always another horizon. The bear went over the mountain. The bear went over the mountain. The bear went over the mountain to see what he could see. And all that he could see was the other side of the mountain. And then I guess another mountain, another mountain, and maybe some sky, but always putting one foot in front of the other. Maybe sometimes we find a mountain that we can just rest on for a while. Anyway, I just wanted to evoke these two things and really allow and give permission for great doubt. We're, you know, as Pure Land Buddhists, we often talk about faith and trust and confidence, but Great doubt is, is exactly the same. It is being alive and interested and curious and just as important. Namami Tobin.

Namami Tobin.

Namoha miyabu. Namoha miyabu.

Namoha miya. Namoha miya. Namoh Amida Bu.

Namoh Amida Bu. Namoh Amida Bu. Namoh Amida Bu.

With gratitude, we offer this incense to all Buddhas and bodhisattvas throughout space and time. May it be fragrant as Earth herself, reflecting our careful efforts. Our wholehearted awareness, and the fruits of understanding slowly ripening. May we and all beings be companions of Buddhas and Bodhisattvas. May we awaken from forgetfulness and realize our true home.

Doors will open. I just said half of that sentence in my head, sorry, I forgot to say it out loud. These doors? No, will open, yeah. Just a reminder that this time next week on New Year's Eve we'll have this as normal in the morning, but we're also doing practice from 11 till 12, and the doors will open from about half 11.

Not half 11, half 10. We're starting at 11. Yeah. Oh, half 10. Sorry.

Yeah, just a very small amount. You'll be fine. Thank you. No more meat or fruit.