Creative on Purpose Live - Eloise Eaton

Across the ether at the speed of bytes and bingo, we are live. Welcome to Creative on Purpose Live. These conversations are about flying higher and the difference only you can make. I'm your host, Scott Perry, author of Onward and a compass helping difference makers live their legacy at Akimbo Workshops and Creative on Purpose. Visit creativeonpurpose.com to learn more. This season, we're drawing insight and inspiration from guests that are successfully embracing uncertainty, navigating adversity, and making How to make things better doing work that matters. Let's meet today's guest. Aloise Eaton, great to see you. Welcome to the broadcast. Please tell our viewers who you are, what you're up to these days, and where can they go to learn more about you and the difference you're making?

Hi, Scott. Well, first of all, oh, my cat's trying to jump up. It's really good to see you again. It's been a few months.

Hi, guys.

Yeah, so you're starting with a big, powerful question then. Who I am? I can't answer that in 30 minutes. So I'll give you a little sum up. I'm a bit of an oddball, a little bit quirky, but I don't know, loving passionately, actually. Real family person. Family is everything. But because of how I love to nurture, that kind of bleeds out into all areas of my life. So that's a little sum up of who I am, because I'm not my job. I'm not that, that's not who and how I want to identify myself. But I do have a job. I've had multiple careers throughout my life, actually. But at the moment, I coach, I mentor, I advise, and I've recently reignited my soccer club. So that was something I'd started just before COVID actually. We'd had a few gatherings. I love gathering people, but small groups. I'm not great in big groups. So the One Table, One Topic, One Conversation Supper Club, um, is coming back to life very soon. Watch this space. And you can find me, um, either on my farm in Pemberton, but if that's too far, I am online. So eluisen.com, but you know, the usual places, I guess. LinkedIn, my personal page on Facebook. I don't have a business presence on social media.

Fantastic. Well, as Eloise was referencing, she and I met in— during a Rich Litvin intensive, I guess that was back in April. And we were part of the cohort that I affectionately remember as the Effing Effers. We had another name, but it wasn't nearly as fun as Effing Effers. And I love the way that you led off with this idea that you are more than the role that you play, because that's something I firmly believe. Where, where do you go, Eloise, when you're thinking about building identity and forging meaning in your life? What are the things— it sounds like being a spouse and a family person, also your supper club and friends and family seems to be part of a real important part of who you are. Where else do you draw identity and meaning from in your life?

It was only recently I really— I guess I've always had that I won't identify as that role. And whenever I've been anywhere and people have answered the question like that, it's bothered me. And I didn't really know why until I started doing my, like, inner work, um, and realized— I don't know, was that because I didn't have that, uh, career that sort of you know, apart from being, apart from being, yeah, the supportive spouse and, and the mother. So maybe I was just looking elsewhere. So it's really, yeah, it is looking inside, see, see how I feel. So I probably answer that differently every day.

I love that. One of the themes that's been coming up in this season, which is Season 14, I think you're guest number 224 4 or 5, something like that. But an emerging theme recently has been this journey of becoming and this idea that, you know, we, at least here in the States, we, we hear people talking a lot about reinventing themselves. And that is a way that I have looked at my journey at various points. And it's always exhausted me to think about it this way.

Really?

I prefer this idea of becoming. So the idea, I love what you were saying about not being defined by one role or the work, you know, like I think there's a lot to, you are much more than what you do for a living. I think, uh, that we, you know, have, and you were referencing the inner work and, uh, at Creative Our Purpose and also, um, during the intensive, we talked about a lot about doing living from the inside out, doing our work from the inside out, that it's supposed to be a virtuous exchange. We get in touch with who we are and what's important to us. We deliver work with and for the right people to help make meaningful change happen that nourishes and enriches our lives. And then we're able to give and do more.

So I'm going to audition that idea of becoming rather than reinventing, because I always used to say reinventing, and partly that's because that's exciting. It really is. I can do whatever I want, be whoever I want. But I think in the old days, partly that was running away. You know, it's like, oh, I didn't like that bit. So, you know, I've moved countries a couple of times and I know each time I thought, okay, Louise, who are you going to be here? You know, there's nothing fake about it, but it was definitely leaving part of that behind, which of course we know you can't. It all with me. It just got ignored a little bit. And it's in the last couple of years, a lot of that's resurfaced. And now it's up to me what I deal with that, how I deal with that.

Yeah. Well, I love the idea of owning the whole journey, you know, flaws, warts, failures and all. And I think for me, part of it is the reinvention thing can be a seductive way to run away you know, just when things get tough or to, you know, try to explode yourself and recreate yourself in this brand new way. And I don't think— I think you're right. I don't think we can completely ever really let go of our past and, you know, both the successes and the failures and the trials, tribulations and the triumphs. And—

But new page, new chapter, new story, the character can change.

Exactly right. So it's a, it's, it's a journey. And at this age, looking back, I can see a theme running through my life that I wasn't able to see when I was younger. And when I really felt like, oh, I'm a school teacher. Oh no, I'm a restaurant manager. Oh no, I'm a musician. Wait a minute. Now I'm a coach. And it just seemed like all these disparate things, but I've always been a person that's deeply invested in the inner work, but doing the inner work so that I can be of better, greater service to people that I care about and been someone that's wanted to be a guide, be a teacher, um, you know, be a, be a quiet leader in helping other people realize their potential. Cause that's how I get to realize mine.

And I think mine then, if I'm pulling it through, is definitely that nurturing, protecting, but not protecting as in, um, oh, nothing bad can happen to you because I can't do that. But protecting as in, I'm going to give you this great space to tell me whatever you want and there's going to be no judgment. And we'll just sometimes just sit and listen and say nothing. And that thing about is right from school days when I would— I was like, I either created myself being this magnet or it's just who I was for people that I felt a little bit the underdog. You know, a little bit bullied, often by the teachers. And that, that would be my tribe.

Yeah. Isn't that interesting? I was just on a call earlier, speaking to a community, an online community, and we were talking about institutional learning and institutional work, which is really founded on coercion and compliance. And there's, there is a lot of that posturing and bullying that we have to kind of unlearn. Well, first we have to name it, notice it.

Name it. Yeah.

I loved what you were saying too about, you know, you can't build containers that, you know, that where everyone's wrapped in bubble wrap and all the walls are padded. And we like to talk here at Creative on Purpose about creating containers that are safe and brave. The only way to, you know, the only way to grow and develop is to push up against the frictions and resistances that we find at the edges of our understanding and ability.

Hang out. Yeah. But sometimes, like, as a parent, freedom within boundaries, you know, you need some of those boundaries. But the boundaries, I think, for my son, very large. So there was a lot of freedom, but then there is— you need to know somebody's there for you, and those are the boundaries.

Oh yeah, I think you're absolutely right. Guardrails are important. You have to know when you're playing in bounds and when you're starting to play out of bounds. And, um, and that does not preclude The fact that there can still be some places where you can be brave and experience a little bit of the bumping and bruising that brings resilience and epiphanies.

Yeah, well, resilience, exactly. So that's why I say the boundaries, they're big. There's lots of bumps within there. You've got to experience those. That's building resilience, showing up your characteristics. So that you can work on those strengths, your superpowers.

One of the things that I really enjoyed about getting to know you in the intensive and being able to explore the work that you're doing a little bit is you have, in my estimation, great clarity about who it is that you want to serve and what the challenges and problems that you're helping that audience embrace and navigate. And so I would love for you to share a little bit more about your, your coaching, your brand as a coach, and, you know, what, who is it that you're coaching and what are, how are you helping them get from where they are to where they want to be?

Well, you were there for that 9 days and you watched that clarity happen because there was that person. I think I arrived as like, I want to help everyone. And then I had to, you know, people say your best client is who you see in the mirror. There's a lot of people in my mirror. You know, it's like, which layer do I want? But really, it's the partner, it's the wife that I used to think of behind the serial entrepreneur. And I want to say, no, you are not behind. You are so much more powerful than you realize and probably a lot more powerful than he realizes. Even the good ones. You know, I'm married to one of the good ones, and we both didn't realize for years how much value I brought, not, not to the marriage, but to the actual work. And the thing with a serial entrepreneur is you just don't know what's going to come out of the woodwork next. And I wish I'd had that support of a coach. I wish I'd even know a coach existed. And so that's who I'm there for. Like, I get it, I understand that absolute terror sometimes when, you know, they come home like, oh, I've had a new idea. Like, no, you know, one thing's just got wildly successful, so let's take all of that, let's put it into something new. It can be absolutely terrifying when you don't realize you have a say in this. Well, you know, you have to say, but somehow that can sort of erode over the years, uh, you know, when you've got that absolute trust in their ability and intelligence. So I kind of want to reach out and, and help those— I was going to say women, but actually, uh, I have a couple of male clients, so those partners— and just like open up the world of the possibility and strength that I have.

Yeah, I really, really appreciate that. And as someone that's been in a 33-year marriage where my wife and I have both always had a thing that we're doing, uh, individually, and of course, you know, the shared, uh, journey as parents and as partners, but being, um, being able to be a mirror for each other and being the voice of reason from time to time and helping each other see what we're not seeing, even though we put it right in front of us. It's so very, very important. And I just, I loved the avatar. I also love what you said about how you came to that, you know, came to really get the clarity during the intensive, because it speaks to something that we talk a lot about at Creative on Purpose, which is learning by doing. And you can't get the clarity that you seek by just staring at your navel under the banyan tree or, um, reading another book or taking another online class or program. You, you actually have to be putting yourself and your ideas out in the world where it can provide you some reflection, some feedback, and, uh, you get that clarity. But the other thing that I'm wondering about, because I saw this in you during the intensive, is not only were you getting clarity But by standing up to be seen, speaking up to be heard, you are stepping into your power and earning confidence as you go. So I just wonder if you'd be willing to share a little bit about, you know, how did— what was that experience like for you? Was it terrifying at first? How did you get yourself to continue to lean in, you know, to whatever tension or resistance you were feeling?

Yes, it was terrifying. I've always said I'm the most scared person you'll ever meet, but I will do everything. Absolutely terrifies me, but maybe I'm a little bit addicted to that fear. But also, I know if I do lean into it, how good it feels. And finding my voice, I was so quiet, so quiet. I wouldn't say my opinion until I'd heard everybody else's and thought either, 'Oh, maybe I should adopt theirs,' or, 'Okay, I thought that anyway.' You know, it was always that think first, speak later, whereas now, a few years back, it's like, 'No, forget that. Speak first, think later.' Absolutely. I mean, you know, you could say thinking out loud, but that didn't work. You speak first and later, and that's grown and grown and grown. So now, as you can hear, now I found my voice. You can't shut me up. But it's really, really important just because otherwise I've given up almost my right to have that opinion. And there's a bunch of women out there who have done the same, so they can find their voice with me to start with and start hearing that. I can reflect that back to them. They can say it in a space, um, where there's the time and energy to realize Yeah, you need to take this out into the world.

When you're speaking, it reminds me of one of my favorite Goethe quotes, which is, as soon as you trust yourself, you will learn how to live. And this idea, I think that you are solving a universal problem that probably all of us as coaches are solving, which is helping people recognize and step into their worthiness. You know, we, you know, we tend to be the kind of people that want to be outward-facing and giving all the time, and you can only do that for so long before you're completely depleted, burnt out, and overwhelmed. Um, I loved what you're saying about the inner work, working from the inside out, making it a virtuous, um, cycle where you're rejuvenating yourself and energizing yourself as you're putting out goodness into the world. And yeah, just, and love the idea of, you know, how do you, how do you earn trust, whether it's trust in other people or trust in yourself? It's, you can't wait for it to arrive. You earn trust by engaging in actions that provide you with the information that really connection though, isn't it? Absolutely.

Really. So I think also, if you put in the fact that I was a dancer, I saw myself from outside in. Because you, you're surrounded by mirrors all the time, so you only see yourself from outside in. And any competitions I ever did, uh, you were just a number, you know. So there was, there was never any thought of inner work. Nobody ever asked, you know, how are you, do you want to do this? So, um, I, I'm speaking actually to a lot of dancers recently because it fascinates me, and now I figured this out, to see how normal this is. You know, I like to say I'm unique, but this is pretty normal. Yeah.

You shared earlier something about, you know, we are often serving the people that have much of the same problems that the person staring back at us in the mirror has. And I totally agree with that. I think most of us build— most of us that are engaged in freelancing or entrepreneurial work are doing work, um, that's serving the itch that we're scratching for ourselves. And I'm wondering if, um, you know, in the pursuit of that, if you're doing meaningful work, there will be moments of, uh, you know, where you will meet challenges that you cannot overcome, where you will, uh, miss— take a misstep or make a mistake, and— or what may at least appear like a mistake at the, at the time. I'm wondering if there's a moment like that that you maybe felt like a failure at the time, but you realized was actually a lesson in disguise. Or maybe it's something that you— a failure that you flipped into an opportunity. But is there a moment that you'd be willing to share, a moment of real challenge that you were able to leverage as a learning opportunity that helped you step a little bit more boldly into the difference that you're making?

Actually, the first thing that springs to mind is actually the emotional challenge. So when COVID started, we retreated to our farm. Now, I hadn't visited the farm in 5 years. I was never going to come back here, Scott Perry, never. This was the place that I had blamed for any mental health issues I had. I hit my deepest depression here, never coming back. But I did come back. You know, we didn't really have an option. We couldn't keep the place in in Vancouver, and it was hard. I had the little honeymoon period of, you know, this is going to be fabulous, I'm going to make it work. And then I hit that absolute wall, and I could feel that sort of creature that I'd been running from before coming to, coming to get me again. And I just— because of the mental fitness work I've been doing, which is building up the resilience but also not allowing myself to sit back there and go, I have no control, um, that's— I call it surfing with my sage. Uh, so that's my right brain thinking, and I had to surf. I had to go with it. So that was when I really learned that however I felt bad, I really didn't know how I was going to carry on. Of course I was going to carry on, but you know, um, I learned about surfing with my sage that day. Again, it's all right to know that, uh, intellectually, yeah, this is a thing But that was the day I did it for the first time, and that was the game changer for me. It's like, no matter how bad I felt, no matter how little control I felt I had over my life, um, oh, just had a little aha moment. That, that sort of goes back to sort of the wife of the serial entrepreneur, doesn't it? Feeling like I had, um no control. So coming here, it was like I hit that again and say, okay, I'm gonna surf with my sage and find that path of, you know, ease and flow. And these can just be words until you do it and you feel it. And absolutely, I converted that into a strength.

I love that you, um, brought in that word of flow because that's what was, um, coming to my mind, that idea of, uh, I call it pushing the river. I spent a lot of my life trying to push the river, and the thing about pushing a river is that it doesn't work and it's really exhausting. And, you know, there is a certain level of acceptance and surrender. Not— doesn't mean that you're giving up or giving in.

It just means surrender. That's my new word at the moment. It's so much amazing. You put that word up just before I began my calls this afternoon.

I actually posted on LinkedIn about the difference between acceptance and surrender. And it's, it's one of my favorite words too, because it's so grossly misunderstood, especially in the Western world, especially in the United States. And it's the only— it's something that you must learn if you're going to have a thriving, healthy existence. Because to your point, it's about control. Like, actually, everything almost is out of our control. Fortunately, The only things we need to have a sense of flourishing and fulfillment in our lives are within our control. We can control how we frame ourselves in our situation and what we decide to do next. And if you can own that, that power, you know, circling back to what you started with, then now you're in charge of your journey. Now you have full agency and it doesn't really matter if you get the outcomes you seek. It's because it's really about the quality of your effort and the, and your the integrity of your intentions.

Yeah, I mean, my destination— well, even that can change. I have firmly in mind, but, you know, the route I'm going to get there, uh, yeah, that's up for grabs.

I love that you said that because I was just talking about this with another group, this idea of having a vision of the world that you want to bring in, you know, that you're helping co-create. Um, that's different than having a goal a 5-year goal and you're going to put blinders on and grind your way to it without paying any attention to all the opportunities and obstacles that you're, you know, that are going to come. You can, you can have that resilience and flexibility as you go, and you may not get exactly where you imagined, but you'll get somewhere really, really great if you're doing that work of paying attention not just to what's happening but who you, who happens to be around and being intentional about the connections that you make and the routines that you, that you practice. So as we're coming kind of towards the end of our time together, two, two last quick questions. Do you have daily routines, relationships that really help fuel your progress and the difference that you're trying to make through the coaching that you do?

Well, yes, I mean, that question sounds more grand than I'm going to tell you, but so my morning routine, it's very simple, but it's maybe that's my mindfulness, you know, sets me up for the day. First thing we do, my husband and I sit on our deck. This was one of the Surfing with My Sage. I live within the most stunning scenery you will see. So instead of fighting that, we sit there, the cat sits with us, and we have our coffee, and we just absorb, absorb, you know, all that beauty and make the most of where we are. And nothing gets in the way of that. I will guard that peace, um, well, hopefully forever. I mean, throughout winter it was -18 one day. It's like, no, we just put more layers on and we're gonna, you know, it's not as stubborn, we're gonna do it. I just know how peaceful It makes me feel and accepting. Uh, it is that surrender actually. Yeah.

Well, it sounds like the routine that, that morning routine also involves an important relationship. And, um, I couldn't agree more that, you know, the way that we start our day is going to have an impact on how the day unfolds. And I love that you're starting it with that level of, um, intention and, and making sure that you start it with someone that can help. You know, fuels your sense of thriving. So the last question is always the same for my guests, and that is, you've already shared several insights that are really powerful for both people that aspire to, you know, develop a difference only they can make, but also people that are advancing in the difference only they can make. If there was just one final insight, tip, quote, anything that you have to share as a closing word, a bit of encouragement or insight or inspiration for someone that's really invested in making things better by engaging in meaningful work with and for others? What would that be?

So what I've started to do, and we didn't even really touch on this, the mental fitness work is, so you're in a, what people call your inner critic. You know, it's not that simple. So I call it your inner judge, but I separate that out. So when I'm hearing those 'who do you think you are' sentences, um, it's not me, it's not my voice, it's my judge. So my judge is saying, 'Who do you think you are?' And I can answer that. I can answer it. I just answer it, you know. So pay attention, as you said earlier, name everything, you know. Like I say, it's not me, it's my judge. And answer those learning questions, all of them.

I love that. Noticing and naming and then moving forward. Really appreciate that. Thank you everyone for tuning in. Eloise and I really appreciate you lending us some of your valuable time and attention, and we hope today's broadcast motivates you to lean into an endeavor that matters with a little bit more courage and curiosity. You can learn more about Eloise and the fantastic difference that she makes at EloiseEaton.com. And of course, it's also always great to see you at creativeonpurpose.com. Now take the insight and inspiration that Eloise has shared with you today and go out and fly higher in the difference only you can make. Eloise Eaton, thank you so much for lending us some of your valuable time and attention and wisdom today.

Thanks, Scott Perry. It's been fun.