Creative on Purpose Live - Lenja Faraguna

Oh, we landed mostly safely. Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, children of all ages, welcome to Creative on Purpose Live. This is a show where I invite my friends who are inspiring, insightful difference makers to come and share their insight and wisdom about how people like you and I can fly a little bit higher in the difference that we seek to make. I'm Scott Perry. I'm your host. I am author of Onward and also the Chief Difference Maker at Creative on Purpose, where we help people like you Define, Develop and Deliver the Difference Only You Can Make. If you would love to learn how to learn how to make better decisions as a difference maker, go to creativeonpurpose.com. Check it out. We have a little free PDF there for you to get you with 3 simple steps to making better decisions that you can start implementing today. I'm here with my friend Lenya Faraguna. And Lenya, tell our viewers who you are, what you're up to these days, and where can they go to learn more about you and the difference you're making.

Hello, darling. Hello, Scott Perry. Thank you so very much for having me. Um, and I am always so excited to be in your presence because you just inspire me. You see this? Look, look at this. This just arrived, this light, and this is what you are. So thank you so much for doing this podcast. Thank you so much for making the difference with all of us. And who am I? I'm a human because, um, I have struggled with labeling myself, what I am, what I'm not, what I have become in the last years. But I'm first and foremost a human being, uh, then I am a woman, uh, then I'm a mom to Noah, uh, and, uh, future wife to Miran. And, um, what am I? I am an ambassador of self-love and self-coaching. And I truly believe, when I have been spending so much time with entrepreneurs in the last few years, that I believe that when entrepreneurs feel that they are truly loved, lovable, uh, that then they are unbreakable on their path to create whatever vision of the world they are creating and how they are making this world a better place. Um, and I only want to do that with the half of the entrepreneurs because this half will teach the other half. So it's only 56 million people that I need to persuade that they are lovable. So the rest we'll do together.

I love it. As always, you're just, you're, you're setting the bar too low.

I am? How?

I'm being facetious. Come on, Lene, you know.

What's the word? What's the word?

Facetious.

I need to write that down, but I can't because I have no idea how you spell that.

Um, I'll spell it for you and send it to you. So, uh, Lenya, as you may have picked up on, has a bit of an accent. She's from the south, south of the only country that has love in it, which would be—

what? Slovenia, of course.

Slovenia, of course. And, uh, So it sounds like you're making some, a little bit of a pivot in what you're doing these days. I almost made the mistake of putting your broken down old dusty website as a place to connect. And so if you want to—

And I was like, no, Scott. And he was like, where should people meet you? And I was just like, go to the profile. This is who I am at the moment because I'm becoming, and this is the becoming phase.

So, well, I am glad that you just said that because this has been a theme that has been touched on by almost every single guest that has come on the show. Yes. So I was having a conversation earlier this year with Jacqueline Novogratz of Acumen Fund, the founder of Acumen Fund, and we were talking about this, uh, idea of reinventing or pivoting or, you know, this. And so a lot of the people that I talk to are difference makers that have done many different things over the years. And sometimes, like you, they're in the midst of some sort of pivot or tack, or they're just changing direction. And I, as you know, have had my moments of pivoting and reinvention in my life. But when I really began to think deeply about my journey thus far, it's not about pivoting. It's not about reinvention. It's about becoming, because there is a through line that I can find, a thread, a theme to things I've been doing all of my life, even going back to my childhood. And so because you use the word becoming, which is the word that I recently arrived at to describe just about anybody's journey that I'm working with. Tell us a little bit about who is Lenya going to be when she grows up? Who is she becoming?

I'm becoming acquainted with myself and what really touches me or what is in my core, because all of your amazingly talented and knowledgeable guests and you, we all know that we know so many things. We have learned so many things, been through so many things, and then you just add on, and then you just think, well, I can teach them that, and I could guide them here, or I could guide them there. But then it is, it is funny that I did not, uh, get into the phase of becoming on my own. What do I mean by that? Um, I was in this— somehow I felt it was a turbulence inside of me, and I couldn't quite grasp what it is, right? Uh, was it something that happened from the outside? Because I had some, um, volcanoes happening in April and May, and I thought maybe that's it, right? But then I talked to two people who do not know me. So I've never talked to them, and they are coaches. And, uh, we started talking, and they wanted to know what was that thing that really lights me up. And then both of them, in a separate time, said, but this is where you lit up, where you were discussing of all the possibilities where you could go with your business, you know. And I was like, really? Two people at the same time, uh, like one week apart from each other. And this is where it helped me to be seen from the outside of how I become when I talk about a certain subject, right? And like you who said But even when I thought I'm making really big pivots, I don't know if that is a noun or just a verb, but let's say it's a noun. Uh, you said there is something underlying who I have been, right? So when I look back now, and now that I'm becoming again a person who is reminding entrepreneurs to bring love back to business, self-love, self-coaching, uh, finding this unbreakable bit inside of you, um, that this goes back to love. And this is what I have been teaching in marketing because I came up with the concept of Markareting, with the word care inside. And when I did that 12 years ago, people looked like, what are you talking about? And it was, if I take care of me, then I can show up for other people and really exceed their expectations, not killing myself marketing and doing my business. So it all goes back to love and taking care of oneself, which I forgot, and I was reminded again in 2012 when my world crashed because of a personal matter, this is where I realized that I was going back to love. And now this is like the foundation of all the castles in the sky that my entrepreneurs are building. They just need the strong foundation and self-loving themselves And knowing how to self-coach in adversity, you know, I think that that is this first step that you can give yourself to, to guide yourself out. Um, and of course, you know, then it goes to support and community and all of that, but the first thing you can do for yourself, and this is so empowering, and I love that.

I love it. Quick shout out to my new LinkedIn buddy, Darren. He is a storytelling expert. We share a mutual friend, Annette Simmons, who's coming out with a really fantastic book soon, and I'm going to get her on the show to talk about that.

Love it.

I, I'm just going to share this with you because it popped up as you were talking. So the very first thing that you said to me when we met was, I'm from the country, the only country in the world that has love in it. And when you, and I couldn't figure out, I was like, oh, I couldn't figure it. And then you said Slovenia. I was like, of course, Slovenia. But that was the first thing you ever said to me. And as you're looking back at the theme, the through line, you're talking about love. So, and, and what I'm hearing and what you're saying is this is what I think that you have always done, Lenya, which is you help other people do love from the inside out.

That touched me now. Oh, okay. Thank you.

Oh, good. It's always a good show when I can make my guests cry.

I love you for it, you know, and I hate you at the same time. I can't do anything. But is that okay? Can you still see me?

Yeah, we're good. Your inner light just can't help but But yeah, no, that's, yeah. So just in full disclosure, Lenya and I, we met as summit speakers for a women's entrepreneur summit. Lenya, very quickly after that, became a coaching client of mine. She's a member of the Difference Maker community. So we've known in digital years, Lenya and I practically went to kindergarten together. And Yeah, I've made it a habit out of making poor Lenya cry, so my apologies for that, but not really. So it sounds like you're at the beginning of your what's next. Is that fair, or do you have some things already fleshed out?

I have actually, and this is the thing. I was making myself believe that I'm starting from scratch, but then I realize I can't because I've come so far that I can't— that, that the, the standard now is not below zero, but it's already there, right? So the beautiful thing is that at the moment, as I said, I'm going on vacation, and there I choose to make a decision. It's not waiting for me. I'm gonna make it, right? I was not— I'm not waiting for outside things to give me a sign, right? So I made a decision, and at this very moment, uh, an ex-client came to me and said, I need you, I'm doing great, and I want to stay there. And I realized all she needs from me is because this woman know how to— she hit rock bottom. So this woman knows rock bottom, and when you know rock bottom, you can find your diamond, that unbreakable part of you. This is the, the love, the uniqueness, what you have. And then I realized, oh my God, she needs me for the self-coaching. She doesn't need me for the my way of doing marketing or help her out with a membership or, you know, how to launch a digital course, which I'm great at. And she just needed me for coaching. And I was like, let's do this. And then we started, let's say, maybe one month later that we were supposed to start. And then I realized I've always been asked by people or told by people, do you remember that course you did, which was called 142? Because this is our code of my people for I love me, right? And then the next code is 143, which is I love you. And my concept of doing business is 285, which is I love me and I love you together, right? So, and then I, I remembered, it's like I was blind, but people started telling me for months or years now, that was an amazing course. Or you doing self-love or self-coaching, that's an epic thing. But I was like, now what do they know? I know best. So I'll do a program I want to do, not what they want. And then I remembered your beautiful friend and my mentor, but he doesn't know I exist, but Seth Godin, you know, where he said that, um, learn from your people and give them what they need, right? And this was such a concept that I couldn't grasp for years. So then what I did in this new way is that I just— now I am, uh, I have already recorded 3 modules for my self-loving, self-coaching course, and it's been like This was I— what I was supposed to be doing all along, right? Uh, not looking with regret at what I was giving people in these years now when I coach them about digital and copywriting and all of that, but it's just like, I'm home. And it feels good. So I'm doing that.

Yeah, well, a couple, couple of quick, quick highlights. I love what you were saying about decisions. In fact, earlier today, I just watched Seth Godin's brand new LinkedIn course on decision-making, where he also brings in his friend Annie Duke, who's written two great books on decision-making and is writing a brand new one that will be out a year from now. Um, so just sharing that with you and viewers to check out. It's a fantastic new course. Um, and the other thing is you're touching on something that again, I have found to be a theme in with every client I ever have worked with and with all the clients that I'm working with now is this tied to this idea that you're sharing about self-coaching, self-love is the fundamental thing that we're all trying to negotiate. After we've taken care of, you know, the existential needs of I need food, I need water, I need air, I need shelter, it'd be nice to not be naked. After all that, the fundamental thing that we're all trying to negotiate is worthiness. Self-worth. And what I love about your approach is people like you and I and the people that we work with are generous people. They believe that they enhance their lives most through work that serves other people. And they are very frequently outward-facing and they are giving and they give and give and give and give. And they give until they give out, right? Because that's what burnout is. Burnout is when You're giving away something that you don't have anymore. We all have a limited amount of time, attention, and energy. And if we only extend it and never love ourselves from the inside out, then we don't, at some point, we don't have anything left to give. And so this idea of worthiness is the recognition that it has to be from the inside out, that I have to, I have to fill my tank and then I can give the overflow and the abundance. And I could put that into work that serves other people.

Yeah.

I should also, I'm just curious about your thoughts on this. One of the things that I'm finding is that oftentimes the people that I'm working with don't understand that they're not, they don't value themselves enough to take care of themselves, to trust themselves, to invest in themselves.

Hmm.

And then, um, they. Frequently are not paying close enough attention to making sure that they are doing that work, that they are serving, that they are doing that work with and for the right people. Because that's the other danger, is if you're working with and for the wrong people, it doesn't matter. I mean, there's no way that that can become a, a, a renewable relationship, a reciprocal relationship where you're giving and then receiving and giving and then receiving. So I'm just wondering, in this dynamic that you're creating, where you're helping people recognize that it begins with self-love and then extending that love to others, how do you, how do you weave in finding the right people to surround yourself with, or to do your work with and for?

First of all, let me just thank you for the amazing point that you made. All of the people that we want to surround ourselves with, and we are generous people, right? That we see that when we give what we have, this is something amazing. And the second thing, what you said is that people forget to give from the overflow. This was a concept I couldn't understand for a long time. So that was beautiful. Now let me answer with a story, a quick one. So one of my closest people, uh, maybe 2 years ago, um, she has been working with me and for me for some time, and, um, she went through some medical stuff. But I remember that she, um, went to the doctor, and just before she left, we talked, and she said No, she came back and she said, I'm fine. She was, uh, um, scared that she might have breast cancer. And then she said something which broke me, and she said— broke me open, or how, how to explain that? Like, what I believe is the situation of— for most people, but she actually said it out loud so she could be helped. And she said, you know what? I am so exhausted from my work. She's a hypnotherapist. I'm so exhausted from my work that I almost wished that the doctor said I had cancer. Oh, wow. And that was like, where are we going? Right. You know, I think that that we were taught that self-worthiness means if other people are okay, if I make sure that other people are okay, I will be okay. And this is how the self-worthiness was built. This is what most women around me know as self-worth. If I take care of the family If I take care of the husband's career because now he is in the forefront, if I drive kids everywhere, right, uh, and I take care of my clients, what is left? Nothing, right? And when she said this, this sentence is like— I still believe, and maybe people don't say it in such a really dramatic way, but I believe that people are really exhausted and helping others and being a good girl is what we grounded our worthiness on and being productive as opposed to being effective, right? So I know that I, I prided— is that the right— is that the past tense of pride? I was proud of myself.

There you go.

I was busy all the time in— I call this my previous life. Woke up at 5, went home at 10 PM, right? At 5 AM. And when people ask me, how are you? I was the proudest to say, I'm so busy. I was not making any money, or I was just making enough, but I was working all the time. So I think when I talk to people, um, and, and after all the self-love and self-coaching, we go to, how can I create a 20-hour week? And people go, what do you mean? That's not possible. And then I show them and they go, but then I would have to let go of this belief. And do things like different. Yeah, right. But then I will not be a good girl because then I can go sleep at 12, or I can play with my kids, or I can have sex with my husband at 1 PM, right? And this is the thing, that self-worthiness was just built on the wrong foundations for most women who I work with mostly. So you know about, you know, you work with men and women, but I mostly work with women, and this is what I find. It's just the wrong foundation.

Yeah, we, uh, it's funny, you, you were talking about that right before you began talking about productivity and conflating productivity with identity and worthiness. I had written down productivity versus progress, which, which is something I've written about, that, um, you know, as someone that has a sign to remind himself that less is more as someone that can produce a lot of things and do a lot of things in a day, I have to always remind myself that just because I can get a lot done doesn't mean that I'm getting the right things done.

Yeah.

So I'm getting a little echo from— hopefully that's OK. We're coming to the end of our time together here, in public at least. Lenya, but I would love— so you've already shared a lot of wisdom and several ideas that I think will really be helpful for the people tuning in who are aspiring or advancing difference makers who would like to fly a little bit higher in the difference only they can make. If there was just one final tip, and you're free to repeat things that— something that you said already. What is, what is the one thing that you would extend to folks that would like to make a little bit more progress in the difference that only they can make?

Stay close to Mr. Scott Perry. That's community. That is the first basic human psychological need is belong. And most of us have never had that. There's something freezing. I don't know what's happening. I don't know if you can hear me well, Scott.

You're still here.

I am. All right. So be around people that, that see you that hear you, that appreciate you, that accept you, and just the way you are. You know, so many times people say, but I'm not ready for a coach like you because I need to deal with my shit. And I was like, no, I'm here for that, right? I'll walk in the shit with you, and then we'll turn it into the fertilizer so that you will grow, right? So don't worry about that. But just this feeling of always remembering the first of 4 basic human needs, and that is to belong. So find Scott's group, find people around you who get you, and don't have this, if he or she's my husband and wife and friend, they should get me, they should understand me, they should support me. Let's not do that. It's unfair for people who are not entrepreneurs, who are not thinking the way we're thinking, who are not world changers. And, and just hang out around those people because then you will, you will fill your bucket and then you can really give from the overflow. So this is what I would say is the most important thing.

I love it. And what a beautiful place to end, because you can't truly feel a sense of belonging until you truly also understand your self-worth, which you can't have until you— can't love other people until you can— can't truly love other people until you love yourself. Yeah, love, worthiness, and belonging from the inside out. There you go. That's—

thank you.

We can chew on that for the rest of our lives. Thanks everyone for tuning in. Lenya and I really appreciate you lending us some of your valuable time and attention. And we hope that today's broadcast motivates you to lean into an endeavor that matters with a little bit more curiosity and courage. Learn more about Lenya at her Facebook page, For Now. And of course, it's always great to see you at creativeonpurpose.com. Now take the insight and the inspiration from this conversation and put it into the difference only you can make and fly higher. We need you. Lenya Faraguna, thank you so much for giving us your time, attention, wisdom, and goodness.

Thank you, Scott Perry. Ditto.