How To Escape the Drama Triangle

Well, that speaks to Karpman's triangle, Karpman's drama triangle. There's 3, 3 people in any situation where there's a lot of drama going on. There's the victim, and we all play, and we all play each of these roles at various times in our lives. But, you know, the victim for me is the most dangerous one.

Yes.

In order for there to be a victim, there has to be a perpetrator. There has to be some sort of villain., and then there's the savior, the, the person that, the, that comes in, swoops in and rescues. Well, um, for the, the victim is practicing learned helplessness when they blame the perpetrator for their situation and they're, um, awaiting and expecting the, the savior to come in and rescue them. That's just, that's the almost the definition of learned helplessness. If we get the victim out of the the picture, if we see, step into, and stay in our power and share that power with other people, fewer victims in the world, which means there's fewer perpetrators and saviors. And, you know, the savior is maybe the second most dangerous because the savior gets, gets a dopamine hit, gets, gets to feel useful and valid. By virtue of being the savior, um, and therefore is not paying attention to themselves and their own situation and their own, uh, their, their own, uh, short, short fallings, weaknesses, what have you. Um, and you know, when we talk about the perpetrator, in some ways that almost is a— it's almost a myth because very, very, very, very, very infrequently does anyone do something evil or harmful on purpose. Most everyone is doing what they think they need to be doing. It may be inappropriate, it may be done out of ignorance, um, or what have you, but people generally are doing what they think they need to do.. And it's a very rare thing to have a full-blown sociopath or psychopath. You know, there's some occupations where you find that more often. We won't talk about those. But, you know, the bottom line is, is, is, is if you stop at, you know, a lot of the people that we are connected with, you know, at Creative On Purpose might fit that profile of savior. They, they they see themselves as being forces for good, and they are wanting to do good work and make things better. But the best way to do that is not to give a man a fish, but teach a man to fish.

Yeah, and you engage them to be, to be active rather. And so then you don't feel like a savior, you just feel like a helper.

Exactly. Well, we call them difference makers, don't we? And, you know, if we can take the saviors and the victims out of the situation, suddenly the perpetrator no longer has a place on the board anyway. So, you know, again, just to weave it back into this theme of surrender, like, what happens if you surrender your— what happens if you, if you, if you put your narratives under the microscope and look for the victim narratives and look for the savior narratives, and disabuse yourself of the fact that you are either one of those things. You know, what if you are simply, you know, a human being on a quest to become a better human being, doing work that matters with people you care about? And, you know, surrender the things that are not yours to have anyways and pursue the things that you want to pursue. Do with the greatest amount of intention and integrity that you can in any moment, with the greatest amount of clarity, confidence, purpose, etc., that you can muster. And, you know, the final, the final thing that I'll share is we have, you know, the Bhagavad Gita teaches us that you are entitled to the fruits of your labor. I'm sorry, you are entitled to your labor but not the fruits of your labor. It's you're not entitled to achieve any of the things that you're out there to achieve, but you are, but you do own the journey. You do own the way that you see, decide, and pursue. And if you do, if you trust the process and understand that the process is the actual shortcut and the process is the actual reward, then there's another way that you can be less attached to whatever outcomes there are and maybe find a sense of meaning and purpose in the journey itself, which will provide you with the sense of fulfillment, joy, and everything else that you really, you know, that we really want from our work. It's not just about the status and the salary and the stuff. It's about living your legacy and being a force for good and doing meaningful work and enhancing the lives of others because we are social creatures and that's where we get a lot of our identity and sense of purpose.