Drasko Raicevic argues self-sabotage doesn't exist: procrastination and avoidance aren't failures but strategies meeting hidden emotional needs like safety or significance. Identify what need your behavior serves, address it directly, and the pattern stops without willpower.
So you mentioned self-sabotage before, and the way that I define self-sabotage— because it happens to all of us, right? So to me, self-sabotage is very real but doesn't actually exist. And when people hear that, they're like, okay, well, how does that actually make any sense? So the reason that it makes sense is like, self-sabotage is very real but doesn't exist. So the real part of it is the consequences of it. So self-sabotage will inherently have a lot of negative consequences to it. The reason it doesn't exist is because fundamentally, when you look deep enough, all of our behaviors are need-fulfilling. So while on the surface you are self-sabotaging, and that is what the behavior looks like in a very logical sense, emotionally, the emotional logic behind it makes a lot of sense when you can see it in its full regard. So if there is somebody who's out there who's like, man, why do I keep self-sabotaging? Why can't I get over this thing? Just know that subconsciously there is a very good reason why you are doing what you are doing. So if you procrastinate, there's some level of safety in that procrastination. There's some level of significance in that procrastination. Like, there, there is some benefit with regards to why you do that. You might not want to accept it, you might not see it, but fundamentally that is why, you know, you procrastinate. And it's the same thing for all. Like, why do I overwork? Well, because sometimes it's easier to overwork and drain yourself of energy because then you won't have any more energy to like feel all of the things, right? Why do I not, uh, say anything whenever I have an underperforming employee? Well, because fundamentally, deep down inside, you know, if you had a tumultuous history with people yelling at you, you're thinking, okay, well, they're gonna blow up at me, and then that's gonna mean something about me. So even on the surface, all of these are self-sabotaging things that we all struggle with every single day. When you can just pause and look, okay, what might be the benefit of this? What might be the good reason emotionally why I might be doing this? Usually it's going to be rooted in some type of safety or security. Not always. Something's gonna be significant too. But generally, you will, when you look deep enough, find that, yeah, it absolutely makes sense why I'm doing this behavior. If I can eliminate that reason, then the self-sabotage itself, it just stops. You don't need any discipline to it. So that's what I would, uh, leave people with.
Stoics Don't Suppress Emotions, They Do This Instead #stoicism #emotionalintelligence #mindset
